SO mad at myself

[sweetjess1951]

I'm going on 2 years of being single. I went through a span a unhealthy, long-term relationships and decided that to break the pattern, I needed to be single and learn to be happy with myself.

 

Now, at 27, I'm ready to find that special someone and settle down. The problem is, I feel like I'm extremely guarded from being hurt in the past and don't put myself out there enough in order to keep from getting hurt.

 

At the beginning of April, I moved to a new city for work. I met a group of girlfriends that I spend most of my time with.

 

One of the girls I have met (I'll call her Sam), seems to have liked EVERY guy I ever come in contact with at some point. At first I didn't think much of it, but now I feel like any guy is off limits because she liked him. I've always been the type of person that wouldn't go after a guy if a friend of mine liked him.

 

On Friday, my friend Sam told me that 2 of her guys friends from college were coming into town for the Panthers game today and were going to come to her place to grill out and watch the UNC game, before going to watch the Clemson game at a bar. She invited me to join. She continued to tell me more about these guys and how she used to like one of the guys (Jason) when they were in college.

 

So yesterday the boys came over and we all spent the day together. I was really attracted to Jason. He was exactly my type physically, but we also had a lot in common. The only thing is he lives about 3 hours away (although he is trying to move here).

 

As the night went on and we drank more, I become a little more flirtatious. We would joke around and talk, but I also am a social butterfly when I'm out (ESPECIALLY when I'm drinking), so I wasn't standing by his side the whole night. At the end of the night, we all went back to Sam's place. Sam said she was going to bed and that someone could sleep in the spare bedroom and the other 2 had the couch. The boys offered me the spare bedroom but I was already laid out on the couch so I passed it up. Jason's friend went upstairs to the spare bedroom and left me and Jason downstairs. Jason got up and covered me with a blanket. In my "tipsy" state, I wanted to ask him to cuddle but didn't. I more so didn't want to step on any toes since Sam had mentioned that at one point she was into him.

 

I woke up at 5am and told Mike I was going home. He kind of tried to get me to stay but I had a horrible headache and I wanted to sleep in my bed. So I left.

 

Later this morning, I sent him a message on Facebook saying sorry for dipping out so suddenly, that I wanted my bed and joked about him snoring. Then I told him it was nice to meet him and to come back and visit soon. He responded pretty quickly that he figured I wanted to get in my bed and that he was sorry for snoring and he would come back and visit soon. I responded back and joked that it was just a little snore here and there and he said "haha, good to know". I didn't respond.

 

Well - now I completely regret how things went down. First of all, I'm tired of considering everyone else and whether or not they used to like someone like 10 years ago and not putting myself out there. I wish I would have maybe asked him to cuddle or made it a little more obvious that I was into him.

 

Now I'm not sure what to do. I feel like I lost my chance.

[CC12]

I think you're being too cautious with your friendship with Sam. People are not "off-limits" just because your friend used to have a crush on them. Has Sam ever given any indication that she expects you not to date any of her previous crushes? If she has, she's being completely unreasonable and she can either get over it, or she can end the friendship. You don't need a friendship like that.

 

I don't think you've lost your chance with Jason. It's probably best that you didn't get overly flirtatious or cuddle with him. It was the first time you'd met him, and you were drunk. Chat him up on Facebook and then ask when he's coming back to town because you enjoyed meeting him and would like to get together next time he's there.

[sweetjess1951]

I was thinking that maybe in the next couple days messaging him and just saying something like "Hey, not sure what your situation is, but I'd be interested in getting together the next time you're in town. Just wanted to throw that out there".

 

Thoughts?

[preraph]

I don't think you can be too cautious when it comes to dating someone's exes and if it's friends she may be cultivating, it's low to edge in there when she may have something in mind for them. But in this case, you simply need to have a better rapport with her and just straight up ask her before they get there if possible, "Okay, which one do you like?" I'm sure she has a preference and leaves the other one free to flirt with. If it's an actual ex she dated, you shouldn't go there unless it's literally 10 years ago and you've asked her if it would be okay.