Becoming more picky about looks?

[Cristo]

I don't subscribe to the slow burn thing it's usually a waste of time

 

Most women I've gotten with I could tell right away they like me physically then from there it was pretty easy I just had to not f it up

 

Keep trying till you get quick mutual interest and the women will let it be known how much she likes you

 

Well, it CAN work. But not the way SD is doing it.

 

I've had this happen multiple times: I meet a girl that I like. I ask her out. She doesn't like me. I give up at trying to date her and become her actual friend. Then she starts liking me (and I may or may not realize it lol).

 

Of course, quick mutual interest is good too lol.

[somedude81]

Well, it CAN work. But not the way SD is doing it.

 

I've had this happen multiple times: I meet a girl that I like. I ask her out. She doesn't like me. I give up at trying to date her and become her actual friend. Then she starts liking me (and I may or may not realize it lol).

 

Of course, quick mutual interest is good too lol.

 

Aside from you actually giving up on dating her, how are our methods different?

 

How long did it take on average for the woman to become interested in you after she initially turned you down?

 

BTW, how is my age at all relevant. Frankly, I've only had one relationship and that only lasted six months. So I see that I have a lot of catching up to do.

[Cristo]

Aside from you actually giving up on dating her, how are our methods different?

 

How long did it take on average for the woman to become interested in you after she initially turned you down?

 

BTW, how is my age at all relevant. Frankly, I've only had one relationship and that only lasted six months. So I see that I have a lot of catching up to do.

 

Anywhere from a few months to years. But, again, I wasn't really trying to get with them. I considered them to be genuine friends. In some cases, I turned them down because I no longer felt the same way. When I was younger, especially, if a woman turned me down once, they didn't get a second chance. I'm more lenient now.

 

And it is different because most people act different around people they're trying really hard to date than when they are with their genuine friends.

 

Your age is relevant because most people don't spend their 30s with their sole focus on women. Most men have that part of their lives mostly figured out by then and have some kind of career.

[somedude81]

Anywhere from a few months to years. But, again, I wasn't really trying to get with them. I considered them to be genuine friends. In some cases, I turned them down because I no longer felt the same way. When I was younger, especially, if a woman turned me down once, they didn't get a second chance. I'm more lenient now.

 

Yeah I can't wait a long time with this girl.

 

That said, I have become genuine friends with some girls, though I was never able to stop liking them. There is one girl that I mentioned I was friends with for two years, but in the end it was my feelings for her that drove her away. I have never been able to stop liking a girl when I continue to interact with her.

 

Your age is relevant because most people don't spend their 30s with their sole focus on women. Most men have that part of their lives mostly figured out by then and have some kind of career.

 

Most people my age are married with kids...

[Teknoe]

Well, it CAN work. But not the way SD is doing it.

 

I think it only works when the guy truly releases pressure and pursues other areas in his life that shows his crush what a great catch he would be. This includes but is not limited to:

 

-Various life skills

-Social capital

-Succeeding on the job

 

Girls are attracted to guys with power or guys who just seem to be happy and have fun wherever they go.

 

If you're just middle of the road, floating around, then you won't stand out, and you won't get her to change her feelings about you at all. If anything, you will only further solidify yourself as "non dating material."

[normal person]

Girls are attracted to guys with power or guys who just seem to be happy and have fun wherever they go.

 

If you're just middle of the road, floating around, then you won't stand out, and you won't get her to change her feelings about you at all. If anything, you will only further solidify yourself as "non dating material."

 

Good post. SD, I don't know a ton about you, but what's special about you? When you ask a girl out, why are you expecting that she might say yes? What's the thing that you're hoping she's going to notice?

 

I remember reading a brilliant post from someone on here a few months ago. It was regarding what a girl will tell her friends about a guy she's going out with and why she'd be excited about it.

 

"I'm dating this new guy and he's amazing. He's totally funny, he started his own law firm, and he volunteers at the animal shelter on the weekends so he has all these adorable pictures of puppies that he'll randomly send me."

 

What're you hoping she'll tell her friends about you? Whatever it is, that's the thing you need to display more before you go and ask her out blindly.

[somedude81]

It's annoying that women do that.

 

I would never say, "I'm dating a girl who is really sweet and nice. She has her own business and she feeds the homeless on weekends."

 

Nobody cares about that. They just want go know if she's dirty in bed

[normal person]

It's annoying that women do that.

 

 

Why is that annoying? It should be flattering. And there's a lot more that I care about in a girl than whether she's good in bed or not.

[Anela]

It's annoying that women do that.

 

I would never say, "I'm dating a girl who is really sweet and nice. She has her own business and she feeds the homeless on weekends."

 

Nobody cares about that. They just want go know if she's dirty in bed

 

I think that if you're in love with a girl, you wouldn't really want another man thinking about what she's like in bed.

 

Look at the posts from men who are in love (whether or not they know the woman well). A few may mention sex - I can think of one man in particular, who does that - but he and the rest gush about how wonderful the woman is. You don't usually see, "cor, yeah, she's dynamite in the sack!"

[somedude81]

Either way, if she really likes me, she'll think of something to brag to her friends about.

 

Hell, maybe she'll say, "He's such a hard worker. He tries really hard in his math class."

 

My ex always said that I was funny and sweet whenever I overheard her talking about me.

[normal person]

It's annoying that women do that.

 

You finding it annoying isn't going to stop it from happening. So what would they say about you?

 

I would never say, "I'm dating a girl who is really sweet and nice. She has her own business and she feeds the homeless on weekends."

 

I would say that with pride. You make it sound like your only criteria for a girlfriend is "doesn't reject me."

[normal person]

Either way, if she really likes me, she'll think of something to brag to her friends about.

 

You really don't get it. WHY would she like you? You're putting the cart before the horse.

[somedude81]

You finding it annoying isn't going to stop it from happening. So what would they say about you?

 

 

 

I would say that with pride. You make it sound like your only criteria for a girlfriend is "doesn't reject me."

 

Honestly I don't care about those things.

 

All I want from a girl is that she's intelligent, easy to make her laugh, sweet etc. Those are all traits. What she actually does in her own time is just fluff.

 

My ex did ballet for 10 years. She was the lead in Swan Lake and Nutcracker. Yeah those are cool, but I never told anybody else. I only mentioned things that directly affected me to other people when I talked about her

[normal person]

Honestly I don't care about those things.

 

 

Your preferences aren't really the issue you here. If you don't care, that's fine. Every girl you're trying to date will care though, and there the ones who will decide if you can go out with them or not.

 

You seem to assume people like each other for no reason. So what reason would a girl have to date you specifically?

[yajiuma]

I think the timing is going to be really the biggest problem. It's already been stated many times -TICK-TOCK graduation looming on horizon dude!

 

However, from the point of view of a woman this is something of importance too, as who wants to truly commit to a romantic relationship that will probably end in less than 3 months due to potential distance/different life stages etc.

 

UNLESS you have insane chemistry/levels of mutual attraction it's unlikely that there will be a girl that ticks all the boxes moving into "proper girlfriend" status before your impending departure from college.

[somedude81]

I think the timing is going to be really the biggest problem. It's already been stated many times -TICK-TOCK graduation looming on horizon dude!

 

However, from the point of view of a woman this is something of importance too, as who wants to truly commit to a romantic relationship that will probably end in less than 3 months due to potential distance/different life stages etc.

 

UNLESS you have insane chemistry/levels of mutual attraction it's unlikely that there will be a girl that ticks all the boxes moving into "proper girlfriend" status before your impending departure from college.

 

Now that is putting the cart before the horse.

 

The only thing on my mind right now is getting that first date.

[organizedchaos]

It's annoying that women do that.

 

I would never say, "I'm dating a girl who is really sweet and nice. She has her own business and she feeds the homeless on weekends."

 

Nobody cares about that. They just want go know if she's dirty in bed

 

Sorry SD, but that's how it works. I do that about my current gf and my past gf's. I'm sure she does the same about me. And I know my ex did too.

Edited October 7, 2014 by organizedchaos

[Teknoe]

It's annoying that women do that.

 

I would never say, "I'm dating a girl who is really sweet and nice. She has her own business and she feeds the homeless on weekends."

 

It might be annoying to you, but that doesn't change the fact that most women do like to be able to "brag" about their significant other in some way. It goes back to women wanting to be with someone "special" and not someone who is just a couch potato who wants sex and doesn't really contribute anything particularly meaningful to the world.

 

Whether you like it or not, that's how it works for most women. If you don't have good looks or bucket loads of money, you better have charm up the wazoo, a kick-butt personality and some amazing social skills.

 

Otherwise, you might find yourself repeating the pattern you've been repeating for a long time now.

 

Either adapt and change, or remain in the same position.

[rester]

Honestly I don't care about those things.

 

All I want from a girl is that she's intelligent, easy to make her laugh, sweet etc. Those are all traits. What she actually does in her own time is just fluff.

 

My ex did ballet for 10 years. She was the lead in Swan Lake and Nutcracker. Yeah those are cool, but I never told anybody else. I only mentioned things that directly affected me to other people when I talked about her

 

Doing ballet for ten years and being the lead in those two plays is an admirable thing, don't you think? Typically people mention things to their friends and families that they find admirable in their partner and respect them for. Those accomplishments become part of who people are and make them stand out. People mention these things because they are achievements to be proud of. There are millions if women that are intelligent, sweet, and easy to make laugh, but what makes each one an individual?

 

For you, you have surfing and dancing to be proud of.

[braindamage]

Nobody cares about that. They just want go know if she's dirty in bed

 

Yeah, if you're 16. Or if LS is the only listening ear.

[guest569]

I hope you're not pursuing the woman who had rejected you already... Why would you do it?

[ascendotum]

It might be annoying to you, but that doesn't change the fact that most women do like to be able to "brag" about their significant other in some way. It goes back to women wanting to be with someone "special" and not someone who is just a couch potato who wants sex and doesn't really contribute anything particularly meaningful to the world.

 

Whether you like it or not, that's how it works for most women. If you don't have good looks or bucket loads of money, you better have charm up the wazoo, a kick-butt personality and some amazing social skills.

 

Otherwise, you might find yourself repeating the pattern you've been repeating for a long time now.

 

Either adapt and change, or remain in the same position.

 

I think most guys don't put a lot of stock in finding a girl friend that they can brag about her accomplishments. they just want a girl they find cute/sexy and who has an easy going sweet nature and thinks the same of them. Comparability in terms of ambition/drive will also be very important from a long term perspective, but with less emphasis from the guy's side I've observed. Some guys think that what they don't think is a big deal deal in terms of a partner that women wont either, but they'd be wrong, and there is a double standard on this as much as it might annoy less driven & industrious guys. While they might be happy with a laid back average lifestyle, average personality, average job, average intelligence, very modest ambitions girl, lots of said girls don't want the equivalent. As much as some women here talk about guys wanting arm candy, I really don't think the social status (approval by their family & peers) of their gf is as big a deal for guys as it is for women. Sure guys want a pretty woman but its much more of a an internal stimulation thing.

 

I don't think it is as extreme as you put it in terms of the necessary attributes a guy must have, but bottom line is the prettier women with plenty of options will date up....so if you want to be a contender it helps to be brag worthy.

[thefooloftheyear]

I think most guys don't put a lot of stock in finding a girl friend that they can brag about her accomplishments. they just want a girl they find cute/sexy and who has an easy going sweet nature and thinks the same of them. Comparability in terms of ambition/drive will also be very important from a long term perspective, but with less emphasis from the guy's side I've observed. Some guys think that what they don't think is a big deal deal in terms of a partner that women wont either, but they'd be wrong, and there is a double standard on this as much as it might annoy less driven & industrious guys. While they might be happy with a laid back average lifestyle, average personality, average job, average intelligence, very modest ambitions girl, lots of said girls don't want the equivalent. As much as some women here talk about guys wanting arm candy, I really don't think the social status (approval by their family & peers) of their gf is as big a deal for guys as it is for women. Sure guys want a pretty woman but its much more of a an internal stimulation thing.

 

I don't think it is as extreme as you put it in terms of the necessary attributes a guy must have, but bottom line is the prettier women with plenty of options will date up....so if you want to be a contender it helps to be brag worthy.

 

 

I'm not sure if I am misunderstanding you(or some of the other posters), but why in the world wouldnt a guy want a woman who was well rounded and dynamic? I think its awesome that a woman has accomplishments and things that she hangs her hat on...I would think that any guy would find that appealing.????.(scratches head)??

 

TFY

[somedude81]

I'm just not interested in a woman past accomplishments, or things that don't directly involve me.

 

There is no benefit to dating a woman who raised a bunch of money for charity and is very driven in her work, if she's cold and unaffectionate to me.

[normal person]

I'm just not interested in a woman past accomplishments, or things that don't directly involve me.

 

There is no benefit to dating a woman who raised a bunch of money for charity and is very driven in her work, if she's cold and unaffectionate to me.

 

Fine, we understand that you don't care that much about what a girl brings to the table. But you're letting that make you think that women also don't care. BUT THEY DO. So you have to ask yourself this question: what do you bring to the table?