Contradiction or what? Rather Confused

[Jane]

Why?

 

I have posted previously about my break up shortly after purchasing a house with my partner. All of a sudden (maybe longer who knows?) I am hearing he wants an end and to buy my part of the house, no interest in any attempt at resolving stuff - PLAINLY STATED.

 

The time was during my third week of actively addressing my issues and starting church. Previously I would have talked about it and not do it, although I did wish it. The issues included stuff HE BLAMED FOR THE BREAK UP, AND encouraged me to go to Church.

 

I am still in recovery and have had OBVIOUS distress eg. had facial surgery of a delicate nature and other stuff.

 

On top of this - more stuff happened which caused OBVIOUS DISTRESS eg. a family member got very sick, lots.

 

Yet despite my distress he has hassled me at least 7 times about plans for what to do with the house.

 

His primary focus and decision was that I MOVE ASAP and he buys me out ( knowing very well I am not able to afford to make the repayments). Addressed later.

 

His mother too PESTERED ME OFTEN - another story - umbilical attachment IT SEEMS at 35 years of age.

 

No other options interested him.

 

I felt DEVASTATED and as I was already ill l and was expecting this to eventuate.

 

I am jobless and will work when well has been my goal so as to put $$ into repayments. He volunteered to do the repayments and verbalised the trust in me he had to pay some $ or other imput when well. He has said he knows I will give input as evidenced by some previous $$ I gave to him when I had the funds.

 

The timing! How could a person say that whilst his partner is in pain with sutures right down my face?

 

One day I said to him (I don't know where the words came from - spooky) " I am not moving nor making any major decisions whilst in this state. If you want to do anything then go ahead". Legally it was 1/2 my house - I had contributed almost a matching total of money to the deposit, most of my bak funds.

 

Since then I have continued to get well in the issues of concern despite more new awful stressors (previously I would have become almost immobile). This is the most stressors I have had and - all at once. Yet I persisted in EVERY endevour I had planned.

 

Now he has verbalised - I am going downhill - directly after I had shared my joy of going uphill despite adversity.

 

What is this? The symptoms he suffers are psych related and I have had many years experience in the field - not working now.

 

PLUS

 

During at least 3-4 (some heated) discussions I have told him twice to take the whole lot if a bunch of bricks and money is a ppriority over a person. I meant it - I asked him to get the papers. The other times I have said yes buy me out fine - if that is your priority - please have it - adding my priority was of a humanitarian nature.

 

Yes, I have used emotive words - but it is the truth. Maybe as a response to not only the nagging but other cruel things too - like ignoring me on my birthday, using childish behaviour toward the pets - not feeding the pets (it is known that I cherish the pets) that previously incited an angry response (by the way, I have not allowed any of the actions to affect me - in fact I have gone from being "reactive" to ?resilient? Something different to my previous self, I would previously had tried to make up and we would always be back together. This time I have tentatively opened a few doors for him and have remained firm in my decision not to try, believing if it is meant to be then he will initiate and I will consider. I have also set a time limit and theres only 3 weeks left for him to have any chance at reconciliation.

 

So why has he not got the paperwork for me to sign? WHEN I HAVE REPEATEDLY STATED TAKE THE HOUSE FOR FREE it has been weeks now.

 

WOULD YOU TAKE THIS OFFER?

 

He has had a rather noticeable personality change too, and it is like a mirror of my previous "behaviour". I used "victim" behaviour till I got insight - maybe evn unconsciously.

 

Saying one thing and not following it through? This is a man who sets a goal and has action ++ to reach the goal.

[Tony T]

Do not give him the house.

 

Have an accountant figure out how much he owes you, taking into account his advancement of your portion of the repayments, interest, deposit, down payment, your part of all other payments regarding the house. Figure out exactly how much the buy out figure is to you.

 

The have an attorney send him a letter of offer for him to purchase the house for that amount.

 

Meanwhile, make every effort you can make to move out and get away from this element. No rational person, particularly in your state, would want to be around a man like this and you shouldn't be.

 

As far as everything happening to you at once, that's the way it happens sometimes. But things do get much better and life will turn around for you.

 

I hope you have learned some important lessons about having partners in real estate.

[Juds]

I'm with Tony. Don't give him the house. You are entitled to a correct settlement, and that will leave you much more able to stand on your own two feet financially.

 

At least if you aren't working, then you'll have some money to fall back on.

 

I would see an attorney quickly, and get out quickly. He is manipulative, and you should hold your head high and retain your dignity.

 

Look after No. 1 here, or you will live to regret it.

[Jane]

Thanks Juds and Tony

 

As I posted to Tony I will not give the house. I have seen an attorney and I am legally entitled to half of the house.

 

I told him this and his reply was I will have to move out or take it to court. I asked today if he had proceeded with the court and he replied not yet. This is a man who is usually active when a decision is made.

 

He has only moved downstairs. Today I told him that he has the downstairs so I have the upstairs and he can use the kitchen and that is it. I had observed him strutting around MY floor and felt invaded. That is fair 1/2 and 1/2 is it not?

 

So why hasn't he moved out?

 

I have decided that I will NOT leave.

 

I have noted ALL his attempts to bait me have been pinged back like a tennis ball bouncing off a wall.

 

They have no effect - now - I am still having a life too, new friends, just continuing.

 

Prior to this dispute I would always encourage - manipulate - whatever towards a reconciliation. This worked each time, but drained my energy hence why I refuse to do it again. He told my mum "I had made him get back together" LOL. The first time I left him was for real and he followed once it became obvious that I was not going back. I did invite him however.

 

I did allow myself to be placed in a subservient position to which he truly took on - strutting around etc. As he was very shy and lacked social skills etc. So I have built up his ego throughout the entire relationship, and he is convinced (it appears) he is superior.

 

In reality I am - spiritually, socially, personal growth wise etc - except financially. I used to be well off when independant. Now money means little in comparison.

 

I WILL NOT LEAVE. NOT NOW I HAVE ALL THESE NEW FRIENDS, GROUPS ETC. I previously dedicated 95% to him at the expense of me. I learnt however.

 

My transformation is incredible. and is remarked on frequently - I was pretty okay before I met him. But this recent insight and growth is amazing.

 

I am not moving at his whim. He can organise the court - which incidently I am confident of an outcome in my favour. Plus I've had court contact many times, work clients etc. His feelings about court are not the same. He has requested an out of court settlement. I do know how much stress it will place on him if it does go to court.

 

This is my decision for the next few weeks anyway. My life outside the home is a miracle. No moving for me right now.

 

He has become increasingly isolated and after 1-2 days of avoiding me he would then knock on my door and offer food, coffee - whatever. Now to be legally seperated I am told that doing this implies that we are not separated. I have not returned offers of food etc.

 

WHY DOES HE DO THIS? That is all for now - I only spend 1/2 hour a day on this predicament and have exceeded my self imposed limit.

 

No moving out despite verbalising same - no organising court either. Yawn. Goodnight!

 

I'm with Tony. Don't give him the house. You are entitled to a correct settlement, and that will leave you much more able to stand on your own two feet financially. At least if you aren't working, then you'll have some money to fall back on. I would see an attorney quickly, and get out quickly. He is manipulative, and you should hold your head high and retain your dignity. Look after No. 1 here, or you will live to regret it.