confused girl Posted February 17, 2001 Share Posted February 17, 2001 okay. here goes. In the past, i used to drink a lot sometimes and acted really stupid--those days are over. That is probably one of the biggest ghosts in the closet. I also had a restraining order out on a previous boyfriend. I told a couple of men that and they seemed freaked out by it. I don't want to bring these things up too early in a new relationship because I don't want to scare anyone off but eventually they have to know. When is it an appropriate time to bring these issues up? If I bring them up too early, they will definitely get the wrong idea about me. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted February 17, 2001 Share Posted February 17, 2001 I don't want to bring these things up too early in a new relationship because I don't want to scare anyone off but eventually they have to know. Why do they "eventually have to know"?????????????????? Don't bring up the past in any relationship...not at the beginning..not after a year...not ever. What makes you feel that they HAVE to know this information? If you're in a relationship, all that should matter between you and that person is what is going on RIGHT NOW, not what happened in the past. What you did in the past is completely irrelevant to your relationship now. If you know what's good for you, don't bring up your past...ever. It's none of their business. It happened before you started dating them and as long as it doesn't pertain to them, there's no need for them to know. When is it an appropriate time to bring these issues up? = never Link to post Share on other sites
confused girl Posted February 17, 2001 Share Posted February 17, 2001 Well, I guess. I could avoid the restraining order issue. How can I avoid the drinking forever? If you get serious with someone, eventually they are going to find out things like that. I don't have to worry about it now because it isn't even an issue because I am not with anyone. What am I going to do if the topic gets brought up? Lie about it? You really think it's okay not to tell someone these things. I can avoid talking about the past in the beginning but as you get closer to someone, sometimes the past gets brought up. Should I just say I don't want to talk about the past period. I have to admit, I am usually curious about someone else's past. Why do they "eventually have to know"?????????????????? Don't bring up the past in any relationship...not at the beginning..not after a year...not ever. What makes you feel that they HAVE to know this information? If you're in a relationship, all that should matter between you and that person is what is going on RIGHT NOW, not what happened in the past. What you did in the past is completely irrelevant to your relationship now. If you know what's good for you, don't bring up your past...ever. It's none of their business. It happened before you started dating them and as long as it doesn't pertain to them, there's no need for them to know. = never Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel Posted February 17, 2001 Share Posted February 17, 2001 You can say that you are "allergic" to alcohol. Many people ARE you know. Seriously. There are people who are actually ALLERGIC to alcholol. Maybe you could say that,,,,Anyway, it is a "form" I guess of alcoholism. Link to post Share on other sites
Curious in Concert Posted February 17, 2001 Share Posted February 17, 2001 Ok, you people are so full of garbage its almost sickening. How can you look yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself that your hiding something like that from your boyfriend. Do you actually wake up in the morning and feel good about yourself if you have this naggin secret hanging over you? How COULD YOU DO IT!? My point of view seems to be rather unique than the three of you, who all find that its obviously quite easy for you to lie to your boyfriend, or hide stuff from him. Thats total garbage, and you know why? I want my girlfriend to talk to me about that sort of stuff. She needs to feel that she can tell me anything, and she can, and I won't run away. But you know what? If she were hiding something like that from me, and then told me that a year into our relationship, you know how -upset- I would be? No self-respecting guy is going to leave a woman because of something like that that she did in her past. You are correct in saying its in the past, and it doesn't matter, and it doesn't matter to the guy either, so tell him! If he can't accept that you made a mistake in your past, then what the hell are you doing with him? My opinion, and only my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
confused girl Posted February 17, 2001 Share Posted February 17, 2001 I like that response. That's a good one. lol You can say that you are "allergic" to alcohol. Many people ARE you know. Seriously. There are people who are actually ALLERGIC to alcholol. Maybe you could say that,,,,Anyway, it is a "form" I guess of alcoholism. Link to post Share on other sites
confused girl Posted February 17, 2001 Share Posted February 17, 2001 I am not dating anyone right now. If you looked at the original question it said "when" should I bring up topics like that. Let's face it, people are judgemental. If I bring things like this up in the beginning, I will be judged on that. Like I said, it's in the past. I am different person. I want them to get to know me a little bit before I reveal things like that. The restraining order dates like five years back. The drinking is also in the past. I think I should eventually bring it up but I am not going go bringing it up on every first date I have. Come on. For your information, I have only had one relationship that has been that serious since then so don't go jumping to conclusions. Most of the men I dated since then knew I drank because I was still into it when they met me. Ok, you people are so full of garbage its almost sickening. How can you look yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself that your hiding something like that from your boyfriend. Do you actually wake up in the morning and feel good about yourself if you have this naggin secret hanging over you? How COULD YOU DO IT!? My point of view seems to be rather unique than the three of you, who all find that its obviously quite easy for you to lie to your boyfriend, or hide stuff from him. Thats total garbage, and you know why? I want my girlfriend to talk to me about that sort of stuff. She needs to feel that she can tell me anything, and she can, and I won't run away. But you know what? If she were hiding something like that from me, and then told me that a year into our relationship, you know how -upset- I would be? No self-respecting guy is going to leave a woman because of something like that that she did in her past. You are correct in saying its in the past, and it doesn't matter, and it doesn't matter to the guy either, so tell him! If he can't accept that you made a mistake in your past, then what the hell are you doing with him? My opinion, and only my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
The above response is to Rachel Posted February 17, 2001 Share Posted February 17, 2001 I like that response. That's a good one. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel Posted February 17, 2001 Share Posted February 17, 2001 Thanks, I think its good too. Plus, I think it would work!! Link to post Share on other sites
Curious in Concert Posted February 17, 2001 Share Posted February 17, 2001 My response was directed at you, more as it was directed at the people who suggested that you lie to your "boyfriend" and tell him that your allergic to alcohol, or the one that suggested that you not ever tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
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