Becoming more picky about looks?

[Cristo]

It depends on what you consider an offer

 

Invitations for a proper date are far rarer than that.

 

With the advent of online dating, I'm sure women get asked out far more than what most people here claim.

[Els]

I didn't exaggerate the first time.

 

200 rejections is what, 20 a year for 10 years? I could easily see the average women rejecting that many men.

 

Do you really think the majority of women actually get asked out on a date every two weeks?!?!

[Cristo]

Do you really think the majority of women actually get asked out on a date every two weeks?!?!

 

If they do online dating (which is an option to all women), then, yes, getting asked out every 2 weeks is a more than reasonable, likely even conservative, estimate.

[guest569]

I had my first date at 25. So that pretty much puts me in the minority, instantly. I don't really know where this "majority" of women are hiding.

[JuneJulySeptember]

This reasoning gets thrown around so much here and it never stops to baffle me. It seems to assume that there are considerably less women than men and that is simply not true.

 

There is roughly equal amount of men and women in the world. How is it possible, that an average women can have a lot of men interested in her at any given time? If a lot of men are interested in one woman, there must be a lot of women who don't get the attention. Because, you know, a lot of men are interested in this mythical "average woman".

 

Sure, men can be interested in more than one woman at a time but if things get more serious, they will couple with one woman, making our "average woman" to lose one man interested in her.

 

Sorry, the math simply doesn't add up, I am not convinced.

 

Men are interested in many more women than women are.

 

Once men get married, the well dries up somewhat for average women, yes. But that is a different topic.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Do you really think the majority of women actually get asked out on a date every two weeks?!?!

 

Rejected. Every amount of interest counts. Getting hit at, at a bar or club.

 

Rejecting guys who offer to buy you drinks. Inferring to a guy you will only hang out with him in a group, etc. Rejecting your male friends, etc. Etc. Anytime a man is interested in you, and you are not, yes it is a rejection. A guy trying to talk to you at a party and you blow him off, etc.

 

I also don't count women who are not single.

 

It doesn't have to be a direct "Will you go to dinner with me?" and "No, you're not attractive to me."

 

Considering that, I think the average woman (~early 30s) has without a doubt had 200 men interested in her that she has not been interested in. It's also not something that I'm really that upset about anymore. It just is.

Edited October 5, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[braindamage]

Considering that, I think the average woman (~early 30s) has without a doubt had 200 men interested in her that she has not been interested in. It's also not something that I'm really that upset about anymore. It just is.

 

So have many women have you shown 'interest' (funny definition you have but ok) in? On average I estimate that it's about... 200?

 

Odd, I must be a really insignificant fraction as 200 is wayyyy higher than what it's actually is for me.

[JuneJulySeptember]

So have many women have you shown 'interest' (funny definition you have but ok) in? On average I estimate that it's about... 200?

 

Odd, I must be a really insignificant fraction as 200 is wayyyy higher than what it's actually is for me.

 

Over 200.

 

And I am not really that aggressive, especially when I was younger.

 

It's higher than you think. Everything counts. That guy who came up to you at the bar, the guy who asked you to dance, your friend who fell in love with you, your coworker who asked you out, the guy on the bus who asked for your number. Etc, etc.

[braindamage]

I mean women I have been interested in. Sorry - should've clarified that.

 

Not many men are interested in my penis.

[guest569]

Over 200.

 

And I am not really that aggressive, especially when I was younger.

 

It's higher than you think. Everything counts. That guy who came up to you at the bar, the guy who asked you to dance, your friend who fell in love with you, your coworker who asked you out, the guy on the bus who asked for your number. Etc, etc.

 

These things aren't that common. I dont count desperate guys on Tinder who dont even say hello, just "DTF?". Seriously, gender doesn't make it easier to find a relationship..

[JuneJulySeptember]

These things aren't that common. I dont count desperate guys on Tinder who dont even say hello, just "DTF?". Seriously, gender doesn't make it easier to find a relationship..

 

If you say so.

 

All I know is that I get rejected a lot, and when I ask women out on dates, they are hardly flattered or thrilled. You're saying that when I ask women out, that's the first time that woman has likely been asked out in a year and a half by ANY man, let alone a man who they are having a halfway decent conversation with? Could've fooled me.

 

If I got asked out on a date by any kind of woman, my reaction would literally be shock.

Edited October 5, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[Imajerk17]

If you say so.

 

All I know is that I get rejected a lot, and when I ask women out on dates, they are hardly flattered or thrilled. You're saying that when I ask women out, that's the first time that woman has likely been asked out in a year and a half by ANY man, let alone a man who they are having a halfway decent conversation with? Could've fooled me.

 

If I got asked out on a date by any kind of woman, my reaction would literally be shock.

 

I am sorry to hear this.

 

I don't mean to pour salt over an open wound but have you considered that the reason for your dating struggles in the energy you are putting out to the world. You come on here (now and since you joined) as not a fun guy and that has to be putting women off.

 

There are average-looking guys who do just fine with women by the way.

 

As far as "how I come across on here has nothing to do with how I come across in real life"--I don't believe it. Whenever this is said by someone on here it is invariably a Struggling Dude saying it.

Edited October 6, 2014 by Imajerk17

[guest569]

If you say so.

 

All I know is that I get rejected a lot, and when I ask women out on dates, they are hardly flattered or thrilled. You're saying that when I ask women out, that's the first time that woman has likely been asked out in a year and a half by ANY man, let alone a man who they are having a halfway decent conversation with? Could've fooled me.

 

If I got asked out on a date by any kind of woman, my reaction would literally be shock.

 

I dont think i said anything about 1.5 yrs?

 

I've probably been asked out about 15-20 times in my life.. So, slightly less than 200. Meh, what would I know? I'm just a woman.

[Phoe]

Over 200.

 

And I am not really that aggressive, especially when I was younger.

 

It's higher than you think. Everything counts. That guy who came up to you at the bar, the guy who asked you to dance, your friend who fell in love with you, your coworker who asked you out, the guy on the bus who asked for your number. Etc, etc.

 

I'm with smiley1. These aren't common things. These don't just happen to every woman on a regular basis.

 

I'd take all of those above things as a man making an approach, they all firmly count in my mind, and I still hold that I have been approached 8 times, and rejected 2 of them.

[ascendotum]

I dont think i said anything about 1.5 yrs?

 

I've probably been asked out about 15-20 times in my life.. So, slightly less than 200. Meh, what would I know? I'm just a woman.

 

Guys interested in you show it in different shades of interest as JJS said. Getting winks on your OLD profile from guys counts even if you don't know them, its still interest in wanting to know you. For most of my life I generally didn't specifically ask a girl out for a date unless I knew I was a good thing with her based on her body language, nature of conversations, interest in me, etc. For many girls I liked I didn't as I would not get good positive vibe back or if I ramped up the flirting I'd get shut down. Friendly formal is not same as genuine interest I learned.

Conversations started by guys out of the blue who did not appeal to you wont impact on your memory but they were failed attempts. I used to catch up with one of my sisters and a few of her girl friends (all just average but dressed up) after work sometimes at clubs and guys...a procession of them would approach and try their luck. One of them could easily should down a dozen guys in just 1 night. Likewise myself and my friends could easily approach and start convos with 10 women (I'd get disillusioned after too many knock backs lol) at a club. It still counts as part of the tally.

[Els]

If generic mass-messaging from people you've never met and haven't spoken to before and have no idea if they are real is considered being asked out on a date... then there are sites for men that spam your inbox with offers from 'beautiful Russian women' who are 'desperately looking for a man' too.

 

Just sayin'. If that floats your boat...

[ascendotum]

If generic mass-messaging from people you've never met and haven't spoken to before and have no idea if they are real is considered being asked out on a date... then there are sites for men that spam your inbox with offers from 'beautiful Russian women' who are 'desperately looking for a man' too.

 

Just sayin'. If that floats your boat...

 

Doesn't float my boat. I didn't send winks after discovering its a waste of time in a sea of responses the woman would get. I also never mass messaged. Some do some don't and most savvy women could sus that out from the generic or custom nature of the message. Many OLD messages are genuine interest though and they still count as such, as a prelude to be asking out.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I am sorry to hear this.

 

I don't mean to pour salt over an open wound but have you considered that the reason for your dating struggles in the energy you are putting out to the world. You come on here (now and since you joined) as not a fun guy and that has to be putting women off.

 

There are average-looking guys who do just fine with women by the way.

 

As far as "how I come across on here has nothing to do with how I come across in real life"--I don't believe it. Whenever this is said by someone on here it is invariably a Struggling Dude saying it.

 

I admit some of the things that I may have said in the past may have been extreme. But I said nothing of the sort in the past several posts, nor anything personal to you as I recall.

 

You shouldn't really take harsh shots at guys who are struggling with rejection. They are ALREADY blaming themselves for rejection with women and beating themselves up and furiously trying to figure out what is wrong with them.

 

What they have to learn is that rejection is part of the game and that some women will just not like what they have to offer. Different for every guy. That was all I was trying to say. Please do not take any more personal shots at me. Thank you very much.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I dont think i said anything about 1.5 yrs?

 

I've probably been asked out about 15-20 times in my life.. So, slightly less than 200. Meh, what would I know? I'm just a woman.

 

I'm with smiley1. These aren't common things. These don't just happen to every woman on a regular basis.

 

I'd take all of those above things as a man making an approach, they all firmly count in my mind, and I still hold that I have been approached 8 times, and rejected 2 of them.

 

Fine. If you hold firm, then I believe you. All I know is that when I ask out women, it seems as if it is a common thing to them.

 

And as much as people would like to kick me (not you two) and tell me I'm a miserable person who exudes misery, yes I am typically joking and laughing with these women before they reject me. It just happens.

 

I really do think it's better to tell young guys that there is a certain amount of 'You have to be proactive, approach and face rejection'. That's all I'm trying to say. Nothing against women in general.

Edited October 6, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[JuneJulySeptember]

Sorry, just one more tidbit and then I'll bow out of SD's thread.

 

I would like to emphasize that you really shouldn't take personal shots at 'struggling guys' because a lot of them have the "I'm a loser and everything about me is inadequate and boring and that's why I can't get women in the first place" mentality. Unless they take shots at you of course.

 

We all know that women beaters, total arrogant jerks who treat others terribly, child support evaders, and even mass murderers have no trouble getting women. So, it goes beyond being able to read minds and 'fish out' miserable men.

 

Even 17 year olds are able to have threesomes with schoolteachers!

 

Anyway, just to show that I am watching myself, point taken, and I will watch my posts going forward.

 

Sorry for derailing your thread SD.

Edited October 6, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[somedude81]

So I finally got rejected by Girl A. And it was the sweetest nice rejection I've ever gotten.

 

She is single but she told me that she doesn't have time for a boyfriend. I made my interest in her very clear. And she truly is very busy. Shes the kind of person who performs better when they always having something to do.

 

She mentioned that we could start hanging out but that she doesn't have time to date. She said that she enjoys talking to me.

 

We talked for about 10 minutes as we walked to a far away parking garage.

 

I'm going to see her again on Wednesday. Though I'm not sure that matters. There is talk of her going out to the dance place again on Friday night.

 

I'm not sure what to do with her. Something tells me that if she had time, she could be interested in me. But if she did have time for a boyfriend, there is no doubt that she would have one.

 

I finally found a cool single girl, which is start. I'm hoping that maybe if we start to see each other outside of class she may start to change her mind.

 

I'm stuck.

[somedude81]

This is exactly why I never ask women out on dates. Like me, you probably aren't good looking enough to have women want to drop their panties at the sight of you. With this being the case, why would you try and move so quickly with them? Better to just hang out with this girl without letting her know you're interested. Show her who you are as a person and give her time to start to dig you a little.

That is exactly the approach I prefer to make with a girl.

 

I never ask a girl out on a date. I just spend time with her and wait for her to start to become interested in me. You've already lost the upper hand with this girl by having her reject you.

 

Here's the thing, I don't think I lost the upper hand. Now she knows I'm interested in her and she is still fine with the idea of hanging out with me.

 

My main goal with her was to find out if she had a boyfriend or not. If she did, then obviously I wouldn't want to hang out with her and see what could happen.

[Phoe]

That is exactly the approach I prefer to make with a girl.

 

 

 

Here's the thing, I don't think I lost the upper hand. Now she knows I'm interested in her and she is still fine with the idea of hanging out with me.

 

My main goal with her was to find out if she had a boyfriend or not. If she did, then obviously I wouldn't want to hang out with her and see what could happen.

 

Well, now you know.

 

Just keep it light from here, don't get invested, and still pursue other girls.

[organizedchaos]

Well, now you know.

 

Just keep it light from here, don't get invested, and still pursue other girls.

 

Exactly. Worst thing SD could do would be to hold on to hope that one day she'll have time to date him, and then learn she's dating someone else.

 

DONT get attached. My recommendation would be to keep her at arms length. Move on to someone who wants to date you now. Don't waste your time.

[somedude81]

Honestly I'm confused on what to do. I was expecting a clear-cut rejection and I didn't get it.

 

Yes I am holding onto hope

 

Right now I'm burning through girls and all of them has had a boyfriend. Then I find out that my top choice is actually single.

 

Of course I'm still going to pursue other women, but I've come to the point where I went through all the girls on my list. Of course there are other women around me that I haven't gotten to know yet.

 

Still, would it be a bad thing getting closer to this girl? Now that she knows I'm interested, as long as she stays friendly with me, there is a chance she can start to return that interest.

 

My plan is to out dancing on Friday and meet her and the other girl from class there who is bringing a date. I'll get her phone number on Wednesday. We'll hang out and have fun on Friday night.

 

My goal is to show her that even I like her, I'm a fun guy to be around who isn't going to pressure her. If I keep flirting with her over time, there is a chance she'll start to like me.