Becoming more picky about looks?

[somedude81]

Keep working on the things that will make you more attractive to women: school, career, social network.

 

How do I know that I'm good enough for women to like me? When is that going to happen?

 

Do I have to be making $90k a year and throw a party every weekend to finally have women start saying yes to me?

[MidwestUSA]

How do I know that I'm good enough for women to like me? When is that going to happen?

 

Do I have to be making $90k a year and throw a party every weekend to finally have women start saying yes to me?

 

 

 

Why would you think you have to go from one extreme to another? One step at a time.

[serial muse]

How do I know that I'm good enough for women to like me? When is that going to happen?

 

Do I have to be making $90k a year and throw a party every weekend to finally have women start saying yes to me?

 

I mean, there is some middle ground there. Nobody's saying you need to be making $90K a year or be a social butterfly.

 

Edited to add: Yeah, what Midwest said.

[sillyanswer]

Do you want to read six years of posts for me and point them out?

 

You can't afford my day rate for that.

 

Luckily I'm thinking of just this thread, so you don't have to cast your mind back too far. It's a topic that you explicitly said you didn't want people to mention again in this thread, so I'll leave you to go and find it.

[somedude81]

Why would you think you have to go from one extreme to another? One step at a time.

 

Because that's the impression I'm getting.

 

No matter what I do I'm not good enough.

 

This girl that I'm interested in right now, how would me having a career and a ton of friends impact anything?

 

If I said, me and my ten best friends are going salsa dancing and I'm going to pick you up in my Mercedes, would you like to come?" would she say yes?

 

The advice I'm getting here is so frustrating.

[clia]

Since pretty much every girl I'm interested in, will not be interested in me, what do you guys suggest I do?

 

It's one girl. Why do you think this girl isn't interested in you? Is there anything you can do to make yourself more attractive so that the girls like this one, who you are interested in, will be interested in you?

 

Dating is a huge numbers game. The reality is that most people -- men and women -- don't just meet one person, ask them out, and magically get into a relationship. There are a lot of moving parts and unknowns.

 

All you can do is move on to the next girl, and the next, and the next, and eventually you will probably find a girl who will go on a date with you.

[xxoo]

Look at the guys who get their attention and interest. Do they drive a Mercedes? Likely not.

 

What do they have that you don't have? What are they doing that you don't do?

[BlueIris]

…

Getting rejected by a girl isn't going to impact my schooling at all.

 

Of course I'd be angry and it would lower my confidence and all that stuff. But it's just a risk I have to take. It's all part of living.

 

You don’t have to be angry or have it lower your confidence. That’s not “part of living.” It might be part of your mindset and view of women and relationship, but it’s not inevitable or necessary.

 

Since pretty much every girl I'm interested in, will not be interested in me, what do you guys suggest I do?

 

Change your attitude toward women, relationship and yourself.

 

You reject so many suggestions and so much advice! You’ve been told to get to know other people so you can learn to appreciate and enjoy people for more and different reasons. You reject that people can tell what your perspective and personality are like in real life, saying that women aren’t psychic- they can’t tell what you’re like in real life. You reject that some women form attraction through personal interaction and enjoying each other. Nope, you insist that women are about height, money, good looks, and game, dammit. You reject everything outside your own belief system and continue to use the target-and-approach method on virtual strangers that just does not work for you and then you throw up your hands and say, “what do I do?!?!”

 

You’ve been told ways to change and try but you reject it. You’re very stubborn, SD. You might wrap it in sadness but it really is stubbornness.

 

What’s been suggested requires change by you, and far more change than just new lines or new phrasing or new approach strategies.

 

While you're in school, it would be a good idea to get into counseling, through the school, which is often free or subsidized. You keep doing the same things and thinking the same way and are frustrated that you don't get the results you want. Counseling would help with that.

[somedude81]

It's one girl. Why do you think this girl isn't interested in you? Is there anything you can do to make yourself more attractive so that the girls like this one, who you are interested in, will be interested in you?

 

Dating is a huge numbers game. The reality is that most people -- men and women -- don't just meet one person, ask them out, and magically get into a relationship. There are a lot of moving parts and unknowns.

 

All you can do is move on to the next girl, and the next, and the next, and eventually you will probably find a girl who will go on a date with you.

 

Clia, I've been rejected by many women throughout my life. Yes, she is just one girl. But in the grand scheme of things, she will be like #25 to reject me. Then down the line I'll get rejected by #46. BTW every girl that I get rejected by is not just some random girl. Every girl that I keep track of has been at least an acquaintance. Getting rejected by girls that I at least know this much really breaks me down.

 

I don't have a clue why this girl isn't interested in me. I don't know what I could have done differently with her.

[somedude81]

Look at the guys who get their attention and interest. Do they drive a Mercedes? Likely not.

 

No, I doubt that any of the guys that get the girls attention and interest are financially well off. That was me making the point that having a career is irrelevant at this stage. None of the guys are flashing money at the girls and yet the girls are still interested.

 

Having a bunch of friends is also something that doesn't matter this early. I seriously doubt she would even care that if I have a large social circle or not if she isn't interested in me now. It would be irrelevant to her. Based on what we've talked about so far she has absolutely no clue what my social life is like.

 

What do they have that you don't have? What are they doing that you don't do?

 

Honestly the only thing I can think of as to why guys are doing better than me, and what they have that I don't. They are simply more physically attractive than I am. Nothing else makes any sense.

[xxoo]

No, I doubt that any of the guys that get the girls attention and interest are financially well off. That was me making the point that having a career is irrelevant at this stage. None of the guys are flashing money at the girls and yet the girls are still interested.

 

Having a bunch of friends is also something that doesn't matter this early. I seriously doubt she would even care that if I have a large social circle or not if she isn't interested in me now. It would be irrelevant to her. Based on what we've talked about so far she has absolutely no clue what my social life is like.

 

 

 

Honestly the only thing I can think of as to why guys are doing better than me, and what they have that I don't. They are simply more physically attractive than I am. Nothing else makes any sense.

 

You're arguing small points, but you don't see the big picture.

 

These guys have the advantage of social confidence that comes from being a 22 year old in college, soon to graduate with the whole world on your plate.

 

You could have the advantage of social confidence, too. But you need to work on it. And yes, confidence comes from success. Work on getting your life in order, your confidence up, and women will notice a difference.

[MidwestUSA]

Let's go back to the day you talked to her.

 

You asked about Friday. She's going home. Good response, 'Oh, where's home? Do you live with your mom and dad? How many brothers/sisters do you have?'

 

You went straight to the next day. She's working on a project. 'For a class? What kind of project? Anything I can help you with? Sounds fascinating.'

 

Again, you went straight to lunch. 'Where do you work? How many hours a week do you put in? How does it impact your studying?'.

 

Apologies if you did these and didn't mention it here.

 

These things lead to you telling about your home life, your projects/hobbies, and your interesting work experiences.

 

Point is, I hope you're trying to learn a little bit about someone, rather than jumping right to asking them out.

[somedude81]

So then it all comes back to the magical confidence.

 

Yes confidence goes up with success. And it also goes down with failure. Have enough significant failures in ones life, and confidence becomes a very difficult thing to have.

 

My life won't be in order at least until January, and I simply don't want to wait that long. There has to be something I can do now.

[somedude81]

Let's go back to the day you talked to her.

 

You asked about Friday. She's going home. Good response, 'Oh, where's home? Do you live with your mom and dad? How many brothers/sisters do you have?'

 

You went straight to the next day. She's working on a project. 'For a class? What kind of project? Anything I can help you with? Sounds fascinating.'

 

Again, you went straight to lunch. 'Where do you work? How many hours a week do you put in? How does it impact your studying?'.

 

Apologies if you did these and didn't mention it here.

 

These things lead to you telling about your home life, your projects/hobbies, and your interesting work experiences.

 

Point is, I hope you're trying to learn a little bit about someone, rather than jumping right to asking them out.

 

Home is in some other city I don't remember where.

 

Right now she lives with her sister.

 

She's working on a project for an interior design class which is also her major.

 

I didn't ask her about where she works.

[somedude81]

You don’t have to be angry or have it lower your confidence. That’s not “part of living.” It might be part of your mindset and view of women and relationship, but it’s not inevitable or necessary.

 

You misunderstood.

 

The taking the risk of asking out women and getting rejected is just a part of living.

 

Change your attitude toward women, relationship and yourself.

 

You reject so many suggestions and so much advice! You’ve been told to get to know other people so you can learn to appreciate and enjoy people for more and different reasons.

 

I've always been doing that. I don't know if I've said that I've been doing it, but it's just something I do by default.

 

You reject that people can tell what your perspective and personality are like in real life, saying that women aren’t psychic- they can’t tell what you’re like in real life.

 

That's not advice.

 

And it something I completely disagree with. If I was as negative and as much as a user as you guys seem to think I am, I would never be able to get as close to women as I do. Also, women get played far too often by sleazy guys for me to believe that they can tell what kind of guys people are.

 

You reject that some women form attraction through personal interaction and enjoying each other.

 

LOL no. I don't reject that at all. That's actually what I hope to happen with women. I want this girl to become attracted to me through out interactions and enjoying my company.

 

Nope, you insist that women are about height, money, good looks, and game, dammit.

 

That is what I fear women are all about. I hope that I'm wrong in this area and that they care more about looks and money.

 

You reject everything outside your own belief system and continue to use the target-and-approach method on virtual strangers that just does not work for you and then you throw up your hands and say, “what do I do?!?!”

 

If girls I meet in class for two hours a week are virtual strangers, then who should I be pursuing?

 

 

What’s been suggested requires change by you, and far more change than just new lines or new phrasing or new approach strategies.

 

Actually the new lines and approach strategies can make the biggest difference from me.

 

The only thing people have been talking about that requires change by me is to graduate, which I'm working on. And to make more friends.

 

While you're in school, it would be a good idea to get into counseling, through the school, which is often free or subsidized. You keep doing the same things and thinking the same way and are frustrated that you don't get the results you want. Counseling would help with that.

 

I've been in counseling for about a month.

Edited September 30, 2014 by somedude81

[clia]

Honestly the only thing I can think of as to why guys are doing better than me, and what they have that I don't. They are simply more physically attractive than I am. Nothing else makes any sense.

 

Okay, let's assume this is the answer. She is not interested because you are not physically attractive enough for her. What can you do about that?

[xxoo]

My life won't be in order at least until January, and I simply don't want to wait that long. There has to be something I can do now.

 

You're life isn't going to be magically in order in January, either.

 

What you can do right now: volunteer, or search for an internship, so that you can improve your resume and increase the odds of your life shaping up faster.

 

Yes, this step may also help you with women in the now. Your attitude will be steadily change as your confidence develops.

[AD1980]

Okay, let's assume this is the answer. She is not interested because you are not physically attractive enough for her. What can you do about that?

 

Move on what else can he do? Get plastic surgery?

[organizedchaos]

My life won't be in order at least until January, and I simply don't want to wait that long. There has to be something I can do now.

 

You cannot force this to happen. Getting a relationship is not like buying a car. You cannot say "I want a gf by January" and expect that it will just happen. There are so many variables.

[somedude81]

Okay, let's assume this is the answer. She is not interested because you are not physically attractive enough for her. What can you do about that?

 

I don't know.

 

Try to be funnier or more confident around her?

[somedude81]

You're life isn't going to be magically in order in January, either.

 

What you can do right now: volunteer, or search for an internship, so that you can improve your resume and increase the odds of your life shaping up faster.

 

Yes, this step may also help you with women in the now. Your attitude will be steadily change as your confidence develops.

 

You missed the point of my post.

 

I don't want to wait until next year to start dating.

 

My ex dumped me at December 4th 2013. I've been single since then. There is no reason why I would have to be single for the entire year.

[tatersalad]

I don't know.

 

Try to be funnier or more confident around her?

 

Girls like guys that are confident and fun to be around. they also love a funny guy.

 

Are you a naturally funny and joking around type of guy?

 

If not, try to add a few more jokes to your reputare, but don't over do it. women can tell if a guy is masking insecurities by making everything in to a joke.

 

Confidence is key.

[xxoo]

You missed the point of my post.

 

I don't want to wait until next year to start dating.

 

My ex dumped me at December 4th 2013. I've been single since then. There is no reason why I would have to be single for the entire year.

 

What does that mean "there is no reason". If there is no reason, why are you currently single?

 

Of course there is "no reason" except that you haven't managed to find an interested partner yet. I'm trying to guide you in ways that will help you BE more attractive to the women you desire. It doesn't happen overnight!

[sid3]

There is no reason why I would have to be single for the entire year.

 

Seems like the topic of your thread would be reason number one. I'll spare you with the dozens of others I can come up with. Just keep in mind, a women with small breasts can likely make you equally as happy as a woman with large breasts.

[somedude81]

FU*K!

 

The tutor has a boyfriend.

 

I talked to her for around 20 minutes today and the topic wasn't remotely about math. We mainly talked about her two week vacation in Yellowstone with her family. I asked her what she mainly did there and she said a lot of hiking. I asked if she did any hiking around here. Then she said something about her going on hiking trips with her family. I clarified and asked if she did any close hiking in the nearby area, and she said nope. I mentioned that there was a spot close by and she said that her sister went there. She had plenty of opportunities to mention a boyfriend.

 

She does the math tutoring as normal and being super friendly. I decide that I'm going to leave the same time as her and see if she wants to get dinner together.

 

We walk out together and I ask her what she's going to do next, and she says that's just going to hang around for a while. I ask her if she's got any plans, and then she says that she's going to take off to X beach city because her boyfriend just arrived on a ship and he's in the Navy.

 

And that explains why she didn't mention her boyfriend in the conversation.

 

That's the third girl so far that I was interested in who turned out to have a boyfriend. This fu*king cycle keeps repeating. Girls who are nice and friendly to me all have boyfriends. I bet the final girl I'm interested in has a boyfriend, but she just hasn't felt like mentioned it yet. Of course what's the point because as everybody here is telling me, she isn't interested in me.

 

I can already see the end result of this semester. I graduate college without going on a single fu*king date.

 

I'm extremely pissed off right now.