heartbroke-I want him back, I FEEL OUT OF CONTROL

[Lisa]

HI guys, bear with me, this is a long one, I hope you don't mind taking the time to read this, I really am upset.

 

I recently got dumped by a guy who is three years younger than me. He is 24 and I am 27. We dated for about two months. AT the beginning, things seemed great, we had so much in common, loved being together, physically, emotionally etc... I was nothing but good to him, I have a good heart, and I am a loving, sweet person.

 

Anyhow, we stumbled over some issues, one of them being that for some reason, I did not trust him. Actually there is a reason. One night he went to a bar, and called me when he got home and said he met a girl I know, and he gave her his work number, and asked her to stop by. I completely blew up at him for doing that, not only for telling her to stop by, but because she is also beautiful. Anyhow, ever since that incident, every time he so much looks or talks to another girl, I would flip out on him. He claims he had no intention of dating her, and thought it would be nice to be friends with her since they went to the same college. I asked him why he needed to be friends with a beautiful girl, who works right in our office building? I told him if he cared about me, he would not be her friend, and he said I was being ridiculous. Ever since then, I haven't trusted him, nor have I really felt secure about us. Regardless, we stayed together, the girl never called or stopped by, at least I don't think. But I let it go, because I cared about him.

 

So things got back to normal, and we continued to spend time together and I fell more for him, the more I saw him. I thought felt the same. Suddenly last week he sprung it on me and called to say that he no longer had romantic feelings for me, and could not go on. He said he had his fill of me not trusting him, and he was sick of it, and that he didn't want that type of girlfriend. Just a day before he dumped me, he was crazy about me.

 

So, last night I went to a bar after work, and he was there. I ended up getting very drunk, walking over to him, and asking him for another chance. He told me there was no chance, it was over, and we just had different expectations of what a relationship should be. I told him I would work on trusting him, work out our issues, but he wasn't willing to budge. Yet at the same time I asked him if he missed me, and he said yes, but we were simply not meant to be together and were not compatible.Was he giving me mixed signs, if he is still attracted to me and says I am good person, then why is he not with hime? I told him he was wrong for not being with me, but I can't or couldn't change his mind. So, I ran out of the bar without saying good bye. I went home and he called me at midnight just to make sure I got home ok. I again asked him on the phone if we could work it out, we argued, and he hung up on me saying no again. He said he was only calling to make sure I was ok, and not read into it. I was devestated, I thought he was calling to make up!

 

The worse part of this all, is that we work together, and I have to see him every day. Every time I see him, he doesn't look at me anymore, and I can tell he has lost all feelings for me. I just don't know what I did wrong, how I lost him so quickly, and I miss him a lot, even though it was only 2 months. We just got so close so fast, and he ripped me out of his life like I just didn't matter to him. Yet he still cares about me as a person, and says he is physically attracted to me. So I just can't understand why he doesn't want me anymore? What gives??? I am so frustrated and confused!!!

 

I hate seeing him at work, I hate that he doesn't want me, I miss him, being with him, and he knows that I am pining. I want him back. I feel like a loser. Please tell me what to do. How do I handle him at work, is there anyway to make him realize what a mistake he has made? We were so good for eachother, why did he lose feelings and decide to toss me?? I am so hurt. Sorry this is so long, but I am so sad and I want to call him so badly tonight, Sat night. I know he his home. So instead of calling him, I am writing here. Please write back, I am hopeless.I feel so out of CONTROL AND OBSESSED, AND I CANT LET GO!!!! help. I hate seeing him every day, when he used to stare at me, now he doens't even notice me. what do i do?

[Dragonflys]

Lisa

 

I understand how you feel, it must be very tough for you.

 

I can tell you now that nothing you can do or say will bring him back at this time. He dumped you because he does not love the person you are now. He may have seemed crazy for you just days before, but he wasn't and I am sure the problem has been on his mind for a long time.

 

I was crazy about a woman just 6 months ago and she dumped me, and I tried to stay in her life for a while as a friend in the hope she would change, but she didn't change a bit, and I just continued to suffer and suffer in the discordant friendship while she pranced on her merry way. So I pulled the plug on the friendship and have not had any kind of lengthy conversation with her since then. I merely say hello and goodbye. I ask no questions about her life, and give her no emotional energy.

 

I know in her case she needs to go out and experience some thrills with other men, thats what she wants. I have moved on and I feel so much better. You have to do this too.

 

Let him go.

 

If you are meant to be it will happen in the future, but it won't have a chance of happening until you lose all hope of it happening. Live in the present and meet other men.

 

Damn, there is so many cool people out there to meet, and with the valuable lessons you have learned you will be an infinitely better person, and you may find a guy who communicates better than the last one did.

 

People are a little cruel by default. People have no romantic feelings for a person expressing fear and longing. But it is YOUR responsibility to change your situation and get the smile back on your face and some spunk in your stride, and people will SIMPLY warm to you.