Apaige Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 (edited) Okay, I know I am mostly to blame. All the finger pointing, the accusations, and questioning...I am damaged goods. I've been seeing a therapist, I've been working on me. I stopped finger pointing, making accusations, and questioning...we broke up 5 weeks ago, kept in distant contact, even went NC for a week, until recently. He asked me if I wanted to go out with him, I did! He asked me to come over for dinner, I did...we had relations, except this last time that we saw one another, I was okay with that bc he had an upset stomach. We have such a great time when we are together, but I am a complete mess when we aren't...I've made it a point not to let my insecurities show this time around, but it's just not the same. I asked him if he wanted to do something today, and he was busy. I asked if he wanted to come to dinner at my house, he thanked me, but declined bc he wasn't done doing what he was doing!! I told him that I understood, but I would have made time. He just doesn't seem into me anymore, and I feel him slipping away. I just don't know what to so anymore. I've smothered him with affection, I've given him space, and I've been nothing but happen being with him, but it's never on my terms. I just don't know what to do anymore! I'm getting tired of practically begging Edited September 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
preraph Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Real love isn't a big struggle like that. It's true you may have insecurities you're bringing to the relationship that is sabotaging you, so continue to work on those with a professional. But love shouldn't be that hard, so this isn't the right man for you.
Natsu21 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Okay, I know I am mostly to blame. All the finger pointing, the accusations, and questioning...I am damaged goods. I've been seeing a therapist, I've been working on me. I stopped finger pointing, making accusations, and questioning...we broke up 5 weeks ago, kept in distant contact, even went NC for a week, until recently. He asked me if I wanted to go out with him, I did! He asked me to come over for dinner, I did...we had relations, except this last time that we saw one another, I was okay with that bc he had an upset stomach. We have such a great time when we are together, but I am a complete mess when we aren't...I've made it a point not to let my insecurities show this time around, but it's just not the same. I asked him if he wanted to do something today, and he was busy. I asked if he wanted to come to dinner at my house, he thanked me, but declined bc he wasn't done doing what he was doing!! I told him that I understood, but I would have made time. He just doesn't seem into me anymore, and I feel him slipping away. I just don't know what to so anymore. I've smothered him with affection, I've given him space, and I've been nothing but happen being with him, but it's never on my terms. I just don't know what to do anymore! I'm getting tired of practically begging You know what your problem is? Co-dependency. You WREAK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Clingy is not attractive. Listen, I hate to break it to you, but nothing lasts forever, not even relationships. Every experience is just that, an experience. It's never permanent, but fleeting and effervescent, just a moment in time etched into memory heading towards the future. You are feeling "Why was it taken away" instead of realizing that at one point in your life, you were happy in a relationship. The pain is normal. You pursuing the source of your pain is not. It's like drinking poison expecting to get better. But what was once happiness has now turned into an outright addiction. He doesn't want you, if anything you're probably just sex to him now. This arrangnment doesn't bring you happiness. But your fear of being alone keeps you tied to this mess. Your co-dependency is what's hindering you, not this guy. He made it clear he didn't want you. Fight your feelings or make yourself sick, your choice. Read "Co-dependency no more" along with some therapy, and try to figure out, and work on, why you are dependent on this dude for happiness. Good luck.
hedyo Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Ironically, "doing everything you can" is a really bad tactic in these situations. When someone tells you they don't want to be with you, you need to back way off. The only way to have a successful reconciliation after a breakup is if the dumper realizes on his/her own that he/she has made a mistake and has to make an effort to get you back. If you're hanging around waiting, he won't miss you. If you come running each time he snaps his fingers, he will always be the one with the power. In order to have a healthy relationship with someone else, you need to be happy by yourself. You have to be secure enough in yourself to let people who don't realize how great you are walk away. Treat yourself with the same respect you want from others. You do not need to convince anyone to be with you.
Tayla Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Apaige, Pardon that I had to read up from other posts of your making to garner a proper response. Sometimes History has a way of placing things into perspective. Please humble yourself and get some counseling. I think it will help with your desire to be loved and to love in a kind way. You've been thru so much in these past few years. Allow another adult to help clear out the cobwebs of misconception and replace it with healthy boundaries and realistic goals. I hope you find peace in your past and gain much wisdom in how to move and change in a positive way. best to you.
AquanoxSerp Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 A book I hope you will read "Why men love bitches." Another thing I hope you will do is to learn to love yourself and don't take anyone's **** to heart and foster true self confidence. You sound extraordinarily hard on yourself and desperate for love and men are extra cruel and unforgiving when they see such weakness and neediness As a result, be strong, I truly wish you the best and hope you just focus on you and learn to love what you see in the mirror. It is the only way to win him back but be warned, when you are all that you can be you might not want him back anymore. And it is then you will see it was NOT all your fault and then the sweet poetic justice of him wanting you back and realizing what he lost comes through. Don't be a doormat hon. No one is worth it and I say this as someone who got dumped by a man I was in a 20 year off and on relationship with. I understand a little more than most how hard rejection can be though so do you. As a result, give yourself some love and honestly choose to be out of the relationship. I did as well and my ex dumped me for no reason at the height of our love. Learn to love yourself more and be comfortable being single Trust me it's not as scary as it sounds and frankly it's a helluva lot better than being paranoid all the time of what he's goign to do. You had serious trauma and now ti's YOU time not YOU and HIM time.
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