Dustinsgirl Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 I am posting this because I am in need of opinions and advice... Me and my bf have been together for a year and he was sent to Korea in October. It has been really hard on both of us so far with him been gone through the holidays and such. But the real reason I need advice is as follows... Our relationship is a little complicated and I feel liek I should give you all a BRIEF run-down to help u understand how i m feeling. We met while he was stationed at a base about 10 minutes from my home in Maryland, but he is from Ohio and so is all of his family. I have met his family because I flew out to OH with him before he left for Korea and we all get along great! The issue is he was married for two years , and they had only been broken up for about 4 months when he met me. Him and his wife (no divorce yet ) still talk regularly and they are like best friends but she doesnt know about me. OK so now... When he first left , I got probabaly close to 3 calls a week , all being at least 45 minutes each. I got used to that but after a month or so , the calls narrowed to about once a week, which was still fine by me. After Thanksgiving, I was lucky to hear from him once every two weeks. I only heard from him once for 10 minutes in the entire month of january. I talked to him about whether he still felt the same about me now as he did when he left when he called on valentines day , and he assured me he still loves me the same if not more. I write him probably close to 4 letters a week, trying to pick out cards to make him laugh and smile. I send him packages quite often with all his favorite goodies. I have never recieved anything back from him(not even a letter) except for three emails total and a blanket for christmas. This i really dont care about, it just seems liek hes not wanting to be with me anymore. But i straight up asked him and he told me how could i think something like that. The week of Feb 21st he sent me an email that said he was going to call me that night after class, and here i am still wondering if hes ok cause he never called. I know he cant call all the time, but he shouldnt tell me he will and get my hopes up if there is even a slight chance he wont be able to. I am getting frustrated at the situation because I can do nothing but wait for him to contact me. I miss him more than anything, and I really want to be with him, I LOVE HIM . He will be in Korea until oct of this year , so we still have a long road ahead of us. I just feel like there is no effort on his part to hold this relationship together. I understand he is not there on vacation and he has a job to do but i am getting mixed feelings from him. I am a full time college student and plan on attending graduate school in the fall so I dont even know if we will be able to see each other more when he gets back because he doesnt know where he will be stationed yet either. I just dont know what to do...I cant let him go because i really believe he is my soul mate and I love him more than anything, but how do i deal with all these emotions? I could really use someone to talk to about it because my friends think i am totally crazy for waiting an entire year for him to return...Any advice for me??? I could use an unbiased opinion Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Give him the boot. He is a soldier, so he should be used to it by now. He's stringing you along. That's my unbiased opinion. Oh yeah, he's not the only soul mate out there. Don't throw away your college experience holding a torch for him. Lot of available guys in college, that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Exalted Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 He's married? No thanks. You'd be crazy to follow this jerk anywhere. Far happier will you be after you get a college degree and he's still somewhere pining for you. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 Honey, he is not in love with you. It's more than clear. I am 100% sure. He never calls, emails, or writes letters and you do. He doesn't show any sign of love. He said he loves you, but he doesn't porve it. He prove sthe opposite. It's over since long time ago, but you just can't see it. Forget about him. He never took you seriously. He's just playing with your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dustinsgirl Posted March 15, 2005 Author Share Posted March 15, 2005 Thank you all for your opinions..Its just really hard for me to let go after I have put so much into this relationship. It really sucks to have to watch someone you really love take your heart and break it in two. Our relationship was so good before he left, and its hard to accept that it has changed so much ina few months. I just dont know where to go from here, I had such high hopes for me and him and now I have to face reality and its just not easy! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Very often we're wrong about people. And men (some men!) are often prone to pulling your nose and not letting you know how they really feel. Even in such ridiculous situations as yours. You need to stop communicating with him. His behavior shows how superficial he is. He most likely sees you as a piece of meat that's far away. If he comes back he might look for you again, because he feels good with you. You don't need a guy who is not ready to involve deep and true emotions. It will be easier for you if you just accept the end and not hope, I am telling you this from my own experience. We've all been broken-hearted and perhaps will be again. What can we do? Such is life. Such is love. Don't grieve over him too much, he's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dustinsgirl Posted March 17, 2005 Author Share Posted March 17, 2005 Thank you for your input, but I dont know if I would call my situation totally ridiculous. I think what is ridiculous is the fact that I can't let go, and its slowly wearing me down. You have very good points, but its very hard for me to take the next step. You said that you know from expereince, do you have any advice for me on how to completely make this whole thing a done deal? I really do want to be with him, but from the opinions I received I just am doubting that is possible right now. I am really hurt and I just dont know if I will be able to cut ties with him ....I am sooooooo confused about this whole relationship and my emotions...HELP!!!!!! I really love this guy, and i want this whole thing to work ! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 Well, cut him off completely without saying anything. When he calls, just say you were busy. Be reserved with him on the phone, but don't show him that you're hurt or that he matters to you much. Don't send him emails or letters or packages, don't call him. Only wait for him to call you. If he cares he will try to keep you no matter what. Don't worry, he won't be mad at you (for behaving just as him) and forget about you. Actually the best way to make someone hot for you is to be untouchable for him. So many guys run after girls who treat them poorly and even cheat on them. They don't give up because you stopped calling them. On the contrary! I broke up with my ex-boyfriend last year and he didn't try to re-gain me. As soon as he found out that I fell in love with another man, he suddenly started running after me, saying how much he was in love with me, how desperate he was without me, and was proposing to me every day. He suddenly couldn't sleep and started losing weight because he realized he lost me forever. Furthermore he said he realized what an ass he was to me before. He claims that those feelings were always there and had nothing to do with my new love. I wonder how those feelings were silent for straight 6 months and the very day he found out I was not available anymore, they unexpectedly became so loud. I also wonder how he would feel for me if I became available again. I guess I will never find out... I said this to someone else, and I will say it to you now: you can't make him run after you unless you start running away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dustinsgirl Posted March 17, 2005 Author Share Posted March 17, 2005 Well here is the deal, since my original post, I sent him an email telling him how i felt about everything, and since then i have recieved 4 emails from him and a phonecall. It seems like when i told him i was ready to give up he took an interest in me. Now i really dont know how to handle this because its like do i continue on being with him hoping he stays this way or do i still walk away from everything? It seems like when i finally had my mind made up he called and grabbed my heart away once again, not that he ever let it go to start with. I just need some opinions, cause now its even more complicated than before! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 It's good. It means he cares. But it's not enough for you to go back to what you had before. Be strong and stick to your attitude! He will be even more interested if you say you might want to date other people as well, that you're busy, etc. Break his heart! ;-) If he loves you, he will run after you. If not - forget about him! (Been there so many times, trust me!) Link to post Share on other sites
Magy Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Sit back play the girl who is confused... Don't send stuff in the mail and sometimes when he calls don't answer the phone... Make him earn your love... Cause is you keep him after the way he treated you, you know the old saying once they done it they will do it again... [color=red][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Jtizzle Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 I am somewhat in the same situation as u are...well me and the soldier arent dating, but it looks like we could get to that point. I was n the same predicament where i thought i wasnt getting enough time from him and we had a fight about that and didnt talk for a few days. its just all about trust and expressing to him your wants and needs. soldiers get time off but not as much as we normal folks do. its like they work all day, and when they finally get some time off they wanna rest their souls and whanot. all i can say is give it time and show him that you care. see my army buddy is my bestest friend in the whole world, and he told me how it is from his point of view as a soldier. he was stationed in iraq when we first met, and then he got deployed to korea a few months after...i would say that about a month into him being into korea he was constantly thanking me for puttin up and keeping up with him while he is doing his bid. at first i was like oh its nothin and thankd him for the compliment, and just laughed it off.but he explained to me that MOST folks (NOT ALL, but ALOT)be it a gf, bf, husband, or wife dont want to be caught up in a situation where they have a soldier thats overseas and away, all because of their needs and what they want. and with him telling me that.. it made me value our friendship much more. he told me that the whole time he's been overseas which is i think a good 3/4 yrs that he never received a carepackage from his friends family or wife (he's divorced now)and he was excited when i was sending him one. its like this...u have to keep tha soldiers happy so that when they come home they know they werent out there for nothing. it gets lonely where they are at, well not really lonely physically, but emotionally. but what i am saying is, u just have to be upfront with him about what you need from him. tell him that u know he is a million miles away from you, but that doesnt mean his heart has to be as well. i would say u two compromise on what YOU want and what HE can give u. i would say u tell him to try to make time for at least ONE five minute convo a week, 2 letters a month and so on. just watever tickles ya fancy.im pretty sure he will see that as a couple even tho hes away he still has to contribute...but other than that. all i can say is time is the answer to everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dustinsgirl Posted April 19, 2005 Author Share Posted April 19, 2005 Thank you for your advice, and its nice to hear from those that are in a similar situation. I have never been in a situation like this, and I just wasnt sure how to handle everything that I am feeling. Since I originally poste dthis , my bf has emailed me almost everyday because i tried to let him know how i felt not hearing from him. So, now he usually tries to email me on his lunch break when hes working just to let me know how things are going with him. I understand he has a job to do there, and it has gotten harder everyday that hes gone but i am trying to have a new attitude about it and just think every day that passes is one day closer until he gets to come home and see me! I have still continued to be completely faithful to him, and i just hope that he has done the same. I trust him very much, because i believe you should trust someone until you are a given a reason not to. He has made a big effort on his part since i let him know how i felt about things. He is still lacking in the phone calls but I know its harder to call me , and for now I am happy with hearing from him through e-mail. If you would have asked me a few weeks ago how I thought this relationship was going, i wouldnt have been very optimistic but now he seems to putting forth the same amount of effort as i am for this relationship! We are about halfway through his one year in korea, and i really feel like we are going to make it through the second half even better than the first! Once again thanks for your input, i really appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts