Friend of ten years admitted feelings?

[Thegreatestthing]

I don't understand how someone can only come to this conclusion ten years later,though he did have a gf,he didn't make any declarations of love he just said he wanted to find out if there was something between us and that he doesn't think I want too try and see.He's been emailing me a lot but I stopped replying,this is something I never thought I'd ever have and now I don't know what to do.

I use to be completely in love with him,but now I'm not sure.

Edited September 19, 2014 by Thegreatestthing

[dclan]

I don't understand how someone can only come to this conclusion ten years later��,though he did have a gf,he didn't make any declarations of love he just said he wanted to find out if there was something between us and that he doesn't think I want too try and see.He's been emailing me a lot but I stopped replying,this is something I never thought I'd ever have and now I don't know what to do.

I use to be completely in love with him,but now I'm not sure.

 

Its very probable he doesn't really "love" you.

 

Its just that, friends usually seem to be like the perfect match for one another, and many times people get this weird mix of feelings, making them think that perhaps if you 2 dated, things would be awsome.

 

Lets analize why:

 

- You 2 get along very well, he probably confides in you a lot of his problems, and trusts you with a lot of his secrets.

 

- He may finds you attractive (even if he considers you just a friend, he can find you attractive).

 

- He thinks you are nice, reliable, etc; a good person; mostly he sees a lot of good qualities in you, things he would want on a girlfriend.

 

- Both of you already care for each other.

 

So in the end, in his mind, he makes this formula:

 

Perfect Girl = attractive + good person + trust worthy + cares about me

 

YOU = attractive + good person + trust worthy + cares about me

 

So by definition he thinks:

 

Perfect Girl = You

 

The problem for him, is that usually this is not the case. It is one thing to be friends with someone, but a completly different thing to be his/her partner.

 

Things that might seem good or fun in a friendship, might not be well suited for a relationship (I could give you some examples if you want, so you can use them to make him realise things might not work).

[preraph]

So over time, he's grown fonder of you, but over time, the shine has come off of him as you got to know him better. All that remains is to weigh that and see if you think there's any chance you could be really interested again knowing him as you now do. If not, don't do it. If so, see what happens.

[ja123]

It could be propinquity on his end.

 

 

I ask him why he didn't voice his romantic intentions 10 years ago?

[Kamila]

Being in love with someone is something entirely different than to love someone.

 

And being friends with him for 10 years surely made you love him.

The being in love stage was ages ago for you.

 

But who knows, this phase can be reignited.

 

You never dated, you never were a couple. So everything is possible.

[Shadowman]

I don't understand how someone can only come to this conclusion ten years later��,though he did have a gf,he didn't make any declarations of love he just said he wanted to find out if there was something between us and that he doesn't think I want too try and see.He's been emailing me a lot but I stopped replying,this is something I never thought I'd ever have and now I don't know what to do.

I use to be completely in love with him,but now I'm not sure.

 

This is kind of how things worked out for my fiancée and I. We were friends in high school and life took us in different directions for a while, but we reconnected after hanging out a few times over the years. One day we got into a conversation and she told me she had feelings for me and I basically told her I always felt the same way but thought that ship has sailed. My take on it is it happens. Sometimes people have to go through some things before they get where they are supposed to be. My fiancée and I both went through a series of bad relationships and I think that makes it easier to appreciate being in a good one and treating each other right. My suggestion is to try dating him and see where it goes. You might be surprised.

[Thegreatestthing]

Thanks for replying that's great that it worked out with your fiancé ,I was/am dating someone (friend doesn't know) so I tried to forgot what he said but all yesterday I was thinking of him,I was crazy in love with him all those years, so I might reply to one of his emails,,you could be right that you go through many bad relationships and come to some conclusion.he said he never told me because it was never appropriate either he was in relationship or I was.