Becoming more picky about looks?

[lollipopspot]

Then I was pretty much correct when I first wrote that post earlier today.

 

She showed me that she wasn't interested and I have to move on.

 

So far that's two girls this week that I've gotten that signal from, the other girl has a boyfriend so I won't even try.

 

Down the totem pole I go till I find a girl who will say yes.

 

I agree that she isn't too interested right now. But it doesn't mean that you can't still try to be charming and maybe things will change. I've definitely changed my mind about someone I wasn't initially attracted to, when they said something funny, or I learned something new about them. Just don't count on it, and keep looking.

 

I still think you should at least befriend the lady you don't find all that attractive.

[BlueIris]

Welcome to my life.

 

I have an extremely hard time telling friendliness from interest, especially from cheerful girls. From my point of view there is absolutely no way to tell the two apart.

 

Since I can't tell when a woman is interested, all I can really do is ask out every girl who seems to be nicer than normal. If I wait for obvious signs of interest, I'll be single till the day I die.

 

Instead, establish relationships with people by conversing with them. Don't worry about asking people out. Get to know people instead.

 

I'm sure the girls who are cute and cheerful get asked out a lot, so they know how to politely reject guys. Odds are I'd get a polite rejection from her in the near future.

 

No need to worry about any of that if you are merely conversing and getting to know people.

 

Any reason why I should avoid flirting with her?

 

Because it is inappropriate in a student/tutor relationship or any business relationship. Respect her advisory role. I have never found it comfortable or appealing when a man is not focusing on the work at hand and is instead looking for a date.

 

If I do come to the point where I ask her out, and she rejects me, I'll just stick to business with her. She's also one of five math tutors for drop in.

 

SD, as others have recommended, cool off. Just talk to people, ask them about themselves, get to know about them.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Down the totem pole I go till I find a girl who will say yes.

 

Yes.

 

And the more you think of it like a numbers game, the better off you'll be.

 

Of course, once you get your yes, then you stop that mentality. But until then.

[Els]

Guys, have any of you gotten dating advice from a woman that actually worked?

 

As a matter of fact, a few of my male friends have thanked me for helping them get their current (or current at that time) gf.

 

But by all means, ignore whatever you wish. Just don't expect empathy from us when you're complaining about how difficult getting dates is for you.

[Els]

If I let one stupid move or a goofy, dumb line from a guy one night carry the entire weight of making the decision to date him or not, I'd be single right now. I always got to know a person quite well before dating them and like I said before, I've never had a problem dating.

 

I think people are getting way out of hand here nitpicking this apart to such a point that if anybody follows half the advice flying around in this thread, they will never have, get or keep a date.

 

It's so much more simple than people are making it out to be.

 

No one has said that a goofy mistake is the end of the world. In fact some of us explicitly said it wasn't. "Try again, just don't say THAT next time."

 

It's the "What you said was great! She's a frigid humorless bitch if she isn't wetting her panties over it. I betcha if you'd looked like Brad Pitt it wouldn't matter what you say!" claims that we're rebutting. Part of getting out there and talking to people is learning from your goofy mistakes and seeing what works and what doesn't.

[somedude81]

SD, as others have recommended, cool off. Just talk to people, ask them about themselves, get to know about them.

 

As I've said before in this thread, I've had many platonic only female friends. For most of my adult life I've only had platonic female friends.

 

I really want a girlfriend. Making more platonic female friends doesn't do anything for me. It's not enough.

 

Let this sink in, I'm 33 and I've only kissed two girls in my entire life.

 

Because it is inappropriate in a student/tutor relationship or any business relationship. Respect her advisory role. I have never found it comfortable or appealing when a man is not focusing on the work at hand and is instead looking for a date.

 

I will keep that in mind. I don't want her to feel that I'm disrespecting her role. Then I will be very subtle with her and take a more friendly approach.

 

BTW, as for it being inappropriate. I'm pretty sure that any male tutor would gladly go out with any female student who was cute and interested.

Edited September 18, 2014 by somedude81

[lollipopspot]

I'm pretty sure that any male tutor would gladly go out with any female student who was cute and interested.

 

I had a science lab t.a. (he was a graduate student who taught the lab portion of the class) who I went out with briefly. It was at the end of the class, and I think he wrote something in my lab book like "We should hang out some time." Then I took it from there. But I think it's only o.k. when the grades are finished and there's no power issue. He was approximately my age too.

[Els]

BTW, as for it being inappropriate. I'm pretty sure that any male tutor would gladly go out with any female student who was cute and interested.

 

I do know a few tutors in grad school. They wouldn't go out with a current student, though one of them has dated an ex-student after she graduated.

[jay1983]

As a matter of fact, a few of my male friends have thanked me for helping them get their current (or current at that time) gf.

 

But by all means, ignore whatever you wish. Just don't expect empathy from us when you're complaining about how difficult getting dates is for you.

 

I've taken advice like yours in the past to no avail. I don't just come up with the stuff I type, I've actually lived it.

 

FYI I do find girls who are interested every once in a while. I'm an average guy, that's just the way it is.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Let this sink in, I'm 33 and I've only kissed two girls in my entire life.

 

 

After a certain point, it stops becoming a competition.

 

People in their mid 30s and beyond mostly are married and have kids and they could care less at that point how many women you've been with. At that point, you'll more likely want to find a woman because you are lonely and want company or are looking for somebody to settle down with.

 

Sufficient to say, the wave of settling down with children changes things a lot and you're pretty close to that age.

[BlueIris]

As I've said before in this thread, I've had many platonic only female friends. For most of my adult life I've only had platonic female friends.

 

I really want a girlfriend. Making more platonic female friends doesn't do anything for me. It's not enough.

 

Let this sink in, I'm 33 and I've only kissed two girls in my entire life.

 

I do understand. This alone ought to be motivation to start taking others' advice and changing your perspective.

 

 

I will keep that in mind. I don't want her to feel that I'm disrespecting her role. Then I will be very subtle with her and take a more friendly approach.

 

BTW, as for it being inappropriate. I'm pretty sure that any male tutor would gladly go out with any female student who was cute and interested.

 

No. A male or female who values his career and reputation is not going to be making such a foolish move. You would. Not everyone would, and most people I know wouldn't go near such a third rail for their career. (Frankly, no one I know would.)

 

And "cute and interested" are not the determinants of dating or relationship for a very large percentage of people, no matter how often you say it. Many other things are equally or more important to many people- I promise you.

 

Anyway, SD, you are certain that you know or understand how women think, act and feel, and what "works," even though it hasn't been working for you. You're deflecting so much sincere advice from both men and women who try to help you, so, all I can say is that I really do wish you good luck.

[xxoo]

As I've said before in this thread, I've had many platonic only female friends. For most of my adult life I've only had platonic female friends.

 

I really want a girlfriend. Making more platonic female friends doesn't do anything for me. It's not enough.

 

If you needed to move next month, would you have people who would show up to help you move?

 

If you get a new girlfriend, do you have friends to tell about it? Introduce her to?

 

If you go through another break up, do you have friends to support you?

[somedude81]

No. A male or female who values his career and reputation is not going to be making such a foolish move. You would. Not everyone would, and most people I know wouldn't go near such a third rail for their career. (Frankly, no one I know would.)

 

And "cute and interested" are not the determinants of dating or relationship for a very large percentage of people, no matter how often you say it. Many other things are equally or more important to many people- I promise you.

 

 

LOL, this isn't their career for any of the tutors. Virtually all tutors are undergrads who are just working part-time.

 

Regardless, if I did start dating this girl, absolutely nothing bad would happen to her.

 

Anyway, SD, you are certain that you know or understand how women think, act and feel, and what "works," even though it hasn't been working for you. You're deflecting so much sincere advice from both men and women who try to help you, so, all I can say is that I really do wish you good luck.

 

What are you talking about?

 

When have I in this thread said that I understand how women work and am deflecting advice?

 

The only "advice" I've been given so far is to make friends with these girls. That's it.

 

I have 20 years experience (13-33) of knowing that being just friends with girls doesn't result in me getting what I'm looking for.

 

If you needed to move next month, would you have people who would show up to help you move?

 

If you get a new girlfriend, do you have friends to tell about it? Introduce her to?

 

If you go through another break up, do you have friends to support you?

 

I'm not sure how any of that is relevant to this thread. I didn't make a thread asking about the pluses of having friends.

[IttyBittyKitty]

Thanks for the like somedude81. I can't read your whole thread cuz its too long but I hope you had some luck with the other girl you danced with. Also to the guy above me, if you don't like the thread then why are you reading it?

[IndianBabu]

His negativity is revolting.

 

Your posts aren't dripping with positivity there, sunshine.

[somedude81]

Thanks for the like somedude81. I can't read your whole thread cuz its too long but I hope you had some luck with the other girl you danced with. Also to the guy above me, if you don't like the thread then why are you reading it?

 

She's a nice girl but she's several inches taller than me. She's probably 5'9.

 

I'd date her but I can't imagine her being interested in me.

 

Honestly, what really gets me going are the short curvy girls, like the girl I wrote about today.

[IttyBittyKitty]

She's a nice girl but she's several inches taller than me. She's probably 5'9.

 

I'd date her but I can't imagine her being interested in me.

 

Honestly, what really gets me going are the short curvy girls, like the girl I wrote about today.

 

Yay I figured out how to use the quote thingie.

 

Ok makes sense. Short girls are the best!

[Lani]

In my experience, no.

 

The only women who have ever made obvious signs of interest to me have been obese.

 

I've never had a skinny girl let me know that she likes me. The one almost excepction is my ex GF, who before we started dating, was being very friendly and talkative.... over email.

 

If you're wanting skinny or fit girls to be attracted to you, then perhaps you could work on being either of these things yourself?

[somedude81]

If you're wanting skinny or fit girls to be attracted to you, then perhaps you could work on being either of these things yourself?

 

Of course.

 

It would be hypocritical of me to require a girl to be slim if I'm not myself. That's why my primary requirement for a woman is that she can't weigh more than I do.

 

I'm 5'6, 150 with a decent amount of muscle. I've lost ~20 lbs since the start of the year and I'm still working on my body.

[Phoe]

I'm pretty sure that any male tutor would gladly go out with any female student who was cute and interested.

 

I had MASSIVE crushes on 2 of my physics TA's in college. I was very flirty with the first one, but alas, he was uninterested.

 

I did not get flirty with the 2nd one, after having failed with the 1st lol.

 

 

 

On the topic of the silly suggestion that men should ignore everything women give advice about (how many times have I heard that here...)

 

All I can say is that I give advice on what men have done that I liked, and what worked for those men, and what men have done that I did NOT like, and henceforth did not work for them.

 

Simple as that.

 

Sure, there are plenty of women in the world who haven't a clue what they want, and can't make up their minds about anything. Similarly, there are men out there who can't even remember what they had for breakfast and don't know their ass from their elbow.

 

The 2 above statements do not apply to all men and women. I am reasonable to realize that there are many men out there who are not like the above statement. I would hope that more men would be reasonable enough to realize that there are many women out there who are not like the above statement.

 

It's no coincidence that it just so happens to be quite a few of those lovely kinds of women on this forum, who are responding to this thread right now.

[IttyBittyKitty]

I'm not much for generalizations so I wouldn't say that any male tutor would go out with any female student. I dated my ta when i was a junior and he got in trouble for it. Its definitely frowned upon, if not a violation of the moral code. But i don't know if the same rules apply to tutors so i would say flirt a little and see how she reacts. Proceed with caution.

[guest569]

OP, I dont think that you said anything bad or wrong to the girl in your dance class. What she did was rude, give up on her and find the next one. I wonder due to your original dilemma, do you really want a girlfriend and are you ready? Or is this more about you are worried about your age and feel like you need to have a girlfriend? Are you just trying to replace the empty space that your ex has left?

[lollipopspot]

I've never had a skinny girl let me know that she likes me. The one almost excepction is my ex GF, who before we started dating, was being very friendly and talkative.... over email.

 

I thought you said that the lady who showed some interest in you who has the unattractive face also has a nice body?

[somedude81]

I thought you said that the lady who showed some interest in you who has the unattractive face also has a nice body?

 

Yup.

 

Though honestly I don't know if she's actually interested in me. She's just very friendly and talkative plus she remembered my name right away. For some reason I just have the feeling that if I asked her out she'd say yes. I don't get that feeling from many women so something just feels different from her.

[somedude81]

And now I'm off to surfing class.

 

I wonder who I'll talk to today.

Edited September 18, 2014 by somedude81