brashgal Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 kkat - you can't continue to beat yourself up over this - you gotta drop this guy again - on his head. He is a user of the worst kind - I resent the hell out of the way he continues to insinuate himself into your life - do not let him back in, for any reason. He is not your friend, I don't care how much history you have and how much of it was good - he is now only out for himself (and probably was all along) and it is not good for you. I wish you only happiness and a strong backbone. And if you need someone to kick the **** out of him, let me know - the Love Shack Posse will ride!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kkat Posted March 16, 2005 Author Share Posted March 16, 2005 An update for my friends here-- It's been 9 days since I last heard from ex-MM which was when he sent me a text after not calling me back, and I responded w/ an uncharacteristically angry (nasty) text. I left him a message two days later; he never responded. I know he is in Florida on his annual outing and that wife is also there, but it's never happened that he has not called me for 9 days (even when I have been attempting strict NC I don't think he's ever gone 9 days...). Before this he was calling me several times a day with his whole "let's be friends" begging thing. My intuition tells me something out of the normal disgusting pattern of the past 2 years is up...perhaps he did tell his wife? The past week has been tough for me - this is an addiction and I have gone through the withdrawal of no contact with him with great difficulty - but now I am getting to the "better" part - where I start to realize how much better it is not to spend my time and energy fighting and discussing about the past (there is no future - I realize that). It's strange - I think somewhere over the past few days I let go in a way I hadn't before - I realized that nothing he could ever do or say would erase this latest, crappy move on his part - reeling me back in with this whole friendship thing. Some friend. Guess he forgot to call to check on the results of my mammogram/follow-up on my lump; if my father got out of the hospital this week; how my conference went that I've been working on for a year and that happened this week; blah blah blah. Anyway, I've always let him manipulate him with the excuses he made - and for some reason, this week, something clicked and I realized I wouldn't be able to excuse his behavior anymore. I think he played me like a fiddle - he kept me engaged in his b.s. while he was fearful I was going to expose our relationship, and then he disconnected when that was no longer an issue, either because he did it himself or because he decided his fears were unfounded. I would like to know what happened - it's strange to have someone in your life for so many years and then poof! - disappear -- but my intuition suspects I am never going to hear from him again. But I am going to try to use this as a wonderful blessing and start again to try to heal and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
goldy Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 kkat, i really feel for you, this guy is an absolute bstrd and absolutely not worth your time. i dont know you of course but the impression i get is a very beautiful strong person. you really have so much to give the world, it is good you are not going to waste it on him any longer. perhaps these things happen to show us we are worth better. ((hugs)) Link to post Share on other sites
Author kkat Posted March 16, 2005 Author Share Posted March 16, 2005 Thanks goldy. I needed that nice comment. Really appreciate your support. Link to post Share on other sites
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