She says "I miss my playmate"

[drifter777]

Those of you saying "it isn't a big deal - she was drunk" or words to that effect are missing a key element here. OP is still shattered by her affair and has been struggling with trying to move on since it happened. The mind-movies and thoughts about if she still wants him have probably been a living nightmare for him. If this is the case then this latest horrible, disgusting, selfish bomb she dropped on him is simply the final straw. Or at least it should be.

 

OP: you seem like a man who's been tortured over this thing since it happened. You also seem like a man who is tired of being sad and angry and wants to regain his life. Divorce this woman and focus on your own recovery and being a great dad. I believe you have been dreading taking this step for a long time but it's time you look at the reality that you will NEVER get past this. Walk away and you will begin to feel better almost immediately. Once you leave have no contact with her that isn't about the kids, and even keep that to the absolute minimum. The less you see or talk to her the sooner you will be free.

 

oldshirt: great post - you are spot on.

Edited September 16, 2014 by drifter777

[lolablue17]

Sometimes timing is everything, and her timing was... well she is definitely talented...

 

But apart from her miserable timing (which probably hurts like hell), I don't know why are you so surprised. When you achieve something by threats, you achieved nothing.

 

By threats you can force her to DO something. But you can't force her to think or feel something. So 2 years ago when you made those threats you should have known then that she will miss him, want him, desire him, and the maximum you can get is - her efforts to hide the truth from you.

 

In a way, the truth was there all the time but you chose to look the other way, enjoying to pretend that you have it all, while any reasonable logic would point otherwise.

 

So, now you are not only feel hurt and angry about her, you also angry about yourself - how come you were so naive to believe this fantasy you've created.

 

You are half accomplice to this, i'm sorry. She has played her part of the deal (except one time when she was very drunk). You cannot blame her. You can blame only yourself.

Edited September 16, 2014 by lolablue17

[Woggle]

Set her free so she can have him. I would simply not tolerate crap like that.

[Spark1111]

if after two years my fWS was reminiscing their fAP.....I would be long gone.....

 

What did you do wrong?

 

Did you expose the affair to trusted family and friends?

 

Did you insist on IC and MC with you fWS?

 

How is she still able to hold warm, fuzzy, sexual thoughts about the person who who aided and abetted her destruction of her family, her marriage, her relationship with her children, her legacy?

 

what consequences did you hold her to?

 

Just yuck! Not only would I have thrown him over, I would have been dating a hot, younger, sensitive, oh-so-into-me man and I would have her head spinning BIG TIME!

 

What consequences did you enact man???????

[aliveagain]

Fu*k the she was drunk crap, OM is still on her mind. If she was on top my guess is she can tell the difference between the two of you. May I suggest you remember a time before you met her cheating ass? A couple of years out and she still thinks of him fondly, need I say more, you deserve better,

[Woggle]

People tend to say what they are really thinking when they are drunk.

[oldshirt]

Sometimes timing is everything, and her timing was... well she is definitely talented...

 

But apart from her miserable timing (which probably hurts like hell), I don't know why are you so surprised. When you achieve something by threats, you achieved nothing.

 

By threats you can force her to DO something. But you can't force her to think or feel something. So 2 years ago when you made those threats you should have known then that she will miss him, want him, desire him, and the maximum you can get is - her efforts to hide the truth from you.

 

In a way, the truth was there all the time but you chose to look the other way, enjoying to pretend that you have it all, while any reasonable logic would point otherwise.

 

So, now you are not only feel hurt and angry about her, you also angry about yourself - how come you were so naive to believe this fantasy you've created.

 

You are half accomplice to this, i'm sorry. She has played her part of the deal (except one time when she was very drunk). You cannot blame her. You can blame only yourself.

 

I agree that you can't threaten or extort someone into loving and desiring you. But From what he has written so far, I don't see that he is blaming her. I don't see him as bad mouthing her or trying to punish her or get even in any way. I really don't even see any overt anger in his posts.

 

The interpretation I am getting is he may simply have seen the light and he is...done.

[bubbaganoosh]

Not enough information has been provided to know the situation. If the only thing mentioned by the OP is one comment made two years after the affair, I don't think that is enough by itself to tell somebody to leave. If there's a long history of problems or behaviors that show a reconciliation is not possible, then maybe the comment cements that position and leaving is the best option.

 

But if the OP didn't leave his wife when she was actually having an affair, it would seem odd to leave her because of something she says (assuming she isn't in an affair again).

 

What he should have done was when he found out about the affair, kicked her ass out and by now he would be over her, the affair and not sitting in a hotel room.

 

I don't care how nice the room is, he should be home and single. Now he has to re live this ugly incident and it's obvious that she hasn't gotten over it and in the process killing the marriage.

[Friskyone4u]

I would not be surprised if they have had some contact all this time. You probably did no snooping once he moved. She has either been carrying on EA or has met with him .

Get rid of her. You should have done it when she refused to stop when caught until you threatened divorce . See your attorney

[atreides]

I agree with many others... alcohol is truth serum... believe me, I experienced it with my wife when she claimed to have slipped up while drunk... Bull Sh..!

 

 

Funny how many of us don't cheat while drunk and many of us do... goes to show that you can remove the "alcohol" variable and you you are left with same result if we were all sober... thus my point... alcohol has nothing to do with her behavior or what she is thinking.

 

I would have been super pissed... oh hell no. To actually be in the act and project her "playmate" on to you and then actually infer to you that you are plan b by saying "she missed her playmate" pft..

 

2 years out..

 

nuff said

[Popsicle]

Am I the only idiot here who thinks that she might have meant you? Maybe you are the playmate she misses. Maybe your sex life is not as exciting as it used to be and she was telling you she misses it? Again, maybe I'm just an idiot because that was my first thought.

[DKT3]

Am I the only idiot here who thinks that she might have meant you? Maybe you are the playmate she misses. Maybe your sex life is not as exciting as it used to be and she was telling you she misses it? Again, maybe I'm just an idiot because that was my first thought.

 

I honestly thought that for a second, but then it would make no sense. I guessing she will try and sell that once he talks to her.

[Popsicle]

I honestly thought that for a second, but then it would make no sense. I guessing she will try and sell that once he talks to her.

 

Why wouldn't it make sense?

 

I only called myself an idiot because nobody else thought of this.

[ComingUpForAir]

We have been married for 19 years. I'm 44 and she's 45. We have 2 kids, daughter is 18 and my son is 16. I make above average income for our family without workign much more than 40-50 hours a week. Aside from very occasional business trips, I'm home every day.

 

 

My wife used to be a flight attendant but got laid off a few years ago, so being that she was into fitness and all that, she decided to make a career out of it. She got certified, she taught aérobics and then pilates fore awhile. Theh she got a nice gig teaching regular classes as some high end fitness center attatched to a luxury building complex. The other people who work there are all 20 years or more younger than her with a few exceptions. Every once in, awhile they would all go out for drinks on a Friday after working. At first I was invited and would come along. Other times, I didn't.

 

 

Before long, I wasn't invited anymore and twice she came back very late. It did cross my mind that maybe she was up to something, but I thought I was just being paranoid. Soon after, she password protected the account on her PC wheras it awsn't before. THAT was the thing that made me think some thing was up. She didn't know to know that there was a built in admin account also on the PC and I simply used it to log in, grab her Outlook files and load them into my PC.

 

 

There was nothing explicit in the Outlook files except a message where she asks him to use her gmail account. So I set up a keylogger and waited until she logged into gmail to get her password. In the emails I saw dozens of sexually explicit messages, picture exchanges (that's how I knew who it was), and messages from her friends helping her to cover for her. Evidently the sleazebag was one of the trainers and lived only a few blocks away. So they were doing alot of takeout lunches. Even if the affair lasted the 8 months she said, my guess is that they must have had sex every day if not more. The guy was 31 years old.

 

 

In the meantime, our sex life was crap and had been for several years. I couldn't seem to get her to want it more than 2x a month, even though she orgasmed and liked it. I could forget about oral sex or making out, or any such thing.

 

 

I didn't even wait 2 seconds. I went straight to her place of work and caused a big scene in front of the staff as well as the customers. She got fired as did he. She was extremely apologetic and begged for forgiveness. At first I wanted to leave, and was actually determined to do so. Over a few weeks, my resolve weakened and I tried to see if we could make a go of things. We went to counseling, but I stopped when I found out she slept with him again. This time I left for 2 months and then again, I let myself be convinced to come back. Then it happened again and we had a huge verbal fight where she said some pretty nasty things including "You can't even keep your own wife". After that I was convinced it was the last straw. I told her we were divorcing.

 

 

I again moved out and planned the divorce. But again, for reasons that escape me even now, I weakened Under the barrage of her pleas and promises to never see him again. Plus she told me he left the state. Don't ask me why I tried again - I know, I'm an idiot.

 

 

In all fairness, I haven't been as much fun to be with as I used to. For one thing, I got ED really badly. Never had an issue before and overnight it went to where I can't keep an erection. I alternate between viagra and cialis now. It's become a safety net that I don't dare do without now. I've also had mood swings and I would get angry with her at times over this. In a way, I can see I'm maybe partially reposnible for the last two years being less than ideal for her and this might be why she misses whatever she had before with this guy.

 

 

I'm not that angry now. Mostly I'm in shock. For some reason this is almost worse than the initial D-Day. I hadn't realized this guy had managed to have such a strong hold on her. Even though she denied it, Im sure she must have had feelings for him. In the meantime, she has been thinking about him rather than me or us. I'm more resigned now. I'm ready to throw in the towel. I really gave it my best shot. I'm drained, tired, and frankly I just don't have the strength to try and work though this anymore. It just is what it is. I'm done.

 

 

Oh and yes - I texted my son to let him know I was fine. I'm not taking calls from my wife.

[seren]

Popsicle, if you are an idiot, then I am too as that was my first thought.

[Fearful]

Your ww ended her affair with the OM simply because the OM changed location. You shouldn't be surprise if she is still in contact with the OM or the affair never stoped. After 2years, she still prefered being the OM's ''play thing'' thing. If you want to have peace of mind and avoid being any body's fool just as your wife is the OM's play thing, then divorce her with immediate effect.

[atreides]

Why wouldn't it make sense?

 

I only called myself an idiot because nobody else thought of this.

 

not 2 years out... something is missing and it isn't her husband.... well.. maybe now.

 

Your ww ended her affair with the OM simply because the OM changed location. You shouldn't be surprise if she is still in contact with the OM or the affair never stoped. After 2years, she still prefered being the OM's ''play thing'' thing. If you want to have peace of mind and avoid being any body's fool just as your wife is the OM's play thing, then divorce her with immediate effect.

 

bingo!

[BeholdtheMan]

. . .

 

You unmanned yourself by staying with her

 

So in a moment of weakness and drunkeness, she slipped and said what she is probably thinking about 100 times a day for the past 2 years.

 

This is exactly why he should divorce her.

[BeholdtheMan]

you should consider yourself lucky.

 

Wrong

 

She should consider herself lucky that he didn't kick her to the curb

 

I can't help but conclude that you're either a cheater or a door mat

[waterwoman]

But if the OP didn't leave his wife when she was actually having an affair, it would seem odd to leave her because of something she says (assuming she isn't in an affair again).

 

But that's the biggest problem for some BS - beleiving that they are good enough and that their WS is with them for the right reasons - love and attraction, not duty and/or laziness. If H had said that to me now (and we are just over 2 years down the line) I would be done.

[jnel921]

If you stayed with her and didn't work on fixing the M how did you expect her to get over the OM.

 

Just staying together isn't enough. Giving her good sex isn't enough. You never mention MC or IC. You FF to going to a wedding having sex. Her being drunk and her telling you how she really feels. And you are surprised?

 

R takes work. After 2 years what have you both done?

 

I am still trying to understand why you needed to mention that you had to rent the "executive suite" after this incident. There are plenty of cheap motels everywhere.

[Appreciate]

Leave her.

 

She doesn't respect you, and without respect there can be no love.

 

Your "wife" is a ***** and never let a ***** own your heart. I'm sorry you're in this position.. she's not who she pretends to be.

[beatcuff]

Am I the only idiot here who thinks that she might have meant you? Maybe you are the playmate she misses. Maybe your sex life is not as exciting as it used to be and she was telling you she misses it? Again, maybe I'm just an idiot because that was my first thought.

 

i agree: you admit you were drunk. so maybe you let down your guard down (a/k/a being a prick) and she liked this you. after-all: being on top meant she was doing the work.

 

OP right now you are assuming EVERYTHING. time for a sit-down to get the facts, then you can make an informed decision.

[jackslife]

Context is everything here and the BS's here are all shouting divorce. However, what if you were drunk, making no effort, haven't made any effort physically or emotionally and were lying there half pissed up expecting your wife to make all the effort. Then her peeved statement makes sense in another way.

 

Doesn't mean she was thinking of him, more that she was having a dig out you. Now she was drunk and it wasn't the subtlest of jibes but if you were being a lousy lover physically and emotionally maybe she had a point.

 

I also wonder if part of you was looking for an excuse to leave her. Maybe she was genuinely guilty and wanted to stay married, but deep down you've never forgiven her and needed an excuse to kick off. So you make no effort in the sack, no effort emotionally until after two years of effort she makes the comment.

 

I know the BS's on here will disagree, but I think the above explanation makes more sense than a WW making a verbal slip up.

[gettingstronger]

I also wonder if part of you was looking for an excuse to leave her. Maybe she was genuinely guilty and wanted to stay married, but deep down you've never forgiven her and needed an excuse to kick off. So you make no effort in the sack, no effort emotionally until after two years of effort she makes the comment.

 

 

This made me laugh- hard! Yeah, like BS need an excuse to leave- the ONE time my husband and I had an argument and he tried the old " you are just looking for a reason to be mad and leave" I almost fell over- like his affair was not reason enough to be mad and leave"- what many BS are looking for is not a reason to leave, but a reason to stay-

 

Now, if my husband made that comment I would re-think staying not because I would worry he was thinking of her or that I did not measure up, but because I would know that the sense of self-entitlement that lead to the affair was still there-