Wife cheated, got pregnant, had abortion.

[Mr. Lucky]

I am just acting to keep things together. I told her I want to get married properly in a church, to exchange vows, so she understands that I believe marriage is for life and I want to have a strong loving marriage...but that seems like a dream.

I'm confused, you're not actually married now?

 

Regardless, you're facing two issues in her affair and lack of participation in intimacy with you, either of which is enough to derail a relationship. And since she won't go to counseling, I'd move quickly to put my affairs in order...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Darren Steez]

Thank you both. Well when you have two kids and when you are working etc. of course you are busy and you may have less time together as a couple... but I trusted my wife 100% and this has knocked me sideways. The irony in her cheating and having sex, but at the same time having little/ no interest in sex and telling me to go elsewhere to satisfy my natural urges is not lost on me.. But they say women cheat for various reasons, maybe she was angry with me or needed some excitement... We'll she certainly got the excitement part.

 

I know I am making excuses for her, she had a choice.

Also she had sex with me, knowing full well the OM was a total pig who slept around and recklessly impregnated 5 other women..what if he had an std and she passed it on to me...she did not consider that...

 

No she didn't. But she did consider sleeping with you so it would look like you got her pregnant. To do that, so you could raise another man's baby is callous in itself.

 

That would be a dealbreaker.

[nightmare01]

I don't see much to build on in your situation.

 

Sadly, I suggest you get yourself in order, find a lawyer, and have your WW served with D papers.

[aliveagain]

This man you called a friend that you bought beers for (when you and your wife went out with him), made a new life with your wife, he was the father of her unborn child. You have not given her one consequence for carrying another man's baby or for banging him for a couple of months before that. She is the one that should be walking on egg shells, what will she have to do to you before you take action to protect your rights as a husband? One of those rights is the guarantee of paternity. Would you have stayed with her if she had decided to have his baby?

Edited September 22, 2014 by aliveagain

[Fearful]

Sorry OP. May God releave you of your pain. I think it is time for you to face reality and the reality is that you don't have a marriage. The relationship between you and your wife is like master-servant relationship. You just have to stop being her slave. Check the paternity of your children because chances are she only have sex with you when she is already pregnant and this may not be the first time she is cheating on you. The only way you can redeem your manhood is by divorcing her no matter the cost.

[Davey L]

There are some things in your situation that are similar to where I was some years ago. Mine was nowhere near as bad, wife didn't get pregnant, didn't have abortion, however she did say some similar things at the time and behave in a similar way. I offer my example to counter the almost universal "it won't work, get out" advice given here, because things did work out in the end, sort of.

 

 

She, too, told me I could go and have sex with other women, with the condition that it was not with her sister. We had some sex, but not much, infrequent, and it was obvious "duty" sex.

 

 

However, things DID get better after some years. Never perfect, but who's marriage is perfect anyway?

 

 

I don't know what made things better in the end. But I think it was when I got to the point of not really caring whether things worked or not, and started living my own life instead. I went on trips by myself a few times, both personal and business. I started going out with friends, not every night, but from time to time. I then also had an affair myself, about two years on - and in contravention of her instruction about sex with other women, it was with her sister (yes, bad, I know). She didn't know about the affair, but somehow the affair improved my confidence enormously, which had been dented badly by my wife's affair.

 

 

This was the point at which things started to turn around. I think she felt me slipping away from her, and this made her think a bit. Until then, I think she thought I would never abandon her, that she was safe enough acting pretty much as she pleased without having go face any consequence.

 

 

In hindsight, I think I could have handled this a lot better, been less of a doormat at the time of her affair and then not had an affair myself. But - I offer this to suggest to you that it MIGHT be possible to move forward in your marriage. Whether it is worth it, I don't know. I probably wouldn't do it again, with the knowledge of the years of sh*t to get through.

[GorillaTheater]

OP, your wife could have barely f*cked you over worse if she shot you in your sleep.

 

Let her go, man. You deserve a hell of a lot better than that.

[stillafool]

Hello,

 

We are 36 and 34, have been together 13 years and have two wonderful young

daughters who we both love. My wife had a short affair ( less than 2 months)

with a womanizing manipulator who was my friend also by the way. He tried to

turn her against me, and at the same time encouraged me to flirt/have affairs

with other women ( I didn't) anyway my wife quickly woke up and realized he was

a scumbag.

 

You are right your friend is a scumbag but so is your partner. She willingly slept with your friend and he did not have to manipulate her. She may not have known all of what he was doing wih other women; but I'm sure she knew the type of man he was and still she lusted for him.

 

Unfortunately they didn't use protection and she got pregnant. She has had an

abortion. He told her to f*^k off and have the child, or to pretend it's my

child! ( nice guy eh..he is married with one child.. He has 2 kids from a

previous marriage who he has no contact with. Also according to my wife, 5 women

who he has had relationships with ended up having to have abortions.

 

You see your wife knew about these other women and still she wanted him. The other women didn't have to have abortions they chose to have them. As you see he is the one who didn't want your wife anymore after he found out she was pregnant. He sent her home to you. If she had never gotten pregnant she would still be screwing this guy. She doesn't even have enough respect for herself or you by not using a condom. WTF?

 

 

It's the first time my wife cheated, I know it wasn't just about sex for her..in

fairness he is a dangerous manipulator and he knew personal details about us as

I trusted him and thought he was my friend.

 

Please stop making excuses for your wifes behavior. She is not some 16 year old girl who was manipulated by a grown man. She is a grown woman who knew what she wanted, what she was doing, and who she was doing it with. No excuses. You also trusted her and thought she was your wife. Wouldn't you expect more loyalty from her?

 

 

 

 

It's hard for me to fathom my wife's ideas about intimacy..she is reluctantly

intimate with me. We did not have sex for almost three yrs, since our youngest

child was born,

 

( I wanted to..but she was always tired or there was some other excuse..we

were intimate and I accepted this, of course I felt unloved and sad, I don't

think she considered my needs )

 

Any woman who loves a man and cares about keeping him is not going to go 3 years without having sex with him. I would not be at all surprised if your wife hasn't cheated on you before.

 

than suddenly a month ago she produced some baby oil and wanted to have

sex..this was a week before she confessed..seems like she was going to pretend

that I was the father but must have had a change of heart..still it shocks me

that she would even consider something like that...

 

She was desperate at that point but what she realized is she didn't want to take care of another child and that's why she confessed.

 

She gets stressed at the mere mention of sex...she told me today if I want to

have sex just do it with other women and she won't be angry!! I find this quite

a shocking thing to say. If she was physically incapable of sex I might

understand but I want to love my wife and do not want to have to resort to

having affairs to satisfy my physical needs....

 

Again, no woman who loves a man will tell him to have sex with other women. She had no problem getting the energy to sneak behind your back and screw your dirty friend.

 

Counseling or a sex therapist is not an option, when I asked her would she be

willing to have one session with a counsellor, she said no, you go by yourself.

 

This shows she isn't even interested in having a sex life with you at all. Do you want to live the rest of your life in a sexless marriage?

 

It's painful and depressing but I am coming to the realization that my wife DOES

NOT love me, she can't possibly love me if she acts like this...I work 2~3 jobs,

am a total hands on dad, we go out every weekend as a family, I pay all the

bills and look after my family.

 

You are a wonderful man. Still, your wife woul pass up a man like you and willingly lay down with a lowlife such as your friend. She likes your friends bad boy ways and it turns her on. I guarantee you she still isn't over him but he doesn't want her anymore.

 

In our 13 years together I have never once threatened her with the word divorce,

I respect our marriage and would not say something like that, however I walk on

egg shells and am afraid to challenge her as she will threaten me with divorce.

 

She doesn't respect your marriage, You are alone in this. The best thing she could do for you is grant you a divorce.

 

All of this is very hard to deal with, I have h0ad to go to work and just put my

feelings aside. Things are normal at home and my wife can just carry on like

nothing happened..but for me this is all crazy and I am dealing with all this

**** in my head. I will do anything for my kids and family, but I think I am

being treated like a fool and this is much harder to accept...

 

You are being treated like a fool. How long are you going to let yourself be treated this way? You should have threatened to throw her out in the street and take the kids away. You shoud have made her leave when she told you. She would have had more respect for you. If there are no consequences she will think you are a pushover and weak. Women are turned off by weak men.

[aliveagain]

Is it possible that your wife confessed her affair because you as her husband would have been contacted by the medical facility when she went in to have the abortion? Is it law where you live that a married woman needs the approval of her husband before an abortion is granted?

 

She would have been at the mercy of O/M indefinitely had she kept the baby and than hid that it was O/M's from you. She could never trust that he would keep the secret knowing his history. She may have thought that having another mans child might be enough for you to leave her cheating a$$.

[Be_Strong]

You are being treated like a fool. How long are you going to let yourself be treated this way? You should have threatened to throw her out in the street and take the kids away. You shoud have made her leave when she told you. She would have had more respect for you. If there are no consequences she will think you are a pushover and weak. Women are turned off by weak men.

This. At a fundamental level, the problem in your marriage is that your wife is not attracted to you. It has nothing to do with your physical appearance. It has everything to do with your actions.

 

I would suspect that your wife wants to be attracted to you but she can't force herself. She is desperately trying to get a strong, alpha-male, leadership quality reaction from you, because that is what will get the attraction back. When she acts out and your response is weak, it causes her to resent you even more and kills any attraction. That's why people say you can't "nice" a woman out of an affair.

Edited September 22, 2014 by Be_Strong

[aliveagain]

The more I think about this the more I think that the only reason you got a confession out of her is because she needed an abortion and she couldn't get an abortion without her husbands approval. You would have found out one way or another, being contacted by a third party (the medical clinic if required by law which I think it is) would have gone more poorly for her. I guess you were a better option than short, bald other man, having his child would have given him rights to her child and access to your life.

[Man Mountain Makino]

Not wanting to have sex with me? I have asked her this, do you think I am attractive etc. and she says yes of course. I mean the other man was older, shorter and ****ing bald! I am 6'2 slim build and considered attractive.

I'm very sorry you're dealing with this, bro. But if you seriously think a post-teenage woman's desire and willingness to have sex with a guy has much to do with this height, fitness, and hairline, you just haven't been paying attention.

 

Not to say women can't be impressed with a man's looks, but it's not the difference between getting a woman into bed and not getting her into bed.

 

After all, baldy shorty cuckolded you, didn't he?

[atreides]

I don't know if she has had any other 'flings' in the past...I am inclined to think no because this fling was short, messy, she got pregnant. If she was a serial adulterer I would have thought she would be a bit better at disguising it....

 

Again giving her more credit than she deserves... I am sorry, but I highly doubt this was her first fling going off of all you have written. Perhaps she wanted to do CYA because there was a chance you would have found out.

When a wayward confesses out of remorse, they do not behave the way your wife is, however when a wayward confesses to minimize the damage as to intercept exposure, the confession is a moot point and part of their deception.

 

Not wanting to have sex with me? I have asked her this, do you think I am attractive etc. and she says yes of course. I mean the other man was older, shorter and ****ing bald! I am 6'2 slim build and considered attractive.

 

Please stop this, why justify yourself... infidelity is an addiction, it has nothing to do with you. You cannot look at her actions the way you are; however, if you look at it as an addiction.. it will make sense.

 

 

Btw, my wife phoned his wife and his wife has allegedly left him. So he has now lost his wife and child...but apparently he is so pathetic it doesn't bother him. He was always complaining about his wife being suspicious and over bearing, but now I know she had every right to be..I don't have any sympathy for the OM...he has caused many unwanted pregnancies and if he really loved his wife and kid he would not have done any of this in the first place. He is from a troubled background and according to him his mother worked as a prostitute. So to say he has issues is an understatement, I personally believe he probably hates women...

 

Why did she phone her?

 

What would you like to do? Right now, you are in limbo and she has gotten away with it essentially because you are looking at this "from the sidelines instead of getting in the game" to use as an analogy.

 

Many would love to help you, but give us a direction... we are here to listen and help.

 

sending strength.

[Man Mountain Makino]

No she didn't. But she did consider sleeping with you so it would look like you got her pregnant. To do that, so you could raise another man's baby is callous in itself.

 

That would be a dealbreaker.

I'm inclined to agree. That was her "Plan A" and she was on her way to executing it. Truly despicable.

[HurtHusband]

When she confessed she said she would have an abortion, she'd take care of it, a week later she said why can't we have the child? an abortion is expensive/scary etc. I said, no way in hell am I raising another mans child. You can have the child but I won't be here, just can't do it. The OM can't even pay/provide for his own family, no way do I want to be involved with him or his child. He gets women to pay for everything. A total parasite with debts and no money, who moans about his lot, but yet is unwilling to work an honest job to provide for his own family.

 

Apparently another reason he had an affair with my wife is because he knew she had savings...I told him this, ( not how much or any specific amount) as I thought he was a close friend not a conman. I know my wife feels I am partly to blame for all this as I told him details about our marriage and she met him through me, but as a previous poster said....

 

This is a cop out, she is a grown woman and made that decision to jump into bed with him. Shifting some of the blame onto me, just shows you that she can't take full responsibility for her own actions.

 

I must say, if she felt any guilt or remorse for having an abortion than she didn't show it to me, her lack of emotion is quite startling. I suppose she just thinks I'm the doormat, alls forgiven and she can just carry on as usual now,

 

Of course it couldn't have been pleasant for her. I suppose she kept it in, she did say, she had no one she could confide in and the burden of getting pregnant and all the deception got to her, But tough, this is what happens, I can't say I had much sympathy for her.

 

As I picked her up from the clinic, I wasn't mean to her, just asked her how she was, we chatted normally etc. and our youngest is sitting in the back of the car, but inside can you imagine what I was going through? It was just totally bizarre, humiliating...

 

 

According to her, he told her to have the child and say it was mine, but she said that I would notice and she couldn't do that...yes I did sign for the abortion. You need another persons signature...this could be another reason for the confession. I suppose I will never get the absolute truth. Of course I still have questions but any discussion of her affair will just make her defensive. It's painful and I don't want to hear about the details to be honest. I already heard enough to know that she is beyond repair, and she won't do any counseling, says I can go but she won't. I told her a marriage is two people etc.

 

 

I agree this is more like 'master and servant' / slavery than a proper marriage between partners. Yes I know she has committed the ultimate disrespect and does not value/respect our marriage...it's not really 'a marriage' at all tbh. Cause what woman who loved me would suggest I 'look elsewhere' for sex and she won't care? I mean seriously, I cannot believe my own wife said that to me.

I am essentially, the worker, the provider, the hands on dad, the walking wallet, the guy who pays the bills and worries about schooling/ our finances. And as someone says, maybe I am not attractive to her and I am seen as more like a father or brother. Either way, it's messed up and she won't change unless absolutely forced to. But at the end of the day, I am planning ahead for the future and I know there is so done better out thee and I deserve a hell of a lot better too. I'd get more loyalty from a pet dog.

[Clay]

She is telling you to go have sex with someone else because your really just a place holder until the next guy comes around. Your at least getting that as a option. Think of all the other people that put there heart in 100% and get kicked again. I would honestly get out while you can. If she feels any kind of remorse your liable to get off easy in the divorce. I would take full advantage of that. You would be amazed at just how many people get screwed over in the divorce and they were the ones that were decent in the relationship.

 

Sorry it just does look good for you.

 

Clay

[endlessabyss]

You’re a provider and a nester. That’s why she married you. She thinks of you as her father or brother and it’s disgusting to have sex with you. DNA your kids. How soon did the first come along? Could she have already been pregnant and in need of a great dad?

 

You can buy a DNA kit at a drug store or Amazon. You get a Q-tip and rub it inside your cheek and the kids. Then you mail it to a lab with more money.

 

I don't mean to detract this thread, but this particular post jumped out at me.

 

This is some dark stuff right here. When did taking care of your family, loving your children, and staying loyal to your spouse become such a repulsive thing?

 

To the OP: Keep your head up. You sound like a great person.

 

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

[HurtHusband]

Have you all seen the movie 'crazy, stupid, love' with Steve Carell and Ryan gosling? I feel exactly like the husband played by Steve Carnell. I played the dutiful role of father and husband..I tried to love my wife and look after my family. However in my case, I think it's far worse. This is not a comedy.

[oldshirt]

 

 

 

 

I must say, if she felt any guilt or remorse for having an abortion than she didn't show it to me, her lack of emotion is quite startling. I suppose she just thinks I'm the doormat, alls forgiven and she can just carry on as usual now,

 

Well yeah. she HAS just carried on as usual, nothing has happened to her for this. she has experienced no real repercussions. She is probably most upset that this guy isn't coming around flirting with her and loving her up any more.

Here is the real catch in all of this - women can't desire a man they cant respect and they can't respect a man they perceive as weak. And nothing spells weakness more than blatantly cheating on a man and having him do nothing about it.

 

 

 

 

 

You need another persons signature...this could be another reason for the confession.

 

 

That might be. Was she even nervous about telling you or does she have so little regard for you that her palms didn't even sweat?

 

 

I suppose I will never get the absolute truth.

 

 

Correct. You are only aware of the tip of the iceberg. She's only confessed what can't be denied.

 

 

 

 

I already heard enough to know that she is beyond repair, and she won't do any counseling, says I can go but she won't. I told her a marriage is two people etc.

 

you are doing too much talking and putting too much credit into what she is saying. Stop talking and start doing.

and yes, this is beyond repair. You will never be able to have a happy, healthy, functional relationship with this person. She has virtually no respect, admiration, desire or regard for you.

she has no remorse for her actions and she has no intentions and even no desire to repair the damage of her actions.

All is lost with her.

 

 

 

 

I agree this is more like 'master and servant' / slavery than a proper marriage between partners. Yes I know she has committed the ultimate disrespect and does not value/respect our marriage...it's not really 'a marriage' at all tbh. Cause what woman who loved me would suggest I 'look elsewhere' for sex and she won't care? I mean seriously, I cannot believe my own wife said that to me.

I am essentially, the worker, the provider, the hands on dad, the walking wallet, the guy who pays the bills and worries about schooling/ our finances. And as someone says, maybe I am not attractive to her and I am seen as more like a father or brother.

 

 

 

 

Seriously?? do you think she would treat a relative with this level of disrespect? No, she is treating you like a dog turd in the treads of her shoes and you are letting her. This will only get worse.

But you are right, she only sees you as meal ticket, a roof over her head and a caregiver to her children. She has no desire or respect for you.

... and in her defense, she can't respect you even if she wanted to . You have been too weak. She can't respect a man she sees as weak. The only way she will ever have a drop of respect for you is if you kick her out, expose her to family, divorce her, and move on and take up with a woman who is ten times better than she is (which would be about any street-walker in my opinion. At least they are upfront and honest about what it will take to get in their pants)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Either way, it's messed up and she won't change unless absolutely forced to.

 

 

You are correct. You have to completely take her out of the equation and do what's right for you and she will have to live with that. That is what will force her.

 

 

 

 

But at the end of the day, I am planning ahead for the future and I know there is so done better out thee and I deserve a hell of a lot better too. I'd get more loyalty from a pet dog

 

 

You'd get more loyalty from a snake or a rat.

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

Responses in bold above.

[oldshirt]

You sound like a very caring father so this may sound extreme, but you are damaging your children by staying with this horrible person. If you have girls you are showing them that men are to be used for resources and comfort and to exploit their feelings and manipulate them with sexuality even though they do not love them. and you are teaching them to cheat and be irresponsible with bad men who do make them feel sexy.

 

 

And you are teaching your son to be weak and spineless and to be bullied and used and manipulated by women for their own gain while providing nothing to him in return.

 

 

As a father you lead by example. Your example is men working 3 jobs to support an unappreciative, screw who does not love or respect him or show him any love or kindness. Your example is people can use and abuse their spouse and then behave as if it is just a normal day.

 

 

Is this how you want your son to be treated by the women in his life? No? will this is how you are showing him it is done.

 

 

Is this how you want your daughter to view marriage and how to treat people? Do you want your daughter to be a cheating whore who gets knocked up by douchebags and makes her loving husband pay for it and then rub her feet at the end of the day because she had a hard day down at the ol' abortion clinic? This is how you are training her to treat men because this is how she sees the most important and most influencial man in her life being treated.

 

 

This is the example you are setting for your children.

[BeholdtheMan]

anyway my wife quickly woke up and realized he was a scumbag

 

1. This scumbag didn't break any vows of loyalty to you

2. Your wife did

3. And she chose betray you with a scumbag

 

Look...your "friend" could be a massive scumbag, but your wife's betrayal of your trust is arguably much more severe than your friend's betrayal. Your wife was an accomplice, not a victim

 

After my wife confessed, I said I want us to build a new relationship and to be open and honest with each other, to talk more and also spend more time together.

Your wife got pregnant with the seed of another man...and you didn't even consider divorce. This is how I know you're a doormat. Your wife had sex with your friend likely because she viewed him as more of a man than you. You're that guy who she takes for granted, the person who supports her lifestyle no matter how she sh*ts all over you trust.

 

I think I went through the 'hysterical bonding' phase

You went through...did she go through such a phase?

 

in fairness he is a dangerous manipulator and he knew personal details about us as I trusted him and thought he was my friend.

I have to call you out on this. Your wife is a cheater. She's not this innocent little doe that fell victim to some master manipulator wife-banger. SHE CHEATED ON YOU...OF HER OWN FREE WILL.

 

Get that through your skull. Your portrayal of your wife as this innocent little lamb devoid of culpability is a defence mechanism to protect your fragile emotional state. You're trying to justify staying with a spouse who's been inseminated by another man. It's easier for you to think of the affair partner as the bad guy and to think of the your wife as the victim. It hurts more to admit that your wife has also been a "bad girl"...but she has, and it's cowardice to deny it. You might as well try to convince yourself that she was raped.

 

Of course I am hurt and feel betrayed but I also love our children and if we can build a better relationship and get past this incident than I want to....

If your wife doesn't suffer negative consequences, she will likely cheat on your again

 

It's hard for me to fathom my wife's ideas about intimacy..she is reluctantly intimate with me. We did not have sex for almost three yrs, since our youngest child was born

 

Let me help you fathom. Your wife enjoys bareback sex with men. You're not one of those men.

 

still it shocks me that she would even consider something like that...

I think you should start re-directing some of your disgust at your wife. OM's behaviour was sleazy...but your wife's behaviour was much more despicable in that she's actually married to you and swore to be faithful to you

 

she told me today if I want to have sex just do it with other women and she won't be angry!! I find this quite a shocking thing to say.

Why do you insist on staying married to this woman?

 

Bring up divorce as see how she responds. I predict that your marriage will be miserable if you continue with it. Contrary to popular belief, divorced parents are capable of raising kids well if they are mature and committed to doing so. A miserable marriage worse for children than a maturely handled divorce.

 

she said no, you go by yourself

Stop being a doormat. File for divorce

 

It's painful and depressing but I am coming to the realization that my wife DOES NOT love me, she can't possibly love me if she acts like this

Your wife doesn't even respect you my friend.

 

however I walk on egg shells and am afraid to challenge her as she will threaten me with divorce.

...and that my friend is why your wife doesn't respect you. Your clingy and dependent on her. You're not a man in her eyes and frankly, I wouldn't respect you as a man.

 

STOP BEING A DOORMAT. Are you really that weak? Your whole post has been conveying to readers that you're an emasculated, simpering manservant for your wife. Time to grow a pair and man up. File for divorce. I guarantee you that your wife will view you in a new light if you do. She'll see you as someone she can't take for granted.

 

my wife can just carry on like nothing happened..

She can carry on like nothing has happened because you are NOTHING in her eyes. You're not a man. You'e her ATM/manservant

 

Brother, get a clue. If you don't respect yourself...who will?

[AlwaysGrowing]

I truly have no idea how you put up with the constant disrespect.

 

Want to know how to take away the sting/manipulation of "if you don't do X, I will divorce you" ?

 

Serve her with divorce papers!

[BeholdtheMan]

I don't mean to detract this thread, but this particular post jumped out at me.

 

This is some dark stuff right here. When did taking care of your family, loving your children, and staying loyal to your spouse become such a repulsive thing?

 

To the OP: Keep your head up. You sound like a great person.

 

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

LOL...

 

You've completely missed the point. Loyalty, caring, integrity...these are all virtues. However, in a grown man, the above qualities should be coupled with strength and dignity (self-respect, self-esteem).

 

A husband should act like a husband, not a servant. Loyalty without dignity = servility

 

Do you get that? It's not bad to be loyal to your spouse. It's bad to be servile and dependant on your spouse. It's folly to be blindly loyal and accommodating despite massive disrespect being heaped on you

 

I played the dutiful role of father and husband..I tried to love my wife and look after my family.

You're not being punished for being dutiful and loving. You're suffering negative consequences for being weak-willed and servile.

 

You were dutiful and loving...but you weren't strong, you didn't demand respect for you contributions. The fact that you think that you're the one who's treading on egg-shells, that you haven't seriously considered divorce...tells me that you're a doormat. Your wife takes you for granted. She takes you for granted because of your weak behaviour.

 

A strong man doesn't let someone disrespect them without negative consequences. Your first thought was "how do I save this marriage?" The person who caused damage to the marriage should be responsible for doing the heavy-lifting. Your wife should be scrambling to save the marriage...and if she's not, your marriage is dead.

[happyman64]

"Crazy, Stupid Love"?

 

 

At least the character had enough self respect to leave his wife.

 

 

But lets look at facts.

 

 

Your wife does not love you.

Your wife does not respect you.

 

 

I understand you are not ready to divorce her. And guess what? She knows it too.

 

 

So she can continue to be remorseless.

She can continue to lie, TT and not be honest with you.

She can refuse to go to counseling or work on the marriage.

 

 

 

 

Why not try this.

 

 

Take baby steps.

 

 

A. Lock down the finances.

B. Cut off all credit cards.

C. Make her get a job. Part time if she really needs to watch your youngest.

 

 

Go see a lawyer and understand your rights.

 

 

Try that and see where it gest you. Stop walking on her eggshells.

 

 

Stop acting like the happy husband. Go dark. Do a 180 and start to show her what her life will be like without you.

 

 

Where were you when she was dating the OM? Working? Babysitting?

 

 

Show her some consequences for her bad decision sor life is going to get worse.

 

 

HM

[Friskyone4u]

You have gotten a lot of good advice here on what to do but every time you respond it is obvious you are not listening to any of it. Your wife screws another man, a friend at that , and you have done nothing here but tell everyone that he is the greatest womanizer on the face of the earth.

He was just a guy who wanted to get laid and guess who spread her legs for him??? The woman who is humiliating and disrespecting you every day.

It is silly to repeat what all the others have said . No one posted any opinion indicating they thought there was any chance your marriage will survive. Because it takes two people to be married and you are obviously Plan B until another boyfriend stokes her fancy. She has probably had sex with other men that you have no clue about in the three years you were just cuddling.

You can keep reading here but nothing will change until you man up and start making some demands instead of being the doormat.

Only you can change your situation. There is no advice anyone here can Givenyou until you start to direct some anger at her instead of making excuses not to.