Ex confessed he sees a future with us??

[LonelyIsland]

My ex and I are in the process of reconciliation I suppose. We broke up because of what we now know is because of his depression.

 

His reason for breaking up with me was that he didn't see a future with me and fell out of love with me...which I found was not the true reason. Shortly after we broke up he sought out therapy, which has been helping him tremendously.

 

Well, I met up with his last week and we talked about us. He said that his therapist thinks that he's not ready to see me regularly and he agrees with his therapist. According to him, I come up a lot in therapy. I told him that was fine because he needs to do what's best for him. And then I asked him the big question...which was, if he saw a future with me. To which he responded with, "I want to say yes". I was anticipating in a "but..." in there, but he didn't continue.

 

This is a silly question, but does that mean yes he does or that he wants to see a future but doesn't know?

 

We ended our meet up with him asking me out on a date and going against his therapist's reccommendation.

 

Thanks in advance for all your input.

[Ami1uwant]

What is the reason he ended it...just needing therapy? Without knowing his head it's hard to say. Part of him is interested in you.

[LonelyIsland]

He broke up with me out of the blue after I complained about his gaming habits. The week before he broke up with me, he had been having issues at work, and contemplating whether or not he was happy with where he is in his life; physically, mentally, and socially. He contemplated on quitting his job. After he broke up with me, he ended up in therapy, quit some of his friends, started running, learned how to play the piano, cut down on gaming, and began to look for spirituality.

 

When I met up with him, we talked about societal pressure for men to keep their emotions to themselves and that was what he did. He tried to be the strong one in the relationship, so we didn't really communicate about anything serious (or that was threatening our relationship). He told me I wanted to become the man that I first met; decisive, romantic, motivated, happy, ect.

 

I hope this put more insight into the relationship.

[BC1980]

There's a lot going on with your ex, but one thing remains clear. He does not want to be with you right now. Nothing else really matter. He said he would "like to see a future with you." My ex actually said the exact same thing, but it doesn't mean he sees a future with you. Making those vague statements is a way for him to keep you around without actually committing.

 

It's good that's in therapy and has changed some things in his life, but that still doesn't mean he wants to be with you. It sounds like he is trying to keep you around as a friend while he figures his life out, and that is unfair to you. Is your ex telling you that he needs to figure himself out before he can be in a relationship? If so, that is one of the oldest lines in the book. From what you have described, he seems to be doing that.

[caplion]

He's definitely keeping you around til he figures things out and then he'll either want you back or he'll move on. This is a very hard position for you to be in - because he probably is genuinely confused as it sounds like he's made some huge shifts in his life and is still learning and growing. If you want him back you'll just have to put up with this. Not that you said you were trying to do this - but you can't talk him back into a relationship (nor should you try). If you can handle the waiting you'll just have to keep waiting. BUT during this time get on with your life too - find stuff you like to do, learn new stuff, etc.

 

As a side note - in my limited understanding of therapy I have to say his therapist sounds weird to me - I don't believe a good therapist should be telling their patients/clients to see or not see someone...not that you can, or should, do anything about that.

[Summerrose2013]

There's a lot going on with your ex, but one thing remains clear. He does not want to be with you right now. Nothing else really matter. He said he would "like to see a future with you." My ex actually said the exact same thing, but it doesn't mean he sees a future with you. Making those vague statements is a way for him to keep you around without actually committing.

 

It's good that's in therapy and has changed some things in his life, but that still doesn't mean he wants to be with you. It sounds like he is trying to keep you around as a friend while he figures his life out, and that is unfair to you. Is your ex telling you that he needs to figure himself out before he can be in a relationship? If so, that is one of the oldest lines in the book. From what you have described, he seems to be doing that.

 

Yep my ex said exactly the same - I told him to forget it, if he thought I was going to hang around for however long that was. In the same text he dumped me with, he told me he could see us growing old together and maybe someday we could try again, blah blah. Luckily I'd found LS at this point and didn't get drawn in by it. I made it clear it was now or never. I'm not putting my life on hold waiting for a bloke to get his life together - and neither should you - get out there, work on your own life, as he is. You will soon find out there are many more men out there.

 

I'm now in total NC with my ex and I'm told he 'talks about me all the time' - I know he won't contact me though because I made it very clear I had now seen all the problems in the RS.

 

Take a step back and think about yourself - all I'm reading about is HIM. What about you?

[redheadedglasses]

How long have you guys been broken up?

 

I believe any therapy takes at least a few months to start to work and if it hasnt been, you need to step back for YOUR sake as well as his. I hope everything works out for you.