Reasons some people are late bloomers when dating

[NJ123]

For me, it's depression/anxiety/ocd issues. I'd rather be healthy than to date someone with my ****ty health. Right now I'm in a really rough spot with my health, so I'm pretty much no good to a woman right now. My looks aren't the problem, since a lot of women do find me attractive, but it's just my issues I deal with that are holding me back from dating. I don't know how I'll even explain to a girl eventually when they wonder why I never been in a relationship before since I'm not ugly at all.

Edited September 23, 2014 by NJ123

[Psst]

Dating is definitely not easy...

[boilingpoint]

I doubt it applies to 'so many people' as IME it's a marked minority of people who haven't had a SO by their 30's, but one reason which comes to mind, reflecting on life and watching others in my social circle parent and grandparent, is the teaching of dating behaviors from any early age. Essentially, 'play dating', heterosexual style, from well before children are old enough to have the parts and hormones which impel dating/mating behaviors.

 

If one watches parents encourage and guide young Johnny and Jane as 'boyfriend/girlfriend' and support age appropriate and innocent social interactions of that type, the behaviors and zone of comfort become both familiar and engrained. If those aspects aren't socialized, perhaps in favor of other aspects of 'growing up', then the young adolescent experiencing peer integration has few customs and guidelines and intrinsic behavioral sets to fall back upon. Everything is strange and unfamiliar, exacerbated by all the normal upheavals of adolescent life. Barring any marked corrections or resolutions, it's quite reasonable to see this lack of understanding proceeding, at marked disadvantage to those who do 'get it', well into adult life, until the person figures it out on their own. Some take a long time, hence the term 'late bloomer'.

 

Yep. Pretty much. I'm 30 now and have always been relatively good looking but I have never had a girlfriend. I dated here and there but never with the girl I wanted.

 

That's not to say I didn't have plenty of opportunities to get with the coveted GIRL I LIKE WHO LIKES ME BACK but I totally blew them all.

 

I blame really bad social anxiety and a deep seated, almost pathological fear of rejection. I'd seriously do things a lot more dangerous things without a problem.

 

I only wish I had those chances again now, because now I'd ace them all. I've faced my problems but it took so long to get there.

 

Back then I was stuttering when talking to the girl I liked who liked me, or just ignoring her completely to avoid the problem :-(

[fortyninethousand322]

The amazing thing now is that in my 40s, I have more women vying for my attention that I have little to no interest in. A couple of them I met when I was in university who had absolutely no time for me. Now they have all the time in the world because they have a mortgage to pay, 3 or 4 kids to raise and no husband to shoulder the load. No thanks!

 

You're a better person than I am. Because I guarantee you if that happens to me when I'm in my 40s, I'll give in and go for it instead of saying no thanks.