WhiskeyJack Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I'm pretty sure I'm the oddball here. I think your overreacting. To me family is family I would have done the same thing he did if my family was in trouble and considering its his house he can basically do what he wants. You trying to dictate what he can do is probably just pissing him off. Yes he was a douche with how he went about it, and I'm sure that isn't the first time he has acted that way in the 2 years you've been dating. Cut your losses and leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I'm pretty sure I'm the oddball here. I think your overreacting. To me family is family I would have done the same thing he did if my family was in trouble and considering its his house he can basically do what he wants. You trying to dictate what he can do is probably just pissing him off. Yes he was a douche with how he went about it, and I'm sure that isn't the first time he has acted that way in the 2 years you've been dating. I agree that I would do the same thing for a childhood friend, and would not like someone else dictating whether I could or couldn't help. BUT... when you are in a relationship - especially one where you live together - you have a responsibility to talk to your SO and work out a solution together. It isn't all about ONE person anymore. This guy sounds very selfish - even down to the cat thing. You are better off without him, OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MoreCoffee Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 You made the right call to bounce. PS Isn't the Chinese character for "discord," two women under one roof? Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I'm not sure how so many posters seem to be approaching this from a 'well, she is family' perspective when the OP CLEARLY states her partner told her she's a childhood friend. I have childhood friends who are, to me, absolutely family now. But we're still not blood family. There's no distinction for me with my female best friends, but the distinction is important for one obvious reason here: if she was family, anything romantic would be forbidden. She isn't family, therefore no matter how close they are (and how close can they really be, if the OP hasn't even heard about her in over two years of dating?) there is always the potential for romantic/sexual feelings to develop. OP, even if she WAS family, your boyfriend doesn't respect you. I would want consultation if my partner wanted to move ANYONE in, family or not. It's your house too. Even if it was his damn mother, you should have an input. His response of 'well, it's my house and I'll do what I like' shows that you're not at all important to him. It doesn't even sound like he cares, and I'm getting the vibe others are getting that he's trying to get you to leave of your own accord. Probably so he can be with this girl. She must be damn special for him to choose her over his partner. And that 'do whatever you want' response, when you spoke to him about splitting? Jesus, just break up already. CLASSIC manipulator response. My ex did it all of the time, he knew full well that it wasn't a 'no problem sweetie, I trust you to make the right decision and will support whatever it is' it was a clear 'you're about to do something I don't want you to do, so I am going to make you feel so bad about it that you'll choose not to do it after all'. Sick. And he obviously doesn't want to be with you if that's his answer, does he? Good luck with the breakup and moving on, I promise you you WILL do a hell of a lot better than this assclown. Link to post Share on other sites
Blade96 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 What a nut! You don't just bring strangers into your house without telling your bf or gf who you live in the same house with and talking it over with them! No offence but he is a nut! Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I'm in splits here, actually. More so leaning on siding with the OP though. But only for the following reasons: 1) You pay rent/utilities 2) He was a dick about it. If it wasn't for those two items, I would have sided with your (ex)-boyfriend. If he was providing you with a living space without any financial responsibility, I would think you have no leg to stand on. I think that's your saving grace here, in my eyes. If you're contributing money-wise, then you have the right to not to be happy with him bringing in another person. If not, then not. Especially since she's "family" to him. That's a biggie for me. Family (and friends that are close as such) will ALWAYS be there for you. Men/women come and go, family is always there. I would a hard time refusing to help a family member if my girlfriend objects. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I'm in splits here, actually. More so leaning on siding with the OP though. But only for the following reasons: 1) You pay rent/utilities 2) He was a dick about it. I'm going to take at least one of those reasons away, maybe both. Let's change the situation just a bit: His house. She's a roommate, not a GF. He decides to get another roommate. She doesn't like it? Tough titties, right? His decision, she doesn't like it, then leave. He doesn't even have to charge the new girl rent if he doesn't want to. OK, so now she's the GF again, except that she pays rent and utilities. So, it is not like husband and wife, where she is liable for the entire mortgage, just like he is. Her participation in the asset is very limited. Let's change the situation again: His house. She lives elsewhere. Does she have a right to demand he get rid of her? That all depends on the relationship. She's been with him for 2.5 years, but we don't know when she moved in. We also don't know what the terms of their relationship are. How close are they to marriage? Is that even on the table? I'm a little torn on this. Clearly they have a different set of expectations, and in law, where the terms of the bargain are understood differently by the parties (no meeting of the minds) then there is no enforceable agreement. That seems to be what's going on here. He let her become a roommate. She thinks it's her home. It's not clear to me this is what he agreed to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimigee Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 In case anyone wanted to know what happend...We broke up and I moved into my brothers house. we talked it out and I guess we couldnt come to agree on anything... so we broke up. were on good terms so we dont hate eachother or anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 In case anyone wanted to know what happend...We broke up and I moved into my brothers house. we talked it out and I guess we couldnt come to agree on anything... so we broke up. were on good terms so we dont hate eachother or anything. Good for you! I'm glad you are moving forward! Link to post Share on other sites
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