A.Moscote Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 How old is your daughter? Does she need to know who hurts who? Perhaps it would be much wiser to just be vague, calming, and reassuring to her about it rather than pointing finger like that, even if you truly are a saint. Protect "her" mom a bit. On the other hand, I hope you can settle your marriage properly, do it in a right way even if it takes a little more effort and time. Be honest to your wife of your intention. Gently and considerately let her knows the futility of the two of you being together. Discuss your plan to move forward. Don't worry yourself about the OW, she's not going anywhere, and probably will be single and available again later. At that time, it would be a waste if you are still stuck as a husband to someone else. So take this time to work on the more pertinent issue. Be patient, and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aargh Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 Thankyou A.Moscote - that is a very welcome post. You speak total sense. Sometimes in the exhaustion and frustration of it all everything can become very unclear and i feel myself losing control again. I find sticking to a plan helps enormously - should I be doubting myself I atleast feel safe in the knowledge that the plan was made when I was more in control. Your suggestions tally exactly with my intentions and the plan made when I was seeing clear. Tonight unfortunately I am seeing less clear so your post was a great help. Thankyou so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aargh Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 Hi A.Moscote. I have read some of your other postings and would value your advice a bit more please ( or anyone else's infact). What advise would you have for gently and considerately letting my wife know the futility of the two of us being together? I have been honest about my intentions to her but until I get somewhere to move to (next week hopefully) we are going round in circles with me having to repeat myself over and over whilst she tries to fix everything. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Mom hurt dad? sorry but dad is leaving mom for a mistress ,how is that? Please explain why YOU would allow your daughter to think your wife has hurt you? Have you taken action and filed for divorce yet! If not, then you are still just living the lie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aargh Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 Bleach. An awful lot happened before, during and after my affair. My affair was a symptom of bigger issues. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aargh Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 And in my defence Bleach I wouldn't have chosen to present the issue to my daughter in that manner. Those were my wife's words as they surprised me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Well your daughter will know sooner or later,and you will be a jerk in her eyes,so i hope its worth it The OW most probably will be an ex to you if you end up with her...so you will loose it all,,but most important you will always be the man "that left his wife and kid for an other woman" Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Bleach. An awful lot happened before, during and after my affair. My affair was a symptom of bigger issues. Since you cheated those issues are yours. No marital problems are SOLVED by cheating. Tell your daughter the truth. Dad had an affair and hurt Mom. That would be some truth. Allowing your daughter to think your wife hurt you is dispicable on your part. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 And in my defence Bleach I wouldn't have chosen to present the issue to my daughter in that manner. Those were my wife's words as they surprised me There's no defense for the cheater. Get your eyes checked and learn to spell. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 You are not "nearly single". In fact you're still very much married. You haven't even filed for divorce so why should she believe anything you say? When you're divorce is finished then you can see if she wants to date. Until then, you're married. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aargh Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 2sunny. Yes you are right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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