Becoming more picky about looks?

[Imajerk17]

Wasn't sure which of your two current threads this post would fit better in....

 

RE the mating dance and finding out whether she has a boyfriend or not. It should go like this: You chat with the girl, she gives you signs that she is interested (e.g., shows interest, asks you questions about yourself). If she is giving you what looks like signs of interest, you initiate further--e.g., ask for her contact information suggested hanging out/a date ect. As long as you are interested, you proceed as if she is interested until she gives you signs she isn't, but in the meanwhile you don't sweat it too much. As long as she is telling you about her boyfriend before you actually take her on a date, it's all good.

 

Anyway somedude81, about your other thread, finding out whether the girl in question has a boyfriend isn't the big obstacle. The bigger obstacle is her not being interested. See, if she isn't interested/showing signs of interest, then it doesn't matter whether or not she has a boyfriend. It would look weird to bring it up. Another obstacle, in your specific case, is you getting hung up crushing on a girl whom you even don't know has a boyfriend or not (due to you not asking her out yet). You'd do yourself well to be better at moving faster (which you have gotten better at), reading the signs of interest and in the case that you misdiagnose via a false positive, not to get too bothered by it. If the conversation is going well just ask her out! Don't bring up boyfriends.

 

Getting back to Girl A, don't kick yourself because you already did your part. You invited her to two things no counteroffer from her no her offering you her number no anything back! A girl who is interested will make it easy for you. Girl A did not. You don't need to find out whether she has a boyfriend, as she clearly isn't interested boyfriend or not. That's good news you did your part you got your answer so no need to waste any more headspace on her.

Edited October 1, 2014 by Imajerk17

[CrystalCastles]

A few things.

 

For starters, there's nothing wrong with being picky. But there is something wrong with being mega-out-of-this-world-nobody-is-good-enough picky. Your standards are too high!

 

Looks aren't the only thing you should be looking for in a gf. Its rare to find a girl who is beautiful, has a hot body, is the nicest girl, smart, has a good career going, AND that you have great chemistry with. Yeah, a good looking girl is nice to look at, but there has to be substance to her too.

 

This girl whose face you don't like. You say "I don't want to lead her on". Yes, but you haven't even gone on ONE date with her! One date doesn't determine everything. She's only interested in you, she's not in love with you. Who knows, maybe she'll go on a date with you if you give her a chance, and then she might find out that you guys don't connect well and don't fit together.

 

If you want a very hot girl, there's a good chance you won't get her in the time frame you want. There's also a good chance you might not get a hot girl at all. Not because you're ugly, but because generally college girls prefer younger guys. Heck, I remember my best friend was telling me her friend, who was 21 at the time, was dating a 28 year old. We both said "ew, too old for her!". Not because of the age, but because of the stage a 28 year old is at, vs. a 21 year old.

 

If you want to have success in dating, it is best to give everyone a chance. When I was single, I went out on at least ONE date with everyone who asked me out, except for one morbidly obese guy and another guy who was, from the short conversations we had before, an arrogant, sexist pig. You never know in what ways you can connect with someone. Seeing as those hot babes you keep going for aren't biting, why not give the less attractive girl a chance? Maybe you'll have intense chemistry with her? You never know unless you try!

[ascendotum]

I would wonder why a friend would tell you to stay away from her friends. What did she or others know that prevented them from doing this for an awesome single guy?

 

I'm sure that didn't do his self esteem any good or make him really appreciate having them as friends. With girls and male friends, there is a bit of a catch22 effect I've noticed. The shy/introverted guys or dorky/geeky guys or less attractive guys, who could benefit from a greater social circle and more interaction with girls, tended to be shunned by girls. Girls are more interested in being friends with guys with higher social proof.

I've noticed over the years that women help set up good looking guy friends (the guys who didn't need help) with their single gfs/acquaintances much more then the less desirable guy friends.

 

I know for me, female friends never went out of their way to set me up and when I inquired about some of their cuter friends I was always told, 'you're not her type'. while I got told being skinny made no difference to girls, the few times I got set up (when thin) by female friends it was with women a lot bigger than me with opposite personality, that made me think 'huh WTH'. I had to do more work to maintain the friendship I found to. When I bulked up with the gym, then the dynamic changed. They went out of their way to talk to me more and invite me to social events. Now I was picking up in clubs/bars and parties, so I didn't have to rely on them for connections to meet girls.

 

Look I agree, it will make his prospects a lot better if he socialized with friends more, but it wont be the magic ticket, unless these friends invite him out when they go out or invite him to parties/bbqs. Less outgoing guys tend to have friends who are likewise less outgoing & social I find. Having these sorts of friends (like his gamer friends) wont expand his opportunities to meet women greatly unless they themselves get sick of being single and band together to go out to venues/events. Lots of less outgoing type guys who are friends, I find drop off contact a lot when they get a gf. They are now in couple land and tend to only go out with other couples. When this happens, single guys need to make the effort to find new friends to hang out with. Hanging out with friends will make him more acceptable to prospective women. If he has not had many girls get real friendly with him then cool off on him and quiz him about friends, it wont seem like its a big deal to him, but it will definitely enhance his social appeal for women.

 

I remember reading past posts of some interactions SD was having with female friends and the women did not come off as warm & all that friendly towards him. I've noticed that guys that don't do well with women tend to not have lots of close female friends, except some of the wives/gfs of their mates, but its very much a two way effect. Its not just because the guys don't go out of their way to be more sociable. They have a hard time finding women who want to be good friends (more than just 'can you fix my computer/car' friends) in the same way they have a hard time finding a gf.

[Cristo]

A few things.

 

For starters, there's nothing wrong with being picky. But there is something wrong with being mega-out-of-this-world-nobody-is-good-enough picky. Your standards are too high!

 

Looks aren't the only thing you should be looking for in a gf. Its rare to find a girl who is beautiful, has a hot body, is the nicest girl, smart, has a good career going, AND that you have great chemistry with. Yeah, a good looking girl is nice to look at, but there has to be substance to her too.

 

This girl whose face you don't like. You say "I don't want to lead her on". Yes, but you haven't even gone on ONE date with her! One date doesn't determine everything. She's only interested in you, she's not in love with you. Who knows, maybe she'll go on a date with you if you give her a chance, and then she might find out that you guys don't connect well and don't fit together.

 

If you want a very hot girl, there's a good chance you won't get her in the time frame you want. There's also a good chance you might not get a hot girl at all. Not because you're ugly, but because generally college girls prefer younger guys. Heck, I remember my best friend was telling me her friend, who was 21 at the time, was dating a 28 year old. We both said "ew, too old for her!". Not because of the age, but because of the stage a 28 year old is at, vs. a 21 year old.

 

If you want to have success in dating, it is best to give everyone a chance. When I was single, I went out on at least ONE date with everyone who asked me out, except for one morbidly obese guy and another guy who was, from the short conversations we had before, an arrogant, sexist pig. You never know in what ways you can connect with someone. Seeing as those hot babes you keep going for aren't biting, why not give the less attractive girl a chance? Maybe you'll have intense chemistry with her? You never know unless you try!

 

College girls prefer attractive guys. Age doesn't matter that much from what I've experienced (as an older guy that has dated college girls).

 

If you know how to talk to women and are decent looking with an outgoing personality, girls won't care if you're a bit older.

[somedude81]

Wasn't sure which of your two current threads this post would fit better in....

 

The asking out/boyfriend thread is on a very specific subject and isn't about me. I hope that other guys can use the advice in that thread as well.

 

This thread is about my dating journey.

 

RE the mating dance and finding out whether she has a boyfriend or not. It should go like this: You chat with the girl, she gives you signs that she is interested (e.g., shows interest, asks you questions about yourself). If she is giving you what looks like signs of interest, you initiate further--e.g., ask for her contact information suggested hanging out/a date ect. As long as you are interested, you proceed as if she is interested until she gives you signs she isn't, but in the meanwhile you don't sweat it too much. As long as she is telling you about her boyfriend before you actually take her on a date, it's all good.

 

Sounds good and everything.

 

Problem is that I never receive those signs of interest or if I do get them, they are too subtle for me to understand. Also I frequently misinterpret friendly signs as interest. I could have sworn that the math tutor was starting to become interested in me, and then I was shocked to learned that she had a boyfriend.

 

So far only one girl has actually confirmed to be interested in me, my ex girlfriend before we started dating, and I had absolutely no clue that she had a crush on me. I pretty much assumed that her unusual level of friendliness was just her being friendly. That's what I've come to expect from women. They are never interested and just being friendly.

 

Anyway somedude81, about your other thread, finding out whether the girl in question has a boyfriend isn't the big obstacle. The bigger obstacle is her not being interested. See, if she isn't interested/showing signs of interest, then it doesn't matter whether or not she has a boyfriend. It would look weird to bring it up.

 

The only reason I want to fish out if a boyfriend exists, is so that I don't make myself look stupid by asking her out and then her telling me I have a boyfriend.

 

I'm finding out that the vast majority of girls that are cute and friendly already have a boyfriend. So by finding out if she has a boyfriend, I'm able to cross her off my list without making things awkward between us. Finding out a girl is single and what I have to do after that is a bridge I'll cross when I get to it.

 

Another obstacle, in your specific case, is you getting hung up crushing on a girl whom you even don't know has a boyfriend or not (due to you not asking her out yet). You'd do yourself well to be better at moving faster (which you have gotten better at), reading the signs of interest and in the case that you misdiagnose via a false positive, not to get too bothered by it. If the conversation is going well just ask her out! Don't bring up boyfriends.

 

I wear my heart on my sleeve and I crush on girls really fast. That's just how I am. So as you noticed, my goal is to quickly find out if the girl is not available so I can move on. I'm frustrated that things are taking so long with A. I wish that when I asked if the guy she was with at the club was her boyfriend that she had said yes, so I could cross her off my list. And now I'm building up this excitement for talking to her on Monday. Of course I know that I'm just going to get crushed.

 

Getting back to Girl A, don't kick yourself because you already did your part. You invited her to two things no counteroffer from her no her offering you her number no anything back! A girl who is interested will make it easy for you. Girl A did not. You don't need to find out whether she has a boyfriend, as she clearly isn't interested boyfriend or not. That's good news you did your part you got your answer so no need to waste any more headspace on her.

 

No, it's not good enough yet. I need her to tell me she has a boyfriend or actually turn me down. None of this she didn't make a counteroffer stuff.

[normal person]

No, it's not good enough yet. I need her to tell me she has a boyfriend or actually turn me down. None of this she didn't make a counteroffer stuff.

 

Your unwillingness to take others' advice despite your own lack of success is ridiculous. This person has given you good advice, probably learned from experience, as many people have. Your learned experiences have lead you nowhere and you keep trying to jam your square peg in the circular hole. Why are you so adverse to others' thoughts on this?

 

She's not obligated to tell you her relationship status or turn you down. You can't make demands like that. If she doesn't want to reveal anything, she has every right not to. If she's hesitant to say much about it, it's because she doesn't want to make the situation uncomfortable for you and or her. She's doing you a favor. Take the hint.

Edited October 2, 2014 by normal person

[GemmaUK]

I never much read this thread and have only read parts of it.

 

I have to agree though that SD..why post a thread if you will fight against all and any advice on it?

 

Self fulling prophecy is what I am thinking.

Do the same as you always did and you will get the same as you always did..aside from the amazing woman who is your ex.

 

How did that RS come about?

How did it begin?

What happened for it to end?

[somedude81]

The only advice I have been fighting against is that I should forget about meeting women until I graduate and have a job, and that I should focus on making friends. That's it.

 

The advice regarding this girl is not consistent. Some people are telling me to ask her out, some people are telling me not to.

 

Yes I know that she is not super excited interested in me right now. Frankly I'd be shocked if she was.

 

I want to get a clear answer from her and then I'll move on.

[somedude81]

aside from the amazing woman who is your ex.

 

How did that RS come about?

How did it begin?

What happened for it to end?

 

We met in Salsa last year. She had a boyfriend. We became friends in class. Somehow and without my trying at all, she developed feelings for me.

 

Once class was over she found me on Facebook and we began to message regularly. One day I sent her a message like, "You're really really cool. If you were single I'd love to take you out on a date." She replied that she actually broke up with her boyfriend a week or so ago. About two weeks later we went on our first date the rest was history.

 

I have absolutely no idea what caused the relationship to end. We never argued, and there were zero issues or problems. I thought she was happy and she never displayed any of the signs that a woman is checking out of the relationship that I have read about. One day six months in, she wants to talk about her feelings and she dumps me.

 

The end.

[Imajerk17]

The only advice I have been fighting against is that I should forget about meeting women until I graduate and have a job, and that I should focus on making friends. That's it.

 

Those are two very big bits of advice though. People keep on insisting the "rest of your life" stuff matters a lot to dating and you have been resisting this for a very long time.

 

Even that, I don't think anyone is saying that you can't date until you graduate. I do think people think that you'd be better off putting more effort into moving on into the next stage of your life--more than you are doing now, to be real. That needs to be your first priority. Taking one class while not pursuing your job search--even if the class is hard--is a partial load but compared to what others are doing, isn't that much. I am concerned for you about what you will be doing come January and as this will carry over to your dating life, it is not "off-topic".

 

The advice regarding this girl is not consistent. Some people are telling me to ask her out, some people are telling me not to.

 

Yes I know that she is not super excited interested in me right now. Frankly I'd be shocked if she was.

 

I want to get a clear answer from her and then I'll move on.

Well, it's as I said in my post above. You already made your intentions clear. It is on her to show something back. If on the one hand Girl A comes in on Monday and gives you a big smile and a hug then yes ask her out directly. Don't try to fish for whether she has a boyfriend or not, it doesn't help you. If on the other hand she is cool or standoffish to you then drop it at least until later in the semester, then you can ask her out directly. That is your game plan. Edited October 2, 2014 by Imajerk17

[somedude81]

Well, it's as I said in my post above. You already made your intentions clear. It is on her to show something back. If on the one hand Girl A comes in on Monday and gives you a big smile and a hug then yes ask her out directly. Don't try to fish for whether she has a boyfriend or not, it doesn't help you. If on the other hand she is cool or standoffish to you then drop it at least until later in the semester, then you can ask her out directly. That is your game plan.

 

What if she walks up to me on Monday with a smile on her face and says hi to me and asks me how my weekend was. Then I ask the same of her?

 

The thing is, she's not at the hugging me point, nor is she cool and standoffish to me.

 

BTW, I think it's really odd that you are suggesting I wait till the end of the semester. I'm pretty sure you've told me several times that that is exactly what I shouldn't be doing.

[suladas]

What if she walks up to me on Monday with a smile on her face and says hi to me and asks me how my weekend was. Then I ask the same of her?

 

The thing is, she's not at the hugging me point, nor is she cool and standoffish to me.

 

BTW, I think it's really odd that you are suggesting I wait till the end of the semester. I'm pretty sure you've told me several times that that is exactly what I shouldn't be doing.

 

You're twisting peoples words. The advice is don't focus on getting a GF right now, there's more important stuff. But that doesn't mean you can't be friendly to girls AND guys, make some friends and really who knows something could develop. What people are advising against is setting out with a goal of finding a GF and putting so much effort into it.

 

Take this example. For the last 2 months or so a place I go to pick stuff up for work an average of maybe 2 times a week there's a girl who i've found attractive. At first just exchanged pleasantries, and it ending up getting a bit longer each time and talking more. To the point of her pretty much hinting that she's interested and sniffing around if i'm single. At first? I thought she was attractive and seemed cool and I would be interested. But as I got to know her? I realized I wasn't. There's so much more to people then just looks.

 

The big killer for me was finding out she smoked as that's a instant deal breaker. But the point is, be friendly and converse with people and see if they develop, don't have a end game in mind before it's even started. And for the record, i'm still as nice and friendly to her as I was before, I just don't stick around to talk for a long time. So don't gauge someones interest just because they are nice to you.

 

Sure it would be nice to have a GF, i've been single for over 2 years, but i'm not desperate for one either.

Edited October 3, 2014 by suladas

[somedude81]

You're twisting peoples words. The advice is don't focus on getting a GF right now, there's more important stuff. But that doesn't mean you can't be friendly to girls AND guys, make some friends and really who knows something could develop. What people are advising against is setting out with a goal of finding a GF and putting so much effort into it.

 

Here's the thing. Do I actually look like I'm putting in a ton of effort into finding a girlfriend?

 

Regarding friends, it is hard and a lot of work for me to make guy friends. I can't just talk to a guy and have him instantly want to hang out with me. I actually made a thread about how to make friends with guys and it was pretty much ignored. Oh well.

 

My number one goal for this year is to pass my math class. And I'm working my ass off on doing that. I'm in tutoring so often that I've now had two tutors come up to me and acknowledge that I'm putting in so much work and that I deserve to do well.

 

The dance class and surfing is so I have something in my week that I actually enjoy doing. Surfing is turning out not to be as fun as I hoped because it's very difficult, though the dance class is the highlight of my day. Also I get to interact with young cute women. If I could go on dates with some of the girls in that class it would be amazing. Even better if I could get another girlfriend.

 

 

 

 

Take this example. For the last 2 months or so a place I go to pick stuff up for work an average of maybe 2 times a week there's a girl who i've found attractive. At first just exchanged pleasantries, and it ending up getting a bit longer each time and talking more. To the point of her pretty much hinting that she's interested and sniffing around if i'm single. At first? I thought she was attractive and seemed cool and I would be interested. But as I got to know her? I realized I wasn't. There's so much more to people then just looks.

 

The big killer for me was finding out she smoked as that's a instant deal breaker. But the point is, be friendly and converse with people and see if they develop, don't have a end game in mind before it's even started. And for the record, i'm still as nice and friendly to her as I was before, I just don't stick around to talk for a long time. So don't gauge someones interest just because they are nice to you.

 

Sure it would be nice to have a GF, i've been single for over 2 years, but i'm not desperate for one either.

 

You talked to a girl on a regular basis and as you two get more comfortable with each other you've talked more and more. That's exactly what I've been doing. Though in my case women are not becoming interested in me, or I'm just not able to pick pick up their signals.

 

As I've repeatedly said, my default belief is that all women are just being friendly with me, and that they are not interested. Though the problem with that mentality is that if I believe that nobody is interested in me, I won't ask anybody out, and I'll be single for the rest of my life.

 

Using a baseball analogy, I'm at bat, but my eyes are so bad I can't tell when the ball comes. So I could wait forever until I actually see the ball, which will most likely never happen. Or I just never stop swinging and maybe I'll actually hit something.

[suladas]

Using a baseball analogy, I'm at bat, but my eyes are so bad I can't tell when the ball comes. So I could wait forever until I actually see the ball, which will most likely never happen. Or I just never stop swinging and maybe I'll actually hit something.

 

Good analogy, but totally wrong strategy. Do you think the best hitters swing at everything? Nope, they calculate, think, and time their hits and make them count. Instead of swinging at anything and making hits less likely, and hits less powerful.

[somedude81]

Good analogy, but totally wrong strategy. Do you think the best hitters swing at everything? Nope, they calculate, think, and time their hits and make them count. Instead of swinging at anything and making hits less likely, and hits less powerful.

 

Dude, in my analogy I'm blind; so calculating, thinking and timing my hits will simply not work.

 

I can wait till I see the ball, which will never happen. I fail with a zero percent of success. Or I can swing nonstop, and maybe I'll get a hit. Sure I might get one hit in my entire career, but that is one hit I would not have received if I didn't at least try.

[suladas]

Dude, in my analogy I'm blind; so calculating, thinking and timing my hits will simply not work.

 

I can wait till I see the ball, which will never happen. I fail with a zero percent of success. Or I can swing nonstop, and maybe I'll get a hit. Sure I might get one hit in my entire career, but that is one hit I would not have received if I didn't at least try.

 

You're missing the point. You don't keep trying the same thing over and over. You strike out, you learn from that and adapt. You review the last game, realize where you screwed up, where you missed so you don't miss the same thing again. By doing that, you'll miss less all the time and increase your chances.

[somedude81]

You're missing the point. You don't keep trying the same thing over and over. You strike out, you learn from that and adapt. You review the last game, realize where you screwed up, where you missed so you don't miss the same thing again. By doing that, you'll miss less all the time and increase your chances.

 

Are you one of those guys who has a fantasy baseball team and is in a league?

 

Yes I am learning and adapting. I try very hard not to make the same mistakes again.

 

The only problem is that with learning dating/women through trial and error is that there are so many ways to fail.

 

My focus this year is on speed. So far I've crossed off four girls from my list of interest because they have boyfriends. Normally I wouldn't cross of those girls until the end of the semester and I would have developed a crush on each one.

 

Eventually I'll find a girl that is single who is also in my league.

[Imajerk17]

You want fool-proof signs that guarantee no false positives AND no false negatives as to whether a girl is into you? No such thing sorry.

 

I say keep moving forward until you get a red or yellow light. If a girl is being friendly with you--as opposed to nice--and you are interested, then suggest hanging out away from class. You can make it low-pressure but you have to take chances. Even if she says no after that there is no shame in trying.

 

I dated a girl for 2 years who was a coworker. When I asked her to join me for lunch for the very first time I had no idea at the time whether she saw me romantically or not.

 

If you ask said girl to do some things with you, however, as you did Girl A and she doesn't give anything back then likely she isn't interested. That's your red/yellow light. Now its time to back off and see if she comes to you.

 

I've dated a lot. I've met girls and ended up sleeping with them that same night. I also have had plenty of girls not interested in me. Lots! I've gotten many many rejections. I have no idea nor do I care whether these girls had boyfriends or what their reasons were for not being interested, but I knew from how they weren't responsive to me, that they just weren't interested. It's cool.

[Cristo]

Good analogy, but totally wrong strategy. Do you think the best hitters swing at everything? Nope, they calculate, think, and time their hits and make them count. Instead of swinging at anything and making hits less likely, and hits less powerful.

 

Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron, and Barry Bonds (the three homerun kings) have almost twice as many strikeouts as homeruns and they are within the Top 50 in strikeouts all-time.

 

The best hitters don't swing at everything, but they certainly do swing at a lot.

[organizedchaos]

We met in Salsa last year. She had a boyfriend. We became friends in class. Somehow and without my trying at all, she developed feelings for me.

 

Once class was over she found me on Facebook and we began to message regularly. One day I sent her a message like, "You're really really cool. If you were single I'd love to take you out on a date." She replied that she actually broke up with her boyfriend a week or so ago. About two weeks later we went on our first date the rest was history.

 

I have absolutely no idea what caused the relationship to end. We never argued, and there were zero issues or problems. I thought she was happy and she never displayed any of the signs that a woman is checking out of the relationship that I have read about. One day six months in, she wants to talk about her feelings and she dumps me.

 

The end.

 

You were a rebound.

 

Regardless, I thought she gave you very specific reasons?

[tatersalad]

Key here being "friends". I've never met anyone who didn't understand the value of same sex friends. Not necessarily a large circle, but even just a couple close friends you can talk to, get advice from, and go out with so you can meet women! And friends, whether male or female can introduce you to potential dates! And friends take the pressure off having to focus too much on a girl, and a girl doesn't want to be the sole friend you have!

 

I just don't get how you, SD, don't get this as a key feature of a happy and well balanced and well adjusted life. It will help you become more attractive to the opposite sex. But don't listen to anyone who has vastly more experience with relationships than you.

 

Of course, this advice isn't news to you. It's been repeated many, many times.

 

Agreed.

 

Having male friends who know your situation, whom you can comisserate too, who can help be your wingmen, and who have your back is something Someone81 should want.

[tatersalad]

It's funny how people assume I've never had a friend in my entire life.

 

Maybe the friends I did have just sucked because my guy friends never went out to meet women and were happy playing video games. Though those were mostly my high school friends.

 

I had a couple of guy friends in college but they didn't go out to meet women either, nor did I meet any women through them.

 

I never met any single girls through my female friends either. When we hung out it was just us one-on-one. I knew they had female friends but I never met them. Once I asked if a lady friend had any single friends and she pretty much told me to stay away from her friends.

 

So pretty much the only benefit I've seen to having friends is that it's somebody to spend time with and not much else.

 

 

I know it is a bit late in the game, but have you thought of joining a fraternity?

 

you can meet lots of friends and women that way.

[tatersalad]

The only advice I have been fighting against is that I should forget about meeting women until I graduate and have a job, and that I should focus on making friends. That's it.

 

The advice regarding this girl is not consistent. Some people are telling me to ask her out, some people are telling me not to.

 

Yes I know that she is not super excited interested in me right now. Frankly I'd be shocked if she was.

 

I want to get a clear answer from her and then I'll move on.

 

I would say try to make friends with some people in your classes. I met the vast majority of my friends in college, and still am great friends with some of them.

 

Also, I find that if you give off the air that you are looking for a girl friend / sex girls can tell and it turns them off right away... for the most part. Maybe it looks desperate? I dunno. However, if you are just chill and treat them like normal human beings and believe that if things are meant to be they are meant to be, you will find that you might actually start dating more women. However, running around making a huge fuss about women I think is making things worse. Relax, enjoy college, talk to some girls, if it happens good, if not so what...

[JuneJulySeptember]

Dude, in my analogy I'm blind; so calculating, thinking and timing my hits will simply not work.

 

I can wait till I see the ball, which will never happen. I fail with a zero percent of success. Or I can swing nonstop, and maybe I'll get a hit. Sure I might get one hit in my entire career, but that is one hit I would not have received if I didn't at least try.

 

It's the same way for me Somedude.

 

In fact, I've already been rejected in October.

 

You take calculated risks, but you take them often. If you think there is any chance, you take a swing. You don't take swings at women who you obviously don't mesh with, attached women, really hot women who are 3 inches taller, etc. Common sense.

 

Using this method, I still expect rejection the vast majority. Most people, especially women, don't know what that's like, and it's tough, but at this point I'm pretty jaded to it.

 

I would say the average woman has rejected around 200+ men easily most of whom are totally decent dudes (just not their type), so it's just kind of a numbers game. More swings you take, more hits you'll get.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I would say try to make friends with some people in your classes. I met the vast majority of my friends in college, and still am great friends with some of them.

 

Also, I find that if you give off the air that you are looking for a girl friend / sex girls can tell and it turns them off right away... for the most part. Maybe it looks desperate? I dunno. However, if you are just chill and treat them like normal human beings and believe that if things are meant to be they are meant to be, you will find that you might actually start dating more women. However, running around making a huge fuss about women I think is making things worse. Relax, enjoy college, talk to some girls, if it happens good, if not so what...

 

Whether you know a woman for 2 hours or for 2 years, you are still going to have to be the one to make a move. You could ask after the first 2 hours and be rejected because you moved too fast and 'seemed desperate' or you could wait 2 years until you've fallen in love with everything about her and then be rejected and have your heart ripped out.

 

To me, the choice is clear.