Do you believe in second chances?

[sly_fly1]

i believe in second chances, me and my gf started getting into fights. although she mostly instigated them, it was both of us. we broke up and she started dating someone instantly. push and pull or 6 months. we started hanging out more. she was back and forth. non stop. finally i got sick of the games. i got really mad because i was so hurt. i let her be, she called me back crying one last time. a month later. we had a long talk n lots o tears n i herd her say the words i wanted her to say. we got back, n it was slow. it took a while. and the dumpee always has to work harder than the dumper.

 

things were so slow, and it was so hard to get back together with a traitor. it was harder than getting dumped. more pain comes to your heart than the enitial break up.. when your trying to get your ex back and succeed.

 

i fought so hard for my relationship. even though she was in the wrong,. i was the bigger person, i took all the hard hits n everything. in the end. it is now a year after we got back together. and FINALLY things are starting to become like how we were when we were happy. we just laugh n roll around n are so comfortable , we stare into eachothers eyes. we could just lay in bed with eachother till the end of time.

 

all the hell i want through trying to get her back, it was totally worth it. i will never forgive her for what she did. but i dont have to. because what we had that was so great had died. n i had to accept that. i moved on. but i moved on with the same person. i got over it. and now my relationship is awsome.

 

i say fight n fight hard till the end. at least you can say you tried instead of "what if?"

 

the only problem in my life now is my baby momma , who harasses me, threatens me, uses my kid as a tool., refuses equality. taking me to court. is very stubborn n bitter. my gf told me missary needs company. n thats why my baby mom is so stubborn, because she made the decision to leave, n i too fought for that relationship, at least i can say i tried. n i honestly did. n when i found something better, i found myself finding a lawyer.

 

second chances a very real. but a second chance takes 2 people. not just one..

[Boomshine]

that's true, that is why I haven't bothered him because I want to give him some space and let him live the experience and just hope he decides to work things out, I'm also starting a counseling session this Wednesday so I hope that helps as well. one thing I'm doing is I'm not seeing anyone right now, honestly I've been talking to friends and family that would be my way of dealing with this whole thing..did I mention the girl he is trying to replace me with has a kid

 

Counseling will definitely help, because you want it to help. The only people who counseling doesn't work for are those who are forced to be there, through a court-order or something of the like.

 

I think it's good on you to not see anyone until you're through with this as well. Sets you up to be absolutely ready for whatever new opportunity may come your way, whether previously explored or brand-spankin-new. It's a very healthy way to go about things that too many people nowadays do NOT do.

 

He's gonna be going around, mucking things up with women who aren't truly right for him, and only delaying his grieving process, while meanwhile you're gonna be over this all before he ever even begins. You're set up to win big time here, hon. Keep the course!

[strong-hearted]

Counseling will definitely help, because you want it to help. The only people who counseling doesn't work for are those who are forced to be there, through a court-order or something of the like.

 

I think it's good on you to not see anyone until you're through with this as well. Sets you up to be absolutely ready for whatever new opportunity may come your way, whether previously explored or brand-spankin-new. It's a very healthy way to go about things that too many people nowadays do NOT do.

 

He's gonna be going around, mucking things up with women who aren't truly right for him, and only delaying his grieving process, while meanwhile you're gonna be over this all before he ever even begins. You're set up to win big time here, hon. Keep the course!

 

Yes! you know, I was seeing a counselor before I met him then when he came in the picture I stopped and I shouldn't have, I shoulda kept going to see a counselor and maybe I wouldn't be going through this right now but it happened what's done is done so now all I can do is just start all over again and heal properly sadly I know it'll take some time but it's ok as long as I am able to have a healthy relationship when I'm ready

as for him I can tell he is delaying his grieving and acting like his life is going perfect without me, you shoulda seen him when I told him to bring all my belongings back to me he was hiding behind his sunglasses acting like if he didn't even know me..he brought me back everything except for my two cameras why?! idk..he lives or lived with his grandparents so i was so close to his grandma to me she was like my 2nd mom, that night when he brought me my stuff I talked to her and she said "he hates the way he hurt you, he won't tell you but he feels bad about it every day, he has really hated hurting you like this" it kinda made it a little harder for me to get on my healing process so I had to stop all communication with his family even though I love all of them a lot

[Boomshine]

Yes! you know, I was seeing a counselor before I met him then when he came in the picture I stopped and I shouldn't have, I shoulda kept going to see a counselor and maybe I wouldn't be going through this right now but it happened what's done is done so now all I can do is just start all over again and heal properly sadly I know it'll take some time but it's ok as long as I am able to have a healthy relationship when I'm ready

as for him I can tell he is delaying his grieving and acting like his life is going perfect without me, you shoulda seen him when I told him to bring all my belongings back to me he was hiding behind his sunglasses acting like if he didn't even know me..he brought me back everything except for my two cameras why?! idk..he lives or lived with his grandparents so i was so close to his grandma to me she was like my 2nd mom, that night when he brought me my stuff I talked to her and she said "he hates the way he hurt you, he won't tell you but he feels bad about it every day, he has really hated hurting you like this" it kinda made it a little harder for me to get on my healing process so I had to stop all communication with his family even though I love all of them a lot

 

Yup, I know that feeling all too well. I was INCREDIBLY close with all of my ex's family as well. Mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, aunts, uncles, cousins, EVERYONE. It sucks having to cut them off like that, but it's what's necessary for now. Future could hold a very different story. But for now, this is what I have to do to keep moving forward.

 

Your ex may be trying to hide his feelings behind whatever masks he can, but if there's one thing I know about emotions, it's this: The more you try to avoid them, the more they build and build until they inevitably explode. You CANNOT ignore feelings forever. The ONLY way to get over an emotion is to go through it. It won't just disappear because you're trying to avoid it. In fact, the more you TRY not to think about it, the more it'll just cause you to think about it.

 

He's going to have to live with it all eventually. Just give it time. And in the meantime, feel immensely proud of yourself that you're doing the right thing, and handling it NOW instead of being immature and trying to avoid the pain.

[strong-hearted]

Yup, I know that feeling all too well. I was INCREDIBLY close with all of my ex's family as well. Mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, aunts, uncles, cousins, EVERYONE. It sucks having to cut them off like that, but it's what's necessary for now. Future could hold a very different story. But for now, this is what I have to do to keep moving forward.

 

Your ex may be trying to hide his feelings behind whatever masks he can, but if there's one thing I know about emotions, it's this: The more you try to avoid them, the more they build and build until they inevitably explode. You CANNOT ignore feelings forever. The ONLY way to get over an emotion is to go through it. It won't just disappear because you're trying to avoid it. In fact, the more you TRY not to think about it, the more it'll just cause you to think about it.

 

He's going to have to live with it all eventually. Just give it time. And in the meantime, feel immensely proud of yourself that you're doing the right thing, and handling it NOW instead of being immature and trying to avoid the pain.

 

 

oh trust me I know what you mean, the more I tell myself not to think about him the more I do, but my only hope is that with counseling I can heal better and this pain goes away because even though it's been almost two months since he left me it still feels like it happened yesterday

one thing I honestly do not understand is why did he keep me around if he wasn't happy with me any more, that's until I started to notice he was acting distant and different towards me I kept telling him it was best for us to break up and he would say no he didn't want to

[oracle]

No second chances.... Second goes change nothing.

 

He left you. Have some self respect. Its done.

[Boomshine]

oh trust me I know what you mean, the more I tell myself not to think about him the more I do, but my only hope is that with counseling I can heal better and this pain goes away because even though it's been almost two months since he left me it still feels like it happened yesterday

one thing I honestly do not understand is why did he keep me around if he wasn't happy with me any more, that's until I started to notice he was acting distant and different towards me I kept telling him it was best for us to break up and he would say no he didn't want to

 

You should read through this thread.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/494157-why-do-dumpers-not-express-their-feelings-sooner-2.html

[Boomshine]

No second chances.... Second goes change nothing.

 

He left you. Have some self respect. Its done.

 

Though I get that you're trying to be helpful, you're not in any way being considerate to her feelings in the point of the breakup process that she's in right now.

 

And if second chances don't exist, and the second time around doesn't change anything... Well, I think this thread and all of its 171 pages have something different to say about that idea.

 

Getting back together really does happen!

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

No second chances.... Second goes change nothing.

 

He left you. Have some self respect. Its done.

 

Well I may not agree 100%, she does bring up a great point.

 

OP, you need to start having respect for yourself...more than you do right now. I think going to counseling and doing that is great and I think that will help you heal a LOT faster..however, I think coming to terms and truely realizing that you deserve better and are wasting time trying to understand things. You could (and will) be up all night trying to figure out those questions. Sadly, they never come. EVEN if he told you one day, I doubt they are truthful.

 

It just takes time. Realize the mistakes, learn from them, and move on.

Edited September 24, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[strong-hearted]

thank you guys so much, like I said I know I made some mistakes I tried to fix things but instead he decided to throw me away, so now all I can do is just start from zero, as of today I have my 1st counseling session so wish me luck on my healing!