Asking for an early inheritance

[jonsnuh]

If your relationship with them is bad enough that you want to leave and never speak to them again (and you seriously mean it, not just an impulsive thought)... why would you even want to take any money from them? Leave by all means if you need to, but forge your own path in life. You shouldn't be planning your life around inheritance money anyway, IMO.

 

You're quite right. I'm not going to get very far anyway. Might as well be accountable for only myself.

 

On the flip side in the NY Times:

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/20/your-money/estate-planning/parents-the-children-will-be-fine-spend-their-inheritance-now.html

[CarrieT]

On the flip side in the NY Times:

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/20/your-money/estate-planning/parents-the-children-will-be-fine-spend-their-inheritance-now.html

 

I'm not sure why you keep posting financial articles. These articles are about estate planning and - as the NYTimes article even mentions - "parental instinct(s) which might seem loving and generous..."

 

There is nothing in your posting regarding your parents that is remotely "loving" and your own attitude has nothing to do with reciprocated generosity.

 

Why do you feel so entitled when you have so many issues with your parents? Why do you believe they SHOULD given you money just because you are a product of their loins?

[jonsnuh]

I'm not sure why you keep posting financial articles. These articles are about estate planning and - as the NYTimes article even mentions - "parental instinct(s) which might seem loving and generous..."

 

There is nothing in your posting regarding your parents that is remotely "loving" and your own attitude has nothing to do with reciprocated generosity.

 

Why do you feel so entitled when you have so many issues with your parents? Why do you believe they SHOULD given you money just because you are a product of their loins?

 

Inheritance is a huge part of estate planning. No, really. The issue, down to its core is a financial and one that is of an interpersonal nature. I have worked in firms, and be open minded about this, where parents only see having kids as significant pension assets. It is quite possible for inheritances to be of a mutually exclusive moral obligation of parents to their children, and completely a selfish and personal decision (i.e. tax efficient).

 

What is also reflected by your views and for any interpersonal relationship is that the past really has bearing on the present. If someone is unhappy with someone else in the present, all that was good in the past is of minimal importance. Things change, becomes an excuse-- and I challenge YOU, the older generation, to realize that your sins and burdens are ours. Of course, societal, political, and economic norms and values are all controlled by those who have money (the older people with accumulated wealth generally speaking), and power.

 

Do parents not have a moral obligation to their children? Do the older generations have no moral obligation to ensure the welfare of the future generation?

 

I started this discussion as a personal one, vented out of frustration, and would like to make this a purely academic exercise and to have it remain within Loveshack's code of conduct.

[jonsnuh]

As I've said, I don't expect anything. But at the same time, I'm not going to lie to myself and have my own personal individuality trampled by parents who restrict my own decision making. Legally speaking, if you are not considered an adult, parents/guardians would act on your behalf.

 

I too think it may be best for me to eventually move out. I may tell myself that it is only temporary, but what is to say anything can't be temporary? If you continue one temporary cycle after another, it becomes 'permanent' with a life full of 'temporaries', concession, and regret.

Edited September 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Haydn]

WOW. You have 2 feet I take it? Stand on them. You sound a tad entitled.

 

 

As I've said, I don't expect anything. But at the same time, I'm not going to lie to myself and have my own personal individuality trampled by parents who restrict my own decision making. Legally speaking, if you are not considered an adult, parents/guardians would act on your behalf.

 

I too think it may be best for me to eventually move out. I may tell myself that it is only temporary, but what is to say anything can't be temporary? If you continue one temporary cycle after another, it becomes 'permanent' with a life full of 'temporaries', concession, and regret.

[jonsnuh]

WOW. You have 2 feet I take it? Stand on them. You sound a tad entitled.

 

So do the beggars on the street. And yet people are too worried about their own livelihood to even help them from dying on the streets.

 

I've never seen a majority of Christians give everything away and live a destitute life. Yet, this majority feel entitled to it, claiming it's from God. And don't get me started about the Jews.

[CarrieT]

Do parents not have a moral obligation to their children?

Every parent has a moral duty to provide his or her children with the basic necessities of life, including food, clothing, and shelter. This duty usually terminates when the child is emancipated, which generally occurs at the age of eighteen, when the child graduates from high school, when the child enters the military, or when the child marries, but the support obligation can extend beyond that point if the child is unable to support himself or herself and would become a public obligation without familial support.

 

I'm curious why you interpret "moral obligation" to mean "financial obligation?"

 

Do the older generations have no moral obligation to ensure the welfare of the future generation?

I contend that the moral obligation is to ensure that the future generations are taught and guided well enough to develop skills of self-sufficiency.

 

Since you keep offering financial articles, I will counter with one as well: That which Warren Buffet is doing for HIS children.

[ja123]

That which Warren Buffet is doing for HIS children.

 

 

 

Who wouldn't want that kind of guidance and mentorship from his parents?

[jonsnuh]

Every parent has a moral duty to provide his or her children with the basic necessities of life, including food, clothing, and shelter. This duty usually terminates when the child is emancipated, which generally occurs at the age of eighteen, when the child graduates from high school, when the child enters the military, or when the child marries, but the support obligation can extend beyond that point if the child is unable to support himself or herself and would become a public obligation without familial support.

 

I'm curious why you interpret "moral obligation" to mean "financial obligation?"

 

 

I contend that the moral obligation is to ensure that the future generations are taught and guided well enough to develop skills of self-sufficiency.

 

Since you keep offering financial articles, I will counter with one as well: That which Warren Buffet is doing for HIS children.

 

I hate to break it to you, but many adult children ARE living with their parents simply because they can't afford a house on their own or to live on their own.

 

What isn't said in the article is the brand power and relationship he has with his father, even if he decided to make his own way. I highly doubt Hollywood would have give him an opportunity to use his song for that particular movie, let alone having Hollywood agents being interested in an individual from a saturated market of aspiring musicians.

 

Perhaps we really should hate on helicopter parents. Despise kids who are protected and smothered and spoilt. Or shouldn't we?

 

Oh sure, how about my parents donate all of their assets to the church, which have taken 1/10 of everything up to this point? Might as well take the rest of it!

 

My parents have let me fail over and over again, and I've been the one picking myself up. They were not there when I needed them most. Mainly out of convenience. Sure my parents were ****ty parents. But I'm the one to be blamed for this bitter attitude.

Edited September 24, 2014 by jonsnuh

[jonsnuh]

I'm interested: what sort of public support are we talking about? I'd rather live by getting on my own two feet as Haydn has so aptly put (WOW), instead of depending on a welfare system. And yet, it's usually the honest and hardworking people who bear the cost of such a system, those who can't outsmart the system or just feel obligated to do so.

 

Your pension system is overdrawn by the same generation that has screwed the younger generation over, home ownership is near impossible with tightening restrictions that only favour the rich who (from my firsthand experience) treat property as investments flipping them over and over again.

 

This is something the rich have done right: they use their children as vehicles to propagate their own wealth. Yes, it's Melinda and Bill have donated lots of money, with tax savings in their own pockets from donating to their own charity. You don't see Warren Buffet going down to our level because really, he'd rather not. He'd rather schmooze with the wealthy and power and not a common person like you.

[Els]

 

Do parents not have a moral obligation to their children? Do the older generations have no moral obligation to ensure the welfare of the future generation?

 

They do. The obligation involves providing financially for you until you turn 18. There is no obligation for them to continue to give you money after that. Some parents still do but it isn't necessarily an obligation per se.

 

From what I read, though, your parents have supported you even after you turned 18. They paid for your college and you are living rent-free with them, yes? Why then are you expecting even more?

 

Frankly I would be happy enough if my parents are able to support themselves through their old age so I don't have to support them. Taking more money from them just isn't in the agenda.

[beatcuff]

As I've said, I don't expect anything. But at the same time, I'm not going to lie to myself and have my own personal individuality trampled by parents who restrict my own decision making. Legally speaking, if you are not considered an adult, parents/guardians would act on your behalf.

 

I too think it may be best for me to eventually move out. I may tell myself that it is only temporary, but what is to say anything can't be temporary? If you continue one temporary cycle after another, it becomes 'permanent' with a life full of 'temporaries', concession, and regret.

 

lots of big words but you NEVER responded to my question.

 

let me make it very simple --- have you told your parents what you said in the original post.

[Haydn]

I didn`t want to sound quite so harsh. You sound like a smart guy, just a bit disillusioned at the moment, happens to us all and usually more than once. I hope you resolve the issues in a successful way.

[pteromom]

From this entire thread, I've realized that there is no unconditional love. In fact, parental love is always conditional and it seems as if most parents or people who think they may be fit to be parents would leave their children hanging dry because they think their child isn't struggling with their own aspirations and being their own person.

 

I don't get it. Obviously I don't know your mom. Maybe she really is mean and critical and unloving to you. Or maybe she feels like she has failed because she has raised a child with clipped wings, who won't go out and start his own life.

 

Look... your parents may be jerks. But you won't know that until you get away from them and stand on your own. You can't rely on an inheritance or on them to do it for you. If you can afford to pay rent to stay with your mom, then you can afford to pay rent to stay in an apartment with a roommate who has no power over you and no responsibility for you. It's time to move on.

 

You can continue to blame your parents for all your hardships, or you can stand up on your own two feet, and walk out into your OWN life, where they have no say in what you are doing.

 

Then when you are on your own, you can make the decision whether you are better off without them in your life at all. You aren't at that point yet.

[pteromom]

I haven't blamed anything until now. That breakup has left me a very bitter person, and completely faithless. I never (even before all of this) expected anyone to be there to help me. Friends are fickle, and true friends only value you for who you seem and what you do for them. Before all of this, I was a Christian true to my faith until I saw how fake people were, and how my generosity would be taken for granted.

 

I've given up on being stepped on and not meeting expectations. I get enough of it at work and I would want children. I'm tired. Perhaps suicide really is the way to go. Wouldn't make much of a difference at this point.

 

I see this trend in your writing where you are blaming everyone else for everything that is wrong in your life.

 

You can't give other people that much power over you. Your ex doesn't get to determine what you believe - YOU decide that. Your parents and friends don't get to define who you are.

 

Honestly, you sound very lost, and you seem to be looking to other people as the solution. As your salvation.

 

And that's NOT the solution. The solution is inside you.

 

I take back my first post. I wrote it before I read all your subsequent replies. Here's what I think you need. You need a spiritual journey. You need to do something that allows you to explore your inner self and decide what you believe and who you want to be. Maybe just saving up all your money for a short while, then go on a backpacking adventure through hostels in Europe. Or maybe joining up with a group of missionaries or another volunteer group, where you can experience something COMPLETELY outside your normal life. Do some Googling. See what calls to you.

 

If you are actually thinking about ending your life, why not just say "eff it" and throw caution to the wind and try something completely CRAZY? One of two things will happen... you will either still feel miserable and alone afterward, in which case the option of suicide is still there for you (not that I believe it is EVER the answer) or you will gain some new perspective and direction in life and find the sun.

 

It sounds like you went to school because your parents expected it, you got a job that they expected, you've lived your life like a good little soldier, and now you regret being told that you are now on your own. Which makes perfect sense.

 

So now it is time for you to find out who YOU want to be, and quit worrying about what they think, what your ex thinks, or what God thinks (He is out there waiting for you to find Him, down whatever path is right for you.)

[jonsnuh]

They do. The obligation involves providing financially for you until you turn 18. There is no obligation for them to continue to give you money after that. Some parents still do but it isn't necessarily an obligation per se.

 

From what I read, though, your parents have supported you even after you turned 18. They paid for your college and you are living rent-free with them, yes? Why then are you expecting even more?

 

Frankly I would be happy enough if my parents are able to support themselves through their old age so I don't have to support them. Taking more money from them just isn't in the agenda.

 

Living rent free? No. My father has a house in the major city, but I am working away from home in a house that I am renting with my mother. I am paying for rent and so is my mother in the same house. The only benefit is that I can carpool (which I am not doing), and not eat from the same food (I cook and buy groceries for myself and sometimes for my mom).

 

Oh yeah, I'd be happy if they could take care of themselves. Problem is when we actually had great family dynamics, part of the degradation of respect and trust between us began when I was never included in the family financials despite me majoring in that field. I've offered advice that paid off for myself with investments, while they bought mutual funds that earned minimal returns for their retirement with some mutual fund guy earning their savings away. I've done all their tax returns, given plenty of advice on how to manage their personal wealth, and all they've done is ignore it. In fact, they've spent copious amounts of money on junk food and diet that they clearly could have spent on more healthier choices by looking at their health as an asset.

[jonsnuh]

lots of big words but you NEVER responded to my question.

 

let me make it very simple --- have you told your parents what you said in the original post.

 

You NEVER had a question to begin with.

 

If you wanted to put it simply, you would skip the provocation and get straight to the point.

[jonsnuh]

I don't get it. Obviously I don't know your mom. Maybe she really is mean and critical and unloving to you. Or maybe she feels like she has failed because she has raised a child with clipped wings, who won't go out and start his own life.

 

Look... your parents may be jerks. But you won't know that until you get away from them and stand on your own. You can't rely on an inheritance or on them to do it for you. If you can afford to pay rent to stay with your mom, then you can afford to pay rent to stay in an apartment with a roommate who has no power over you and no responsibility for you. It's time to move on.

 

You can continue to blame your parents for all your hardships, or you can stand up on your own two feet, and walk out into your OWN life, where they have no say in what you are doing.

 

Then when you are on your own, you can make the decision whether you are better off without them in your life at all. You aren't at that point yet.

 

That is very true. I've been looking for rent, but if it weren't for a year-long lease and my probation renewed (I don't even know if I have a job), I would've been long gone by now.

 

Bit by bit, I'm doing things on my own. I've removed myself from her presence by studying and driving myself to work. It's as if whenever I share something private with her, I hear the very same thing from my landlord, his family and word gets around. No one needs to know that I'm having a rough time adjusting to work. I'm doing my best and whatever hidden agenda my boss and coworkers have for me is beyond my control. I presented my intentions clearly to my boss that I am doing as well as I can, improving as much as I can, and blacking out every night from the sheer amount of concentration and stress I am putting into my work.

[jonsnuh]

I see this trend in your writing where you are blaming everyone else for everything that is wrong in your life.

 

You can't give other people that much power over you. Your ex doesn't get to determine what you believe - YOU decide that. Your parents and friends don't get to define who you are.

 

Honestly, you sound very lost, and you seem to be looking to other people as the solution. As your salvation.

 

And that's NOT the solution. The solution is inside you.

 

I take back my first post. I wrote it before I read all your subsequent replies. Here's what I think you need. You need a spiritual journey. You need to do something that allows you to explore your inner self and decide what you believe and who you want to be. Maybe just saving up all your money for a short while, then go on a backpacking adventure through hostels in Europe. Or maybe joining up with a group of missionaries or another volunteer group, where you can experience something COMPLETELY outside your normal life. Do some Googling. See what calls to you.

 

If you are actually thinking about ending your life, why not just say "eff it" and throw caution to the wind and try something completely CRAZY? One of two things will happen... you will either still feel miserable and alone afterward, in which case the option of suicide is still there for you (not that I believe it is EVER the answer) or you will gain some new perspective and direction in life and find the sun.

 

It sounds like you went to school because your parents expected it, you got a job that they expected, you've lived your life like a good little soldier, and now you regret being told that you are now on your own. Which makes perfect sense.

 

So now it is time for you to find out who YOU want to be, and quit worrying about what they think, what your ex thinks, or what God thinks (He is out there waiting for you to find Him, down whatever path is right for you.)

 

I cannot deny that my ex had impacted my values, beliefs, my work ethics and views of success. She was a role model, and I had put her on a pedestal not just as a life partner but as someone I revered. I've learned to detach myself (and sometimes too much) from opportunities and relationships in general.

 

News of the financial sector shrinking with an increasingly saturated supply of accounting and finance workers, stricter regulations for certifying and rising costs in examinations are only a few obstacles that have made things more difficult.

 

As easy as it may sound to do something crazy, there would be a trade off because my twenties will define a significant portion of my life going forward. I already feel old, drained, and running out of time catching up from my slump that I only I am responsible for. I only blamed myself then for my shortcomings, and no one else. My parents don't realize that I have let go of many problems and vices that no longer bind me, but have made me who I am today. Yet, they continue believing that I am that little boy, constantly reminding me of my faults and guilt-tripping me, then using that against me to do their bidding. I've told them no to things and laid out my boundaries. If I were in their shoes, I would acknowledge that my son is growing up and away from that image I still have of him, that if he really needs my help he would ask instead of me proactively having to exert my parental supervision or 'veto powers'.

[jonsnuh]

I didn`t want to sound quite so harsh. You sound like a smart guy, just a bit disillusioned at the moment, happens to us all and usually more than once. I hope you resolve the issues in a successful way.

 

I'm not smart by all means. I used to think that way as a child. It ended in SK when I wasn't admitted to gifted school. Then came hanging around nerds like myself in high school, overachievers in university, and people making millions (yes, our clients) at work. I've only treated this as motivation to learn more and that knowledge is boundless.

 

Thanks (genuinely) for the cheer. Prost.

[beatcuff]

You NEVER had a question to begin with.

 

If you wanted to put it simply, you would skip the provocation and get straight to the point.

 

HAVE YOU TOLD [OR SHOWED] YOUR PARENTS WHAT YOU WROTE IN THE ORIGINAL POST??????

 

(hint - these ???? are question marks, which from my english class means a QUESTION is being posed).

[CarrieT]

You NEVER had a question to begin with.

 

If you wanted to put it simply, you would skip the provocation and get straight to the point.

 

Okay, I will ask the question:

Have you told - or shown - your parents what you have written in your original post?

[thefooloftheyear]

Thread is really bizarre....How can someone feel so entitled??

 

My dad passed some years ago..but I have been taking care of my mom for years and will continue til she passes...Thought that was the way its supposed to be...Never thought for a minutre what she may or may not leave me...For all I care she will die penniless...

 

 

TFY

Edited September 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Mascara]

Thread is really bizarre....How can someone feel so entitled??

 

My dad passed some years ago..but I have been taking care of my mom for years and will continue til she passes...Thought that was the way its supposed to be...Never thought for a minutre what she may or may not leave me...For all I care she will die penniless...

 

 

TFY

 

I'm guessing the OP is quite young. You know what they can be like at that age - "I hate my parents, they've ruined my life, they don't get me, and everything they do is unreasonable, and yes I know I'm living in their basement/eating their food/taking their money, but I'm only doing it ironically"

Edited September 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[pureinheart]

J, I only read the first page and all I can say is how things have changed. I'm not saying this to be rude or because I lack understanding, although this has less to do with what your parents have or haven't done- this is you.

 

Back in the day (and today) if there were issues, no matter the issues, we left, asked for nothing and made our own way.

 

By contemplating asking for an early inheritance, this says that you feel they owe you something. No matter how logical this sounds to you, look at the truth in the words and possible actions. The money can not take away the areas in which you feel slighted. The money will go quick and most likely you will be in the same spot you are now...I say this because it would be good if your thinking changed- unless that does your situation will remain.

 

When we do stuff on our own it feeds independence. Independence feeds integrity. Integrity feeds every good thing and is not bound to what others are doing or not doing.

 

Good luck to you love!