This particular forum has me thinking....

[newby]

i really dont see how you can blame the ow for helping the mm cheat, the mm in most cases go out of their way to cheat, and they ALL lie to the ow to get them in the first place AND continue to lie to get them to hang around.

i am not saying the ow are completely helpless but they are no more "blind" than the wife who sees the signs but ignores them because she doesnt want to deal with the pain. it really is all to do with dealing with the pain. yes EVERYTHING is simple and black and white when it comes down to it EVERYTHING is, but we as humans ALL of us are complicated beings, and we are complicated beings BECAUSE of our intellect.

i can look at anybody around me and see their situations more simply than they can, all situations, not just situations with ow/mm and not just romantic situations. i mean everything to do with relating. of course it is easy to see from the outside the plain facts of a situation.

so what you are saying is that you are in a better position to give advice because of that perspective, the trouble is that it isnt working is it? therefore you are just not very good at it. a good teacher never blames his student. neither does a good teacher treat his/her student like a moron and state the obvious over and over again. so all this wonderful perspective you have just isnt making up for the something you lack and really leaves you unqualified to give any advice at all.

now some people gave me some good advice when i first came on here and that combined with the support i also recieved really helped me to get out of my relationship. the advice i recieved though was extremely well thought out and intelligent and sympathetic.

the "i dont do this so nor should you"approach really doesnt work.

the reason is that you have no empathy with the people involved in the situation,not because you havent been there but just because you have no empathy. in order to advise you must first understand. if you dont really listen to the people you are trying to advise, you will never really understand, if you dont understand you will never really give good advice. so perhaps we are not after all the ones who should be doing the learning here.

[uberfrau]

Maniac I love your POSTS!! They give me great ammo for water cooler wars!!

 

Seriously, though, how COMPLCIATED is it to leave? If you are the OW, it's really quite easy. You make a phone call, change your number, and he's gone!

 

How complicated is it for the MM to leave the OW? Just as easy.

 

OTOH, how complicated is it for the MM to leave his wife? Quite complicated. You have custody disputes, property to divide, friends to divide, explanations to families and children.

 

Sorry OW's, it isn't complicated to leave the MM AT ALL.

 

And emotions and feelings are no excuse, or a justification-if you use them as such, you are just a slave to them-very weak.

 

The "complication" is subjective, not objective.

[sweet-oooh]

AT LAST !!! SENSE!

[newby]

of course the complication is subjective, emotions are subjective

thats why it is so much simpler from the outside

but it makes no difference because you cant just take emotions out of the equation after all, the entire situation is based on emotions and emotional needs

of course it is more difficult for mm to leave the m

thats why they dont

it doesnt make it any simpler though, from the subjective emotional point of view i mean, in fact it just further complicates it

what you are talking about is practicality versus emotion, i really dont know many people who choose partners purely for practical reasons, i agree it would be far, far simpler if they did but humans have emotions you see

[midori]

This thread is closed due to inability of participants to avoid name-calling and personal attacks. While I'm here, a couple of points:

 

1. Anyone is free to post constructive feedback in any forum. Personal experience with a particular problem is not required for valid participation. Conforming to a particular viewpoint is not required. Being positive about a given situation is not required, so long as the posts do not contain personal attacks. Just because a poster isn't saying what you want to hear doesn't mean that their contribution to the discussion is invalid/inappropriate/mean-spirited.

 

2. If your continued contributions in a given thread are a) falling on deaf ears, and b) generating hostility, the responsible thing to do is to quit the discussion. Sometimes you just need to recognize when your perspective on someone else's situation simply isn't going to help them. Keeping this forum a non-hostile environment must take precedence over any individual's wish to prove themselves right. When others are unable to take what you're saying on board, perhaps it will be easier to bow out of the discussion if you view it as respecting the community overall instead of yielding to those who disagree with you.