OLD Plenty of Fish "About You: Ask away."

[irc333]

I've recently come across quite a few profiles of women (not sure if this happens with men, as I don't browse men's profiles). Where they would have plenty of nicely done pictures, around 6 , but in the "About Me" section, all they say is, "Ask away" or "If you have any questions just ask"

 

Sometimes they'd get a little longer, "Don't want to give to much of myself on here, so best to just send me a message" or "I'm not good at writing about myself, so if you have any questions, just ask."

 

 

 

I even had seen a couple that said, "No one reads these things anyhow, so if you have any questions, just ask".

 

Is this a deal breaker for you or do you contact them anyway? Maybe there's some truth to what the say?

[irc333]

They're right, most people don't actually read those profiles. Besides, women will get plenty of messages without a detailed profile. Why bother filling out a bunch of crap?

 

Yeah , I recently saw a forum post on POF about "Answering generic messages"

 

Basically people always seem to get "Hi" or "What's up" and that's it in the initial email and its a turn off for most, but isn't that the equivalent to a short profile?

 

"Meh, you guys always look at the pictures, so send me an email if you're interested"

 

I guess those profile are more truthful and filling out an elaborate, concocted profile is just a waste of time?

[sillyanswer]

Is this a deal breaker for you or do you contact them anyway? Maybe there's some truth to what the say?

 

I like to be able to write something other than "you're cute" which means there needs to be something to write about. That could be something in her pictures, but it's certainly easier for me to find something to write about if she's actually written a profile.

 

If I want a dating app without profiles I'll use Tinder. (and I do... and I'm not expected to write initial messages there unless the woman has already indicated 'interest'.)

[Mascara]

Yeah men do do it a lot too. I never understood why people did that. Imagine if every profile had it.

[Keenly]

Whatever excuse they give for it, it always comes down to sheer laziness.

[PegNosePete]

women will get plenty of messages without a detailed profile. Why bother filling out a bunch of crap?

Because quality is better than quantity.

 

If she just wants sex then sure just put pics and "ask me" or whatever, because who cares which is her favourite My Little Pony or whether she likes scuba diving or white water rafting? She just wants messages and she will reply to the guy she fancies the most.

 

But if she wants messages from quality guys who are interested in a real relationship, then she should fill in her about me with just as much care and diligence as any guy. It's a common misconception that women find OLD easier than guys. Easier to get messages, sure just stick up a photo that's not terrible. Easier to get messages from quality guys looking for a real relationship? No, it's really not.

[WesternWizard]

If writing a whole bio about yourself is ultimately a waste of time, wouldn't it make sense for OLDSs to just drop them entirely? They could replace the essay with a couple of boxes that you click on instead... one would say "interview me" (you download a blank laundry list pdf from the site, print it, fill it out, and bring it to your interview with your potential date), and the other one would say "I'll pass, thanks".

 

A lot of people nowadays hate to read anything anyway.

[OwMyEyeball]

Could be the white flag of a defeatist attitude towards OLD. I see a lot of burnout.

 

For others it could be a "lobster trap" that's checked every so often while they pursue more viable options in their social network. That being said, putting down a good profile would certainly help catch bigger lobsters.

 

And then there are some people who are terribly shy and have great difficulty expressing themselves even in an online profile.

[irc333]

Could be the white flag of a defeatist attitude towards OLD. I see a lot of burnout.

 

For others it could be a "lobster trap" that's checked every so often while they pursue more viable options in their social network. That being said, putting down a good profile would certainly help catch bigger lobsters.

 

And then there are some people who are terribly shy and have great difficulty expressing themselves even in an online profile.

 

Yeah with the, "I Hate writing about myself, if you have any questions, ask."

[sillyanswer]

If writing a whole bio about yourself is ultimately a waste of time, wouldn't it make sense for OLDSs to just drop them entirely?

 

That's pretty much what Tinder does. There is a box, but it's limited in size and most people don't bother.

[PegNosePete]

If you say so. I disagree. I can't see how a woman fielding multiple messages from many different guys doesn't have it easier than a guy sending out a ton of messages just to get no responses.

I have seen many, many complaints from women on OLD sites, that they only ever get messages from guys asking for sex, asking how to get messages from decent guys. In my experience, women find it just as hard to get messages from the guys they want messages from, as guys find it hard getting replies from women.

 

Most of the ones online would take a fling with a better looking guy over a relationship with an average guy every time.

There is absolutely no evidence to back up this frankly quite ludicrous claim whatsoever.

[jay1983]

I have seen many, many complaints from women on OLD sites, that they only ever get messages from guys asking for sex, asking how to get messages from decent guys. In my experience, women find it just as hard to get messages from the guys they want messages from, as guys find it hard getting replies from women.

 

 

There is absolutely no evidence to back up this frankly quite ludicrous claim whatsoever.

 

You must have completely missed that thread that scales put up. The one with the pic of the model from europe and all the screen shots of girl after girl.

 

People tend to look the other way when they're presented with evidence.

[PegNosePete]

You must have completely missed that thread that scales put up. The one with the pic of the model from europe and all the screen shots of girl after girl.

Yes I did, link it?

[jay1983]

Yes I did, link it?

 

It's been taken down now. But here's where it was. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/489413-appparently-i-may-have-been-wrong

[PegNosePete]

Err not sure how that's relevant to this topic. You're saying that a better looking guy does better on a site that is basically just a photo gallery (Tinder)? That's pretty obvious isn't it?

 

I don't see how that proves that most women would choose sex with a good looking guy over a relationship with an average looking one.

[jay1983]

Err not sure how that's relevant to this topic. You're saying that a better looking guy does better on a site that is basically just a photo gallery (Tinder)? That's pretty obvious isn't it?

 

I don't see how that proves that most women would choose sex with a good looking guy over a relationship with an average looking one.

 

It was over 30 pages long. The screen were about an hour part, it displayed more than 30 girls in a matter of 3 days. Where as an average guy has to be very patient, spend a lot of time and carefully craft his messages and it could be months to get 1 date. Most means majority.

[PegNosePete]

I'm still not seeing how this proves the hypothesis.

 

It's strawman at best.

[BlueIris]

Yeah with the, "I Hate writing about myself, if you have any questions, ask."

 

Those "profiles" used to crack me up.

I figure if they can't be troubled to write a blurb, and they won't do things they "hate," there is no way that guy's going to do the laundry or trim the bushes if he hates doing those things.

So, it's actually one of the most revealing and helpful profile descriptions!

[jay1983]

I'm still not seeing how this proves the hypothesis.

 

It's strawman at best.

 

Okay ignore every shred of evidence and keep blaming it on the profile and the messages and keep spewing that 17% of marriage statistic.

[BlueIris]

I have seen many, many complaints from women on OLD sites, that they only ever get messages from guys asking for sex, asking how to get messages from decent guys. In my experience, women find it just as hard to get messages from the guys they want messages from, as guys find it hard getting replies from women.

 

So true.

 

Never having been a man on OLD I won’t presume to conclude what is easier or not, but it begs the question(s)-- Easier for what? What are you trying to achieve?

 

If all you want are interactions and dates, I do think it’s “easier” for women to have interactions and dates with men. Pleasant, interesting and fun interactions and dates? Whole different story! If you want to get laid, yeah, it’s probably “easier” for the average woman to get laid than it is for the average guy. No different from real life. But I agree with Pete that many women (and men, too, actually) don’t want JUST interaction, dates, or to get laid, and eventually find sifting through horndogs, bored guys and narrow-thinkers to be annoying and exhausting. (And destructive for your view of humanity, if you do it too long. Haha)

 

For women (and men) seeking a positive long-term relationship or marriage, a few coffee-dates a week for a few weeks (or months, god forbid) with incompatible people can be fatiguing and depressing, and you start feeling like a Walmart greeter (A US department store that has employees that say “hi” to you as you walk in. ). That’s why I didn’t follow the meet-up-quickly and give-them-a- chance paradigm for long and moved to the phone conversation prerequisite. Many men in the Looks-Rule mindset refuse to believe that many people really truly don’t decide that way, and that some even eliminate prospects who are especially stubborn and myopic in believing that physical appearance is THE universal threshold. Who wants to get involved with someone who thinks his words, actions, personality and life aren’t all that important, or who is that rigid in his thinking? So, yeah, OLD can be a frustrating business for some men and some women. Not “easy” at all if you’re seeking someone for an LTR.

Edited September 23, 2014 by BlueIris

[jay1983]

So true.

 

Never having been a man on OLD I won’t presume to conclude what is easier or not, but it begs the question(s)-- Easier for what? What are you trying to achieve?

 

If all you want are interactions and dates, I do think it’s “easier” for women to have interactions and dates with men. Pleasant, interesting and fun interactions and dates? Whole different story! If you want to get laid, yeah, it’s probably “easier” for the average woman to get laid than it is for the average guy. No different from real life. But I agree with Pete that many women (and men, too, actually) don’t want JUST interaction, dates, or to get laid, and eventually find sifting through horndogs, bored guys and narrow-thinkers to be annoying and exhausting. (And destructive for your view of humanity, if you do it too long. Haha)

 

For women (and men) seeking a positive long-term relationship or marriage, a few coffee-dates a week for a few weeks (or months, god forbid) with incompatible people can be fatiguing and depressing, and you start feeling like a Walmart greeter (A US department store that has employees that say “hi” to you as you walk in. ). That’s why I didn’t follow the meet-up-quickly and give-them-a- chance paradigm for long and moved to the phone conversation prerequisite. Many men in the Looks-Rule mindset refuse to believe that many people really truly don’t decide that way, and that some even eliminate prospects who are especially stubborn and myopic in believing that physical appearance is THE universal threshold. Who wants to get involved with someone who thinks his words, actions, personality and life aren’t all that important, or who is that rigid in his thinking? So, yeah, OLD can be a frustrating business for some men and some women. Not “easy” at all if you’re seeking someone for an LTR.

 

Miss Iris, yes I've seen what happens when a girl puts up a profile. She gets bombarded with messages. There are even youtube videos that show it and a lot of the messages are very offensive. But pete claimed that girls don't just want a fling and there's no evidence to prove they do.

 

Well you saw that thread and how many girls liked the overly offensive messages "I wanna put it in your ass" and "you DTF?" "nice DSLs" it was just page after page of that. And pete still says it's irrelevant and doesn't prove anything. Come on, you saw it.

[BlueIris]

Miss Iris, yes I've seen what happens when a girl puts up a profile. She gets bombarded with messages. There are even youtube videos that show it and a lot of the messages are very offensive. But pete claimed that girls don't just want a fling and there's no evidence to prove they do.

 

Well you saw that thread and how many girls liked the overly offensive messages "I wanna put it in your ass" and "you DTF?" "nice DSLs" it was just page after page of that. And pete still says it's irrelevant and doesn't prove anything. Come on, you saw it.

 

SOME girls. And even of the responders, SOME were likely also just teasing and playing.

 

Maybe analogize it to porn. Just because you watch porn sometimes doesn't mean you'd want that girl/guy in the porn movie to be within 10 feet of you in real life, right?

 

I'll admit... when I was in a very intense professional period, the most stress I'd been under for a decade probably, and BF-less... I got involved in an online-only steamy hot relationship with a man that I knew I'd never meet or run across in real life. And even now, I'm getting all bleary just thinking about it... so... shakes head... anyway... yes... I entertained and engaged in things he said and did remotely that I normally wouldn't and had never done since and didn't do after. He and that relationship, such as it was, were just what I wanted and needed for that little slice of time. But other than that time with that man, I auto-delete guys who'd say or do what he did. Makes sense, right?

 

So, just because those girls played with a boy who was fantasy-level yummy online does not prove that they actually want a real-life fling, or who they'll date or want for a partner.

Edited September 23, 2014 by BlueIris

[Keenly]

The problem with the girls looking for serious relationships in OLD is that the guys who actually want something too are 90 percent of the time ruled out for completely stupid reasons, whether its the picture wasn't attractive enough, he isn't good at starting a conversation right off the bat, he's shy, any number of reasons.

 

 

The guys that actually want relationships and connections DO message these girls, but they either get ignored or even worse, a really terrible one word reply conversation begins. Its really difficult to believe that the ONLY messages these women get are from guys that are only looking for hookups.

 

The serious ones ARE there, they just are not given a chance, and because they are ruled out instantly, without even so much as a testing the waters type conversation, it is concluded by these girls that the guys looking for relationships don't exist.

 

 

Women, give men a chance. And more importantly, you need to ACTIVELY seek out profiles and send messages to men you find interesting.

[irc333]

I concur I'm sick of seeing the same faces of women on POF within MINUTES from where I live only to have been ignored.

 

I would sometimes follow up with the same women only because I've exhausted my options.

 

These women are in such a small populace they should realize this and give us a quick meet.

 

It's not much to ask.

 

I mean they really cannot afford to be picky in such a small community. Otherwise they need to relocate.

 

 

 

The problem with the girls looking for serious relationships in OLD is that the guys who actually want something too are 90 percent of the time ruled out for completely stupid reasons, whether its the picture wasn't attractive enough, he isn't good at starting a conversation right off the bat, he's shy, any number of reasons.

 

 

The guys that actually want relationships and connections DO message these girls, but they either get ignored or even worse, a really terrible one word reply conversation begins. Its really difficult to believe that the ONLY messages these women get are from guys that are only looking for hookups.

 

The serious ones ARE there, they just are not given a chance, and because they are ruled out instantly, without even so much as a testing the waters type conversation, it is concluded by these girls that the guys looking for relationships don't exist.

 

 

Women, give men a chance. And more importantly, you need to ACTIVELY seek out profiles and send messages to men you find interesting.

[Jenmarie]

As a female, if I saw this from a guy, it would personally be a dealbreaker for me. I don't want to have to ask questions for a guy to tell me about himself. He knows himself better than anyone. So he should be able to write a description about himself, or at least have the confidence to try. That's just my two cents.