Having a bad night

[pippen_2k]

I dont know why im posting this thread right now, just my emotions are running wild and im hurting. I been in bed for the past 30 mins and I got no way of falling asleep so I thought id come in here.. try and get some peace of mind.

 

Its been 7 weeks now since my g/f left me and this is my 1st bad day in like 1 and a half weeks. Sure no day is good cause she is still always on my mind, but this is the first night in some time where I have broken down crying again... I thought I was getting past this, but tonight is has really re surfaced.

 

Probably for a number of reasons, but just as more time goes by, I know theres less chance of hearing from her... I still really miss her and I know theres nothing I can say to her that she already hasnt heard. I have told myself I will not contact her anymore and I will not check my mail where she has contacted me a couple times before as it only hurts me ( ive lasted 1.5 weeks so far ). Very Very hard to accept shes gone, and even harder to accept cause she lives only like 3 mins from my place....

 

People have told me, that you should just go hook up with someone else and you will be over it, like a 1 night stand .... That so isnt my style but I found myself in that situation this weekend, and this morning I felt so empty and guilty that I did this.. trust me.. This is not the answer or cure to a broken heart.. I shouldnt feel guilty cause she left me, but while my mind and emotions are still focused on my ex its just not worth it...

 

Im in the military and we are going on a week exercise tomorrow, so hopefully the time away with no phones, or no chance of seeing my ex on the streets will do me good.

 

I never knew this road to recovery would be so long ... I keep thinking of that line from the Cold Play song ' The Scientist ' ...... "Nobody said it was easy, nobody said it would be this hard, oh take me back to the start... " God I wish I could go back to the start, but whats done is done now and I cant change the past. I still love her but obviously the feelings aint the same in return.

 

Im hurting, im sad but im still standing and taking the pain..... hurry up and heal my wounds time! ha.. thanks for listening people.. I had to write this down as it was just building up inside of me..

[Donut]

Take some time to heal, finding someone else to numb the pain doesn't really do anything other than giving you more of an empty feeling.

 

It's a cliche but time and no contact is the best way to move forward. Nothing wrong with reading some self help books or getting counselling if you need it.

 

Been six months for me, but gradually things are getting better. Everyone heals at their own pace, trying to rush it will only set you back!

[masaki1085]

I agree with Donut on that we all heal at our own pace. The hardest part of dealing with the pain of heartbreak is dealing with the pain, but it is something that is absolutely necessary to help you heal. Feeling the pain helps you reflect on how you deal with hurt like this, therefore, making you a better and strong person in the future.

 

My girlfriend recently broke up with me, about 2 1/2 weeks ago, and it still hurts. And I miss her. Shortly after the time of my breakup, I was having a discussion with my Karate instructor about this, and he said something to me that is very wise, and as a result, helpful. It is not that we actually miss the person and what she was doing for us in the relationship, but we really miss the things that were not there. We miss the things that were missing in the relationship to begin with. And because those things weren't there, that is enough to show that the relationship was not meant to be.

 

I find your quote from Coldplay interesting, because when I miss my girlfriend, I miss the things at the beginning of our relationship, as opposed to the end. I think it is a natural reaction, because we miss what we are longing for at this time, a chance for happiness with a significant other. And then that gets projected onto the particular person we were dating. By reflecting on this, we will be better able to find someone that embodies what we long for, and right now (and more than likely forever) the ex is not that person.

 

I will tell you that No Contact has helped me immensely. By No Contact, I have no talked to her on the phone, I have not IMed her and friends of hers (and have blocked her and her friends out of my Buddy List), and I have purposely coorindated my schedule as to not run into her or her friends. This way, I do not need to know what is going on with her. I made myself disappear. I kind of think of it as a new life. You should do the same, but any exposure to the one that makes you hurt is going to just prolong the pain, and distract you further from your life. Make sure you hang out with your friends and to exercise. Get involved with some activities that you couldn't while you were with your girlfriend.

 

But, if you feel the pain, make sure you feel the pain. Don't avoid it. Think of it like a difficult exam in college. It's there, and it's a challenge, and you may study your butt off. And you will feel all of the anxiety and worry about what is going to happen in the future. But in the end, it's better that you just take the exam, than avoid it and receive an 'F.' I hope this makes sense, as sometimes I'm bad at analogies.

 

Hang in there.

[No Foolin]

In the night the demons come. The night is always the hardest. This is why many people try to find distraction during these hours (can't blame them). You have to kick those memories in the nuts. Find a good book (works for me). Yes hooking up is (IMO) a good idea but it must be a "negotiated" thing. One night stands just lead to more drama. Friends with benefits or "booty calls" tend to give you sense of closeness but at the same time no emotional attachment. I know many don't agree but for dudes I believe we focus on the physical, really thats the majority of what we miss. Its not essential to get this taken care of in the early stages of a break up, but months down the line it helps.

 

I would say rock some play station games (violent ones) I suggest "manhunt" or anything from Rockstar Games. You obviously have a computer. HALO works for me or a MMORG like Star Wars Galexies or Everquest (hey I guy has to get his geek on sometimes). Nothing kills time like violent entertainment. Hell you can buy HALO for $19 and play online for free.

 

find out what you like to read and buy a book, after an hour of reading I am normally passed out in bed and before you know it, its morning.

 

"What you fear in the night in the day comes to call anyway, and we all get burned"- Counting Crows

 

No Foolin

[pippen_2k]

Thanks for the reply's guys, everything you say is very true, its just a matter of accepting she has gone and 'WANTING' to let the memories go..... I think thats the hard part..

 

I just got home on Saturday, been away livin in the sticks, roughin it for a week! I said the day before I left that I had no contact with her for 1.5 weeks, and this was working well in regards to my recovery. But Monday morning ( The day I was leaving ), around 2am I woke to a text message from her. When I saw it was her number my heart almost jumped out of my chest, and my hand was shaking. I read the message cause curiosity killed the cat, and she was replying to a message I sent to her like 2 weeks prior. She said the message I sent her was eating at her, and that it really hurt, She went on to say that I musnt have known her that well after all if I perceived her like that.

 

As I think about her response now, Im like YOUR KIDDING! I have given her a night of hurt when ive been hurting for 8 weeks now!!!!! I would have loved to have been more direct with her and tell her what I felt, but I just found myself sucking up 2 her, telling her I love her and I miss her, and that I was sorry! DAMN I have nothing to be sorry about..she left me.... Its very pathetic what I do in them situations, and I really gotta have more pride and respect for myself than to beg for someone elses love.

 

Its been a week now since she messaged me that night, and the following 5 days were yet again terrible. Im feeling ok this weekend and its because of the no contact. I will not initiate contact ever again and I will not reply to a message of hers either, that way I can ensure I get no reply's from her 2 weeks later ( her responses seem to always be every 2nd sunday ).

 

Im exercising heaps, just need to find that hobby that interests me on weekends, cause I have too much free time. I seem to find myself in here reading alot cause every bit of insight really helps.

 

Oh I love all the quotes people use too.. buts things into perspective