Becoming more picky about looks?

[somedude81]

Now that school has started I'm interacting with a lot of girls on a regular basis as I try to get a new girlfriend.

 

One thing that I've noticed is that I've become a bit more picky about which girls I want to get to know better. Before I had a girlfriend I would have been happy with a girl who was nice and not too overweight. Now I'm looking for girls that are at least as pretty as my ex was.

 

There is one girl in salsa who is unusually friendly with me but even though she has a nice body, her face just isn't that cute. Am I being shallow or unreasonable for not wanting to get to know her?

 

One girl that I was interested in is super cute and about 5'1 with a nice body. We became friendly very quickly but today I just learned that she has a boyfriend

 

There is one more really cute girl that I'm friendly with and I'm going to try and find out if she has a boyfriend on Wednesday.

 

Though if she's in a relationship as well, I feel that I'm going to have to start to push myself to pursue girls that I'm not that into.

 

And yeah, I realize that I may be shooting outside my league. My ex spoiled me.

[Candy_Pants]

Well you realize you're shooting outside your league. That's good. I don't think you should pursue women you're not that into. Who does that benefit?? Absolutely no one.

 

I don't believe in leagues necessarily, but some people do, and the only way to "move up" that ladder is to do better at school, dress better, do something with your mop, graduate, get a real job, and start working on the inner "you".

 

I think all those things have been said ad naseum, especially to you.

[Anela]

I don't know what to say about the girl, whose face isn't that cute. She deserves to be with someone who thinks she's cute, but I wonder if you'll like her more as you get to know her. People can become more attractive, the longer you know them.

 

That reminds me: I thought of you, and other guys here, when I was watching an episode of Married At First Sight. I don't usually watch reality TV, but friends were watching this, so I watched to see what they were all talking about. One couple started out with the woman having no interest in the man, whatsoever - Jamie and Doug. She grew more comfortable with him, as time went on, because they had a lot in common, and he was patient with her. He didn't demand anything from her, and they didn't consummate the marriage during the time that the show was filmed, but she ended up falling in love with him.

[Phoe]

 

There is one girl in salsa who is unusually friendly with me but even though she has a nice body, her face just isn't that cute. Am I being shallow or unreasonable for not wanting to get to know her?

 

Truthfully, yes.

 

The fact that you don't even wanna try GETTING TO KNOW HER is pretty shallow.

 

Not date her, screw her, what-have-you. Get to know her. You don't even wanna know how she is, based on her face.

 

IDK, if that's really how you feel about her, it's probably in her best interest as well that you not do that. I'd hate if someone was trying to get to know me, but told people my face wasn't up to snuff.

[Phoe]

 

That reminds me: I thought of you, and other guys here, when I was watching an episode of Married At First Sight. I don't usually watch reality TV, but friends were watching this, so I watched to see what they were all talking about. One couple started out with the woman having no interest in the man, whatsoever - Jamie and Doug. She grew more comfortable with him, as time went on, because they had a lot in common, and he was patient with her. He didn't demand anything from her, and they didn't consummate the marriage during the time that the show was filmed, but she ended up falling in love with him.

 

Off topic, but I actually ended up liking that show. The 3 couples all turned out exactly how I predicted!

[c57dood]

Looks fade man. Women are like fruit. Some look great and juicy on the outside, but when you bite into them they taste rotten and bitter. Some are even poisonous. As you get older you realize how important personality is, and if they're a good person you'll have a much better time with them.

 

A stunningly beautiful woman who is intolerable and nasty might as well be ugly as sin!

[d0nnivain]

Why would you date just anybody? the fact that you now want to date people you are attracted to rather than simply settling is a good thing. Do look with your heart & not just your eyes but I'm glad you're getting out there. Don't neglect your studies though.

[Haydn]

Lock up your daughters!!!!!

 

But really are you certain that this is your first priority? Reading the countless others threads it seems that you should be working on your maths? Being astute and successful in your studies could attract the very girl you are seeking?

 

Just relax and ease into your studies and the rest may follow.

[Anela]

Off topic, but I actually ended up liking that show. The 3 couples all turned out exactly how I predicted!

 

I liked it, too. Maybe I should start a thread in the Water Cooler.

[AD1980]

As bad as Iam with women I still can't be with a women I find physically unattractive I'm a very visual person it wouldn't work for me..I'd rather be alone

[Imajerk17]

I'm not a fan of overthinking things. I think when you are meeting someone, the attraction takes care of itself. Don't think in terms of "features" the girl might or might not have. If you are attracted to her (looks AND personality/aura) and she seems attracted to you, then you should ask her out.

 

Don't wait until the last day of class this time either.

 

The thing you (general "you" as much as the specific "you") SHOULD become pickier on is character. Both hers AND yours. You should expect that a woman you are dating has her life reasonably together or is working towards that, AND in return you bring it yourself. As in, you are working hard towards getting YOUR life reasonably together. This was elaborated on in your other threads.

[lollipopspot]

There is one girl in salsa who is unusually friendly with me but even though she has a nice body, her face just isn't that cute. Am I being shallow or unreasonable for not wanting to get to know her?

 

O.k. Whether you get to know her or not, let this register with you: You CAN find someone who wants to be your girlfriend, it just may not be exactly the person you want. Everyone faces this. I'm guessing this girl is a decade younger than you? You're already dipping upwards, just for that.

 

Even for you, it's not a matter of NO ONE will be your girlfriend, just not all the specifications they want. I see a number of guys here calling themselves undateable, and that's generally not true, it's just that their standards are higher than they are able to get.

 

So get this: clearly, you are dateable. Change your standards, or keep looking, that's up to you. But I personally think you should get to know her better before deciding she's not attractive enough.

[xxoo]

You should get to know as many people as possible. It may surprise you who is the most attractive to you after a month of getting to know everyone.

[carhill]

And yeah, I realize that I may be shooting outside my league. My ex spoiled me.

 

OP, just because the ladies are otherwise coupled up doesn't mean they're outside of your 'league'. It simply means they're coupled up. IMO, go after who you're attracted to without analyzing it and let the chips fall where they may. If they happen to be unavailable, that's OK! Nothing ventured, nothing gained. When you meet a lady whom you're authentically attracted to, she'll be beautiful to you. What the rest of the world thinks or opines won't matter. It's a really good place to be and you can be there many times in your life.

[OwMyEyeball]

Well you realize you're shooting outside your league. That's good. I don't think you should pursue women you're not that into. Who does that benefit?? Absolutely no one.

 

I don't believe in leagues necessarily, but some people do, and the only way to "move up" that ladder is to do better at school, dress better, do something with your mop, graduate, get a real job, and start working on the inner "you".

 

I think all those things have been said ad naseum, especially to you.

You should be doing all of those things regardless of your desire for female company.

 

If guys are actually doing all of this to "date up" then men truly are becoming what a lot women have been struggling to not be.

[OwMyEyeball]

I'm not a fan of overthinking things. I think when you are meeting someone, the attraction takes care of itself. Don't think in terms of "features" the girl might or might not have. If you are attracted to her (looks AND personality/aura) and she seems attracted to you, then you should ask her out.

 

Don't wait until the last day of class this time either.

 

The thing you (general "you" as much as the specific "you") SHOULD become pickier on is character. Both hers AND yours. You should expect that a woman you are dating has her life reasonably together or is working towards that, AND in return you bring it yourself. As in, you are working hard towards getting YOUR life reasonably together. This was elaborated on in your other threads.

I think modern consumer society coupled with emerging digital social platforms (facebook, OLD, etc.) and are ingraining some of the younger folk with the misguided belief that if they search far enough they will find someone who matches all of their superficial desires - right down to hair colour.

 

Or maybe that belief has always been around, promoted by Hollywood and only getting worse with technology.

[Weezy1973]

I agree with most of the advice saying to get to know the women you meet - regardless if they have the same "level" of attractiveness as your ex. You'd be amazed at how your attraction can change (up or down) after you get to know someone.

 

At this point, I can honestly say that there is a small percentage of women I find attractive based solely on looks without knowing them, and a small percentage of women that I'm repulsed by based solely on looks without knowing them.

 

The vast majority of women fall somewhere in between those two extremes, and it's only through getting to know them on a deeper level does my attraction grow (or diminish). That of course means that part of your attraction has to be centered around non-superficial qualities - and from most of your posts OP, I'm not sure that's the case.

 

You'd probably fare much better if it were the case.

[somedude81]

Well you realize you're shooting outside your league. That's good.

I don't believe in leagues necessarily, but some people do, and the only way to "move up" that ladder is to do better at school, dress better, do something with your mop, graduate, get a real job, and start working on the inner "you".

 

I think all those things have been said ad naseum, especially to you.

 

Leagues do exist, but I just have three categories.

 

Ugly, normal, super hot.

 

There is a white, blonde girl in my dance class who is just absolutely gorgeous, my total dream girl. But I know that the current SD is nowhere near good enough to attract her, or get more than a 1st date. Perhaps when I'm working and have some decent money, but even then that's a stretch.

 

I don't think you should pursue women you're not that into. Who does that benefit?? Absolutely no one.

 

That's my thought as well.

 

Before I dated my ex I would have pursued this girl.

[somedude81]

You should get to know as many people as possible. It may surprise you who is the most attractive to you after a month of getting to know everyone.

 

Truthfully, yes.

 

The fact that you don't even wanna try GETTING TO KNOW HER is pretty shallow.

 

Not date her, screw her, what-have-you. Get to know her. You don't even wanna know how she is, based on her face.

 

IDK, if that's really how you feel about her, it's probably in her best interest as well that you not do that. I'd hate if someone was trying to get to know me, but told people my face wasn't up to snuff.

 

This may seem like a cop-out, there isn't enough time to get to know a lot of people in the class.

 

Most days there is only about five minutes before class to talk to people. During class we always rotate after about two minutes. It really isn't possible to talk to people after class unless something is arranged.

 

So when I'm pressed for time like that, I have to focus on talking to the girls I'm the most interested in. BTW my interest is based on a combination of her looks and personality/friendliness. The most important factor is actually how friendly a girl is. Even if she's super hot, I won't bother with a girl that is hard to talk to.

 

Regarding the girl who is friendly, but not cute; I actually talk to her quite a bit because she is easy to talk to. But I don't seek her out for conversation, especially if one of the girls I'm interested in isn't talking to anybody.

 

The primary reason I made this thread was because I was actually surprised about my thoughts and feelings regarding this issue. As much as I want a girlfriend and I hate being single and that I'm pretty sure that if I asked out the non-cute girl right now she'd say yes, I'm not actually interested in pursuing her. I also have no interest in using her for sex even though Lord knows I need to get laid.

 

I wonder if I'm being too picky.

[thefooloftheyear]

I say be picky all you want....heck, Id say I am more picky than most....

 

 

That being said. also remember this....Dont wish for something that you yourself cant bring to the table...

 

Think about it......

 

TFY

[JuneJulySeptember]

Now that school has started I'm interacting with a lot of girls on a regular basis as I try to get a new girlfriend.

 

One thing that I've noticed is that I've become a bit more picky about which girls I want to get to know better. Before I had a girlfriend I would have been happy with a girl who was nice and not too overweight. Now I'm looking for girls that are at least as pretty as my ex was.

 

There is one girl in salsa who is unusually friendly with me but even though she has a nice body, her face just isn't that cute. Am I being shallow or unreasonable for not wanting to get to know her?

 

One girl that I was interested in is super cute and about 5'1 with a nice body. We became friendly very quickly but today I just learned that she has a boyfriend

 

There is one more really cute girl that I'm friendly with and I'm going to try and find out if she has a boyfriend on Wednesday.

 

Though if she's in a relationship as well, I feel that I'm going to have to start to push myself to pursue girls that I'm not that into.

 

And yeah, I realize that I may be shooting outside my league. My ex spoiled me.

 

I think most women are pretty picky about looks and/or their exact type.

 

At least it definitely seems that way. Women are very quick to reject.

 

I think that if you are pickier about looks yourself, then at least you may feel less resentment about being rejected, because you can relate more to their pickiness.

[xxoo]

Talk to whoever is easy to talk to. Get to know people based on things other than appearance.

 

Again, you may be surprised by who becomes the most attractive to you with time.

[CrystalCastles]

Though if she's in a relationship as well, I feel that I'm going to have to start to push myself to pursue girls that I'm not that into.

 

And yeah, I realize that I may be shooting outside my league. My ex spoiled me.

 

You can do what you want, but I'd give the girl who is interested a shot.

 

In my single-and-seeking years, I've gone out on dates with a few guys, and I noticed a bit of a pattern about attractive vs. unattractive people.

 

I've gone out with a few very attractive guys. They were so attractive my attention went right to them regardless of any other people in the room. They asked me out. Then on the date, they would tell me they asked me out "because I was hot" (nevermind any other attributes, apparently those are irrelevant) and would then proceed to talk about how many options they normally get. Ew.

 

I also met a guy who was bald and had a very unattractive face. However, I went on a date with him anyway, turns out we had electrifying chemistry, we could spend all day together and never notice where the time went. After some time, I no longer cared how he looked, because he was just awesome and I had an amazing time with him. For reasons I won't discuss, we didn't end up being together, however, that didn't change what I thought about our dates and him.

 

What if this girl is just otherwise an amazing girl? What if she is a very loving person who would do everything to make you happy? You keep talking about how girls are always rejecting you, etc. Maybe because you are asking out the wrong girls? Maybe you should lower your standards a bit? Standards are good, but if your standards are "I will date only girls with DDs who look like models" then you risk remaining single for another 33 years. Also, keep in mind that most likely these girls have many other guys hitting on them.

[somedude81]

I agree with most of the advice saying to get to know the women you meet - regardless if they have the same "level" of attractiveness as your ex. You'd be amazed at how your attraction can change (up or down) after you get to know someone.

 

 

I understand what you're talking about. My attraction to a woman can change depending on how her personality is when I get to know her more.

 

At this point, I can honestly say that there is a small percentage of women I find attractive based solely on looks without knowing them, and a small percentage of women that I'm repulsed by based solely on looks without knowing them.

 

The vast majority of women fall somewhere in between those two extremes, and it's only through getting to know them on a deeper level does my attraction grow (or diminish).

 

The main thing for me though, is that I'm very visual. Walking around campus I feel like I'm Dog and there are squirrels everywhere. Being around objectively pretty girls excites me.

 

Looking at your post, you seem to be picker about looks than I am. There is a large percentage of women I'm attracted to, as long as they have light skin, western features and a slim body. Then there are women I'm very attracted to.

 

That of course means that part of your attraction has to be centered around non-superficial qualities - and from most of your posts OP, I'm not sure that's the case.

 

You'd probably fare much better if it were the case.

 

Of course the non-superficial qualities are important. For me they are actually the most important. If a woman isn't nice, friendly and intelligent, I'm not going to waste my time getting to know her no matter what she looks like. I'm looking for a woman beautiful inside and out. My ex was both, and I don't want to start dating down the ladder.

[somedude81]

A lot of people start to become more picky about looks after they date someone attractive. Problem is, just because you were able to date one attractive person, doesn't mean your ex should set the standard for the next girl you date.

 

I spent 4 years with a girl who used to work as a bikini model in biker magazines. Not only is she by far the best looking woman I ever dated, she is one of the best looking women I've ever met. If I let a girl like that skew my dating standards, I would probably be single forever.

 

Wow. How did you adjust to dating normal girls after that?

 

My ex ranged from cute to very cute depending on what she was wearing and how her makeup was, but she didn't have model quality looks; which was perfectly fine for me. It's probably a lot of trouble to keep a girl like that with me.

 

 

You also have to keep in mind that your ex, as attractive as she may be, left you after a short 6 months. If you were consistently dating gorgeous women, I could see you raising the bar a bit, but you aren't. You dated one girl.

 

That is another good point. That's why I closed my original post by saying that my ex spoiled me. It's almost like she was too pretty to be my first girlfriend and that I should have started with somebody more homely, that way my next girlfriend could still be equivalent, possible for me to attract and keep interested.

 

My ex was also a nerd, into ballet and fitness plus was an amazing cook. So I'm worried that I'd be kind of disappointed if the next girl doesn't check off as many items as my ex did. LOL, I feel like a homeless man who only wants to eat at restaurants comparable to Olive Garden. Of course Olive Garden isn't a four start restaurant, but it's still better than Taco Bell, which I should probably be after.

 

You would do better if you just put yourself out there and see what kind of women you attract. That will give you some idea what your realistic expectations in a partner should be.

 

That is my goal for this semester. I'm noticing that women are being a lot nicer to me than before I started dating my ex. I think that after being with her, something in me changed and women are now reacting to me differently. If things keep moving forward I feel that I'll be able to go on dates with a few girls this semester. At least I'm going to maintain that positivity