Becoming more picky about looks?

[Lani]

From my experience, you (and girls like you) are in the minority. I wish more women had the same money conscious mentality as you do!

 

So many people nowadays (not just women, but everyone) seems so dang materialistic. iPhone6 is out now, right? I still have a dumb phone! I don't buy much outside of gas, food, and occasionally, a new shirt. My future partner will definitely have to be low-key, low-maintenance and mostly non-materialistic.

 

It's not about material, it's about experience.

I don't need someone to spend money on me, I want them to be able to spend it with me. To do 'stuff' like go to a music gig, or grab some dinner out, or catch a little local play, go away for a weekend, etc.

I don't need presents, or for anyone to have a lot of money, but I think a lot of people would be in the same boat as me. They want that little bit of freedom to do things with their time, rather than stay in every night. Relationships develop when you experience things together. At least that's where my viewpoint is on someone being able to 'afford a girlfriend'.

[Teknoe]

It's not about material, it's about experience.

I don't need someone to spend money on me, I want them to be able to spend it with me. To do 'stuff' like go to a music gig, or grab some dinner out, or catch a little local play, go away for a weekend, etc.

I don't need presents, or for anyone to have a lot of money, but I think a lot of people would be in the same boat as me. They want that little bit of freedom to do things with their time, rather than stay in every night. Relationships develop when you experience things together. At least that's where my viewpoint is on someone being able to 'afford a girlfriend'.

 

I agree with you. When I had my ex, our best times were when we went out, or when we just hung out with a larger group.

 

Those were experiences. We grew.

 

But unfortunately, we grew stagnant after a while. And all we did was stay in for the most part. She chatted with friends online while I was in the same room watching TV. We slowly drifted apart as the honeymoon phrase died out and we entered the comfort zone. Not that the CZ is a bad place to be, but it is when both parties have gone on auto pilot mode.

 

Not sure how often SD and his ex went out or did fun little activities together, but I suspect, based on his own lifestyle, that many (if not most?) nights were spent in... watching movies of some kind, or certainly being together 1-on-1. Again, a benefit of having friends is taking your GF to hang out with them... it creates a different dynamic and it allows her to see different sides of you. Then, when she finally does get you alone to herself, it seem like a refreshing treat.

 

But if every single Saturday night is the same old 1-on-1 routine, well, that gets boring after a while. Girls want to have fun and/or nest. She stopped having fun with you, and she didn't see the potential for the relationship to go long term.

 

Hell, I know... coz that's pretty much what happened with my ex, except that R lasted 7 months, and when she broke up with me, it was because she wanted to get back with her ex. If he never came around, I often used to wonder what would have happened. But looking back, honestly, the R with her was far from perfect. Both she and I were broken in our own various ways, and our communication was crap after the honeymoon phrase (which lasted 2-3 months)

 

I've long since moved on and made peace with all that. Now when I do look back, it's with a smile on my face. I remember the good times, and not the bad ones. Well, I learned lessons from the bad times, but I stopped dwelling on it and replaying it eons ago.

 

I wish the same for you, SD.

[SJC2008]

Your ex is cute, I don't think you're being unrealistic but women who are thin-barely overweight are hard to compete for vecauae men are thinner than women.

[somedude81]

Oddly enough, a girl from my dance class ended up in a smaller seminar math class with me, and I'm now in the same group with her working on a short-term project.

 

Yeah I'd be interested in dating her, but she just doesn't seem to have any interest in me at this point. Still we are in the same math class and I can see myself talking to her more often. I wonder how this will turn out.

[marinelife3]

Hey some dude, it's me again, I love reading your posts. I think it's because I used to live in California and you remind me of what it was like to live there. Anyway I noticed in one of your posts you said your speech is "a little bit odd" and you mentioned saying something to girl and that only part of it "came out". To me, this sounds like a huge obstacle to attracting women and something you should prioritize fixing. Can you elaborate what you mean by it- do you have a speech impediment, or speak very quietly, or what? Is this part of the reason it's very difficult for you to initiate conversations with people?

[Anela]

 

If I want to go to some fancy dinner or show, I'm damn well Gonna pay for myself rather than expect someone else to spend hard earned money making sure my entertainment needs are appeased. How utterly useless.

 

It's nice to be treated, though. It's nice when someone wants to do nice things for you. This tends to go both ways in happy relationships, but it's always presented as a one-sided thing, as though women are only out to drain a man's bank account.

[Anela]

Something just seems off about her bone structure and face shape. She just doesn't look feminine.

 

Anybody could tell right away with a picture.

 

The rest of her body is fine.

 

There's more to her than that face - and I'm not talking about her body. What is she like as a person? She's friendly, easy to talk to. If I was here talking about a great guy who was nice to me, and easy to talk to, what would you be saying to me? "You don't get to turn this guy down, and complain about being single. If he's nice to you, that should be good enough for you."

 

Now maybe you'll be able to empathize with me, and others, in this regard as well.

[CrystalCastles]

Why is there no middle ground?

 

Why is it either "happy to stay at home doing nothing" or "requires being taken out and having money spent"

 

I like doing things. I do not want to sit at home. But there are many free activities in the world, and most of all, I do not expect that a man spend money to keep me entertained.

 

If I want to go to some fancy dinner or show, I'm damn well Gonna pay for myself rather than expect someone else to spend hard earned money making sure my entertainment needs are appeased. How utterly useless.

 

I think there's nothing wrong if a guy wants to treat you somewhere. You shouldn't expect it, but it still feels nice. I still take my wallet out whenever I'm out to dinner with my man, but he waves it away and pays for both our plates himself. I don't "expect" that he spend his money on me and I show it by taking my wallet out because I'm prepared to pay. I also thank him every time he does that to show my gratitude because it was kind and generous of him to get the bill, and I make it up to him the next time. In my culture its also considered rude and ungrateful to turn down someone's offer to treat you.

 

That being said, I generally agree- a girlfriend does not need to be expensive. Plenty of things in life are cheap/free: a walk on the beach, hikes in the forest, picnics, bike rides, camping, swimming in a lake, cooking. I've had very memorable dates where me and my man spent no money, or almost none (10-20$ for the both of us).

 

SD, a girlfriend isn't going to be expensive if you date a good girl, not a spoiled brat who expects that you shell out a couple hundred each date. There are many girls out there who are not entitled. There are many girls who are just happy they found someone who they click with.

[Tayken]

Oddly enough, a girl from my dance class ended up in a smaller seminar math class with me, and I'm now in the same group with her working on a short-term project.

 

Yeah I'd be interested in dating her, but she just doesn't seem to have any interest in me at this point. Still we are in the same math class and I can see myself talking to her more often. I wonder how this will turn out.

 

 

Remember the saying, don't crap where you eat. Perhaps this is how she is looking at it, and what the consequences will be if things go awry between you two, and still have to attend the same class....AWKWARD

[somedude81]

Hey some dude, it's me again, I love reading your posts. I think it's because I used to live in California and you remind me of what it was like to live there. Anyway I noticed in one of your posts you said your speech is "a little bit odd" and you mentioned saying something to girl and that only part of it "came out". To me, this sounds like a huge obstacle to attracting women and something you should prioritize fixing. Can you elaborate what you mean by it- do you have a speech impediment, or speak very quietly, or what? Is this part of the reason it's very difficult for you to initiate conversations with people?

 

Hey marinelife3, I remember you from before.

 

Good of you to pick up on the speech thing. Yes I do have a speech impediment and I have actually been through speech therapy a couple of years ago.

 

Basically when I get excited or nervous, or think that a word has too many syllables, I can get jumbled up on what comes out of my mouth, and is too quick. What happens is that every now and then a word or phrase is completely unintelligible and I have to repeat what I just said at much slower rate.

 

It used to be much worse before I went through speech therapy, and I'm starting to get a handle on it. But it's sill a part of my life.

[somedude81]

Remember the saying, don't crap where you eat. Perhaps this is how she is looking at it, and what the consequences will be if things go awry between you two, and still have to attend the same class....AWKWARD

 

Actually we'd be in two of the same classes, so that would be AWKWARD squared

 

Either way, beyond her being cute and having a nice body I'm not that much into that girl. Granted I haven't talked to her that much. It could change.

 

Though one girl I'm definitely into and things could get really AWKWARD with is my math tutor. Holy crap I want that girl. She only works one day a week so it's been a while since I saw her in the math lab. There is just something about the way she talks to me, looks at me and laughs at my jokes. We talked for about 20 minutes today since it was really slow. The conversation was actually about math and it's uses but it was really fun to talk to her. Normally I don't think girls are into me, but there is just something different about her. I don't know how to explain it.

 

She works until 5 so next week I'm going to make sure I'm packed up at that time so I can walk out with her and talk to her a bit outside of the math lab.

 

Of course I'm aware that if I continue on this route, things can be AWKWARD between us, or they can be come horrible. Though in the worst case scenario, I just won't come into tutoring on Tuesday afternoons.

[Lani]

Actually we'd be in two of the same classes, so that would be AWKWARD squared

 

Either way, beyond her being cute and having a nice body I'm not that much into that girl. Granted I haven't talked to her that much. It could change.

 

Though one girl I'm definitely into and things could get really AWKWARD with is my math tutor. Holy crap I want that girl. She only works one day a week so it's been a while since I saw her in the math lab. There is just something about the way she talks to me, looks at me and laughs at my jokes. We talked for about 20 minutes today since it was really slow. The conversation was actually about math and it's uses but it was really fun to talk to her. Normally I don't think girls are into me, but there is just something different about her. I don't know how to explain it.

 

She works until 5 so next week I'm going to make sure I'm packed up at that time so I can walk out with her and talk to her a bit outside of the math lab.

 

Of course I'm aware that if I continue on this route, things can be AWKWARD between us, or they can be come horrible. Though in the worst case scenario, I just won't come into tutoring on Tuesday afternoons.

 

Then you can fail calc. again and blame it on her?

 

Good plan.

[Teknoe]

Hey marinelife3, I remember you from before.

 

Good of you to pick up on the speech thing. Yes I do have a speech impediment and I have actually been through speech therapy a couple of years ago.

 

Basically when I get excited or nervous, or think that a word has too many syllables, I can get jumbled up on what comes out of my mouth, and is too quick. What happens is that every now and then a word or phrase is completely unintelligible and I have to repeat what I just said at much slower rate.

 

It used to be much worse before I went through speech therapy, and I'm starting to get a handle on it. But it's sill a part of my life.

 

 

I had no idea you have a (slight) speech impediment.

 

Have you considered going back to speech therapy?

 

Or is it too expensive?

 

I still stand by my advice for you to take an acting, public speaking or improv class. I think any of those would help you to think quicker on your feet, and be less timid around people. I took those classes in college, and they were the best classes I ever took, bar none. My other classes I can hardly remember, but classes I took like Storytelling, Beginning, Intermediate and Advanced Acting, I remember the most vividly and fondly.

 

Try taking an improv class!

[marinelife3]

It makes sense that you have a speech impediment holding you back, because you are such a fluent, engaging writer (look at how all your threads blow up!) that it's hard to imagine you don't get more attention IRL

 

I know you're sick of technoe (I'm sorry, I follow your threads like a soap opera) but joining a public speaking club is a good idea.

[Cristo]

So to summarize: SD is short, ugly, not white, in his 30s, has no career, has no friends, has little dating experience, AND has a speech impediment.

 

Honestly dude, out of all of these things, my ONLY issue is that I'm short and that alone has been difficult.

 

Props to you for getting as far as you do in dating. I don't think that I would be able to do as much as you've done.

[somedude81]

So to summarize: SD is short, ugly, not white, in his 30s, has no career, has no friends, has little dating experience, AND has a speech impediment.

 

Honestly dude, out of all of these things, my ONLY issue is that I'm short and that alone has been difficult.

 

Props to you for getting as far as you do in dating. I don't think that I would be able to do as much as you've done.

 

Excuse me!

 

I'm 50% white.

 

[Teknoe]

Though one girl I'm definitely into and things could get really AWKWARD with is my math tutor. Holy crap I want that girl. She only works one day a week so it's been a while since I saw her in the math lab. There is just something about the way she talks to me, looks at me and laughs at my jokes. We talked for about 20 minutes today since it was really slow. The conversation was actually about math and it's uses but it was really fun to talk to her. Normally I don't think girls are into me, but there is just something different about her. I don't know how to explain it.

 

She works until 5 so next week I'm going to make sure I'm packed up at that time so I can walk out with her and talk to her a bit outside of the math lab.

 

Of course I'm aware that if I continue on this route, things can be AWKWARD between us, or they can be come horrible. Though in the worst case scenario, I just won't come into tutoring on Tuesday afternoons.

 

Odds are, she's just being friendly and trying to establish some rapport as she is tutoring you. A tutor tries to establish some sort of friendly relationship with the people they help. I wouldn't look into it anymore than it being what it is.

 

It would be like saying "My waitress last night was super friendly with me! I think she might have a thing for me...."

 

It's a waitress' job to be nice and courteous. To smile at you a lot.

 

Reading into things too much is a nice guy's downfall time after time. I have first hand experience of that, believe me. Until a girl touches you a lot playfully on the arm, or asks to hang out with you, 95% of the time I'd say chalk it up to her just being friendly but nothing more.

[somedude81]

Odds are, she's just being friendly and trying to establish some rapport as she is tutoring you. A tutor tries to establish some sort of friendly relationship with the people they help. I wouldn't look into it anymore than it being what it is.

 

It would be like saying "My waitress last night was super friendly with me! I think she might have a thing for me...."

 

It's a waitress' job to be nice and courteous. To smile at you a lot.

 

Reading into things too much is a nice guy's downfall time after time. I have first hand experience of that, believe me. Until a girl touches you a lot playfully on the arm, or asks to hang out with you, 95% of the time I'd say chalk it up to her just being friendly but nothing more.

 

That was my first guess that she was just being friendly. That is always my first guess with women. There are three other girls who do tutoring and none of them act the way she does with me, and from what I've seen, she doesn't act this way with other guys.

 

Though perhaps it's just something dreamed up in my head since she's the prettiest of the tutors. I've always had a thing for cute nerdy girls.

 

Either way I won't see her again till Tuesday, so I'll put her aside till then.

 

And yes, I saw your post about public speaking/improv. It's something I've had in mind for a while.

[thefooloftheyear]

That was my first guess that she was just being friendly. That is always my first guess with women. There are three other girls who do tutoring and none of them act the way she does with me, and from what I've seen, she doesn't act this way with other guys.

 

Though perhaps it's just something dreamed up in my head since she's the prettiest of the tutors. I've always had a thing for cute nerdy girls.

 

Either way I won't see her again till Tuesday, so I'll put her aside till then.

 

And yes, I saw your post about public speaking/improv. It's something I've had in mind for a while.

 

Just watch what they do....If they blush in your presence, fumble with words, drop stuff. flip their hair, laugh at everything you say, etc...

 

If you dont see these things then they are probably just being cordial..

 

My experiences anyway....FWIW

 

TFY

[IttyBittyKitty]

Just watch what they do....If they blush in your presence, fumble with words, drop stuff. flip their hair, laugh at everything you say, etc...

 

If you dont see these things then they are probably just being cordial..

 

My experiences anyway....FWIW

 

TFY

 

That's so 1950s! Hehehe

[thefooloftheyear]

That's so 1950s! Hehehe

 

 

I wasn't around then....so I dunno...but the same things happen today..

 

What do you do, send smoke signals?

 

TFY

[MidwestUSA]

I wasn't around then....so I dunno...but the same things happen today..

 

What do you do, send smoke signals?

 

TFY

 

Nah, we start stripping!

[somedude81]

Just watch what they do....If they blush in your presence, fumble with words, drop stuff. flip their hair, laugh at everything you say, etc...

 

If you dont see these things then they are probably just being cordial..

 

My experiences anyway....FWIW

 

TFY

 

My ex didn't do any of those. She just seemed to really enjoy talking to me and always had a smile.

 

That's what it's so hard for me to tell if a girl is interested.

 

Something happened today that really threw me off. I'm going to post about it in a bit.

[thefooloftheyear]

My ex didn't do any of those. She just seemed to really enjoy talking to me and always had a smile.

 

That's what it's so hard for me to tell if a girl is interested.

 

Something happened today that really threw me off. I'm going to post about it in a bit.

 

 

And she dumped you after only a few months.....thats the point...My guess is that she really wasnt that into you...just a confused little kid..

 

Sorry in advance if it was cruel...just calling it as I see it...Im no playa', but I can tell from a mile away when a woman is into me...

 

 

TFY

[somedude81]

And she dumped you after only a few months.....thats the point...My guess is that she really wasnt that into you...just a confused little kid..

 

Sorry in advance if it was cruel...just calling it as I see it...Im no playa', but I can tell from a mile away when a woman is into me...

 

 

TFY

 

My ex was obviously very into me. There is no question in my mind about that. The first five months were complete honeymoon. We had so much sex. I know that I don't know that much about women, but I really doubt that a woman who wasn't into me would have sex with me 2-3 times a day. Or maybe she just really liked the sex? I don't really think so. She never turned me down and I'm the kind of guy who wants it all the time. There was no way she was doing it out of some sense of obligation.

 

Of course there were other things she did to show me that she was into me outside of sex. Though I'm not going to write about them as I don't want to bring back those memories.