Becoming more picky about looks?

[somedude81]

What does that mean "there is no reason". If there is no reason, why are you currently single?

 

Of course there is "no reason" except that you haven't managed to find an interested partner yet. I'm trying to guide you in ways that will help you BE more attractive to the women you desire. It doesn't happen overnight!

 

There isn't any reason why I have to be single for the entire piece of sh*t fu*king year.

[somedude81]

Right now I'm thinking back to this thread I made back in March

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/468974-young-single-women-who-want-date-don-t-exist

 

I keep having the same problem over and over where I can't meet any available women.

[Phoe]

Right now I'm thinking back to this thread I made back in March

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/468974-young-single-women-who-want-date-don-t-exist

 

I keep having the same problem over and over where I can't meet any available women.

 

They do exist, but like the thread title says, you've become picky.

 

The girl whose face you didn't like. What if she's single and wants to date? But it's as if because you're not interested, she doesn't exist.

[somedude81]

They do exist, but like the thread title says, you've become picky.

 

The girl whose face you didn't like. What if she's single and wants to date? But it's as if because you're not interested, she doesn't exist.

 

I actually thought of her a little while ago.

 

If by chance she is single, and interested, I just can't date her.

 

I'm trying to convince myself that she's OK and I'm talking to her more in class but I just don't like how she looks. It would never work with her. Though I do wonder if I would have been able to date her before my ex. Probably.

 

For some reason I'm just having an almost impossible time finding girls I'm attracted to who are available. It's so tiring that I keep meeting friendly and cool, cute girls who are taken (I don't need hot, just cute, even average is good enough). Never mind the fact that the only girlfriend I've ever had, had a boyfriend when I met her, and she actually left him for me. Of course that didn't work.

 

[xxoo]

You interact with a very small pool of women vs the typical guy, plus you're pickier than most. This all goes back to reasons you are single, I addition to other reasons.

[Imajerk17]

Right now I'm thinking back to this thread I made back in March

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/468974-young-single-women-who-want-date-don-t-exist

 

I keep having the same problem over and over where I can't meet any available women.

 

I'm confused.

 

In your OP of your thread, you mentioned one girl who was really friendly to you but you weren't interested because of her face. Then later on you mentioned "Girl B" who was giving you what looked to be a green light (which you didn't go through in time). That's at least one girl (if you were referring to the same girl), if not two, who looked to be available and were willing to give you a chance.

 

I'm not trying to bring you down somedude81, I am instead trying to give you some perspective. It looks to me that you already had one or two decent options that you got without even trying.

 

(In fact, a reason why you weren't into "Girl B" was because you were into her hot friend "Girl A". That's fine and well, you like what you like and all that. But haven't you griped about women not giving average dudes a chance because they are hung up on a hot guy? You kind of did the same thing so you can't complain about this anymore.)

[organizedchaos]

I actually thought of her a little while ago.

 

If by chance she is single, and interested, I just can't date her.

 

I'm trying to convince myself that she's OK and I'm talking to her more in class but I just don't like how she looks. It would never work with her. Though I do wonder if I would have been able to date her before my ex. Probably.

 

For some reason I'm just having an almost impossible time finding girls I'm attracted to who are available. It's so tiring that I keep meeting friendly and cool, cute girls who are taken (I don't need hot, just cute, even average is good enough). Never mind the fact that the only girlfriend I've ever had, had a boyfriend when I met her, and she actually left him for me. Of course that didn't work.

 

 

Here's what I don't get.

 

Why is it okay for you to turn down girls who are interested in you because you're not attracted to them...but it's not okay for girls you are interested in not want to date you because they are not attracted to you?

 

And please, getting upset that a girl you like has a boyfriend? Really? That's no strike against you, just bad timing. Nothing you can do about that.

[Phoe]

I agree with organizechaos, that you can't look at girls being taken as a strike against you. It's bad timing, it's no ones fault, and it's certainly not the world taking something out on you.

 

It's all an unpleasant coincidence. Nothing but a coincidence. Reading into it will drive you mad.

[Phoe]

I actually thought of her a little while ago.

 

If by chance she is single, and interested, I just can't date her.

 

I'm trying to convince myself that she's OK and I'm talking to her more in class but I just don't like how she looks. It would never work with her. Though I do wonder if I would have been able to date her before my ex. Probably.

 

For some reason I'm just having an almost impossible time finding girls I'm attracted to who are available. It's so tiring that I keep meeting friendly and cool, cute girls who are taken (I don't need hot, just cute, even average is good enough). Never mind the fact that the only girlfriend I've ever had, had a boyfriend when I met her, and she actually left him for me. Of course that didn't work.

 

 

You know what you're looking for, and you know what your standards are. Okay, there's a start.

 

But you must similarly curb your expectations, so that you realize that by downsizing the amount of girls in your pool, you are going to make it more difficult, and make it take longer.

 

By no means does that mean you should change what you desire, just to get a faster result, but you need to somehow accept the fact that it WILL take more time and effort on your part. Patience, and staying relaxed on days like today will be very important while on your search for that girl.

 

I know that you are currently trying to combine speed to get a girlfriend quickly, while also getting a quality girl. The 2 things are almost impossible to do together. Since we have come to the conclusion that your standards will rule out, speed will have to lose.

[somedude81]

You interact with a very small pool of women vs the typical guy, plus you're pickier than most. This all goes back to reasons you are single, I addition to other reasons.

 

How did you come to the conclusion that I interact with a very small pool of women vs the typical guy? How many women do you think the average guy interacts with in a typical week?

 

Also how did you come to the conclusion that I'm pickier than most guys? I've posted my minimum requirements over an over on this forum and I'm reasoning that I'm less pickier than normal.

[somedude81]

I'm confused.

 

In your OP of your thread, you mentioned one girl who was really friendly to you but you weren't interested because of her face. Then later on you mentioned "Girl B" who was giving you what looked to be a green light (which you didn't go through in time). That's at least one girl (if you were referring to the same girl), if not two, who looked to be available and were willing to give you a chance.

 

I'm not trying to bring you down somedude81, I am instead trying to give you some perspective. It looks to me that you already had one or two decent options that you got without even trying.

 

(In fact, a reason why you weren't into "Girl B" was because you were into her hot friend "Girl A". That's fine and well, you like what you like and all that. But haven't you griped about women not giving average dudes a chance because they are hung up on a hot guy? You kind of did the same thing so you can't complain about this anymore.)

 

Nobody knows if Girl B was interested in me or not. Judging by how she ignored my texts, did not text me about going dancing on Sunday, nor did she even say Hi to me in class, she was most likely never interested. I don't believe that I screwed up that badly last week for her to kill all interest in me. If that's the case, then she had a very minimal amount of interest. If she gave me a chance, then it was the smallest chance I've ever received. Frankly, I don't think she was interested at all and was just being friendly, and then she realized that I was showing signs of interest in her, so she hit the brakes.

 

The girl who is not at all cute, is not a decent option. She's a nice girl and I don't want to talk bad about her, but I feel that she is less attractive than the typical girl.

[somedude81]

Here's what I don't get.

 

Why is it okay for you to turn down girls who are interested in you because you're not attracted to them...but it's not okay for girls you are interested in not want to date you because they are not attracted to you?

 

Writing about this girl is starting to let me realize what it's like for women to not be interested in guys who are otherwise friendly and cool, but they are just not attractive because of reasons they can't control. I would say that she is the equivalent of a very short guy.

 

Still the fact that some girls may have a hard time in dating like I do, doesn't make my troubles any easier to deal with.

 

And please, getting upset that a girl you like has a boyfriend? Really? That's no strike against you, just bad timing. Nothing you can do about that.

 

I'm upset that once again I was starting to get close to a really cool girl and I felt feelings starting to develop and thought that I may actually a have chance, and she turns out to have a boyfriend. This happens over and over and over.

 

It's so frustrating that I can't meet a halfway decent looking girl who is available. My ex does not count because she was not available when we met, and her circumstances fu*ked up any hope of a relationship working.

 

It really seems like the world is trying to screw me over.

[organizedchaos]

Writing about this girl is starting to let me realize what it's like for women to not be interested in guys who are otherwise friendly and cool, but they are just not attractive because of reasons they can't control. I would say that she is the equivalent of a very short guy.

 

Still the fact that some girls may have a hard time in dating like I do, doesn't make my troubles any easier to deal with.

 

True, but considering you haven't been on a date in almost a year, there's no harm in just going out on a date and give her the same chance you wish girls would give you.

[somedude81]

True, but considering you haven't been on a date in almost a year, there's no harm in just going out on a date and give her the same chance you wish girls would give you.

 

I really don't want to mislead her. I'm sure it would suck for her if she was interested in me, and I asked her out, and then she would get all excited about it. And then she finds out that I never had any interest in her.

 

As I've said, I tried talking to her and spending more time with her in class, and I just can't get past her face. She's a really nice girl and deserves somebody who is truly attracted to her.

[carhill]

That's the epitome of being more picky. Conversely, you want a woman who is picky and picks you, not merely uses you to 'test' theories or 'gives you a chance', but rather is authentically and strongly attracted and can make statements like this:

 

"She's he's a really nice girl guy and deserves somebody who is truly attracted to her him."

 

And that somebody is her.

[somedude81]

That's the epitome of being more picky. Conversely, you want a woman who is picky and picks you, not merely uses you to 'test' theories or 'gives you a chance', but rather is authentically and strongly attracted and can make statements like this:

 

"She's he's a really nice girl guy and deserves somebody who is truly attracted to her him."

 

And that somebody is her.

 

Wow, now I don't know what to think.

 

Well, honestly I would want a girl who felt that I was a really nice guy and deserves someone who is attracted to me, to give me a chance, because I'm special!

 

Eventually there comes a point where I'm just getting passed around where everybody else is saying that I deserve somebody great yet nobody wants me.

 

Jeeze! Can't somebody just use me already?

[jay1983]

I think you might be shooting way out of your league is your biggest problem.

[Cristo]

Wow, now I don't know what to think.

 

Well, honestly I would want a girl who felt that I was a really nice guy and deserves someone who is attracted to me, to give me a chance, because I'm special!

 

Eventually there comes a point where I'm just getting passed around where everybody else is saying that I deserve somebody great yet nobody wants me.

 

Jeeze! Can't somebody just use me already?

 

Damn dude, maybe stop taking it so seriously. Enjoy yourself a bit.

[Cristo]

I think you might be shooting way out of your league is your biggest problem.

 

If you develop a social circle and have women that are out of your league in that social circle, you can actually get them MUCH easier.

 

I'm a guy that used to do cold approaches, but now I stick almost completely within various social circles. You'll generally get higher quality that way.

 

Sure, cold approaches CAN work (and I have had success with it), but it's largely hit-or-miss.

[carhill]

What I did at your age, once I clarified things, was accept the real and went off in search of those who would pick me, authentically. It took a couple years but finally bore fruit.

 

SoCal can be a brutal place if you don't fit the 'type'. I didn't realize the depth of that until marrying someone who grew up there in the milieu of OC.

 

You're very fortunate in that you've apparently received some very authentic and heartfelt advice. Perhaps it's time to take it all in and make your decisions and run with them, for better or worse. In any event, I wish you well.

[Lobouspo]

I think you might be shooting way out of your league is your biggest problem.

 

He is shooting way past his league. The guy is in his 30's unemployed, short and thinking he can land a hot 20 something college babe. Ain't gonna happen folks

[somedude81]

I think you might be shooting way out of your league is your biggest problem.

 

And that's the primary reasons why I made this thread.

 

Considering who my ex was and what she looked like, I have no idea what my league is.

 

All I'm doing right now is finding out what my upper and lower limits are, and somehow trying to find somebody between them who will date me.

 

I mostly know what my lower limit is, but I'm still trying to figure out which girls are "too good" for me.

[jay1983]

If you develop a social circle and have women that are out of your league in that social circle, you can actually get them MUCH easier.

 

I'm a guy that used to do cold approaches, but now I stick almost completely within various social circles. You'll generally get higher quality that way.

 

Sure, cold approaches CAN work (and I have had success with it), but it's largely hit-or-miss.

 

Oh I'm completely against cold approaches. Only time they work is when the girl makes it obvious she's interested. So it comes down to how physically attractive she finds you, otherwise she'll either reject you up front or give you her number and not respond/flake.

 

Here's the thing with the OP. He's a not so attractive 33 yr old man with no job, no friends, he's socially awkward and spend all his time on the computer.

 

If I was a good looking, slim girl in her 20's, would I be interested in him?

 

If I was an average looking girl with a few extra pounds in her early 30's, would I be interested in him?

[Cristo]

Oh I'm completely against cold approaches. Only time they work is when the girl makes it obvious she's interested. So it comes down to how physically attractive she finds you, otherwise she'll either reject you up front or give you her number and not respond/flake.

 

This is not necessarily true. I've successfully met women and dated women in 7/11, train stations, and bars/clubs.

 

Though, many of these women were not the average women. They were mostly foreign-born.

 

Here's the thing with the OP. He's a not so attractive 33 yr old man with no job, no friends, he's socially awkward and spend all his time on the computer.

 

If I was a good looking, slim girl in her 20's, would I be interested in him?

 

If I was an average looking girl with a few extra pounds in her early 30's, would I be interested in him?

 

I would say that his biggest issue is being socially awkward. I actually know guys his age that do what he wants to do.

 

For example, I know this Indian guy that is short (around 5'5-5'6) and average looking. However, he's a club promoter and a very charismatic guy.

 

There's an idea, SD. Why don't you become a club promoter? I did that a while back and you'll meet tons of hot girls that way.

[somedude81]

He is shooting way past his league. The guy is in his 30's unemployed, short and thinking he can land a hot 20 something college babe. Ain't gonna happen folks

 

And yet it already did

 

Can it happen again? Perhaps.