lying cheating sneaking now crying whinning and begging

[SHANIANDMARI]

OK here it is my now ex boyfriend of five years and father of my two daughters will not admit that he cheated on me. i know he did the females knew too much. one described the candle he lit for her in a hotel room...had the nerve to lit it for me too. the hotel room was on his bank statement also hotel we go to. the other said he asked her if she was going to give his stuff away when he went to Iraq...something he also says to me. i recently moved from Ga with him back to Wa due to deployment and had not been able to reach him on the weekends or at night so that made me check his bank statement and cell phone when me and the kids visited him before he deployed. the whole time he had been lying about his whereabouts his bank statement proved he was taking numerous trips to Florida where both these girls live. I have broken up with him but he swears he didn't have sex with the girls...who happened to know each other. my issue is he is now laying a guilt trip on me because he is deployed and because we have children.

 

 

 

I feel like i warned him...my father was a cheater my brother all my cousins and every boyfriend i had cheated on me and i let them go as soon as i had the smallest doubt. they also denied it but so many years later they both admitted to doing what i thought. his way of explaining all of this is the girl must have heard him say it to me yet he was only around her on the weekend when he didn't call me or call to check on his kids. Both the girls told me he said we were no longer together because I didn't love myself so I couldn't love him. whenever I spoke of returning back to work or furthering my education he said do what makes you happy cause if you don't love yourself you can't love me. I don't understand why he can't just admit he did it. it makes no difference either way he lied to me he went out with girls and exchanged gifts with them. Which he denied until I told him I had his bank statement he also got a big lump sum of money that he spent all on himself and fixing up his classic caddy so he could impress the girls. my four year old daughter adores her father and I think this is what he believes will make me take him back.

 

 

I had a weekend dad and it sucked, he wasn't fatherly in any way. i seen him cheat on my stepmom with my mom then go talk bad about my mom to stepmom to cover his tracks. this went on for years. my mom felt it was ok because he cheated on her with my stepmom so she was getting payback. the only person who paid for it was me. i think knowing that i was in the middle kept my dad from being what he should have been to me...he had a guilty heart. to this day he still swears my mom kept him from being in my life but how when he was sleeping with her everytime he picked me up. but back to me I feel so bad for our children. my eldest asks about him everyday. i am so worried that she will only be hurt over and over again because he will only be able to visit her every now and then because he is in the military and will more than likely be in KY if he makes it back from Iraq. my youngest is now eight months. it kills me because i breastfeed her and one of the girls says they didn't use condoms. i think about it every time i nurse my child even though he was tested before he left and was clean and she was also tested and says she is clean. i understand people get tempted, but i can't run the risk. especially of he can't even admit to it. it makes me feel like he isn't sorry for what he did but sorry i found out. if i hadn't he would still be dealing with them. now he wants to get married all of a sudden. I'm just venting no one else understands they all say I'm wrong for doing him like this because he is at war but he chose to go back he had orders to go somewhere else so we could be stable for three years...which is why we decided to have another baby then he got them deleted so he could get a promotion without telling me so i dont feel sorry for him.

[d'Arthez]

Possibly he cheated on you with 2 different girls in Florida. Bank accounts justify the suspicion, and the stories of the two girls seem to justify the suspicion; he had no real reason to travel to Florida, otherwise he would have given you at least a reason to tell why he had to be there in the first place!

 

I honestly don't see how you could have read these signs otherwise. That being said, it is entirely your decision if you want to take him back if ever.

 

Don't do that for your daughter, because his presence would create a lot of resentment with you. Which would make you unhappy, and would make your daughter unhappy in the long run.

 

His sudden rush for marriage, is an attempt to make right what has been wrong. And with your history, as you have explained it to him, he was a warned man. His behavior prior to the marriage move, is also worrying. Spend money on a cadillac is fine and dandy, but not if the cadillac is on the wrong side of the country, so to speak.

 

I can understand your position, and hope for you, you can make it on your own as a single mother. Don't forget that with this situation there are also tons of legal implications, so be warned though.