onetwothreeone Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and in that time he worked away for 6 months. During that time I found out that he and his ex exchanged cyber sex messages and had a view of getting back together when he returned (they have a daughter together). He didn't get back with her and since then she's had a child with someone else. Our relationship is rocky to say the least and I struggle with trusting him. Two days ago he flew off for another 3 months away and so far so good but I had a feeling so I checked his Skype - you guessed it, all it says is 'oi oi' but its at a time when they're daughter is in bed and I know he'd already spoken to her that day. It was also when I was asleep - 7 hour time difference. I hate myself for 'hacking' but I just knew . . . My friend thinks wait - it may be innocent but our communication is goood, he has wifi and we chatted most of his first and second day on facebook and skype. I don't want three months of worry and I don't want him messenging her (outside of for his daughter) - he swore he wouldn't, regrets it before and says 'once bitten twice shy'. I want to believe it was because she was online and I wasn't, and it was just friendly/daughter stuff. I also resent he would hate it if I did the same. I want to monitor it and see but I am panicking, upset and gutted its only 2 days in (despite our very rocky relationship, this will only make it worse). I can't tell if she's read it or they had a call as it's only on my iphone. I also hate if he didn't get a reply on there he made have used other means. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Well you are asking for this to happen since he has already proven that he is a low life lying piece of sh*t. Since you don't have kids together, I will remind you that most strong and confident women don't stick around with losers who cyber sex with their exes. If kids are involved I could understand. Look, it NEVER works out in these rocky relationships where one or both party are sexting their exes. Read: it NEVER works out. Ever. I have heard a lot of relationship stories over the years and let me tell you, men who sext other women are either: not head over heels in love with you, OR, they are the type of men who thrive when they have more than one women to entertain themselves with. Men in the latter, have psychological problems and should NOT be trusted because they are dangerous in relationships - they could cheat at any time, since they are not loyal irrespective of how much they love a partner. Your guy is either just not in love with you, or he is the type to need more than one woman. Quality, respectable men don't do what your boyfriend did to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Ruuuuuuuun. Faaaar awaaaaaaaaayy! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Again? So you didn't throw the trash away the first time? Shame on you. Momma always told me to take out the trash before it starts to stink. Kinda like this relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Well you are asking for this to happen since he has already proven that he is a low life lying piece of sh*t. Since you don't have kids together, I will remind you that most strong and confident women don't stick around with losers who cyber sex with their exes. If kids are involved I could understand. Look, it NEVER works out in these rocky relationships where one or both party are sexting their exes. Read: it NEVER works out. Ever. I have heard a lot of relationship stories over the years and let me tell you, men who sext other women are either: not head over heels in love with you, OR, they are the type of men who thrive when they have more than one women to entertain themselves with. Men in the latter, have psychological problems and should NOT be trusted because they are dangerous in relationships - they could cheat at any time, since they are not loyal irrespective of how much they love a partner. Your guy is either just not in love with you, or he is the type to need more than one woman. Quality, respectable men don't do what your boyfriend did to you. Leigh is right. Leave just for peace of mind. Trust me I dealt with this type of crap for a long while and regret not standing up sooner. You have a choice. Do the right thing now before it's to late. The respect is already gone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 You need too move on. It will not stop for long. I just got out of a relationship that was destroyed by sexting. First caught her sexting her best friends husband. Granted most of it was joking, it did cross lines that never should be crossed. I then caught her sexting one of her old flings. Gave her one more chance and caught her sexting another man (sometimes while we were on the phone together). She also trying to set up a fling with another man in another city. The first time she swore it was joking that went to far. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. The second time her excuse was "I was ending things with him" which she likely was. But she was doing it in a way of let me make you happy now incase things end between me and my boy friend. The third time she said I'm single I can do what I want blah blah blah. All well and fine except.. She lied about loving me, me being the only guy in her life and so much more. God knows if my ex slept with other men. Is it possible? I suppose. Did it happen probably. MOVE ON. If he cared remotely about you he never would have done what he did. There is NO excuse, justification or reason for it. It does not matter if it did not go any far. The fact that they entertained the idea and risked hurting you.. Not cool. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Don't worry guys, our advice will likely fall in deaf ears. Most women prefer to ignore reality and prefer to believe that their boyfriends are actually madly in love with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 OP, if you have to ask the question then you already know what you need to do. Just remember that we teach people how to treat us. Don't you think you deserve better? Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Listening to the advice you get on here is going to be one of the most difficult things you do, but it's in your own best interest to listen and listen well... and follow through on it. I'm saying this out of personal experience. I didn't want to believe it either. I was hoping someone would tell me I was being foolish and over reacting. The truth is, if your guy has sexted with his ex in the past, he will most likely do it again in the future. The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior (Dr. Phil... I don't like him much but this statement rings soooo true). If you want to wait for proof that he did it.. well then yeah... wait and keep snooping. But... keep in mind that the moment you feel the need to keep tabs on him is the very same moment you should plan your exit from the relationship because you no longer trust him and once that's gone, it's very hard to get it back, especially if the other person involved isn't making you feel 100% sure that he's all about you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Yeah and I highly recommend you listen. I did not and now I have an ex that has made me look like an a-hole to her friends. Who feels she did nothing wrong. Who has justified it all. So be my guest continue on with this person. Your lack of trust will show and it will create issues. I'm telling you nothing good will come of this. I should have stuck to my guns with my ex. One it would have spared me heartache. 2. She'd still be looking back with regret and so much more. I have nothing but regret for trying again. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 "Again"!?!?!??!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Yeah. When you have to ask if they have done it " again ", it normally isn't a great love story in the making. I was a fool for staying with my ex after I caught him "again" and "again" acting like a low life. Most of us have been fools at some stage. Hopefully when enough of us former fools chime in, a newer fool can hopefully avert a few months or even years of additional pain. There is always that one poster who actually listens. Happened to me ONCE on here, where the poster was like " hell no am I going to be another woman who allows a man to use her when it's convenient " Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 "Again"!?!?!??!?! ........ Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 You could he happier if you just took the steps to get there aka leaving this guy and finding someone without the baggage. Link to post Share on other sites
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