Reasons you provided for ending affair?

[hello234]

What are some of the sensible reasons u gave to ur (ex) MM for ending the affair? I am trying to end mine and I don't know what else to say besides "I cant handle an affair..it brings stresss.." cuz he doesn't get that..I wanna say something which sounds reasonable.. and logical..not like I am a drama queen..i don't wanna be like "Oh u didn't leave your wife and stay with me, so I am ending it." no. I don't wanna make it seem like it's because he is not with me or that he talks to others is the reason that I am ending it. I don't want to sound clingy. I want it to sound casual.. So besides saying " I cant handle affair.. its stress..it works better for people who are detached.." I don't know what else to say? He is trying to talk me out of it by saying hes soo hurt and depressed and I donno what to do??

[SusiePie]

How truthful do you need to be?

 

I would say that you wish to pursue dating with available men and the affair has run its course.

[veryhappy]

Really? He's getting sad and depressed? I'm tearing here. You don't need to make a reasonable and logical argument of why it's over, he'd never listen anyway. It will always be "but baby" if he wants to string you alone. Saying you can't continue is enough for grown-ups and. a very good and logic reason. Just tell him you are done and mean it. don't let him oh baby you.

[Be_Strong]

Not wanting to be part of his adultery any longer is reason enough.

 

 

But if you truly wanted to break it off with him, you could simply tell him you don't find him attractive anymore and he bores you.

 

But OW don't truly want to end the affair, they just want to threaten the break up to try to get a reaction out of the MM (whether that reaction is simply attention, ego stroking, or leaving their wife). So they will tell the MM something like, "you are my soul mate and the love of my life. I've never met anyone I've loved more than you and we have a unique bond and unbelievable attraction for each other, but I simply can't carry on in an affair like this anymore so I need to end it even though I hate to do it and it will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

 

All that does is telegraph to the MM that you are full of crap and able to be reeled right back in and keep being used.

[Lovemesomehim]

Be honest as to why you want to end this affair.

 

 

If it is causing you too much pain, tell him that. Do not give him room though to try and fix it or make you hope for something more.

 

 

Here's an example:

 

 

Let him know that you no longer what to live a lie or keep secrets that will eventually hurt others and yourself. Tell him that you realized that you used poor judgment in getting involved in the first place. Let him know that you both knew the risk you were taking and to please respect your decision to no longer have any contact. Let him know that you will no longer respond to emails, text, calls or other forms of communication.

[Quiet Storm]

I think the fact that it's an affair is enough of a reason. Most MM expect OW to get tired of it eventually, but they ride it out until OWs had enough.

 

Say "I no longer want to participate in an affair. It goes against who I am as a person. I'm not content in this relationship and want to move on. Please respect that."

[DKT3]

Say I'm married, your married and this is something I no longer want to be part of.

 

Or better yet since he already told you its over, bye and have a good life you say nothing to him ever again.

 

We all know your simply looking for an excuse you engage him again.

[carhill]

Reasons you provided for ending affair?

 

I was tired of the MW lying to her H and told her when she did so to share my BD with me. It was my 33rd BD so many, many years ago.

 

The funny part was, many years later, I'd be fixing her a pizza while she was helping me paint my mom's house and mentioned 'do you remember the last time I fixed you a pizza?' and she remembered it like it was yesterday.

 

It's interesting how life works out. The lesson I gleaned from that goodbye many years ago was how I despised the lying. So, when the house painting and pizza eating was going on, my exW knew exactly who it was, when it was and what it was and could verify anything she wanted to verify with the person directly. No lies. Not right or healthy (the affair part), IMO, but in her face truth.

[whichwayisup]

What are some of the sensible reasons u gave to ur (ex) MM for ending the affair? I am trying to end mine and I don't know what else to say besides "I cant handle an affair..it brings stresss.." cuz he doesn't get that..I wanna say something which sounds reasonable.. and logical..not like I am a drama queen..i don't wanna be like "Oh u didn't leave your wife and stay with me, so I am ending it." no. I don't wanna make it seem like it's because he is not with me or that he talks to others is the reason that I am ending it. I don't want to sound clingy. I want it to sound casual.. So besides saying " I cant handle affair.. its stress..it works better for people who are detached.." I don't know what else to say? He is trying to talk me out of it by saying hes soo hurt and depressed and I donno what to do??

 

Your reasons for ending your affair are good enough and if your (ex)MM can't understand that, that's his problem not yours.

 

Just tell him that you're sick and tired of being the OW and having an affair, you want out.

 

Last sentence bolded: Notice how he totally disrespects you? Doesn't see how much pain you're in, yet he focuses on his own pain and tries to manipulate you into staying in the affair? Get mad, tell him to F-OFF and don't let him manipulate you into staying. If you want it over, make it over!

[goodyblue]

When I was OW I pondered this quite a bit. In the end i gave him a timeline of when i would walk if he hadn't left. I would have explained nothing and gone nc. My opinion is that you owe him no explanation whatsoever. If you are done, you are done and he knows why. No need to explain.

I know it is difficult but if it is really what you want you just have to bite the bullet and go nc.

 

 

I wish you well.

[FusionCutter]

When I was OW I pondered this quite a bit. In the end i gave him a timeline of when i would walk if he hadn't left. I would have explained nothing and gone nc. My opinion is that you owe him no explanation whatsoever. If you are done, you are done and he knows why. No need to explain.

I know it is difficult but if it is really what you want you just have to bite the bullet and go nc.

 

 

I wish you well.

 

Simply dissapear one day? Isn't that a little mean?

[goodyblue]

Simply dissapear one day? Isn't that a little mean?

 

Do you think it is? I just feel he is the one who is married, he is not leaving, he knew what he was in for. I think he is worrying about himself and she has every right to do the same.

[MuddyRock]

There are a couple of excellent ways to really and truly make sure it is over:

 

if you are BOTH married. Say my husband found out. he said if this isn't the last contact he will contact your wife.

 

If you are NOT married say sorry Im done, one more contact and I will tell your wife everything.

 

These both work very well, of course most people don't go this route as they are just playing games.

[whichwayisup]

Simply dissapear one day? Isn't that a little mean?

 

You don't think he would just up and disappear if his wife finds out? You don't think a MM will cut all contact and ignore (ex)OW? It happens all the time.

 

It's mean he's cheating on his wife, betraying his whole family unit.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Tell him you're just bored with him.

[goodyblue]

You don't think he would just up and disappear if his wife finds out? You don't think a MM will cut all contact and ignore (ex)OW? It happens all the time.

 

It's mean he's cheating on his wife, betraying his whole family unit.

 

Exactly. OP needs to take care of herself.