Becoming more picky about looks?

[rester]

I did use jealous but it probably wasn't the right word.

 

I'm just annoyed that she seemed interested in me and did a complete 180.

 

During class on Monday I'm just going to tell her that I went dancing on Friday, had a lot of fun and that she should have come.

 

That crap annoys everyone. lol. It helps to let it go.

 

I don't know how you word things in real life, but just coming out and saying that you "went dancing on Friday, had a lot of fun and that she should have come," without it being worked into the conversation, sounds a little awkward and forced. It might be better to ask her if she had a nice weekend, and then work in what you did only when she shows some interest by asking you about your own weekend. Or saying something like, "you missed a good dance night on Friday."

 

Telling someone they "should do" this, or "should have done" that is off-putting. We're all guilty of it at some point, and yes I understand that in a way, I'm telling you that you shouldn't say "should".

 

If it sounds like I'm not giving you enough credit for your social skills, I apologize. Just trying to give some advice because you're always trying to figure out what to say to these women.

[somedude81]

That crap annoys everyone. lol. It helps to let it go.

 

I don't know how you word things in real life, but just coming out and saying that you "went dancing on Friday, had a lot of fun and that she should have come," without it being worked into the conversation, sounds a little awkward and forced. It might be better to ask her if she had a nice weekend, and then work in what you did only when she shows some interest by asking you about your own weekend. Or saying something like, "you missed a good dance night on Friday."

 

Telling someone they "should do" this, or "should have done" that is off-putting. We're all guilty of it at some point, and yes I understand that in a way, I'm telling you that you shouldn't say "should".

 

If it sounds like I'm not giving you enough credit for your social skills, I apologize. Just trying to give some advice because you're always trying to figure out what to say to these women.

 

When we rotate dancing with new people, all of us are struggling with what to say to each other so the default conversation on Monday's is, "Did you have a nice weekend?"

 

So I'll start that conversation with B and when she asks what I did, I'll tell her that I went dancing on Friday and had a lot of fun.

 

I'm hoping that by telling her that she should have come that she would want to go the next time we go out dancing. Though I'd probably have a better shot of having her go dancing with me, if I can get girl A to sell it to her.

 

Is there a better phrase I can use? "I would have liked you to come", or something like that sounds like I'm too invested.

[CrystalCastles]

Is there a better phrase I can use? "I would have liked you to come", or something like that sounds like I'm too invested.

 

No, that's not sounding too invested. If someone said that to me, I'd flattered that they want my company.

 

Don't overthink things and don't be afraid to be bold and assertive. If you want this girl, then be clear about it. No dancing around the bushes. I've always preferred it when a guy is bold and clear about what he wants. My female friends too. Its nice when a guy isn't afraid.

 

Good luck!

[xxoo]

"It was a lot of fun! Of course, it would've been even more fun with you there"

 

Keep it light, and smile.

[ufo8mycat]

 

Is there a better phrase I can use? "I would have liked you to come", or something like that sounds like I'm too invested.

 

Maybe ask her if she would like to join you next time?

 

In terms of the small talk, I don't like "did you have a nice weekend" as really, its a closed question.

 

I personally would use an approach of "hey, great to see you again, what did you get up to over the weekend?" If the question is reciprocated, see above.

[somedude81]

Alright I'm most definitely interested in A but I still can't tell if she could be interested in me or not.

 

She was much more friendly with me today than in the past.

 

Right away she told me that she can't go dancing this Friday because she's going home. She brought it up. I asked her if she can go out on Thursday and she said that she has to work on a project.

 

I asked her if that guy was her boyfriend, and she said "No, he's my dance partner." I still don't know if she has a boyfriend. I invited her to have lunch with me and she said she has to take off to work right away.

 

I'm planning on asking for her number on Wednesday, but I don't know if she will know that I'm asking because I'm interested.

 

I'm not sure what my next move with her is.

[Els]

 

I asked her if that guy was her boyfriend, and she said "No, he's my dance partner." I still don't know if she has a boyfriend. I invited her to have lunch with me and she said she has to take off to work right away.

 

I'm planning on asking for her number on Wednesday, but I don't know if she will know that I'm asking because I'm interested.

 

I think she knows you're interested, and she isn't.

 

I mean, in that situation, if she were single and interested in you, I think she would (1) take the opportunity to laugh and say, "No, I don't have a boyfriend", and (2) if she really had to take off to work she would say, "How about tomorrow" or "How about drinks tonight instead?"

 

Of course, all this isn't set in stone, so you can still ask for her number if you want, but that's just my gut feeling.

[somedude81]

I think she knows you're interested, and she isn't.

 

I mean, in that situation, if she were single and interested in you, I think she would (1) take the opportunity to laugh and say, "No, I don't have a boyfriend", and (2) if she really had to take off to work she would say, "How about tomorrow" or "How about drinks tonight instead?"

 

Of course, all this isn't set in stone, so you can still ask for her number if you want, but that's just my gut feeling.

 

Meh, I know she's not interested in me. No women are ever interested in me so that's not the question. I'm just wondering if there is some potential there.

 

#2 seems extremely unlikely even if she had a huge crush on me.

[Teknoe]

I think she knows you're interested, and she isn't.

 

I mean, in that situation, if she were single and interested in you, I think she would (1) take the opportunity to laugh and say, "No, I don't have a boyfriend", and (2) if she really had to take off to work she would say, "How about tomorrow" or "How about drinks tonight instead?"

 

Of course, all this isn't set in stone, so you can still ask for her number if you want, but that's just my gut feeling.

 

I have to agree with Elswyth here. Of course, we could well be wrong, but just based off what you shared, it sounds like she was just being cordial (after all, you guys are classmates). If she was interested, she would have counter-offered with a day she was free on.

 

You could still ask her out, though.

[Teknoe]

Meh, I know she's not interested in me.

 

 

Then I think you just answered your own question(s).

[Els]

Meh, I know she's not interested in me. No women are ever interested in me so that's not the question. I'm just wondering if there is some potential there.

 

#2 seems extremely unlikely even if she had a huge crush on me.

 

Well, if you still want to pursue her, it's your choice. Just make sure you can accept it nicely if she turns you down.

 

Most women I know who are interested would certainly counter-offer if a guy they liked asked them out but they couldn't make it.

[organizedchaos]

Meh, I know she's not interested in me. No women are ever interested in me so that's not the question. I'm just wondering if there is some potential there.

 

#2 seems extremely unlikely even if she had a huge crush on me.

 

If she's not interested, there is no potential. You offered two ideas to get together and she turned you down with no counter. Next time ask this way "let's have lunch soon, when are you free?" That way the ball is in her court to tell you when she's free to see you. See the difference? But asking for her number now is weird. You can try waiting a week and say "hey, how'd everything go with your project, blah, blah, blah...I'd still like to get lunch. When are you free?"

[somedude81]

Well, if you still want to pursue her, it's your choice. Just make sure you can accept it nicely if she turns you down.

 

Most women I know who are interested would certainly counter-offer if a guy they liked asked them out but they couldn't make it.

 

I have lots of experience with dealing with rejection. I'm not the kind to get mad about it in public. Though I'd probably make an angry post about women somewhere in the forum

 

If I gave up at this stage with every woman from now on, I might as well become a priest.

[somedude81]

If she's not interested, there is no potential. You offered two ideas to get together and she turned you down with no counter. Next time ask this way "let's have lunch soon, when are you free?" That way the ball is in her court to tell you when she's free to see you. See the difference? But asking for her number now is weird. You can try waiting a week and say "hey, how'd everything go with your project, blah, blah, blah...I'd still like to get lunch. When are you free?"

 

Thanks. I didn't think about the when are you free next question.

 

Just because she's not interested in me now, does not mean that she will always not be interested in me.

 

Plenty of women have talked about liking a guy over time. That's what I'm hoping can happen.

[Els]

I have lots of experience with dealing with rejection. I'm not the kind to get mad about it in public. Though I'd probably make an angry post about women somewhere in the forum

 

I actually meant your mental/emotional health, and your focus on school. As long as you are sure you could genuinely shrug the rejection off and not let it kill your next calculus test, then go ahead.

[somedude81]

I actually meant your mental/emotional health, and your focus on school. As long as you are sure you could genuinely shrug the rejection off and not let it kill your next calculus test, then go ahead.

 

My ex-girlfriend dumped me two weeks before my business statistics final and I was going through extreme mental and emotional pain. I still managed to pass the class.

 

Getting rejected by a girl isn't going to impact my schooling at all.

 

Of course I'd be angry and it would lower my confidence and all that stuff. But it's just a risk I have to take. It's all part of living.

[Teknoe]

If she's not interested, there is no potential. You offered two ideas to get together and she turned you down with no counter. Next time ask this way "let's have lunch soon, when are you free?" That way the ball is in her court to tell you when she's free to see you. See the difference? But asking for her number now is weird. You can try waiting a week and say "hey, how'd everything go with your project, blah, blah, blah...I'd still like to get lunch. When are you free?"

 

SD, listen to this. You've already put out feelers. Remember, if a girl likes you AT ALL romantically, even if she considers you a POSSIBILITY, any offer to hang out -- if she can't make the date you propose then surely she would counter offer.

 

All too often we disregard the most common sense stuff right in front of our eyes because our emotions get the worse of us. And we give our crush the benefit of the doubt.

 

No, trust us. If a girl likes you romantically, even remotely, then she will respond to the feelers you have put out for her. This girl hasn't, so I'd chalk it up as no potential and move on. You threw her a nice fat pitch to hit, and she chose not to swing the bat.

 

You can try again, but if I were you I'd just leave it be and move on.

 

You did nothing wrong. Just a case of one party (you) was interested, but the other (her) was not. Giving her up doesn't mean you're giving up. Plenty of other fish out there, man.

[organizedchaos]

SD, listen to this. You've already put out feelers. Remember, if a girl likes you AT ALL romantically, even if she considers you a POSSIBILITY, any offer to hang out -- if she can't make the date you propose then surely she would counter offer.

 

All too often we disregard the most common sense stuff right in front of our eyes because our emotions get the worse of us. And we give our crush the benefit of the doubt.

 

No, trust us. If a girl likes you romantically, even remotely, then she will respond to the feelers you have put out for her. This girl hasn't, so I'd chalk it up as no potential and move on. You threw her a nice fat pitch to hit, and she chose not to swing the bat.

 

You can try again, but if I were you I'd just leave it be and move on.

 

You did nothing wrong. Just a case of one party (you) was interested, but the other (her) was not. Giving her up doesn't mean you're giving up. Plenty of other fish out there, man.

 

Exactly. Don't be that guy who can't take a hint. Don't waste time pursuing someone you have to convince to go out with you. Who wants that? If a girl doesn't immediately say yes, I'm not wasting my time pursuing.

[organizedchaos]

Thanks. I didn't think about the when are you free next question.

 

Just because she's not interested in me now, does not mean that she will always not be interested in me.

 

Plenty of women have talked about liking a guy over time. That's what I'm hoping can happen.

 

As I just said above, don't be that guy. Don't waste your time "hoping" she eventually likes you. If she doesn't say yes, move on.

 

And as for the "when are you free" line, say it like that. Don't say "let me know when you're free." That's wishy washy and she now has an out by never getting back to you and you have to follow up. "When are you free?" demands an immediate answer and shows confidence that you want to see her and you want to know when, right now. She can't give you an answer right away, your time is too valuable as well. Her loss.

[Teknoe]

As I just said above, don't be that guy. Don't waste your time "hoping" she eventually likes you. If she doesn't say yes, move on.

 

+1

 

Rather than going after girls who show no interest, you should be asking out girls who do show an interest. Girl B was a perfect example. Why ask someone out when you know 99.9% they are going to reject you? Sometimes I feel people who say they want to be in a relationship then go and do the most unproductive things with regards to trying to get into a relationship. These people often go for girls who are emotionally unavailable or completely out of their league. Meanwhile, there are girls they could date, but they choose not to. And so, they remain single for years on end. Always going after the girls that reject them.

 

And the cycle repeats.

 

Not a place you want to fall in, SD.

[MidwestUSA]

As I just said above, don't be that guy. Don't waste your time "hoping" she eventually likes you. If she doesn't say yes, move on.

 

So much to this!

 

If it seems like she's deliberately avoiding you, don't push. If a guy ran three possible 'dates' past me during an early conversation, and I wasn't interested, I'd be on high alert, knowing that he's coming back to try again. I'd stay away from him, dreading the inevitable.

 

I suspect you'll have your answer pretty quickly next time you see her.

[somedude81]

Since pretty much every girl I'm interested in, will not be interested in me, what do you guys suggest I do?

[sillyanswer]

Since pretty much every girl I'm interested in, will not be interested in me, what do you guys suggest I do?

 

I believe one or two suggestions have been made in the past...

[somedude81]

I believe one or two suggestions have been made in the past...

 

Do you want to read six years of posts for me and point them out?

[xxoo]

Since pretty much every girl I'm interested in, will not be interested in me, what do you guys suggest I do?

 

Keep working on the things that will make you more attractive to women: school, career, social network.