Your Top 5 Absolute Red Flags????

[salparadise]

I would never take up with a man who didn't want pets [...] I wouldn't want a man with kids

 

I wouldn't take up with a cat lady... anyone who refers to cats as her children, allows animals sleep in the bed or destroy furniture, poop in the house... unless she's amazingly hot, cooks like a chef, and gives fantastic BJs every day.

 

Red flags-

 

• subject to mood swings and projects onto others... if mama ain't happy syndrome
  
• buys crap just because it's on sale and says "guess how much I saved today"
  
• has the what's yours is ours, and what's mine is mine economic philosophy
  
• rearranges the furniture often and gets mad if you don't think it's wonderful
  
• subject to emotional thinking with the expectation that you should validate it
  
• uses "belonged to a dead relative" or "might need it someday" as a reason to never throw stuff away
  

[No Limit]

1. Cheaters.

2. Liars.

3. Abuse, no matter whether it's an animal or human beings being the victim(s).

4. Smoking; I don't hate or dislike people who do it, but having asthma and not smoking myself I can't have these people around long term. Especially not in my apartment, it's not easy to get that smell off.

5. Is friends with all of his exes and of course is in touch with them on a regular basis.

6. Addicts. Doesn't matter to me to what they're addicted to, alcohol, drugs, shopping, online poker... no. There's a difference between having a passion and throwing your life away.

7. Too focused on religion. I'm aware my lifestyle is fine with most religions (yay good virgin?) but I don't want to praise one or more Gods whenever something positive happens.

8. Ambition-less couch potato

9. Drags affection into public. This is a minor issue here but I don't want to passionately kiss in a small escalator while other people's faces are equally as close, I don't want to have his hand grabbing my butt while walking through the city, and I don't want to lay on top of him at McDonald's (if you haven't guessed, those are all things I've seen irl; I don't care about those who do it but damn, I'll never do it myself voluntarily).

10. Irresponsible. I want a boyfriend, not a son.

 

 

All of those and probably some other minor red flags in no particular order.

[lyndaaxo]

Here are mine:

 

• Someone who gives mixed signals and plays games
  
• Isn't open or honest (including being affectionate)
  
• Drug users
  
• No ambition or drive
  
• Has children
  

[Missy0724]

1. No smokers

2. No heavy drinkers; has to have a beer/drink every time we are out, or for dinner.

3. Trying to impress by "throwing money around." Materialistic, belief that how one earns money, and a standard of living, defines you. (this whole people must have a "career".)

4. Personal hygiene.

5. Not over any exes, too much drama, "woe is me", blames the past, others for the way they are, and they hyper focused on it.

6. Withholding, lying, manipulating, fake.

7. Codependent on ex, kids, family, mommy and daddy. (Yuck-HUGE red flag for me!)

8. Does not like animals, dogs.

 

:-)

[acrosstheuniverse]

One I forgot:

 

Men who speak to their parents, especially mothers, like **** in front of you. If they speak to them with such disrespect in front of me I can only imagine what goes on behind closed doors. I've had a boyfriend who did this, he spoke to her terribly, belittling her, shouting at her for doing something 'wrong' (like for not knowing how to use something on the computer), it wasn't quite nasty and abusive, just came across like a spoilt 3 year old who hadn't learned how to treat his parents with respect. It made me actually cringe, if I spoke to my Father or Stepmother like that I can't even imagine what would happen, they would be shocked beyond belief and tell me I was out of order and defend each other.

 

As somebody who has lost a parent, it's even more distasteful. Watching somebody who doesn't appreciate having a parent that cares for them.

[carhill]

In no particular order:

 

1. Demonstrated mental/emotional illness or defect

 

2. Demonstrated familial drama or discord

 

3. Substance abuse/illness

 

4. Transactional behavioral sets

 

5. 'Letting me love her'

 

The rest of the stuff I can work with.

Edited September 21, 2014 by carhill
familial, not familiar

[Tayken]

Hmmmm....turns out that most people do indeed have deal breakers / red flags The whole pet thing, we can debate that till the cows come home, but am sure deep down most that have pets know that you can't compare them to kids...pets can't talk to you, and won't come visit you when you are old and Grey.

 

Having 2 big great Danes in an apartment is just ludicrous (I have seen it).

 

Like I said, pets don't fit into my lifestyle, and no amount of looks / boot calls, will make me compromise. I guess pet owners should hookup and have blended pet families

[Woggle]

One I forgot:

 

Men who speak to their parents, especially mothers, like **** in front of you. If they speak to them with such disrespect in front of me I can only imagine what goes on behind closed doors. I've had a boyfriend who did this, he spoke to her terribly, belittling her, shouting at her for doing something 'wrong' (like for not knowing how to use something on the computer), it wasn't quite nasty and abusive, just came across like a spoilt 3 year old who hadn't learned how to treat his parents with respect. It made me actually cringe, if I spoke to my Father or Stepmother like that I can't even imagine what would happen, they would be shocked beyond belief and tell me I was out of order and defend each other.

 

As somebody who has lost a parent, it's even more distasteful. Watching somebody who doesn't appreciate having a parent that cares for them.

 

 

I understand where this comes from but I didn't choose for my mother to be the abuser she is. That being said I still never speak to her with disrespect but I choose not to have anything to do with her. She has made happy relationship with her impossible.

[veggirl]

apart from the standard "liar", "cheater", etc that everyone has, mine would be a guy who has kids or has been married before.

[Haydn]

Blimey some peoples lists are long and cover almost every aspect of the human condition.......I reckon everyone is a bit ..... up at some point in their lives. Would i choose my ex again if i knew what i knew now? No i wouldn`t but how could i possibly see all those flags...........

 

But i am not opposed to a pet or 2.

[Tayken]

Blimey some peoples lists are long and cover almost every aspect of the human condition.......I reckon everyone is a bit ..... up at some point in their lives. Would i choose my ex again if i knew what i knew now? No i wouldn`t but how could i possibly see all those flags...........

 

But i am not opposed to a pet or 2.

 

 

Mate...a pet or two, surely you are havin' a laugh? If I told you I have a 15 page co-habitation agreement drawn up that covers everything based on my experience thus far, you probably think am mental

 

As the saying goes, fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you. If you don't have lessons learned from your past, you won't be better positioned to make better judgement in the future.

 

@Veggirl...there are a lot of guys like that out there, so good luck with that.

[Haydn]

I knew the `Tapir`, was wrong but the `Spitting Cobra` seemed rather apt.

 

Decisions i regret now........

 

 

Yes you are mental.

 

I never learn my lessons which makes my life a breakneck journey of supreme highs and stupendously silly lows.

 

But as you say. `we should lives and learns`.......Getting there.

 

 

 

Mate...a pet or two, surely you are havin' a laugh? If I told you I have a 15 page co-habitation agreement drawn up that covers everything based on my experience thus far, you probably think am mental

 

As the saying goes, fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you. If you don't have lessons learned from your past, you won't be better positioned to make better judgement in the future.

 

@Veggirl...there are a lot of guys like that out there, so good luck with that.

[HeartDesires]

I guess pet owners should hookup and have blended pet families

 

I guess pet haters should hookup and continue dissing animal lovers because they themselves are void of showing compassion for any other living creature other than THEMSELVES....

[Shepp]

One of my top red flags would be someone who has a problem with pets, such as OP #5. An inability to interact well with animals, or even empathize with those who do have animals, just seems somewhat cold and detached , almost robotic in nature.

This is exactly what I was thinking when reading your post OP. This and its funny how people can have such opposite like red flags!

 

 

Anyway my 5 red flags, no particular order:

 

 

1) A negative, pessimistic attitude! I'm a huge optimist, I clash badly with people who see things in a negative light. Kind of under the same umbrella: no sense of humour/takes themselves too seriously

 

 

2) Clinginess/controlling/neediness/dependent - you were born with two feet you should be able to stand on them.

 

 

3) The way they treat/react to other people (or animals) makes me uncomfortable. A lack of respect, empathy and honesty especially.

 

 

4) Lack of passion - ideally we'd share passions too, particularly sports, the outdoors, fitness, but ultimately they have to be passionate about something at the very least.

 

 

5) Doesn't like my family/friends/pets.

[writergal]

As somebody who has lost a parent, it's even more distasteful. Watching somebody who doesn't appreciate having a parent that cares for them.

 

 

I agree with you. I lost my father to cancer and my mother's in her 70s. If a guy I dated ever called his mother a curse word in front of me I'd end things with him immediately.

[writergal]

Would i choose my ex again if i knew what i knew now? No i wouldn`t but how could i possibly see all those flags...........

 

 

 

This I agree with. First, it's impossible to foresee *all* of a person's red flags when you first meet. Some red flags unfold the more time you get to know someone. That's just what happens...unless the person has no filter and discloses some of their serious red flags right away (in which case, makes your exit far easier and quicker). Second, once you discover that person's red flags why would you choose your ex again if you knew then what you know now?

 

 

For example: I ran into my ex-boyfriend from high school at our 20 year H.S. reunion, and after chatting with him and his wife for about 20 minutes I immediately remembered why I broke up with him. He hadn't changed at all! I immediately felt relieved that I hadn't spent 20 years as his wife (as originally was planned). Ha!

[Tayken]

Being that you are in Battersea....It's fair to say you've literally gone to the dogs mate See what I did there?

 

I left London over a decade ago (East end born), and now live in Canada.

 

Oi Oi...I see that country has gone down the crapper now, with stabbing, acid attacks, guns, knives etc. May the last person please turn the lights off. Scotland lost the plot by not voting YES

 

 

I knew the `Tapir`, was wrong but the `Spitting Cobra` seemed rather apt.

 

Decisions i regret now........

 

 

Yes you are mental.

 

I never learn my lessons which makes my life a breakneck journey of supreme highs and stupendously silly lows.

 

But as you say. `we should lives and learns`.......Getting there.

[Tayken]

I guess pet haters should hookup and continue dissing animal lovers because they themselves are void of showing compassion for any other living creature other than THEMSELVES....

 

The kind of compassion you show to fish, cows, sheep, prawn pigs when you eat all those foods? Just what I thought...enjoying the animals visiting you and talking to you when you get old

[Tayken]

Two good reasons to favor pets over children. Kids never shut up, and when you're old, they only visit you to ask you for money.

 

Kids do grow up, and don't bark all night pissing off the neighbours. You have to constantly pick up after your pets i.e. they are entitled all their lives. Kids become self sufficient officially at age 18 when they can vote.

 

Oh...pets smell never goes away, and well of course owners can never smell it. Gross

[love1336x]

Children.

no job.

being cheap

being controlling

only talking about themselves, never letting me get one word in.

[HeartDesires]

The kind of compassion you show to fish, cows, sheep, prawn pigs when you eat all those foods? Just what I thought...enjoying the animals visiting you and talking to you when you get old

 

Ah good comeback...NOT

 

FYI - I don't eat those foods........Pets are a wonderful source of comfort to the elderly. I look forward to the aging process and having that kind of unconditional love. At least pets won't be visiting and waiting for me to kick the bucket so they can get their greedy hands on my money....

[carhill]

Mendacity....forgot that one.

[Under The Radar]

Top Red Flag

 

 

Requires daily doses of a medication where the side effects are:

 

 

• Chronic Bad Breath
  
• Severe Mood Swings
  
• Low Sex Drive
  

 

Uh, yeah ...... it's probably not going to work out - LOL

[Melkesideck]

Hi....

 

1. Needs to have a professional career i.e. earning potential and not just a job. Why is this important? Think alimony / spousal support and the divorce act rules that govern it

 

Why is that so important to you.... your talking about money here...

You must be rich if you were to date him/her...

as in suit n tie guy / Manager, lawyer , doctor, tradesman , accountant....

Not just a laborer working at a mill or distribution center or a road worker.

That's quite low if money is so important to you.. as long as they have a stable "Job" that's OK with me!

[tpham18nm]

I think a lot of the OP's red flags are over the top. Such as the pet thing, which made me laugh. But the each it's own!

 

 

These are my top 5 red flags:

 

 

1. Cursing and the use of acronyms/popular phrases: I think cursing is highly unattractive and it shows me that the person is not girlfriend material. The vulgarity tells me that the girl is somewhat of a party/naughty person. Perhaps a fling would be fun, but I wouldn't take her to meet my parents, friends or want to be seen in public with her! It is quiet embarrassing. I also hate the use of phrases like "cray cray", it just makes them seem so young. Yolo!!! C'mon now, you sound immature.

 

 

2. A moderate to heavy drinker/smoker: I drink and smoke but I am a very light drinker/smoker (no marijuana). I know a lot of people who drink and smoke very often as a recreational activity. I'm just not one of those people. After a night of drinking I usually feel groggy and nasty the next day. I cannot hang!

 

 

3. Lack of empathy and care for others: I wouldn't date a girl who completely ignored social issues within the community. Where their world is so narrow and self-centered.

 

 

4. Suffers from psychological disorders: I wouldn't date a girl who suffered from PTSD, depression, anxiety, or ocd. I once dated a girl who was abused, she freaked out when I touched her neck when we were "together". I understood why she freaked out. But that's just not something that I want to deal with in my life.

 

 

5. Expects/love/security/money- I believe that no one should expect me to "love" them. Don't expect me to take care of you, buy you nice gifts, fix your car, etc. It's not my obligation to do so. My money and things are mine. All MINE! Unless we're married. But if we're dating. Ill share... if you share.