anika99 Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 My mother left home when she was 17 yrs old. I left home when I was 16 yrs old. My oldest son left home when he was 18 yrs old and my youngest son left home when he was 19 yrs old. Why? Because it was a known fact in my family that if you wanted your freedom and wanted to be 100% control of your own life, you had to move out of your parents house. Since we were all eager to start our own lives and control our own destiny's we were happy to take on whatever hardships we had to, to set ourselves free of our parents. No money in our family either. Both my stepfather and bio father have died and neither of them had anything to leave to their kids. When my mother goes it will be the same thing. When I left home I never took even one penny from my parents. They never offered and I had to much pride to ask. Kids are not supposed to living at home into their late twenties and thirties. I don't understand this new mindset of people who think that parents should be responsible for their kids for life. Parents have an obligation to raise their kids to adulthood, that is all. The same people who seem to believe that their parents should be taking care of their needs well into their adulthood also seem to be the ones to whine and complain the most about their parents interfering in their lives. They want their parents to keep their homes and their wallets open to them, but keep their mouths shut and stay out of their lives. OP you aren't owed anything by your parents. If they are causing you such misery then move the hell out of their place and start taking responsibility for your own life. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 I'm guessing the OP is quite young. You know what they can be like at that age - "I hate my parents, they've ruined my life, they don't get me, and everything they do is unreasonable, and yes I know I'm living in their basement/eating their food/taking their money, but I'm only doing it ironically" I think in fact that he is in his late 20s, early 30s even perhaps. He mentioned something about delayed graduation by several years. I just want to know OP if you are so good at financial advice and you have done so well while your parents didn't, why do you need their money? If you go through life thinking that others owe you, you are set for life-long disappointment, by the way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mascara Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 I think in fact that he is in his late 20s, early 30s even perhaps. He mentioned something about delayed graduation by several years. God that's even worse. Adulthood seems to have been delayed by about 10 years from when I was young(er) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonsnuh Posted September 25, 2014 Author Share Posted September 25, 2014 HAVE YOU TOLD [OR SHOWED] YOUR PARENTS WHAT YOU WROTE IN THE ORIGINAL POST?????? (hint - these ???? are question marks, which from my english class means a QUESTION is being posed). Took you long enough to include question marks. With a rude tone like that, I decline to acknowledge you with an answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonsnuh Posted September 25, 2014 Author Share Posted September 25, 2014 Okay, I will ask the question: Have you told - or shown - your parents what you have written in your original post? No I haven't. Doesn't mean I won't. Get to the point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonsnuh Posted September 25, 2014 Author Share Posted September 25, 2014 Thread is really bizarre....How can someone feel so entitled?? My dad passed some years ago..but I have been taking care of my mom for years and will continue til she passes...Thought that was the way its supposed to be...Never thought for a minutre what she may or may not leave me...For all I care she will die penniless... Crazy.. TFY Perhaps you can afford to. You've made it clear that you're living comfortably with a good salary and settled in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonsnuh Posted September 25, 2014 Author Share Posted September 25, 2014 (edited) I'm not surprised none of you have failed to deny the fact that the systems and institutions we have in place favor the rich and the older generation. I made my points clear for discussion, but I have yet to read of other sentiments beyond me being entitled and personal attacks rather than correcting or countering the sources of my views. Edited September 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonsnuh Posted September 25, 2014 Author Share Posted September 25, 2014 I'm guessing the OP is quite young. You know what they can be like at that age - "I hate my parents, they've ruined my life, they don't get me, and everything they do is unreasonable, and yes I know I'm living in their basement/eating their food/taking their money, but I'm only doing it ironically" You clearly haven't read my situation. I am, in substance, living independent of my mother. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Perhaps you can afford to. You've made it clear that you're living comfortably with a good salary and settled in. I came from a broken home where there was no TV, heat(only when the gas company didnt shut it off), phones, etc..Lived most of my early years with relatives on and off...Trust me...It was way worse than what you have posted...yet I never asked for anything.. I went off on my own at 17 and never looked back...And yes, i am successful now-due to hard work and perserverance.....But even if I wasnt, Id give my mother anything I have if it makes her life a litlle easier..Its my duty as a son..She sacrificed dearly for me and did the best she could under hellacious conditions.. Being born doesnt entitle you to anything, as far as I am concerned..You earn :"entitlements"..mostly from self sufficiency, hard work and independence... We all cant be Kennedy's....unfortunately... TFY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonsnuh Posted September 25, 2014 Author Share Posted September 25, 2014 J, I only read the first page and all I can say is how things have changed. I'm not saying this to be rude or because I lack understanding, although this has less to do with what your parents have or haven't done- this is you. Back in the day (and today) if there were issues, no matter the issues, we left, asked for nothing and made ouBy contemplating asking for an early inheritance, this says that you feel they owe you something. No matter how logical this sounds to you, look at the truth in the words and possible actions. The money can not take away the areas in which you feel slighted. The money will go quick and most likely you will be in the same spot you are now...I say this because it would be good if your thinking changed- unless that does your situation will remain. When we do stuff on our own it feeds independence. Independence feeds integrity. Integrity feeds every good thing and is not bound to what others are doing or not doing. Good luck to you love! Thanks for the input. I am feeling like I am wrapped up in my own logic that has rationalized that I would be better off with a good start if I had a financial boost. I do think I haven't gotten out of the darkness yet, despite being slightly better than functional and without the soul sucking from ruminating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonsnuh Posted September 25, 2014 Author Share Posted September 25, 2014 (edited) I came from a broken home where there was no TV, heat(only when the gas company didnt shut it off), phones, etc..Lived most of my early years with relatives on and off...Trust me...It was way worse than what you have posted...yet I never asked for anything.. I went off on my own at 17 and never looked back...And yes, i am successful now-due to hard work and perserverance.....But even if I wasnt, Id give my mother anything I have if it makes her life a litlle easier..Its my duty as a son..She sacrificed dearly for me and did the best she could under hellacious conditions.. Being born doesnt entitle you to anything, as far as I am concerned..You earn :"entitlements"..mostly from self sufficiency, hard work and independence... We all cant be Kennedy's....unfortunately... TFY That's good to hear. I am just skeptical of how many and what those success books preach. I know I can't be a Steve Jobs, but even if I could be... His journey would not be like mine at all. It's like the work I put in almost never gets acknowledged or has little impact to the quality of my life. I've been (so to speak) the better person while watching others cheat and get ahead. I've given up on thinking of justice and accepted that not everything that goes around comes around. Granted I have it easy. I don't have Ebola, I didn't die young without my parents and become a refugee in war like in Darfur. But I want more, and plainly I feel bad even sitting here writing this when I should be studying for a better job. I could never be happy as a parent, in order to make such sacrifices. But in a world like the one we live now, why do we bind ourselves to these ideas and concepts of duty when half of marriages dissolve at the cost of hurting children and without their consent? Or arguably having marriages stand on feeble foundation where both parents would be happier if they split? Edited September 25, 2014 by jonsnuh Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 There are a lot of people judging you OP, and I just want to say that I can see where you are coming from. Parents can be hurtful, unreasonable, and many things. Sometimes they do have your best interests at heart, but their ideas of what would make you successful are often incorrect and may even end up causing you a lot of harm. But at the end of the day, it's better to focus on realistic solutions than "how things should be." Focusing on how unfair the world is would just make you angry, upset and lead to nowhere. I suggest that you try to block out your parents and focus on your own goals. That's the best way to get out of that situation and start living your own life. It IS possible to be happy and free OP. You would have to tolerate this situation for awhile longer, but it won't be forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 It should be noted that some of the views expressed are from the older and more established generation (CarrieT). If you are indeed in your early 30s, I'm quite a bit younger than you. The counter to your view is that nobody is entitled to financial support from their parents after they turn 18. It isn't a personal attack, it's the truth. Some parents do continue to provide financial support or an inheritance, but that is entirely at their own discretion. It isn't something that you are entitled to. If you ask your parents for an early inheritance, they are within their rights to say no, especially if your plan is to sever ties with them. Why does an able-bodied man in his 30s even want to ask for money from his parents, whom he doesn't have a good relationship with?? Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 (edited) I trust the thread starter has gotten what they needed, thread closed. Thanks all who participated Additional comments from William, who processed the thread for conformity with our guidelines: To those who were sanctioned, please understand that this style of interaction is not welcomed on our forums and persisting in singular or group attacks on *any* member will find you with your posting privileges suspended and your membership here ended. We simply don't want members like that here. It's fine to discuss and disagree but be respectful about it. No baiting or name calling. Given the number of postings deleted and the content of the thread as it exists, I see no purpose in reopening the thread so support Robert's decision to close it. Edited September 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Thread processed. Link to post Share on other sites
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