CaughtUp Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 I just would really like to get the other side of this. And I'm having a hard time because I've found out that my MM is ill and I'm going crazy with wanting to be in touch with him. While married I was a cheated on wife and I ended that marriage being a cheater. What I would like to know is What would it take for you to leave your Wife for the Other Woman? What would be the last straw and cause you to leave your Other Woman? Do you ever really think about the Other Woman when she isn't around? Would you string the Other Woman along just for the emotional attachment? I realize that every situation is different and no matter what answers I get on here that still isn't my MM's opinon, but right now its all I have. If you would rather PM me with a response that is fine too. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 Think you should repost this question and your thread in the OW/OM section, you'll get more help and answers there. Link to post Share on other sites
izzybelle Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 wwiu - perhaps she thinks there's more likely of a chance that men who are WS's may be on this forum, she did say she wants the other side of this. and hey, we've been trying to give encouragement to a BS on the OW/OM forum who wants to get her H back, so it seems perfectly logical that caughtup looks here. caught - i'm sorry that someone you care about is ill. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 Izzy, Yup, I just suggested that she post in the other section as well...The more support for her the better. That's all. Didn't mean it to jump off the page, and definately wasn't supposed to be taken the wrong way. CU, is there any way you can call the Hospital he's in and get an update on his health? Or is he at home. I'm sure he is wanting to talk to you and knows you're worrying. Hang in there and keep good thoughts, hopefully he'll feel better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup Think you should repost this question and your thread in the OW/OM section, you'll get more help and answers there. The majority of posters on the Infidelity board are dealing with the fall-out from cheating. Whether they are posting from the viewpoint of having been betrayed in their relationship, or dealing with the repercussions of having committed adultery themselves.....they are mostly in pain. A post designed to perpetrate infidelity is probably no more welcome here than a post scouraging the OW or OM in the other forum. I don't post there too often, because when I do....I have a strong urge to say things that are less than helpful. And on the rare occasions that I do post there, I try very hard to limit myself to expression which will deal with other aspects of the adultery rather than the main question of should it exist at all. IMHO, this forum is deserving of the same respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaughtUp Posted March 5, 2005 Author Share Posted March 5, 2005 I have posted this question in a couple of forums and I haven't gotten any response. Ladyjane14: This isn't a post perpertrating infidelity I was asking about the feelings behind their actions and about what they have experienced. And as I respect the fact that you have refrained from going to the OM/OW site and posting your anger there I don't feel that you are the forum police to tell other posters how they should look for the answers to the questions that they have as long as they haven't broken any LoveShack rules. Izzy and Whichway: I didn't take offense to your suggestion Whichway. I tried that and there is already a question on the OW/OM site that got the response that not to many MM post there. I also appreciate your concern and the best that I can do at this point is send a letter which I already did and see what the response is. I offered my love and help regardless to how our relationship works out now all I can do is wait. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaughtUp Posted March 5, 2005 Author Share Posted March 5, 2005 You all are aware that this was posted under the infidelity part of the forum and not the Marriage portion correct? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 This isn't a post perpertrating infidelity.... Unless I missed a memo in one of your other posts, it would seem that your particular case of adultery is still in the planning stages. That would make you less of an OW than an OW wannabe. In that case, "perpetrating" would certainly appear to be the correct terminology. And I STILL find your post to be insensitive to the spirit of this specific forum. However, I am NOT the "board police". Your continued presence here attests to that. That doesn't mean that I am required to withhold my opinion, in a display of sensitivity for those who cannot reciprocate in kind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaughtUp Posted March 5, 2005 Author Share Posted March 5, 2005 Ladyjane14: I'm really not trying to be offensive or insensitve just I asked this questions in a few forums with no helpful reply. I couldn't think of a better place to find a cheating H or a reformed cheating H than in the Infidelity forum. Can you? And as far as our affair goes it was in full swing at one time so I'm not sitting here planning to start up with a MM. I invested my heart in something and I'm just wondering if its time to sell low and cut my losses now, or hang in there and see what happens to their relationship with little interference from me and see if we have a shot. I don't know if you can grasp this (or care) from your point of view but the OW/OM can also be in pain. As I am and have been from the day I found out that he was M till this very moment. I'm searching for answers too. For my part in adultery. For something to make the pain go away. For the key to be able to truly move forward and I'm looking for that help everywhere I possibly can. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs Moo Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 I am wondering, you say your relationship with MM was in full swing at one time. Has it ended completely now or has he given you some kind of sign that he wants it to continue? You say you're working for his family but you don't seem to be in contact with him anymore. Surely this is enough of a sign to move on and forget about him. I certainly think you should stop working for his family, it sounds as if you're becoming (if not already) addicted to the whole situation (and MM!). Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 My two-cents... It is a fact of life that there are folks out there whose capacity for empathy, sympathy and compassion simply doesn't extend beyond the confine of their own skin. The best course of action is to ignore. You didn't create their condition and you can't cure them in a few words. Ignoring them is your only option. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaughtUp Posted March 6, 2005 Author Share Posted March 6, 2005 He has given me a sign that he wants it to continue but not a big enough sign that I feel secure with what transpired....if that makes any sense. I've just asked where to from here of him. The situation is is that he is far away from home and that is why I have little contact and I'm not going into details just on the of chance that someone would recognize the situation I not only work for his family but they treat me like a daughter which is getting pretty tough for me because even if everything works out with MM then I risk losing these people that I care very deeply for. I don't know if you have read my thread "This need is driving me insane" but a lot of your questions could be answered there if you feel so inclined. Link to post Share on other sites
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