Becoming more picky about looks?

[xxoo]

 

 

 

Yup I understand that, which is why I would never mention it to anybody offline.

 

It essentially just means that I'll only hang out with a girl if I'm interested in her, and once she turns me down, I'll no longer spend time with her.

 

You don't have to mention it. It's something women pick up in easily, and they don't wait for proof. It's that creeper vibe that women talk about a lot, and it makes us keep a distance.

 

Observd the guys who you are competing woth for these girls' attention. If they are more social than you, they'll have that advantage.

[Imajerk17]

I'm reading this and I find myself thinking that this is not the most efficient way to be going about things. It's an awful lot of writing and headspace dedicated to a few girls you haven't even asked out for one thing. For another, it's also risking the chance that another guy will get to asking out the girl who could be interested in you, before you work up the nerve to ask her out.

 

RE the girl in surf class: Talk to her next time with the intent of asking her to hang out in that very conversation if the conversation goes well. If she says yes, great. If she says no, well at least you know where you stand. Clarity is your friend!

[somedude81]

You don't have to mention it. It's something women pick up in easily, and they don't wait for proof. It's that creeper vibe that women talk about a lot, and it makes us keep a distance.

 

There it goes again. Some variation of "Women are psychic and always know what guys are thinking."

 

Sigh.

 

Observd the guys who you are competing woth for these girls' attention. If they are more social than you, they'll have that advantage.

 

Of course these guys are more social than me.

 

I pretty sure that I clearly stated that I'm introverted and have to force myself to talk to people.

[xxoo]

I'm introverted, too. That doesn't mean I have to force myself to talk to people. It means I get worn out after social interaction, and need to recover my energy with alone time.

 

What you are describing sounds outside the realm of introversion. It's interfering with social success, dating included. Wouldn't you want to address that?

 

Women aren't psychic. We're self protective (with good reason) and learn to pay attention to gut feelings about people.

[Teknoe]

I pretty sure that I clearly stated that I'm introverted and have to force myself to talk to people.

 

Introverts have healthy social circles, too. It's an injustice to throw that word around as the reason why you don't have friends. Because there are millions of introverts out there, and plenty of them have friends.

[Teknoe]

There it goes again. Some variation of "Women are psychic and always know what guys are thinking."

 

Sigh.

 

 

You're trying too hard to "mystify" it. It's just people (not just females) being able to read basic human body language. Again, over time your nuances and tendencies are revealed, because no one can fake a persona in a real relationship. If you're a procastinator, unless you make key changes, then that will be revealed to the girl over time. If you have no friends, then again, that will be revealed over time. People don't need you to write them a bio to describe yourself. Over a few months to half a year, people can make some general and even in-depth notes about anyone.

 

The truth, in semi-close relationships, is always revealed after some time. How much more, then, would a GF-BF relationship be, or a dating one. You can't hide the truth forever. If you've got areas of weakness, then it might be wise to work on them.

 

Either that, or lower your standards for the kind of girl you can attract (i.e. a loner girl who might lack life experience too and who loves playing games and watching anime)... or make peace with your situation.

[somedude81]

I'm introverted, too. That doesn't mean I have to force myself to talk to people. It means I get worn out after social interaction, and need to recover my energy with alone time.

 

What you are describing sounds outside the realm of introversion. It's interfering with social success, dating included. Wouldn't you want to address that?

 

Maybe I'm not just introverted. I'm the opposite of outgoing. BTW, the top antonym for outgoing, is introverted...

 

Forcing myself to talk to people is me addressing it.

 

This thread is starting to drift off-topic.

 

It's not about friends, or women being able to read my mind or if I'm introverted or not.

[somedude81]

Either that, or lower your standards for the kind of girl you can attract (i.e. a loner girl who might lack life experience too and who loves playing games and watching anime)... or make peace with your situation.

 

I don't consider going for a loner girl to be lowering my standards. I seriously don't care if a girl has friends or not.

 

Frankly a girl that doesn't have many friends, especially no guy friends and likes to watch anime and play video games sounds absolutely perfect to me.

[Teknoe]

I don't consider going for a loner girl to be lowering my standards. I seriously don't care if a girl has friends or not.

 

Frankly a girl that doesn't have many friends, especially no guy friends and likes to watch anime and play video games sounds absolutely perfect to me.

 

Mmm.

 

Unfortunately, have you noticed that these girls often, sorry I don't mean to stereotype but it tends to be true, usually aren't very attractive? That's the problem. You want a girl like that, but there isn't one like that who you also feel attracted to.

 

Most "pretty" girls have vibrant friendships and a strong social life. Those are the type hard to attract.

 

But then the loner gamer girls who you ideally want to be with don't float your boat.

 

And thus, you get caught up in no man's land. It's a tough place to be. Again, I don't mean to stereotype or offend anyone, but in my experience girls with no social life and "geeky" hobbies tend to be very unattractive looking. Gamer girls with social circles though can be attractive as I have seen and even have dated one. She loved games, but she had plenty of friends.

 

Fair or not, a person with no friends is often viewed as a red flag from a dating perspective. Just think about it. If you ever marry the girl, who is going to be your best man? Who will you invite to the wedding? It'd be pretty sad to have a wedding of just 10 family members.

 

You can be a loner, SD, but just know it's costing you in the dating game. Kind of the price you pay kind of thing. Fair or not, that's just how it goes.

 

Either expand your social horizons and increase your social capital, or continue to suffering in the dating game. Like I said, for most girls it's a red flag. Most girls enjoy group nights where it's not always just you and her. Having a group of friends helps everyone to grow and experience the lows and highs of life together. It gets boring fast for most girls if it's just going to be you and her, night after night, Saturday after Saturday.

 

Variety is the spice of life, indeed.

[LuckyLady13]

Somedude, you're putting yourself in good positions to meet women (classes) and I think that's great. There is one thing I noticed a long time ago. The guys I find really hot are a total turnoff to a lot of women. I'm into muscular guys (mostly arms and shoulders) and so many women don't actually like it. So I have had to keep in mind when my guy goes out somewhere, most likely not a whole lot of women find him super attractive but more accurately, probably nobody will find him as attractive as I do so beauty (or handsomeness) is in the eye of the beholder.

 

I don't think there's any problem with you getting yourself hooked up with a woman who you find super hot and other guys might not so much. She'll be right for you. You might think your ex is very pretty but there's a good chance every guy out there is looking for something else as far as attraction.

 

You very well could find a woman you find extremely attractive who just totally falls for you head over heels. So, I don't think hoping to find someone as attractive as your ex is out of the question but apparently you dated your ex so you already know where your league actually is.

[somedude81]

I'm reading this and I find myself thinking that this is not the most efficient way to be going about things. It's an awful lot of writing and headspace dedicated to a few girls you haven't even asked out for one thing. For another, it's also risking the chance that another guy will get to asking out the girl who could be interested in you, before you work up the nerve to ask her out.

 

RE the girl in surf class: Talk to her next time with the intent of asking her to hang out in that very conversation if the conversation goes well. If she says yes, great. If she says no, well at least you know where you stand. Clarity is your friend!

 

Yup, I am planning on asking get next time I see her. I actually wish I made that post yesterday so I coud have asked her today.

[somedude81]

Mmm.

 

Unfortunately, have you noticed that these girls often, sorry I don't mean to stereotype but it tends to be true, usually aren't very attractive? That's the problem. You want a girl like that, but there isn't one like that who you also feel attracted to.

 

Most "pretty" girls have vibrant friendships and a strong social life. Those are the type hard to attract.

 

But then the loner gamer girls who you ideally want to be with don't float your boat.

 

And thus, you get caught up in no man's land. It's a tough place to be. Again, I don't mean to stereotype or offend anyone, but in my experience girls with no social life and "geeky" hobbies tend to be very unattractive looking. Gamer girls with social circles though can be attractive as I have seen and even have dated one. She loved games, but she had plenty of friends.

 

Fair or not, a person with no friends is often viewed as a red flag from a dating perspective. Just think about it. If you ever marry the girl, who is going to be your best man? Who will you invite to the wedding? It'd be pretty sad to have a wedding of just 10 family members.

 

You can be a loner, SD, but just know it's costing you in the dating game. Kind of the price you pay kind of thing. Fair or not, that's just how it goes.

 

Either expand your social horizons and increase your social capital, or continue to suffering in the dating game. Like I said, for most girls it's a red flag. Most girls enjoy group nights where it's not always just you and her. Having a group of friends helps everyone to grow and experience the lows and highs of life together. It gets boring fast for most girls if it's just going to be you and her, night after night, Saturday after Saturday.

 

Variety is the spice of life, indeed.

 

Lol! Did you just say that all loner girls are ugly?

[Lani]

Yup, I am planning on asking get next time I see her. I actually wish I made that post yesterday so I coud have asked her today.

 

Why? What has changed?

 

If you like a girl then ask her out. We've told you this before.

Don't wait for her to become interested in someone else. Now you're in a position where you've seen her potentially be interested in that other guy, so you're likely going to feel a little more awkward about asking her out (although I know you're going to argue that point here..)

 

Girls like guys who take action. Be that guy instead of the creepy 'friend' who makes them comfortable, then asks them out, then ditches them when they say no due to his 'no sex' policy.

[somedude81]

Why? What has changed?

 

 

I read LuckyLady13's post

 

If you like a girl then ask her out. We've told you this before.

 

Sorry, when I'm with a girl that's new to me I don't really think about the people on LS

 

My only goal for today was for the both of us to get more comfortable with each other. Or more specifically, me getting more comfortable talking to her.

 

Don't wait for her to become interested in someone else. Now you're in a position where you've seen her potentially be interested in that other guy, so you're likely going to feel a little more awkward about asking her out (although I know you're going to argue that point here..)

 

Then I just won't say anything

 

Girls like guys who take action. Be that guy instead of the creepy 'friend' who makes them comfortable, then asks them out, then ditches them when they say no due to his 'no sex' policy.

 

Yup I need to take action.

 

Though I'm still going to ditch a girl if she says no to sex or dating. I'm long past done with being stuck in the friendzone.

[Lani]

I read LuckyLady13's post

 

 

 

Sorry, when I'm with a girl that's new to me I don't really think about the people on LS

 

Contradictory much?

 

My only goal for today was for the both of us to get more comfortable with each other. Or more specifically, me getting more comfortable talking to her.

 

 

Then I just won't say anything

 

 

Yup I need to take action.

 

Though I'm still going to ditch a girl if she says no to sex or dating. I'm long past done with being stuck in the friendzone.

 

And this is why you'll likely be stuck in this limbo forever.

Seeing people as a sexual commodity is disgusting.

[somedude81]

Contradictory much?

About what?

 

And this is why you'll likely be stuck in this limbo forever.

Seeing people as a sexual commodity is disgusting.

 

Come on Lani.

 

All I'm saying is that I don't want to spend a lot time with girls I'm interested in who have no interest in me.

 

Would you be perfectly content if you were single and didn't want to be, and weren't having any sex, but spending time with a guy that you liked who didn't see you that way at all?

 

Is that something you're able to relate to at all?

[Lani]

About what?

 

 

 

Come on Lani.

 

All I'm saying is that I don't want to spend a lot time with girls I'm interested in who have no interest in me.

 

Would you be perfectly content if you were single and didn't want to be, and weren't having any sex, but spending time with a guy that you liked who didn't see you that way at all?

 

Is that something you're able to relate to at all?

 

Yes, it is something I can relate to, actually.

 

However I understand the importance of friendship. I get how they work and what benefit you can get from them.

Instead of complaining about my situation constantly I work with what I have to make myself happy. Of course if I were in love with someone who didn't reciprocate that then I'd find that difficult, but that's not even what we're talking about. You don't want to even be friends with anyone, period. You don't want to work at any relationship unless there is sex in it for you. How do you seriously see this whole thing ending SD?

[somedude81]

Yes, it is something I can relate to, actually.

 

However I understand the importance of friendship. I get how they work and what benefit you can get from them.

Instead of complaining about my situation constantly I work with what I have to make myself happy. Of course if I were in love with someone who didn't reciprocate that then I'd find that difficult, but that's not even what we're talking about.

 

OK. So you do understand what I'm talking about.

 

The main thing about me is that I fall for girls very quickly. If I hang out with a girl just as friends a few times, soon enough I'll develop feelings for her. Most likely she'll reject me and I'll get hurt. That's happened about 20 times in my life.

 

To save myself that pain I simply don't hang out with girls where dating isn't an option.

 

Talking about guys isn't relevant to this thread.

 

How do you seriously see this whole thing ending SD?

 

This whole thing?

 

I ask a girl out. We like each other. Go on a few dates and enter into a relationship. Just like what happened with my ex.

 

Though hopefully the next girl doesn't randomly dump me.

[Lani]

OK. So you do understand what I'm talking about.

 

The main thing about me is that I fall for girls very quickly. If I hang out with a girl just as friends a few times, soon enough I'll develop feelings for her. Most likely she'll reject me and I'll get hurt. That's happened about 20 times in my life.

 

To save myself that pain I simply don't hang out with girls where dating isn't an option.

 

Talking about guys isn't relevant to this thread.

 

 

 

This whole thing?

 

I ask a girl out. We like each other. Go on a few dates and enter into a relationship. Just like what happened with my ex.

 

Though hopefully the next girl doesn't randomly dump me.

 

No, I don't really understand. Because although I'm not in a relationship, am not dating, and am not having sex, I am seeking things outside of that to make me happy. Something you cannot seem to grasp the concept of.

 

As for 'this whole thing'.. I was referring to your life. Because unless you chance your tactic on things and your grasp on life you're not going to get anywhere. I don't know how you can't see that.

[somedude81]

Two best ways to make sure your girl doesn't dump you are to make sure the sex is awesome and don't get all clingy on her. Works every time for me.

 

If only those things were good enough.

 

Awesome sex and not being clingy. Her issues were just too much to overcome.

[Els]

Introversion is not really a reason to have zero friends. The characteristics of introverts are:

1) Prefer small groups over large, crowded social activity

2) Focus on depth of interaction instead of breadth

3) Needing to recharge after a lot of interaction

 

None of this precludes introverts from having friends. I get that sometimes life circumstances make things difficult to have friends, as introverts typically take longer to 'open up', and have a smaller group of friends than extroverts do. But I do not know ANY introverts who have not had ANY friends (real friends, not people of the opposite sex you're hoping to bang) for a decade (?).

[clia]

Two best ways to make sure your girl doesn't dump you are to make sure the sex is awesome and don't get all clingy on her. Works every time for me.

 

With all due respect, it takes a lot more than that. Although you may see those as your two best qualities, I'm sure you bring a lot more to the table.

[clia]

And with all due respect, I disagree

 

It's pretty flippin rare that you see or hear of a woman leaving a guy if the sex is really good.

 

I definitely believe I bring a lot more to the table, but I don't think all those things keep women around.

 

As a woman, I respectfully disagree.

[clia]

At least we have respect. I feel like we should be getting into another gender war here though. Isn't that how these things normally go?

 

It would probably be rude to derail Somedude's thread, right? We'll just agree to disagree.

[Lani]

It would probably be rude to derail Somedude's thread, right? We'll just agree to disagree.

 

I disagree.

 

Derail!

Derail!

Derail!