HELP! Can there be too much kissing on a 1st date? Rules different for parts of U.S.?

[2003md2]

I just had a 1st date w/ a guy Friday. Met on match I'm 32, he's 30- we've been talking since like December but we just finally got together kinda a psuedo-long distance thing.

 

Anyway - I knew I wanted the date to go well, hoped I'd be attracted to him in person (I'm a HUGE chemistry person & I can have talked to someone for 30 hours on the phone & be repelled in person if it's not there) and hoped there would be kissing at the end of the night. I'm separated getting divorced, just got out of a rebound dating break-up and just wanted to feel someone kiss me again.

 

Anyway -- everything went GREAT - we had great conversation, had fun, chemistry (I hope mutual - I'm so insecure since separation ) and there was yummy kissing before he dropped me back at my car at the end of the night. I wasn't sure if there would be it seemed like so long that I sat there and stalled and waited while we said goodbyes but I'm sure it just seemed that way & it was (Hopefully) much less than a minute and he kissed me but closed mouth repeatedly on the lips for a while which was interesting and not something I was used to - well, it progressed and I know you're not supposed to get all into the high school heavy petting if you don't intend to give it up so we didn't but we were making out for what seemed like close to 20 minutes 1/2 hr and it was sooooo nice but I finally started kinda pulling away and talking through it with my forehead to his and smiling and starting to make my getaway then we kissed a little more and he snuck in an over the shirt boob grope for the road I guess LOL

 

SORRY FOR THE PLAY BY PLAY but I'm so clueless about all this. I've been w/ my husband for close to 10 yrs & now I have to do this all over again and I'm beginning to realize that if I act like now like I acted like when I met my husband in my early 20s I'm probably going to come off slutty, immature, a tease or all three. What on earth is the protocol? Was that too much kissing? Should there be no kissing on a 1st date? Should there be no "making out." Am I not a "nice girl" now that I did that? That seems ridiculous to me since it was just kissing but I'm not so sure. I am in the South -- but both of us are Northerners... Should I have 2 sets of rules for guys I date born & raised in the South & those not? HELP!!!!!!!! (feel free to elaborate accepted non-slutty protocol for future dates too) Thanks!

[reservoirdog1]

I can't comment on the different parts of the US. However, I'm a 32-year-old guy whose 11-year relationship/marriage came to an end 16 months ago.

 

One thing I realized pretty quickly is that the "rules" (more like accepted practices, really) changed a lot between 1992 and 2003. A woman wanting to get it on on the first date isn't automatically slutty. Similarly, a heavy kissing session on the first date needn't doesn't automatically mean sex on the same date.

 

The new rule seems to be, "go with what feels good and what you're comfortable with." I've dated a few women in the last year and a half who were good to go on a first date. Others preferred to wait a few dates. Hell, I even dated an unrepentant, non-religious 26-year-old virgin for a couple of months. The woman I went out with on Friday night (second date) seems to be somewhere in the middle (we've only kissed so far, very nice though that was -- no boob grab by me), despite being quite willing to talk about sex.

 

My suggestion would be, if you really like the guy, make him wait a few dates before getting it on. In between those lead-up dates, don't be shy to describe what you'd like to do. That way you demonstrate that you do want him, the tension ratchets up, and you're erring on the side of not moving too fast (by today's standards).

 

Overall, society's view on sex has changed. For centuries, up until recent times, it was seen as dirty outside of marriage. Now it's become something that's intrinsically value neutral -- neither good nor bad. The only thing that makes it "bad" are the surrounding circumstances (coercion, infidelity, involving children, etc.). It's now generally seen as a healthy, fun activity (when practiced safely) and another means of communication between two people. Which is how it should be.

[shamen]

Hi 2003md2,

 

Don't worry about kissing on the first date! Totally fine. I agree with reservoirdog1 that you should wait a few dates to do the deed, if you are indeed interested in doing the deed...

 

I'm sure that he doesn't think any less of you for some heavy kissing on the first date.

 

Oh, and good for you for going out on a date! (Not the rebound guy.)

[Naive]

I personally do not have any rules for kissing on the first date. If it feels right I will go for it if not then I don't!!!!! Most of the time I do not kiss on the first date but there have been 2 exceptions.

[Cecelius]

I'm not sure if the 1992 "rules" have changed that much that getting it on the first night is a non-issue, but as a man (early 30s, divorced) if a date goes well and backs up 3 months of chatting, you politely waiting for him to make a move, letting him make it and having it last for 20 minutes is not skanky.

 

If he doesn't call again, it's because he wasn't into it, not because you kissed him

[billybadass36]

Yeah, if the date went that well, you probably hit a home run. Making out for 20 minutes is a good sign to the guy that you're very much interested. You probably sent him right home to a cold shower. His interest level is probably pretty high right now.