My man thinks he's Rico Suave - tries to make me jealous

[Miragall]

I am with this man who intentionally does things that I find disrespectful and I'm sick of it. How can I put him in his place and get him to stop? Here's what he does...

 

We've been together 2 years and every conversation we have is all about him. He's 47 years old and has bikini calendars hanging up in his house, porn magazines in the bathroom, etc. When I'm at his house he'll intentionally put the tv channel on something like Howard Stern (showing some chick doing something perverted) or he'll put it on one of those reality shows showing some girl getting breast implants. I find this disrespectful and I look at him saying "Do we have to watch this?". He seems to enjoy making me jealous on purpose.

 

Is there something I could do back to him to make him feel the way this makes me feel? He's arrogant and tells me he could go out and get any woman he wanted. I never take the bait and just say "Knock yourself out buddy". I've told him a million times to just be himself that he's a helluva lot more attractive when he's himself than trying to portray and prove to me his this hot stud.

 

Even in bed when we have sex he's staring at himself in the mirror. He'll say things like "Damn I look good for my age". This is such a turnoff for me - (insert finger in mouth). Otherwise we get along great and when he's not trying to be Rico Suave he's a decent guy. I want to knock him off his pedestal.

 

Guys, what is the one thing I can do to bring him down to earth and get him to stop thinking he's god's gift to women. I'm sick of hearing how great he is - sometimes I think he's in love with himself! I don't want to make him jealous - but maybe I should start oogling other men so he comes back down to earth.

 

Also how can I deal with the way he does things in front of me trying to make me jealous (like plastering girlie calendars all over his house and leaving his porn mags out for me to see - or oogling girls on tv and in public). I find this disrespectful to me.

 

Any advice?

[d'Arthez]

It sounds he is a somewhat narcissistic / self-absorbed man.

 

People like that, make everything about themselves. All the disrespect is not disrespect in his eyes. It is his strange way of asserting himself towards others. That being said, the porn magazines, are in his world a message to you, that he is a man; and the fact that you are disgusted by him, is a form of attention for him. It makes him feel better because you respond to it.

I think you will admit that your sex-life follows similar patterns.

 

It is difficult to almost impossible to knock himself of that pedestal, as everything is about him. Sure you can attack his masculinity, but then you would threaten his ego. So he becomes more defensive, and more offensive to you.

 

All in all, there is little you can do, constructively. These people are hard, if not impossible to live with, and cannot easily be reformed, as they don't see the problems their behavior causes.

[Miragall]

d'Arthez - thanks! Self absorbed and narcissistic are definitions I could easily use to describe this guy - it is, always, all about him. You hit the nail on the head - and I agree - he's pretty much impossible to have a relationship with much less live with. I shouldn't waste anymore time on him - it's futile. Thanks for your post -well said!

[Beth]

You can not force another person to behave a certain way. He did not 'make' you jealous, you allowed yourself to feel jealous.

 

If he is disrespecting you and you are living in a way that makes you unhappy your choices are to leave, or to tolerate it. You can not change another person.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would leave. NO ONE is worth tolerating that type of behavior.

[monkey00]

Based on what you said, he sounds insecure.

 

A 47 year old man, having his room as if a teenager would? Sounds to me like he should accept his age and act his age. He sounds very immature for a man his age.

 

I suppose he turns to those channels on tv to make you jealous and insecure in the relationship, when in fact he's the one that actually suffers from those symptoms.

 

he doesnt deserve you, find someone who doesnt have an ego problem that constantly seeks validation by being self absorbed.