Becoming more picky about looks?

[somedude81]

The amount of money someone is making doesn't necessarily matter, but if that someone is 32, has been in college for 10 years and is making zero money and is living off a private loan, chances are it does matter.

 

That being said, I'm with HeartDesires - although not about the money. My thought is, can you afford the time to have a gf right now? If you're already struggling so badly with your calculus homework while single and not doing anything else, what do you think will happen when you have a girlfriend who's around a lot? Will you have the strength to tell her 'no' when she wants to come to your place the day before a big exam? Will you be able to delay gratification and think about the long term? Given the precedents you have set, my guess is no.

 

With the way homework is assigned, I actually have weekends free. Homework is due Tuesday and Thursday and it's not possible to start the homework before the day before it's due. Beyond that I can figure things out.

 

BTW, don't forget that I did have a girlfriend last year when I was in school and taking a very hard class. I had no problem telling her that we couldn't spend time together because I needed to study. She was of course very understanding about that. I'm certain that any girl I meet in school would understand that school comes first.

[Kid_Charlemange]

What reasonable woman gives a rip that your car is 7 years old? Honestly!? My truck is 9 years old and it's a damn good truck.

 

I'd wager that a majority of women around 50 would. Not all, but a supermajority at minimum.

 

The point is - no one should see a girlfriend as an expense. As long as someone has their bills paid, rent paid, and food in the fridge, there's no reason for "I can't afford a girlfriend" to even be a thing.

 

At his age, no. At other ages, absolutely, positively, and without question, it is a barrier.

[lollipopspot]

I'd wager that a majority of women around 50 would. Not all, but a supermajority at minimum.

 

I disagree with this. I do not think most 50 year old women would care that a guy's car is 7 years old. The average time for Americans to keep a car is about 11.5 years.

[Teknoe]

You asked for advice on how to attract women better.

 

What do you think of these 7 tips? I saw you liked a post talking about Meet Up groups. You should check it out and give that a shot. What have you got to lose?

 

 

1. Gain more life experience. This helps to shape your perspective on humans and the world. This helps you with girls because it can give you stories to share. Having fun stories to share is never a bad thing

 

2. Get fit. Never hurts. And you'll feel better.

 

3. Change up your clothes. I don't know what kind of clothes you wear, but you could go shopping for some clothes that you feel accentuate your best features. Wearing clothes we feel good in can go a long way.

 

3a. You know, having a female friend who can go shopping with you might help. I have gone shopping with female friends before where they told me what they thought I looked best wearing. And then I bought those clothes. See, having strictly platonic friends can help. It's healthy.

 

4. Graduate.

 

5. Get a decent paying job. Set yourself up for some security. How can you take care of another person when you can barely take care of yourself, money wise?

 

6. Increase your social capital. Sorry, I know you hate this one, but it doesn't change the fact that it's true. Most women are attracted to charismatic guys. You don't have to be the life of the party, but having connections here and there can only help, and not hurt you.

 

7. Check out some meet up groups. You live in SoCal. It's teeming with meet up groups of people 30-35 i.e. more in your age range. I know you have the early 20's fantasy thing going, but as someone said earlier, father time stops for no one. The older you get, the harder it becomes to find a Sophia part II. It's time to start looking at women closer to your age.

 

Where? Meet ups is one place where you can do this

[Kid_Charlemange]

I disagree with this. I do not think most 50 year old women would care that a guy's car is 7 years old. The average time for Americans to keep a car is about 11.5 years.

 

But who wants to date someone average?

 

Ha.

 

OK, you have a point -- and I looked up the figure, and you're right.

 

My car is seven years old, but it's a pretty nice one, an Acura TL Type S. 6-speed manual, too. So maybe the car thing isn't as big as I said it was.

 

I do think the income bit it, is however, as is the disposable income. Fact is, when I see a woman's profile and it shows her all around the world, I move on -- I can't drop $10,000 on a vacation to Mali, or Bali, or Machu Pichu. Not right now.

[somedude81]

What don't you like about her face?

 

Something just seems off about her bone structure and face shape. She just doesn't look feminine.

 

Anybody could tell right away with a picture.

 

The rest of her body is fine.

[somedude81]

You asked for advice on how to attract women better.

 

What do you think of these 7 tips? I saw you liked a post talking about Meet Up groups. You should check it out and give that a shot. What have you got to lose?

 

I'm working on getting fit now and have been for a few months.

 

My clothing and style is fine. My ex really helped me on that area.

 

1, 4-6 will just happen over time.

 

Meet ups have always been something in the back of my head. Though I don't consider 30-35 my age range. I'm not ready to give up on the younger women.

[somedude81]

Phoe, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but your opinion doesn't really count here. You are the exception to the dating rule. In my history of dating, I have never once dated a girl that didn't cost me any money. Maybe you really are that low maintenance that a guy doesn't have to spend any money to be with you, but 99.9999% of the other women out there will definitely cost a guy some cash. Your boyfriend is a lucky guy.

 

Many women will be cool doing free stuff together on occasion, but if a guy never spends any money on her, she will not be happy about it. I read enough posts on these forums that describe that very thing.

 

Some cash isn't the same thing as expensive though.

 

Yeah when I was with my ex I was spending more money than I do when I was single. Most of it was from eating out and going to various events that I wouldn't do by myself.

 

But she didn't require me to take her to fancy restaurants of buy her expensive gifts. She was very money conscious.

[HeartDesires]

While I agree that getting a job is going to be a crucial thing, I must disagree about the "being able to afford one" bit.

 

Why does a girlfriend have to be expensive? There are so many things in the world that are free and fun. There's no actual need to be spending money on a girl.

 

I'm not an expensive girlfriend. Money doesn't have to be spent on me at all.

 

Where did I say having a girlfriend has to be "expensive"?....I was curious to know how OP planned to participate in shared activities that are simple in nature i.e. going to a movie,enjoying some ice-cream, Starbucks, seeing a play, attending live entertainment shows, having fun at an amusement park etc etc, when he has no job and zero funds

[thefooloftheyear]

Some cash isn't the same thing as expensive though.

 

Yeah when I was with my ex I was spending more money than I do when I was single. Most of it was from eating out and going to various events that I wouldn't do by myself.

 

But she didn't require me to take her to fancy restaurants of buy her expensive gifts. She was very money conscious.

 

 

Most girls that age really arent mature enough and dont think that far ahead(finances. kids, living arrangements, etc)...Thats why it wasnt an issue...Or maybe it was amd she chose not to tell you that when she bailed.

 

Its not about greed or irresponsibility...Its inherent of mature women to "nest"....As such, even a meager adult existence requires money...Not necessarily big money, but it takes money...And most mature women are concernced if a guy isnt at least able to earn the type of money to sustain the basics of life...

 

If your thinking is to try to find one that doesnt buy into this, then you are just continuing to narrow your pool smaller than it already is..

 

TFY

[Phoe]

Phoe, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but your opinion doesn't really count here. You are the exception to the dating rule.

 

I will always accept that I am less common, but will never accept being told that my opinion just plain does not count.

 

I am not the only woman on this planet who feels this way. I'm not even the only woman on this forum who thinks this way.

 

I could easily name off a number of female posters who are very similar to me in many ways.

 

We're a bit different from the norm, but that's good right? So why not actually take heed and find value in the things we say? Do you want to cater to the 90% percent whose behavior is kinda ridiculous, or hold out and believe in that 10% that is different?

[Phoe]

Most girls that age really arent mature enough and dont think that far ahead(finances. kids, living arrangements, etc)...Thats why it wasnt an issue...Or maybe it was amd she chose not to tell you that when she bailed.

 

See I have the opposite opinion. I don't see my disinterest in money as being immature at all.

 

Once marriage is on the table, yes, stability is a necessity due to living expenses and children. But when just dating, that's not a necessity. Yes, thinking to the future is something that always needs to be done (don't insinuate that Im not thinking very far ahead).

 

But money isn't needed to start a relationship. Fancy restaurants and gifts are useless. If a man has a plan, is making progress towards stability, then that is enough. If I was in a relationship where the man made no progress and had no intentions of being capable of supporting his end for living expenses or contributing towards children, then the relationship would not continue, because there'd never be a chance of marriage working.

 

He never needs to be able to pay for ME. if he can pay his bills, contribute to rent, contribute to kids and living expenses, then that is stable in my eyes. Not a single cent needs to go towards me. Just towards joint/shared expenses.

[somedude81]

Where did I say having a girlfriend has to be "expensive"?....I was curious to know how OP planned to participate in shared activities that are simple in nature i.e. going to a movie,enjoying some ice-cream, Starbucks, seeing a play, attending live entertainment shows, having fun at an amusement park etc etc, when he has no job and zero funds

 

I can do all those things with the money I have, I just have to be careful not to go overboard. I don't have zero funds.

 

The only real expensive thing you listed was an amusement park, and even then there are promos to take advantage of.

 

I'm very good at being frugal.

 

Most girls that age really arent mature enough and dont think that far ahead(finances. kids, living arrangements, etc)...Thats why it wasnt an issue...Or maybe it was amd she chose not to tell you that when she bailed.

 

Its not about greed or irresponsibility...Its inherent of mature women to "nest"....As such, even a meager adult existence requires money...Not necessarily big money, but it takes money...And most mature women are concernced if a guy isnt at least able to earn the type of money to sustain the basics of life...

 

If your thinking is to try to find one that doesnt buy into this, then you are just continuing to narrow your pool smaller than it already is..

 

TFY

 

Money matters was one thing my ex was very mature about. Possibly more mature than I was.

 

I was sad that she canceled future plans to go to Disneyland because she just took out a substantial student loan to pay for a private nursing school. I was super excited about going with her but she didn't think it made financial sense to do so. Disneyland is also hella expensive so it makes sense.

 

I don't know what the rest of your post is trying to say.

 

I don't plan on being poor for much longer. Any woman I date in college should have a pretty good idea that I'm a college guy and not made of money.

[somedude81]

See I have the opposite opinion. I don't see my disinterest in money as being immature at all.

 

Once marriage is on the table, yes, stability is a necessity due to living expenses and children. But when just dating, that's not a necessity. Yes, thinking to the future is something that always needs to be done (don't insinuate that Im not thinking very far ahead).

 

But money isn't needed to start a relationship. Fancy restaurants and gifts are useless. If a man has a plan, is making progress towards stability, then that is enough. If I was in a relationship where the man made no progress and had no intentions of being capable of supporting his end for living expenses or contributing towards children, then the relationship would not continue, because there'd never be a chance of marriage working.

 

He never needs to be able to pay for ME. if he can pay his bills, contribute to rent, contribute to kids and living expenses, then that is stable in my eyes. Not a single cent needs to go towards me. Just towards joint/shared expenses.

 

You should clone yourself and sell them. You'd be super rich in no time.

 

Of course I mean that in the least creepiest way possible. Which is probably still extremely creepy

[Phoe]

I don't plan on being poor for much longer. Any woman I date in college should have a pretty good idea that I'm a college guy and not made of money.

 

I hate to say this, but it's really gonna depend on the girl.

 

I went college at UCSB just a few years ago and encountered some VERY spendy and money dependent types. I lived in a house with an absolute spoiled brat. She had a ridiculously expensive pair of manolo blahniks (not sure if I'm spelling that right) that were from sex and the city (never watched it) that she never wore, but kept on display in her room. Wtf? We also had biweekly chores in the house and every 2 weeks each girl would get a different chore to take care of for those 2 weeks before it rotated to a new chore. She never did her chore herself. She hired a Hispanic lady down the street to come into our home and do her chore. She wouldn't take out the trash herself. Wouldn't vacuum the living room herself. Nope. Handed out cash instead. Ugh.

[thefooloftheyear]

See I have the opposite opinion. I don't see my disinterest in money as being immature at all.

 

Once marriage is on the table, yes, stability is a necessity due to living expenses and children. But when just dating, that's not a necessity. Yes, thinking to the future is something that always needs to be done (don't insinuate that Im not thinking very far ahead).

 

But money isn't needed to start a relationship. Fancy restaurants and gifts are useless. If a man has a plan, is making progress towards stability, then that is enough. If I was in a relationship where the man made no progress and had no intentions of being capable of supporting his end for living expenses or contributing towards children, then the relationship would not continue, because there'd never be a chance of marriage working.

 

He never needs to be able to pay for ME. if he can pay his bills, contribute to rent, contribute to kids and living expenses, then that is stable in my eyes. Not a single cent needs to go towards me. Just towards joint/shared expenses.

 

 

You're making a lot of sense, and I am sure you will make some slacker pretty damn happy....:laugh:

 

All kidding aside..

 

Id have to agree with enigma..Your philosophy here isnt typical of a "mature" woman...Not being critical, I say this with the utmost respect....Even though so many things have changed over the last few decades, most women in your age bracket are still thinking a house, maybe kids, building a life with someone, etc... Takes money....And the added dynamic of kids usually mean that even if they dont decide to be a SAHM, they want to know that the option is there ...And that will fall on the guy..

 

And its also been my experience that even though its not about how much, a woman wants to know that a guy has some drive and ambition..Money is just the by product of those traits...

 

.02

 

TFY

[Phoe]

You should clone yourself and sell them. You'd be super rich in no time.

 

Of course I mean that in the least creepiest way possible. Which is probably still extremely creepy

 

You mean sell the clones?

 

LOL while the legal ramifications of selling humans is shady to say the least, I don't envision anyone wanting to spend money, to have a girl you don't have to spend money on. Defeats the purpose, eh?

[somedude81]

I hate to say this, but it's really gonna depend on the girl.

 

I went college at UCSB just a few years ago and encountered some VERY spendy and money dependent types. I lived in a house with an absolute spoiled brat. She had a ridiculously expensive pair of manolo blahniks (not sure if I'm spelling that right) that were from sex and the city (never watched it) that she never wore, but kept on display in her room. Wtf? We also had biweekly chores in the house and every 2 weeks each girl would get a different chore to take care of for those 2 weeks before it rotated to a new chore. She never did her chore herself. She hired a Hispanic lady down the street to come into our home and do her chore. She wouldn't take out the trash herself. Wouldn't vacuum the living room herself. Nope. Handed out cash instead. Ugh.

 

ROFL! Are you for real?

 

She sounds like a TV character.

 

Honestly though, a girl like that would probably take one look at me, especially the clothes I'm wearing and say "Nope."

 

If I manged to actually get a date with her, after she saw my place and car she should know what she's dealing with. If she still expected me to throw money at her, she'd have to be an idiot.

[somedude81]

You mean sell the clones?

 

LOL while the legal ramifications of selling humans is shady to say the least, I don't envision anyone wanting to spend money, to have a girl you don't have to spend money on. Defeats the purpose, eh?

 

Hah, total logic fail on my part.

 

Though it's the same thing as spending $60,000 on a hybrid car to save money on gas

 

I even had a name for the business, "Phoes for Joe's."

 

[somedude81]

Perhaps I should have worded things differently. Of course your opinion counts, it's just that if you truly feel this way, your opinion on this will be so rare that most guys will never encounter another woman who shares it.

 

 

 

Yes, I generally think different is good, this example included. I do think your figures are way off though.

 

My girlfriend would probably agree with you if I asked her. In a way, she is right, but in reality she is not.

 

I've known other women that don't think it costs any money to see them. Like you said, many things are free. However, if a guy ever wants to do anything that costs money, who is going to pay? When guys don't offer to pay for things, we get called cheap, a loser, ect.

 

Maybe SomeDude can find a girl that's happy sitting around watching Netflix every day, or taking walks around whatever free parks they have, but the vast majority of women I've met would quickly get bored with all that, and expect to be taken out to some dinners and shows.

 

Of course I'd still take the girl I'm dating to dinner and shows. Did you read my post that was in response to you?

 

I'm just not going to take a girl to a place where food is $50 a plate or to a $200 concert.

 

Any girl who expects that from me is simply not the person for me.

Edited September 23, 2014 by somedude81

[Phoe]

most women in your age bracket are still thinking a house, maybe kids, building a life with someone, etc... Takes money....

 

I feel like you're ignoring what I've already stated twice, and must now say for a third time.

 

Yes, thinking ahead to house and kids and living expenses is always happening. But just because a man isn't capable of that RIGHT THIS MINUTE doesn't mean that he won't be capable of it ever, and doesn't mean there can't still be a really great relationship while both parties progress towards that level of stability.

 

If a man showed 0 potential, 0 desire for moving towards that, there would be no relationship, because I could never be married to someone who can't ever help pay rent.

 

For example, my boyfriend has a job and goes to school. He makes more than me, but it's not enough for shared living expenses or marriage. But he has a plan, keeps getting raises, keeps getting promoted, keeps moving up and working hard, and is pursuing several degrees. Sure, RIGHT NOW, we would not have stability. But 2 or 3 years from now? Absolutely. We both would be stable and able to live comfortably.

 

The ENTIRE point that I've been trying to make, is that he doesn't have to spend money on ME. I don't need fancy dates and gifts! I DO need him to show that he will someday soon be capable of a stable comfortable family life. That is all

[Phoe]

 

I even had a name for the business, "Phoes for Joe's."

 

 

LOL oh god no!

[Teknoe]

Meet ups have always been something in the back of my head. Though I don't consider 30-35 my age range. I'm not ready to give up on the younger women.

 

You said your weekends are currently free.

 

You're a 10 second Google search away from making Saturday night plans. I'd advise to do it sooner than later, because human nature for "I'll get around to it" matters usually end up being "Oh, it just never happened... I got busy..."

 

So sooner you just do it, the better off you'll be.

 

You don't have to give up on the younger women. Just would be nice if you were more open minded to women closer to your age.

[Phoe]

Maybe SomeDude can find a girl that's happy sitting around watching Netflix every day, or taking walks around whatever free parks they have, but the vast majority of women I've met would quickly get bored with all that, and expect to be taken out to some dinners and shows.

 

Why is there no middle ground?

 

Why is it either "happy to stay at home doing nothing" or "requires being taken out and having money spent"

 

I like doing things. I do not want to sit at home. But there are many free activities in the world, and most of all, I do not expect that a man spend money to keep me entertained.

 

If I want to go to some fancy dinner or show, I'm damn well Gonna pay for myself rather than expect someone else to spend hard earned money making sure my entertainment needs are appeased. How utterly useless.

 

Point is - just have a plan SD. and then have a backup plan. Work hard, make progress. That's all.

[Teknoe]

Why is there no middle ground?

 

Why is it either "happy to stay at home doing nothing" or "requires being taken out and having money spent"

 

I like doing things. I do not want to sit at home. But there are many free activities in the world, and most of all, I do not expect that a man spend money to keep me entertained.

 

If I want to go to some fancy dinner or show, I'm damn well Gonna pay for myself rather than expect someone else to spend hard earned money making sure my entertainment needs are appeased. How utterly useless.

 

Point is - just have a plan SD. and then have a backup plan. Work hard, make progress. That's all.

 

From my experience, you (and girls like you) are in the minority. I wish more women had the same money conscious mentality as you do!

 

So many people nowadays (not just women, but everyone) seems so dang materialistic. iPhone6 is out now, right? I still have a dumb phone! I don't buy much outside of gas, food, and occasionally, a new shirt. My future partner will definitely have to be low-key, low-maintenance and mostly non-materialistic.