51 years old and cant figure his thinking out, I think or...

[unarmedinlove]

Ben dating this guy going on a year. He use to come over every week-end and sometimes during the week. Have caught him in several lies but dumb ones. Then I started going to his place on the week-ends and would leave on Mondays while he was at work. I would clean the apartment before I left and when I would return things just looked rearranged in the kitchen. So I would ask did you do this and he would say no they were like that and it was not like that. And he would say I was tripping and get all upset. So I would let it go. But it kept happening every week-end I would return. And I started getting the stomach wrenching feeling.

 

So I told him just tell me the truth, there is not anything we cannot work through. And he would not come clean. So now he never comes over and never invites me over. I was texting him and acting quite insecure about the thing he would say he was doing and calling him a liar. He claims he needs space. So I said cool and stopped the accusing and text. I say good morning when I get up and thats it. Or he will say it first most of the time.

 

Later in the day he will say what are you doing? Have any plans for today? I said no and he said why? (i said no thinking he was going to ask me to do something with him.) But he just said well I am working for Marvin today. and I just said cool cool. But inside I was hurt. Did no mention it. Later he asked if I wanted to get my nails done and said he would bring me the money. I said how sweet. At 10:00 pm he shows up gives me the money and splits. He lives quite a bit of distance so he normally would not drive all the way over here and just leave he would normally stay the night. I asked him about this and he said his son needed to borrow the truck in the morning so that is why he wasnt staying. But he has stayed before when his son used the truck and left early to take it to him. Is something going on or am I just tripping

Edited September 19, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ja123]

You're tripping.

[Elle1975]

When he asked for space, that's where it was time to move on.

[carhill]

Woodstock flashback

 

Usually, by a year in, it's pretty clear where things are going, if they're going anywhere. Of course, we're missing a lot of details but, on the surface, it appears the 'stuff' that separates romance from buddies has run its course and a holding pattern has ensued.

 

Back when I was doing relationship and marriage stuff, I used to call this a relationship of convenience. It's comfortable, if occasionally annoying. Both parties pretty much know what to expect.

 

If a friend came to you with this story, what would you offer as advice?

 

Welcome to LS

[Zahara]

Maybe by the time the week ended things shifted around the kitchen and it didn't look the same the way you left it? I don't know why you are affected by that to the point you're calling him a liar. Are you implying that maybe another woman was in his house?

[unarmedinlove]

And he was lying. He was cheating for almost the entire time we were together. He even gave me a huge ring. So now I feel like a dumb ass for letting him tell me that I was crazy when I seen not just things moved in the kitchen but she was leaving **** around and every week end I would find them. And he would say I was tripping and crazy and turn it around on me. And when the truth came out. He was in tears and saying I was who he wanted etc. we are both 51 and he was cheating with a 27 year old. She stole his laptop and his gun. And all my information off his laptop as well. I got his laptop back and his gun back for him.

 

But now thing are just getting messed up. I have given him his space but it seems to me that he thinks he is going to string me along until he finds someone better. But I don't want to allow him to do that to me but it is so hard because he is a very manipulative. And can con me everytime and it is making me angry:mad:

[Ronni_W]

But I don't want to allow him to do that to me but it is so hard because he is a very manipulative. And can con me everytime and it is making me angry:mad:

No, not at all. That is YOU making a conscious decision to let him con you. You are not weak and helpless and stupid. You cannot put that on him.

 

Rescue yourself and your dignity and your self-respect. Nobody else can do it for you; and nobody else will.

[Zahara]

If throughout the year you found clues that a woman was in the house, why did you stay? You're partly accountable for where you've ended up. No one can con or manipulate you if you don't allow it. Who cares what he says at this point. YOU make the decision that you're not allowing this cheating man to exist in your life anymore.

[preraph]

He is being deceptive. Probably just doesn't want to get tied into a monogamous relationship. He may consider himself "retired" or whatever and not looking for a wife again. I wouldn't hang onto him and let him keep doing it. He just doesn't seem capable of being up front about his intentions. So sorry.

[beach]

If he never asked you to clean then you shouldn't have touched his stuff.

 

You seem to have answered your own questions.

 

I have a difficult time thinking you are in your 50's - even my kids under 25 years old don't act so immaturely.