Becoming more picky about looks?

[somedude81]

This thread isn't about math. Yes I am staying on top of it.

 

This thread is about women and dating and absolutely nothing else.

 

Approaching women with friendship in mind leads to....friendship. Still with the way things are going I am probably going to end up with a few female friends.

 

Can't you guys understand that I would still be unhappy if all I do this year is make friends? Making friends with girls is easy and it's not what I'm looking for.

 

How come all of you want to be in relationships, yet I should stick with being friends only?

[Els]

Can't you guys understand that I would still be unhappy if all I do this year is make friends? Making friends with girls is easy and it's not what I'm looking for.

 

The general suggestion was that you should be making friends with guys too.

 

How come all of you want to be in relationships, yet I should stick with being friends only?

 

'Friends' and 'relationship' are not a mutually exclusive choice. People can have both.

[somedude81]

The general suggestion was that you should be making friends with guys too.

 

OK, then I'll change up the post you quoted a bit.

 

Can't you guys understand that I would still be unhappy if all I do this year is make friends?

 

It that a little bit more clear?

 

'Friends' and 'relationship' are not a mutually exclusive choice. People can have both.

 

And yet people keep trying to focus solely on making friends.

[Cristo]

Yup, January will be here before you know it.

 

Also, I worry for his sake that his four "options" aren't really options at all, but simply classmates he has a crush on. Big difference. It seems only B actually would have gone out with him on a date, but then he didn't step up in the moment and the door of opportunity shut on him.

 

The other 3 could well be non-options in reality. I remember crushing on several girls at once, and in my mind, they were options.

 

When in reality, they were just cute classmates that weren't really options.

 

Mind can trick us. Having 4 girl interests at once can be exciting, but it's all a trap to keep some folks from focusing on what's really important in the here and the now.

 

Actually, it's not the multiple girl interests that holds one back, it's always the individual. Sadly, I can kind of already see where this situation is going. One by one, reality will dictate that each "option" is crossed out... and in the meantime, studies will be neglected due to his intense focus of these "options." It could be a fatal combination come December when grades come through.

 

SD, don't let this happen to you. Having options is great, but you had better keep tabs on your calculus understanding at the forefront. All your lengthy and thought out replies on Loveshack could be time devoted to your studies instead.

 

It's an important life skill to be able to compartmentalize and prioritize. Also, to delay immediate self gratification in order to ensure your success for tomorrow. All very critical life skills that will make you a healthier man.

 

Exactly.

 

They are not options in the sense that they all like him and he has to choose. They are just girls that he finds attractive and wants to ask out.

 

IMO, he should just ask them out already and get it over with. Then he could focus on finding a job.

 

This thread isn't about math. Yes I am staying on top of it.

 

This thread is about women and dating and absolutely nothing else.

 

That's great, but do you have a JOB lined up for when you graduate?

 

Approaching women with friendship in mind leads to....friendship. Still with the way things are going I am probably going to end up with a few female friends.

 

Dude, it sounds like you are already approaching them in friendship. Based on what you wrote about "Girl B", she didn't have any idea that you were romantically interested in her.

 

Can't you guys understand that I would still be unhappy if all I do this year is make friends? Making friends with girls is easy and it's not what I'm looking for.

 

How come all of you want to be in relationships, yet I should stick with being friends only?

 

The rest of us already have our stuff together. Haven't you ever heard of delayed gratification?

 

You need to get your priorities in order.

[SummerDreams]

SD a huge majority of people meet their other half through friends, relatives or while searching for .. friends. May it be in WoW (yes I met an ex there, while doing a dungeon ), may it be through a social forum meeting (yes, I met my current bf this way) or may it be while hanging out with other friends who have a cousin, a sibling, an aunt etc.

 

What you are doing is, while there are thousands of supermarkets to buy a thing you need, you want to just go to this one little place that doesn't even have what you are looking for and wait there till the guy who owns this place decides to order it and bring it so you buy it.

[somedude81]

They are not options in the sense that they all like him and he has to choose. They are just girls that he finds attractive and wants to ask out.

 

Exactly. Did I present it as anything else? They are simply girls I'm interested in that I believe I may have some small chance with. Though odds are none of the girls will be interested in me.

 

That's just how life is.

 

IMO, he should just ask them out already and get it over with. Then he could focus on finding a job.

 

And all of them will most likely say "no" right now.

 

I can ask out 1,000 random girls and get 1,000 no's. This whole thread is about me trying to make a connection so I can have a decent shot at getting a yes.

 

Dude, it sounds like you are already approaching them in friendship. Based on what you wrote about "Girl B", she didn't have any idea that you were romantically interested in her.

 

I'm not. She's the one who approached me. I just got swept up in thinking that she could be inteersted in me.

 

How should I approach girls in a non-friendship way that will give me a decent shot at getting a date?

 

The rest of us already have our stuff together. Haven't you ever heard of delayed gratification?

 

ROFL!

 

Dude, I'm 33 years old and I've only spent six months of my entire life in a relationship. If that doesn't count as delayed gratification I don't know what does.

[KaliLove]

This thread isn't about math. Yes I am staying on top of it.

 

This thread is about women and dating and absolutely nothing else.

 

Approaching women with friendship in mind leads to....friendship. Still with the way things are going I am probably going to end up with a few female friends.

 

Can't you guys understand that I would still be unhappy if all I do this year is make friends? Making friends with girls is easy and it's not what I'm looking for.

 

How come all of you want to be in relationships, yet I should stick with being friends only?

 

Because, as far as I can tell, none of the rest of us are 33 and still trying to finish college.

 

Although..maybe you're just intentionally dragging your feet so you can have an excuse to keep hitting on little college girls. You are many things, but stupid isn't one of them.

[somedude81]

SD a huge majority of people meet their other half through friends, relatives or while searching for .. friends. May it be in WoW (yes I met an ex there, while doing a dungeon ), may it be through a social forum meeting (yes, I met my current bf this way) or may it be while hanging out with other friends who have a cousin, a sibling, an aunt etc.

 

What you are doing is, while there are thousands of supermarkets to buy a thing you need, you want to just go to this one little place that doesn't even have what you are looking for and wait there till the guy who owns this place decides to order it and bring it so you buy it.

 

I've tried to meet women in school, at jobs, social clubs on campus, friends parties, dance clubs around the city, the gym, online games and on this very forum.

[Badsingularity]

When you you were with the girl at the market and got hungry and wanted to

Eat you should not have hung around. You should have gone and ate and told her what ever you want as you were leaving.

 

When she got on the phone with the shop you should not have waited around for her to get off the phone. You should have told her see ya later or I'll talk to you later and went about your day.

[Cristo]

How should I approach girls in a non-friendship way that will give me a decent shot at getting a date?

 

Ask them out sooner rather than later. If they turn you down and are still willing to be friends, stay friends with them and do not look at them as romantic options anymore.

 

They might come around at that point.

 

Also, become friends with her friends. They'll help you out if they like you.

 

 

ROFL!

 

Dude, I'm 33 years old and I've only spent six months of my entire life in a relationship. If that doesn't count as delayed gratification I don't know what does.

 

Yes and what have you been doing with that time? If you had been more productive, maybe you would be more mature in your outlook on life right now, at the very least.

 

"Delayed gratification" means to put of instant gratification while you put in the work for more sustained and long-lasting gratification and accomplishment.

 

It sounds like you've never done that and always SEARCHED for (but never found) instant gratification.

[somedude81]

Because, as far as I can tell, none of the rest of us are 33 and still trying to finish college.

 

Although..maybe you're just intentionally dragging your feet so you can have an excuse to keep hitting on little college girls. You are many things, but stupid isn't one of them.

 

Believe me KaliLove. I want to get out of school and move on with my life.

 

If I didn't need to take the math class, I would have graduated last year. One year of my life was wasted because of one fu*king class.

 

So while I am stuck in school working on getting past this one piece of sh*t class, I'm trying to enjoy college as much as I can.

 

This time last year I had a girlfriend and I was very happy. I want to experience that again.

[Cristo]

I've tried to meet women in school, at jobs, social clubs on campus, friends parties, dance clubs around the city, the gym, online games and on this very forum.

 

It's very easy to meet girls through school, work, clubs, and even on forums similar to this. I've done all of that in the past with relative ease.

 

I'm not sure why you have so much trouble with it.

[somedude81]

It's very easy to meet girls through school, work, clubs, and even on forums similar to this. I've done all of that in the past with relative ease.

 

I'm not sure why you have so much trouble with it.

 

I think you've read enough of my posts to understand why I have trouble.

 

I've always approached women as friends. Thus I get stuck in the friendzone over and over.

 

That's the main reason I get so frustrated when people on this forum keep trying to suggest that I make friends with girls. Making friends with girls is the one thing I'm good at. I don't need help in that area!

[acapelo_dp]

Honestly, you keep saying that you don't want to meet any friends. I think having friends to spend time with (MALE and FEMALE) would benefit you greatly. I have met ALL my boyfriend's through my friends. It's a social network that gets you connected to the opposite sex very, very fast.

 

I think you are focusing way too much on several girls at once, just let it happen naturally. Especially your unrealistic idea of a 20 year old woman with huge tits. I'm sorry but (I'm 24), if I was talking to a guy who was 32, no friends, only had one girlfriend, no employment aspects, I would be instantly turned off immensely. I think another thing is you need to broaden your horizons and not focus on the young girls with a huge rack.. :/ Maybe *gasp* try a woman who is in her late twenties as well?

 

I can't fathom if I had no friends, and was seeking a boyfriend. I simply would still be lonely because all my time and energy would be put into that one person. How boring would that be after a couple months?

[Cristo]

I think you've read enough of my posts to understand why I have trouble.

 

I've always approached women as friends. Thus I get stuck in the friendzone over and over.

 

That's the main reason I get so frustrated when people on this forum keep trying to suggest that I make friends with girls. Making friends with girls is the one thing I'm good at. I don't need help in that area!

 

It seems to me that only the women here are suggesting that you make friends with girls. A few other male posters disagreed with them.

 

What I think you should do is express interest romantically ASAP and THEN become friends with them if they shoot you down. That way, they will always look at you as a potential option and may reconsider.

[Imajerk17]

This thread isn't about math. Yes I am staying on top of it.

 

This thread is about women and dating and absolutely nothing else.

 

 

We keep bringing up this other stuff--the stuff we get you hate--because THAT is about dating too. A woman has to have respect/admiration for how you are living the rest of your life for her to want to stick around.

 

I am glad to hear you are staying on top of your math!

 

That said, getting back "on topic", the guys who went from "bad with women" to "good with women" were willing to consider viewpoints that didn't make sense to them. So I will ask you this: Are you even taking our suggestions/comments on these "field reports" about your interactions with women seriously? An example is that you find Girl B's behavior to be a complete mystery, but it wasn't so much of a mystery to the rest of us. In fact, clia broke it down pretty well where you might have turned her off. How would you handle a similar situation differently next time?

Edited September 26, 2014 by Imajerk17

[somedude81]

It seems to me that only the women here are suggesting that you make friends with girls. A few other male posters disagreed with them.

 

What I think you should do is express interest romantically ASAP and THEN become friends with them if they shoot you down. That way, they will always look at you as a potential option and may reconsider.

 

And that is my focus this semester. I was letting myself get sidetracked with all the talk about friends.

 

What I'm doing is meeting girls and trying to quickly figure out if they have boyfriends. So far three of the girls I was interested in have boyfriends. So I move on to other girls. If I come across a girl that is single, I'll try to step up my game with her and ask her out shortly after.

 

Right now the biggest obstacle is the boyfriend thing as I have to somehow work the conversation so the girl brings it up.

[somedude81]

We keep bringing up this other stuff--the stuff we get you hate--because THAT is about dating too. A woman has to have respect/admiration for how you are living the rest of your life for her to want to stick around.

 

I am glad to hear you are staying on top of your math!

 

That said, getting back "on topic", the guys who went from "bad with women" to "good with women" were willing to consider viewpoints that didn't make sense to them. So I will ask you this: Are you even taking our suggestions/comments on these "field reports" about your interactions with women seriously? An example is that you find Girl B's behavior to be a complete mystery, but it wasn't so much of a mystery to the rest of us. In fact, clia broke it down pretty well where you might have turned her off. How would you handle a similar situation differently next time?

 

What do you think of KaliLove's post that possibly the girl wasn't interested in me at all and was just looking for a friend, then she got the idea that I'm interested in her as more than a friend so she is backing off?

 

Did you see the post I made where I ran into her outside the math lab?

[Imajerk17]

FWIW, I don't think you should be "friends" with women you are romantically interested in. I think that is a horrible strategy and so do most other people. You should instead go for dating these women.

 

HOWEVER some people are telling you that you should consider friendship with women you are not romantically into (AND men). Most of us meet our s/o's through our social network and a healthy social network will help your cause.

[Badsingularity]

 

That said, getting back "on topic", the guys who went from "bad with women" to "good with women" were willing to consider viewpoints that didn't make sense to them ?

 

This is very very true.

[xxoo]

Can't you guys understand that I would still be unhappy if all I do this year is make friends? Making friends with girls is easy and it's not what I'm looking for.

 

How come all of you want to be in relationships, yet I should stick with being friends only?

 

No one is saying you should stick with friends only.

 

Hard times are more bearable with friends. Good times are more fun with friends. Boyfriends are more attractive with friends. Strangers are less creepy with friends. Friends are social lubricant, and you could use some grease!

[Imajerk17]

No one is saying you should stick with friends only.

 

Hard times are more bearable with friends. Good times are more fun with friends. Boyfriends are more attractive with friends. Strangers are less creepy with friends. Friends are social lubricant, and you could use some grease!

 

Yes, a guy who doesn't have that kind of grease will probably will find himself needing too much of the other kind of grease!

 

Mind's in the gutter today.....

[Cristo]

No one is saying you should stick with friends only.

 

Hard times are more bearable with friends. Good times are more fun with friends. Boyfriends are more attractive with friends. Strangers are less creepy with friends. Friends are social lubricant, and you could use some grease!

 

There are ways to get girls without having legit friends. I've done it before. But you pretty much have to be a social ninja for that to happen.

[somedude81]

So I'm thinking of going out dancing tonight to the place where girl A is going to be. I don't have any goal in mind and just want to get out of the house and have something to talk about on Monday.

 

If I go, and she's there, how should I interact with her?

 

From what I understand she is going with other people but I don't know who. There's also a chance she could bring a guy with her.

Edited September 26, 2014 by somedude81

[Cristo]

So I'm thinking of going out dancing tonight to the place where girl A is going to be. I don't have any goal in mind and just want to get out of the house and have something to talk about on Monday.

 

If I go, and she's there, how should I interact with her?

 

From what I understand she is going with other people but I don't know who. There's also a chance she could bring a guy with her.

 

Just ask her out and be done with it. You're too scared to make a move.