Becoming more picky about looks?

[somedude81]

I feel as though I am much more picky since my breakup. Partly because I'm not really over my ex and it would take some superhuman to replace him. And partly because I have more confidence since having dated a bit and know I can do better and that there is no point settling for anything. Its good to have high standards, and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. You are overthinking things far too much.. Just relax.

 

Yeah, the part in bold is a factor in that as well.

 

Most likely I would compare any new girl to my ex, and if the new girl didn't measure up...

 

I definitely am over thinking.

[Imajerk17]

You are over thinking things. The way it "ought to" work is you "get to know" someone, and then after that, if you are feeling attraction, you actually go on a date. Otherwise maybe you can be friends or class acquaintances.

[somedude81]

Today's class ended with a little blow to my ego.

 

I'm starting to like this one cute shorty girl, and I was actually looking forward to talking/dancing with her today.

 

We rotate and I get my turn with her, and we just have a blast. This girl completely turns me on, so much so that I actually needed to leave her for a while and get some water to clear my head. Then it's time to rotate again and we say bye.

 

After rotating a few times the class changes up the pace and everybody gets jumbled up. I'm next to her again somehow and I'm thinking cool, I get to dance with her again. I say to her jokingly "How did I get stuck with you again,?" Then in a fake whiny voice says "Noooo" and runs to another guy who she proceeds to dance with and have a good time for the rest of the class. Of course the guy is taller and better looking than I am.

 

I really thought I was making progress with this girl and I was going to ask her out next week and now it's as if she just kicked me in the stomach.

 

I'm kind of stunned on what I should do next. I know she enjoys interacting with me, but odds are she likes the other guy more than I do. Sigh.

[thefooloftheyear]

Today's class ended with a little blow to my ego.

 

I'm starting to like this one cute shorty girl, and I was actually looking forward to talking/dancing with her today.

 

We rotate and I get my turn with her, and we just have a blast. This girl completely turns me on, so much so that I actually needed to leave her for a while and get some water to clear my head. Then it's time to rotate again and we say bye.

 

After rotating a few times the class changes up the pace and everybody gets jumbled up. I'm next to her again somehow and I'm thinking cool, I get to dance with her again. I say to her jokingly "How did I get stuck with you again,?" Then in a fake whiny voice says "Noooo" and runs to another guy who she proceeds to dance with and have a good time for the rest of the class. Of course the guy is taller and better looking than I am.

 

I really thought I was making progress with this girl and I was going to ask her out next week and now it's as if she just kicked me in the stomach.

 

I'm kind of stunned on what I should do next. I know she enjoys interacting with me, but odds are she likes the other guy more than I do. Sigh.

 

Have you ever gone fishing? Its the same principle...

 

TFY

[somedude81]

Have you ever gone fishing? Its the same principle...

 

TFY

 

Sure. I've tried to fish many times.

 

And the only fish I ever caught jumped into my boat.

 

It would be nice to actually catch a fish I tried to catch for once in my life.

[CrystalCastles]

Today's class ended with a little blow to my ego.

 

I'm starting to like this one cute shorty girl, and I was actually looking forward to talking/dancing with her today.

 

We rotate and I get my turn with her, and we just have a blast. This girl completely turns me on, so much so that I actually needed to leave her for a while and get some water to clear my head. Then it's time to rotate again and we say bye.

 

After rotating a few times the class changes up the pace and everybody gets jumbled up. I'm next to her again somehow and I'm thinking cool, I get to dance with her again. I say to her jokingly "How did I get stuck with you again,?" Then in a fake whiny voice says "Noooo" and runs to another guy who she proceeds to dance with and have a good time for the rest of the class. Of course the guy is taller and better looking than I am.

 

I really thought I was making progress with this girl and I was going to ask her out next week and now it's as if she just kicked me in the stomach.

 

I'm kind of stunned on what I should do next. I know she enjoys interacting with me, but odds are she likes the other guy more than I do. Sigh.

 

Holy crap dude. Relax!

 

Its not a rejection! Just because there is some good-looking guy there doesn't automatically mean she's going to fall in love at first sight and make some babies with him. This isn't a Disney fairytale.

[somedude81]

Holy crap dude. Relax!

 

Its not a rejection! Just because there is some good-looking guy there doesn't automatically mean she's going to fall in love at first sight and make some babies with him. This isn't a Disney fairytale.

 

Well we were learning the waltz. All that was left was a musical number and random forest animals

 

 

Random point: one of my math tutors is actually cute. Though it seems a bit hard trying to flirt with her when I'm racking my brain on math problems. Though it would be nice to have her for a private session

[R3d]

Today's class ended with a little blow to my ego.

 

I'm starting to like this one cute shorty girl, and I was actually looking forward to talking/dancing with her today.

 

We rotate and I get my turn with her, and we just have a blast. This girl completely turns me on, so much so that I actually needed to leave her for a while and get some water to clear my head. Then it's time to rotate again and we say bye.

 

After rotating a few times the class changes up the pace and everybody gets jumbled up. I'm next to her again somehow and I'm thinking cool, I get to dance with her again. I say to her jokingly "How did I get stuck with you again,?" Then in a fake whiny voice says "Noooo" and runs to another guy who she proceeds to dance with and have a good time for the rest of the class. Of course the guy is taller and better looking than I am.

 

I really thought I was making progress with this girl and I was going to ask her out next week and now it's as if she just kicked me in the stomach.

 

I'm kind of stunned on what I should do next. I know she enjoys interacting with me, but odds are she likes the other guy more than I do. Sigh.

 

That sucks bro.

 

I am just going to derail this thread a bit and say that reading these stories where the guy is interested in someone and it seems like she is interested too and then BAM, she's not (and I have read thousands of stories like this, some really severe like Kid_Charlamagne's case) kind of make me feel uneasy because girls have never shown any interest in me of any kind. Like all I have had to deal with is simple rejections where the girl didn't seem interested anyway. Basically, no girl has ever flirted with me in real life.

 

This is alarming because as a result of this and other factors, I know that I am prone to falling for the first girl that shows an ounce of interest. Reading these kind of stories make me feel a bit uneasy because it is an indication that more than likely the first girl that dhows interest will just be leading me on and become distant the second I make a move. If even that happens (right now I am worried if I will even get that - see consolidated height discussion thread), it will be heartbreaking because most likely just be a lead on, and due to never having had a girl flirt with me plus being insecure plus being a little desperate plus having an extraordinary tendency and capacity to daydream and fantasize, I will feel heartbroken. The alarming aspect of this is the increased likeliness of me feeling this mild (real heartbreak is a breakup) heartbreak when this happens due to me never having been flirted with, insecurity, inexperience, and desperation.

 

You gotta remember, any girl that flirts with me that I am interested in will feel like finding a diamond because right now (if you see the cobsolidated height discussion thread), it feels as if almost every woman (like approaching 100%) will immediately not be interested due to my height and race and the lack of physical attraction that goes with it. I will still keep looking.

 

It's like being a storekeeper and no one walks into your store and you try doing a bunch of things and still no one shows up. Then 5 years later, one guy walks in and gets your hopes up, but then walks out without buying anything.

 

That's the kind of feeling I anticipate I will feel with the first girl that actually shows interest and probably be leading me on I meet.

 

This is also problematic because I will probably always be the person who likes her more than she likes me and therefore, the women I date (if I get any dates) will always have power over me (I hate this whole power thing in dating, but it does exist so...)

Edited September 17, 2014 by R3d

[BlueIris]

I'm kind of stunned on what I should do next. I know she enjoys interacting with me, but odds are she likes the other guy more than I do. Sigh.

 

Never assume to know what another person thinks or feels. People are also polite and friendly in general and we set ourselves up for disappointment if we read more into it. Their actions aren't setting us up, our thoughts and wishes are.

 

A dance class is particularly tricky. One of my daughters taught ballroom and she is a very outgoing, cheerful, friendly person. She was like that with everyone, but sometimes one of the students assumed her friendliness meant interest in him and he asked her out or gave her gifts- even though there was a strict rule against both. So I can see how the dancing might lead to some assumptions.

 

Random point: one of my math tutors is actually cute. Though it seems a bit hard trying to flirt with her when I'm racking my brain on math problems. Though it would be nice to have her for a private session

 

I'd avoid that.

Edited September 17, 2014 by BlueIris

[MidwestUSA]

 

I'm next to her again somehow and I'm thinking cool, I get to dance with her again. I say to her jokingly "How did I get stuck with you again,?"

 

 

 

 

Don't use that line again.

[Lani]

Today's class ended with a little blow to my ego.

 

I'm starting to like this one cute shorty girl, and I was actually looking forward to talking/dancing with her today.

 

We rotate and I get my turn with her, and we just have a blast. This girl completely turns me on, so much so that I actually needed to leave her for a while and get some water to clear my head. Then it's time to rotate again and we say bye.

 

After rotating a few times the class changes up the pace and everybody gets jumbled up. I'm next to her again somehow and I'm thinking cool, I get to dance with her again. I say to her jokingly "How did I get stuck with you again,?" Then in a fake whiny voice says "Noooo" and runs to another guy who she proceeds to dance with and have a good time for the rest of the class. Of course the guy is taller and better looking than I am.

 

I really thought I was making progress with this girl and I was going to ask her out next week and now it's as if she just kicked me in the stomach.

 

I'm kind of stunned on what I should do next. I know she enjoys interacting with me, but odds are she likes the other guy more than I do. Sigh.

 

Did she tell you this?

If not, how do you know?

[ascendotum]

"I say to her jokingly "How did I get stuck with you again,?" Then in a fake whiny voice says "Noooo" and runs to another guy..."

 

I wonder if,she realized you were being a jokester. Shame it played out like that. I've had flirty 'neg' type joking backfire on me like that and it sucks. Pretty much though, if she interprets any sort of self effacing or double entendre type flirting or friendly 'neg' type joking in a negative way, then there really was no attraction there and it was just formal friendly before.

[Els]

"I say to her jokingly "How did I get stuck with you again,?" Then in a fake whiny voice says "Noooo" and runs to another guy..."

 

I wonder if,she realized you were being a jokester. Shame it played out like that. I've had flirty 'neg' type joking backfire on me like that and it sucks. Pretty much though, if she interprets any sort of self effacing or double entendre type flirting or friendly 'neg' type joking in a negative way, then there really was no attraction there and it was just formal friendly before.

 

Thing is, IMO this sort of line is rarely attractive past grade school, regardless of whom it comes from. It isn't witty in any way, shape or form. I get that sometimes people make bloopers and put their foot in their mouth by accident, so I wouldn't be too hard on SD for it, but if you are actually saying stuff like this on purpose and expecting it to work.... eh.

[R3d]

Don't use that line again.

 

Just curious, and I am seeing other people point this out too, why was that a "bad" line?

[xxoo]

I don't know how I'm understood on this forum, but I really really like looking at pretty girls. Since I've been single for so long before my ex, the only real experience I've had with women was looking at them. Even now I'm starting to get back into that mindset where I just want to look at pretty girls because that's what I'm used to. Women have always been, look but don't touch. So essentially I want a girlfriend that I can enjoy looking at. Before anybody says anything, yes I did have frequent physical contact with my ex.

 

This is kind of "duh". I mean, all men like looking at pretty women, and want a partner they find to be pretty

 

That is no different from the next guy. What may be different is your judgment of pretty. If it is particularly narrow, maybe lay off the porn.

[MidwestUSA]

Just curious, and I am seeing other people point this out too, why was that a "bad" line?

 

1) it's lame

 

 

2) she may not have taken it in the joking manner in which he intended it

 

 

3) he could have turned it around - self deprecation. "Looks like you're stuck with me again". Altho it's still lame.

[Els]

 

3) he could have turned it around - self deprecation. "Looks like you're stuck with me again". Altho it's still lame.

 

Yeah, this wouldn't be as bad, though not particularly a standout either.

[ascendotum]

Thing is, IMO this sort of line is rarely attractive past grade school, regardless of whom it comes from. It isn't witty in any way, shape or form. I get that sometimes people make bloopers and put their foot in their mouth by accident, so I wouldn't be too hard on SD for it, but if you are actually saying stuff like this on purpose and expecting it to work.... eh.

 

I don't think its juvenile, if not used as a consistent form of joking around. If its said with a smile, and the women is any sort of attracted to the guy, she will interpret it as playful teasing.

 

If the woman fancies you, some people would be surprised what you can get away with. Really corny jokes and full on filthy jokes will be cool in many cases.

I guess a bit over a decade ago, Brad Pitt had made the comment he's 'hung like a hamster', and a couple of other big stars caught on and made similar comments like 'they are terrible in bed'. There was a short lived phase where I live with guys and self effacing remarks following that. A couple of single women I knew then, took guys home the same night they met them after the guys made similar negative but jokey comments about themselves. I was thinking WTF and they thought it was cute. I guess it worked because women were used to guys bragging. Well it became a trend then a cliche and died out. I remember reading an article on the trend a bit after that time from a psychologist commenting on it and advising it only works for attractive men and advising less attractive guys not to do it. I saw this first hand one night with one of the girls in our group putting down one of the not so good looking guys who tried that approach with her. She said back to him, 'well that makes you a double loser then doesn't it' and laughed in his face. Ouch lol.

[LuckyLady13]

It is also lame because it sounded like he wasn't too interested in being with her. He could've said "awesome, I'm with you again" which would've been a lot better, don't you think?

 

Somedude, you're taking this too hard though. You played a little playful tactic with her and it sounds like she played it back, ran off with another guy and it meant nothing because it was one night. If you wanted to date her and you were thinking of asking her out, do that next time you see her!! If you don't, well, no wonder you haven't been dating because you're not showing genuine interest in anyone. Show her you're interested.

 

This may have really been nothing. It's as if you two were playing tennis, not dancing, she popped the ball over to you and instead of swinging it back to her, you let it fly out of the court and said "ha, ha" and she walked off. Doesn't mean she won't play tennis with you another day but hit the ball back next time!

 

Treat her as if you never stuck your foot in your mouth. I have never had a problem dating in my life. And if I did a goof move and stuck my foot in my mouth, I'd wait until tomorrow or the next time I saw the person, treat them as if nothing happened and move forward as quickly as possible. The best thing you can do is create all sorts of new memories so everybody forgets about the little goof up.

[BlueIris]

Just curious, and I am seeing other people point this out too, why was that a "bad" line?

 

Because on its face it's an insult.

 

Perhaps when you know someone well, and you know each others' senses of humor, it could be teasing.

 

If SD is trying to get dates, the best route is to be nice, to be direct, as others have suggested.

Edited September 18, 2014 by BlueIris

[Els]

If the woman fancies you, some people would be surprised what you can get away with. Really corny jokes and full on filthy jokes will be cool in many cases. Brad Pitt etc....

 

Well, do you want your words to be something that you need to look like Brad Pitt to 'get away with', or do you want them to actually add to your attractiveness? Your choice...

[jay1983]

I don't think its juvenile, if not used as a consistent form of joking around. If its said with a smile, and the women is any sort of attracted to the guy, she will interpret it as playful teasing.

 

If the woman fancies you, some people would be surprised what you can get away with. Really corny jokes and full on filthy jokes will be cool in many cases.

I guess a bit over a decade ago, Brad Pitt had made the comment he's 'hung like a hamster', and a couple of other big stars caught on and made similar comments like 'they are terrible in bed'. There was a short lived phase where I live with guys and self effacing remarks following that. A couple of single women I knew then, took guys home the same night they met them after the guys made similar negative but jokey comments about themselves. I was thinking WTF and they thought it was cute. I guess it worked because women were used to guys bragging. Well it became a trend then a cliche and died out. I remember reading an article on the trend a bit after that time from a psychologist commenting on it and advising it only works for attractive men and advising less attractive guys not to do it. I saw this first hand one night with one of the girls in our group putting down one of the not so good looking guys who tried that approach with her. She said back to him, 'well that makes you a double loser then doesn't it' and laughed in his face. Ouch lol.

 

Yeah when a girl is into you she'll like and laugh at anything you say, no matter how corny.

[jay1983]

I don't it was a bad line, sounds very much like a joke to me and unless she's completely prude, she knew what he meant. She was looking for a reason to run to the other guy. I bet if he said the same thing she wouldn't have run from him. I've gotten away with saying stuff worse than that and I'm no Brad Pitt. There's no magic line or perfect tone you can use. She either likes you or she doesn't.

Edited September 18, 2014 by jay1983

[Lani]

I don't it was a bad line, sounds very much like a joke to me and unless she's completely prude, she knew what he meant. She was looking for a reason to run to the other guy. I bet if he said the same thing she wouldn't have run from him. I've gotten away with saying stuff worse than that and I'm no Brad Pitt. There's no magic line or perfect tone you can use. She either likes you or she doesn't.

 

It's a lame and cheesy line for sure, but like you say, if she's into him she would have laughed it off.

 

The main point here is that she clearly wasn't interested. However SD seems to think she does like spending time with him, and also claims he is good at reading social cues.. It may be time to rethink that stance.

[somedude81]

In all honestly, I don't think she actually heard me say the whole thing. My speech is a little odd at times and I think "...you again" was the only part that came out. Odds are no matter what I said, she would have done the same thing.

 

I said it with a smile and it was just meant to tease her. "Cool, it's you again" just sounds really corny, and if she still ran away after that, which she most likely would have done, would suck.