oldshirt Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 The difference is that he would have probably still slept with you at some point while women who put guys in friend zones don't have sex. In fact the reason why some guys will friendzone you is probably because you don't sleep with them. Otherwise they wouldn't. True dat. The irony here is about any women that's not gross can get a man to sleep with her, there for eliminating the friend zone. At that point if they don't enter a legitimate relationship she is now in the booty call/FWB zone. For a woman the fck buddy/booty call/FWB zone is analogous to a man being in the friend zone. 4
StanMusial Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 I think you're right that girls can get friend-zoned. Because I have done it before. I agree with the poster who says it's more rare though than guys being friend-zoned. I totally disagree that it's some sort of evil misogynistic concept. I have probably heard more girls use the term than guys in my experience. Sure some guys might be bitter about it, but what do you expect on forums like this? It just seems kind of mean to be bitter against people for being bitter LOL. Especially when many times the girl just likes the attention or other rewards, and maybe isn't a true friend anyway. I know girls that have accepted expensive gifts like laptops, TVs, even cash from "friends" while offering nothing much in return other than false hope. Lastly, I will say it takes two people to create a friend-zone. If a guy/girl likes someone romantically and that sentiment is not mutual, no one is forcing them to stick around. In the past, if I tried with a girl and she said "no, but I'll be your friend" I would just move along. If I wanted to be her friend then that's what I would do, but if I wanted more I wouldn't stick around and torture myself. I've had this conversation with buddies after tipping a few, and it was usually 80/20 in agreement that it was better to move on. There's always the ones though who think they can stick it out and break through. It's possible, just not likely. 1
Author isisisweeping Posted September 19, 2014 Author Posted September 19, 2014 The difference is that he would have probably still slept with you at some point while women who put guys in friend zones don't have sex. In fact the reason why some guys will friendzone you is probably because you don't sleep with them. Otherwise they wouldn't. Not every guy will sleep with a girl he's not in a relationship with... certainly not these guys I develop interest in...
salparadise Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 I like how in the comment, if a man is "in the friendzone", it is the fault of a conniving woman, not the man, but if a woman is, it's her fault for lack of confidence or something, and not the man's. If in fact, I guess, a woman can be ... because she can't! Because! Because I will simply define it that way! No true Scotsman! No, that's not what I said. What I did say is that a friendzone situation is rational for a woman, but is a loser's game for a man. A woman's best strategy involves securing long-term commitment and a continuous supply of resources. Keeping a few dudes on the back burner while trying to seal the deal with #1 guy makes practical sense for her. And in the best case, she might even be able to get the back burner guys to flow some resources her way for the privilege of remaining on the back burner. It's like looking for a job... if you've got a few offers in hand but you're waiting to hear from one particular job that you really want, then it just makes sense to stall the others rather than turning them down flat while you're negotiating for the job you really want. For a man it's the equivalent of applying for a great job and being told, well, maybe––but not right now... but the man wants this one job so bad (or believes there are no other jobs) that he quits looking and just waits for a call that may never come... dreaming of this one opportunity and starving while he waits. It's not the woman's fault that a man allows himself to be put on hold. She's just doing what makes practical sense for her... pursuing her optimal strategy. Yes, it can sometimes happen in reverse. If a woman is chasing a guy who has many options and she is somewhere down the list, and if she's willing to give the guy sex for the privilege of hanging around without commitment... then it's on her, because he's simply pursuing the strategy that benefits him. In the mating game there is no altruism; everybody tends to act in their own best interest. It's somewhat amazing to me that women feel completely justified in assertively doing what's best for themselves, yet develop such a sense of entitlement (caused by always being in demand) that they cry foul when men do exactly the same thing.
Natsu21 Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 Another friendzone thread, huh? Well OP, let me address some things, since I'm known to be blunt. You are right. The "Friend-zone" is an internet-concocted word used mostly for the definition of when a guy, who feels romantically interested in a woman, is told, from the get-go, "We are just friends." It's a rejection. Imma tell you, I have FEMALE friends. I like these females. They bring a certain joy in my life that is irreplaceable. I am perfectly satisfied with them in my current relationship. One's a lesbian and she's probably one of the smartest, sweetest girls I've ever met. I am satisfied with the friendship because it is, in fact, a friendship. Then, there are the girls I am "friends" with purely for the opportunity to have sex with them. These girls, if they ever, in your terms, friend-zone me, I'd probably leave their life, for the pure reason that other than being attractive and slightly entertaining, they really do nothing for my life. Is it deceitful? Yes. But there are guys who literally do that. It's hard to tell the difference between them. I think a lot of guys get rejected, or friend zoned by girls who, frankly, they wouldn't be interested in being friends with if they weren't insanely attractive to them. That's why a lot of guys tend to feel jaded when they are friendzoned. Mostly because they were so focused on the romantic aspects, or sexual aspects that the idea of being platonic turns them off. I know women can be in that position, but in my opinion it's harder for men. Watch. Sit down in a public setting, OP, snap your fingers, and you'll have about 20 different kind of guys waiting there, at your beck and call. If you needed to sleep or date some guy to get over being "friendzoned" that's easy for you. And the guy you choose will be close to the one you want? Why? Because you HAVE the option automatically as a woman. But a guy? If he's rejected, he can't just go to the bar unless he's a bona fide player and pick up ANY girl. He can't just call up some chick to sleep with to make him forget about being rejected... He's got to work at it a lot harder just to even get laid. You're not going to get a lot of sympathy for being a woman and being "friend-zoned" Why? Your woe is a result of a lack of choices you WANT...as with women in general. Men's woes are usually the result of extreme lack of choice. No matter what happens to you, OP, you'll have shoulders to cry on, even if it's not what you want. We men got to take it on the chin with no one by our side. I'm sorry to be harsh. Getting rejected hurts. I'm just trying to give you more perspective as to why you'll find that a lot of men aren't going to see your "friend-zoning" as any more important or equal as theirs. Regards, DQ.
shreddinglicks Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 Guys certainly don't, "friend zone." Females always do this to a guy they don't find desirable for whatever reason.
Phoe Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 Wow, haha, I'm kind of amazed at how many posts there are insisting that the friendzone isn't actually something that exists for women. I have been friendzoned over and over and over. Men who are quite happy to be my friend and hang out and chat with me and such, but have no romantic interest in me. The "phoe you're a cool girl, but I don't like you like that" line has been said to me in various ways and forms MANY times over the years. Idk how anyone can say that's not a friendzone. 2
carhill Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 (edited) I never got into technical terms but the gist of the phrase 'friend-zone' that I coined back in the 80's was based on deception, and that might play into what Natsu21 mentioned about women 'back-burnering' guys to have replacements or to flow in additional resources when their primary, whether that be a desired dating partner or their spouse, wasn't performing their standards or wanting them in the manner to which they had become accustomed. In essence, they lied to keep my interest, even when they had no intention of acting on it or weren't, perhaps more than a modicum, authentically attracted. They were simply fakers. They faked relationships. The 'friend-zone' was purely a construct, like the matrix, to keep the guy orbiting. Unfortunately, due to demand and a surplus of males in my demographic, they could do this and get away with it. Why? Because we men did it to ourselves, stepping over each other, and through each other, generally without any sense of decorum or fair play, to get at the minority of mates. I remember this well because I had all these rules of fair play, you know, like not going after men's girlfriends or wives but, over time, after getting run over enough, I wondered why and watched. The successful men never were in the friend-zone simply because they had no boundaries of decorum. They coveted and went after what they wanted, other men, or relationships, be damned. That's how it worked, unfortunately. Thinking back, other than dating maybe one or two ladies through OLD when it first began in my local area, I never had a girlfriend locally. They were always somewhere else. Locally, it was almost always the 'friend-zone'. At that time, had that SNL skit with Tom Brady been on, it would have all made perfect sense. Unfortunately, my experiences with the 'friend-zone', the 'brother-zone' and the 'sexual harassment-zone' occurred long before 2005. I was already married at that point, and not to anyone who had lived locally. In a sense, though, I think one aspect of my 'friend-zone' is pretty equal opportunity. Gender aside, the person using the other as the 'friend', by guile and deceit, is 'letting' the other person love them. No matter which gender label one slaps on it, IMO that's cruel and offensive behavior. There's a lot of that in life. My sympathies to anyone who goes through it. Edited September 19, 2014 by carhill
Natsu21 Posted September 20, 2014 Posted September 20, 2014 Here's why "the friend zone" doesn't really exist. None of us, man or woman, are entitled to ANY relationship. If someone doesn't want a relationship with you, at that point you don't have to be their friend. Relationships are a privilege, not a right. No point in getting upset about it. 4
Revolver Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 More often then not women are placed in the FWB zone. Which is way way better then the regular friend zone
Author isisisweeping Posted September 21, 2014 Author Posted September 21, 2014 More often then not women are placed in the FWB zone. Which is way way better then the regular friend zone 1. Not always. Many guys who genuinely like you but aren't romantically interested won't try to sleep with you and ruin the friendship. 2. Even if it was, I'm not sure why it would be better if you are in love with someone to have the constant hurt of being intimate with them and hope it's going somewhere but nothing. If you actually have feelings for someone, not just lusting after them, it seems more hurtful. If it doesn't seem so, I have a question of whther you had unrequited feelings for someone or unrequited lust.
Natsu21 Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 1. Not always. Many guys who genuinely like you but aren't romantically interested won't try to sleep with you and ruin the friendship. 2. Even if it was, I'm not sure why it would be better if you are in love with someone to have the constant hurt of being intimate with them and hope it's going somewhere but nothing. If you actually have feelings for someone, not just lusting after them, it seems more hurtful. If it doesn't seem so, I have a question of whther you had unrequited feelings for someone or unrequited lust. That is definitely how I expected a woman to answer. Something to think about. 1. Men quote love to get sex 2. Women give sex to get love.
quidproquo89 Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 I am 100% sure that this is the "friend-zone" The guy, usually, is such a wuss that he cant tell the girl that he likes her. He just hangs around with her like a gay best-friend. Youre friend that was complaining about that, is probably a wuss. Men and women are very different, whether you want to believe that or not this made me feel quite good. The bad feelings I'm feeling at the moment is because I had the balls to go after someone and they shot me down. That is better than hiding behind some friend bull****
Natsu21 Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 More often then not women are placed in the FWB zone. Which is way way better then the regular friend zone Not to a woman. It's hell. For a man, it's heaven.
BlueIris Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 (edited) I completely agree with you that the friendzone exists on either side, but I wasn't aware that this was a controversy. I agree. There's no competition or controversy about it. It's a human thing. But then I don't see the point in "man versus woman" thinking anyway. Wow, haha, I'm kind of amazed at how many posts there are insisting that the friendzone isn't actually something that exists for women. I have been friendzoned over and over and over. Men who are quite happy to be my friend and hang out and chat with me and such, but have no romantic interest in me. The "phoe you're a cool girl, but I don't like you like that" line has been said to me in various ways and forms MANY times over the years. Idk how anyone can say that's not a friendzone. Acknowledging it doesn't allow for gender-based self pity, blame or antagonism. Edited September 28, 2014 by BlueIris
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