Rosewilt Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 iI HAVE A BEAUTIFUL TERRIBLE TWO YEAR OLD...SHE WONT LISTEN...THROWS TANTRUMS...I DONT KNOW HOW TO DICIPLIN HER OR POTTY TRAIN HER. SHE IS ANGRY ALL THE TIME...I AM SO LOST...DEPRESSED....WHAT CAN I DO? SHE IS VERY OUT OF CONTROL.SHE CANT EVEN SIT DOWN IN THE PIZZA SHOP. ANY ADVICE???????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 CAPS LOCK OFF PLEASE....looks like you're yelling. Now, have you tried any parenting classes/seminars? Is the father in the picture? Have you talked to her doctor? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 SHE CANT EVEN SIT DOWN IN THE PIZZA SHOP. Don't take her to the pizza shop until she learns to sit down (in fact - don't take her there at all - let her screw up her own nutrition when she's an adult) The 2's are nasty, but she'll be fine - try "talking" to her rather than trying to get her to "listen" to you. (talking does not mean reasoning - she can't reason - you are the parent) SHE IS ANGRY ALL THE TIME Really? How can a 2 year old be angry all the time? Maybe she's trying to make herself understood (with little success) & that is being interpreted as anger? THROWS TANTRUMS Where? Make sure she understands that if she throws tantrums she'll never leave the house (ie. take her straight home immediately & make sure she understands that tantrums mean home-time with NO EXCEPTION). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosewilt Posted March 5, 2005 Author Share Posted March 5, 2005 He is here in the pic- we dont communicate. I feel he undoes everything I do. I am stressed beyond belief...................cant go to my "friends" I am such a good hearted person....maybe too soft on my daughter please contribute to advice Link to post Share on other sites
GreyArea Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Might I suggest...that you wake your man up. If he's not willing to help, despite how much he may work, or provide, then he needs to be hit with a dose of reality. You can't be expected to do it by yourself when the father is there to help. I can tell you this much, girls are daddies girls from the get-go unless they don't get what they want from them. I love kids, but they are selfish, point blank. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. You can't give in, and he needs to realise that he's making things worse for everyone if he's spoiling her. There's a fine line between spoiling and providing. If you cross over to the spoiling side, it's VERY hard if not impossible to get back without letting them know who's boss. I like the last posters advice, it worked for me. It may sound like you're being harsh by "Locking them up" but to generalize what's trying to be said...Kids ARE like animals, with some smarts, and they take advantage of it. Human nature at it's best. Here's some advice, tell the father that you need a break, a serious break. Take a week off and go somewhere, leave the child with him. If he has to work, tell him to find a sitter. No matter how much he spoils her, she'll beg for more. It'll drive him nuts, and make him appreciate you raising the child alone more. I can almost bet that he'll be more willing to help afterwards. You don't need to do it alone, so long as he's there. If he's not helping and you're to the breaking point. You need to find a resourceful way of making him realise that you need help. As far as dealing with the stress of the tantrums, I'm trying to figure that out myself... Link to post Share on other sites
LittleMiss Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 I am going through the terrible two's with my son. I felt as if I was being too easy on him as well. I have started being more firm with him and have spanked him a few times when he's really out of control. I have also put him on time-outs in his room. He knows he's not allowed to come out until I come get him. At first I hated the thought of spanking him, but it was recommended by several friends and co-workers. It has helped. I don't over do it. I don't do it often. Just enough to where he understands I'm the boss and no means no. He's quite smart, and so are most kids. They know when they are doing wrong. They try to test you a lot. I learned that real quick. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 You might consider postponing the potty training until you are less stressed with everything else. I see parents trying to do everything to calm their child during a tantrum. I used to just ignore my kids' tantrums and they soon learned it didn't work to get my attention. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 She seems to have the same problem you do. Be a good role model, damn. And lose the attitude. She may start to pick up on some POSITIVE things instead of all the NEGATIVITY that you exude. Go back and read your own posts. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosewilt Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 Hi Tiki and everyone else, I didnt mean to sound sooo neg. I am really not that way at all. i was just STRESSED to the point where I was about to break down and cry. And I had noone to talk to so sorry if I discouraged anything letting out my anger. I just need a break from the stress. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Have you considered a mother's day out/preschool type thing? Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Whatever you do for God sake dont ever beat a 2 year old kid or even suggest that.... Love the kids and they would understand and dont keep in your mind that you have disapprove all their tantrums..let them enjoy their life a little, after all this is the time when they can enjoy, when they grow up they have this hellish world.. least intervened system is the most orderly one .... Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Rose: You need to gain control. YOU are the adult and the parent. It is up to you to teach her what behavior is acceptable and what isn't. From Mom-Wife-Cheater: used to just ignore my kids' tantrums and they soon learned it didn't work to get my attention. I did the same thing. When my daughter would have a tantrum at home, I would tell her to go into her room and do that. Sometimes, I'd walk down the hall and close the door to let her know that a tantrum was not going to get her anywhere. I had to teach her that I would listen when she could settle down and talk to me. Though she never threw a tantrum in public, she would get upset and that is when I'd nip it in the bud. Once, at a restaurant, I picked her up, took her into the ladies room and had a lil talk about how she was being rude to the other people in the restaurant. I told her that they were there for a nice dinner and she wasn't making that possible. Then, I told her that if she CHOSE to continue, we would go out to the car, let Daddy finish his dinner and we would go back home without her having the opportunity to eat at the restaurant. Another thing that I found is that they like to be in a little control. They are around adults and want to be like grown-ups, so I let my kids have choices two choices in regard to a lot of things. They could choose what to wear to pre-school. They could choose to do X or not. If they didn't want to do X, then we would stay home. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosewilt Posted March 10, 2005 Author Share Posted March 10, 2005 hi all. yes i think you are right that I am too passive. I never spanked her, perhaps I need to )a tap on the tushi) I have not tried preschool yet only because it is $1500 a month and it's a bit costly right now. Dont you think that's alot for preschool? Does anyone from another state pay less? ( Other than NYC) I think it's just because I have spoiled her so much. But these past couple of day I have been counting..."I am going to count to 5!) and it works!!!! After 5- I dont know what comes?????????? But she doesnt let me get to 4!!!!!!!!!!!! I think i have been just stressed so much (not only from her she is my happiness) but from many other things.......yesterday I FINALLY went to get my hair done and window shopped.....it felt ssssssoooooooo good! I did not RUSH like I always do It's nice to take some "me time" which i have NOT done in 6 months. I take her places, but never for me. Thanks for all your comments and lets keep the convo going Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Taking good care of yourself means taking great care of her in return! You know how in an airplane crash, they always tell you to put on your mask FIRST, then take care of your children? Same concept here - without you, they are nothing. My son's preschool is $100 a month! His private christian school for next year (kindergarten) is $500 a month, m-f. You may want to do some checking around, that sounds horribly expensive! Nonetheless, I'm glad you're better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosewilt Posted March 10, 2005 Author Share Posted March 10, 2005 HOLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!COW!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is it an all day school? The cheapest I could find was $980 a month and it's only 9-12 (3 days a week) Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 TN He goes all day two days a week now (for $95 a month). Link to post Share on other sites
LittleMiss Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 I pay $104 a month in Texas for day care. That's M-F 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. and he can stay till 6 p.m. if I need to work late. This includes breafast, lunch, and afternoon snack. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 gt, that's CHEAP! Link to post Share on other sites
LittleMiss Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Yeah it's a really good place too. It's small, but the women that run it are so nice and they absolutely love the kids. He has learned so much since he started 6 months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosewilt Posted March 10, 2005 Author Share Posted March 10, 2005 I am in the heart of the big apple...but everything is soooooosooso expensive. Can I just ask you guys out of curiousity how much some stuff cost like milk, a slice of pizza - and what kinds of salaries do schoolworkers get? if you know. I always wanted to move out of NYC. I been to TEXAS -it was awsome My mom fell in love with Tennesee Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Milk, the wal-mart brand $3.29 a gallon. Slice of pizza, 2 bucks. Schoolworkers salary, about $8-$9 an hour. Minimum wage is really low, like $5.15. Gas (right now) is $1.95 a gallon Average cost of a home $125,000.00 or so. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 P.S. I've always heard it's a hard job raising a child in the big city. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Rose: I thought about you and your situation. I was going to tell you another thought I had, but you've already talked about it since I've been back. That is, to take time to yourself. When hubby gets home in the evening and after dinner, just tell him that you are going for a walk and leave him with his child for any where from a few minutes to an hour. Go for a walk, go to a coffee shop, do whatever would make you feel good. Don't close yourself in your house or apartment all day everyday with your child, either. She would enjoy getting out as much as you would. Put her in a stroller and go for a walk. Both of you will get some air and a change of scenery. Now, about preschool . . . that sounds like a LOT of money, but things ARE expensive in NY. My kids are older, so whatever I paid is 15+ year-old information. LOL But, I will say that the preschool that I took them to was a co-op, meaning that the parents took turns helping the teacher each month, which made it more affordable. We have raised the kids in a small, rural town, so we've had small town prices as opposed to big city prices. You want to know how much things cost? I live in Michigan. I get milk for about $2.79 a gallon. Sometimes I get it on sale. The convenience store down the street charges $3.69 for it. I don't know how much a slice of pizza is, because I've never bought a slice. I've always bought a whole pizza for the family. I'm recently divorced, so I don't buy either. Anyway . . . a medium with two toppings at my local pizza place is about $8.50 Gasoline is $2.03 . . . today . . . this afternoon. But as we all know that can change at any moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosewilt Posted March 11, 2005 Author Share Posted March 11, 2005 hey guys...thanks for the replies!!!! All the advise is useful. I do need to change things around and I will. I am sure you all know change is hard during the blues. I sure do need a walk when he gets home at 6pm. But for Sept. I will put her in a pre school, which cost 4,900 for 10 months 3 days a week, for 4 hours. But I must because it's best for her. (less money for 3 yr olds) I would love to live in some other state. I cant believe the reply of a house being 125,000!!!!!!!!!!! WOW! Here, that's what you pay for a tiny one bedroom. I looked into Arizona. It's beautiful. Although we live in a nice part of NYC. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 I paid like $140,000 for my house and it's about 2,000 square feet. Consider moving! Link to post Share on other sites
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