Wife cheated, got pregnant, had abortion.

[CarrieT]

"Maybe???"

 

Have you bothered to read the entire thread about divorce, child custody, and the Japanese culture?!?!

 

Those of us that have - and comprehend - are recommending he get a lover.

[HurtHusband]

Thank you all very much for your replies...

 

 

I have been exchanging messages with a woman online for a few weeks. She is interested in a physical relationship, she is honest, very kinky and interested in me. We plan to meet.

 

Now, remember my wife has rejected my advances and angrily told me to find someone else to 'do it with' as she won't mind. This was less than a month after her confession and I had to pick my jaw up off the floor I was so shocked. I mean we had been together for 12 years, what the hell is going on? Did she really say that?

 

So yes, to preserve my sanity I will find someone else to do it with. Now I never go out at night, neither does my wife. I would have to meet the OW during the afternoon, between my work schedule. And of course it would all be very discreet.

 

It's an exaggeration to say my wife 'loves sex' cause in 12 years it was never that way with me. Yes, her affair blew me away. The worst thing is, I now know she is capable of lying and deception. And I really can't see a long happy future with her. I just can't.

 

 

I read about this in another post, but I hate the way details of her affair accidentally spill out. It's horrible. My wife was taking the kids to an indoor play place. And my eldest blurted out, just as they were going out the door...

 

"Oh daddy, that's the place I went to during the summer with the (OM's name)...

 

Yup..my wife went on a play date with the OM and his son..how nice! While I am out working!! What a pair of bastards!! I cringe when I hear the OM's name. I will not mention his name.

 

At that moment I asked my wife point blank.."Did you go to that place with the OM?? She became all flustered, said our daughter was confused etc. that night I came home from work and she admitted that, yes, they did go their once.

 

 

 

So that just proves it, people will only admit to what they can't deny.

 

It's very worrying really that my wife is a lier and does not see the problem with it. I just cannot see a future with such a person. Cannot build a future, no peace of mind, no trust, I cannot go out to work and have doubts about what my wife may be up to.

 

I can do it, if I don't care and don't give a **** about her. But then, is that really a marriage? And that's not the kind of marriage I want, nor do I want to expose my kids to such a marriage.

 

Also you are correct when you describe her as juvenile, I wont discuss anything about the affair or sex with her again. It's pointless. The problem is, her father passed away. But if he was here he could give her a kick up the ass and talk some sense into her.

 

We got along really well. She has no other family except for her mother, the mother won't do squat.

 

I will not divorce in this country, we can go back to Europe in the spring and things may fall apart there...I would prefer that. Everything may appear fine on the surface, like tonight we all went to costco. But believe me, I am suffering, you can't just blank this stuff out of your mind. It's hard to stay in this kind of marriage and it takes a lot of mental reserve to do it..I am just trying to stay busy, work hard and wait until we all go back.

[JS84]

I really don't blame you. I don't condone infidelity but in your situation I just don't see any options. Divorce in your situation sounds unthinkable at least until your children are grown and self-sufficient.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if your wife likes sex just fine, she just doesn't like it with you. I know it hurts to think that but the writing is on the wall. You need to stop trying to be reasonable with this woman whose reaction to this situation has been anything but reasonable. You're wasting your time, your life, and your happiness trying to have some kind of functional relationship with her.

 

Find someone else. I mean your wife has pretty much given you permission to. That should show you where she stands. Play house for the kids if you want, it sounds like your wife is game. But you really need to start detaching from her. She's done pretty much everything short of spitting in your face.

Edited December 6, 2014 by JS84

[No Limit]

But you really need to start detaching from her. She's done pretty much everything short of spitting in your face.

 

I have no doubts that OP will detach very quickly once he meets up a few times with his soon-to-be-girlfriend, and see how well women treat men they are honestly interested in.

 

Protect your children, and play house. Apart from that, you don't owe her anything. It's also smart to keep the girlfriend a discreet secret; bipolar people are very quick to change their minds and I wouldn't be surprised if your wife went for divorce herself if she found out about her, striking her ego down. Geez, some people just shouldn't breed...

[oldshirt]

While a part of me would love to see Hurt' get a GF and start living again, I have to point out that he is a babe in the woods and the individual he is still married to is a savage and cunning wolf. He is naïve with a strong sense of fairplay and what is right, while she has had an entire lifetime commitment to selfishness and entitlement on the backs of people in her life.

 

 

 

 

In essence he would be like playing Go-Fish for the first time with professional poker shark. He is out of his league. She would use his infidelity to fck him over further. He cannot fight fire with fire against her. She will him up and spit out the pieces. She is a million times more clever, more cagey and crafty and has no sense of mercy, morality or fairplay. Please keep in mind that giving him blanket encouragement to have an affair of his own could be setting him up to really get raked over the coals by someone that has a millionfold more street sense in affairs and legal wrangling than he does.

[spanz1]

Hurt, if you can trick her into moving to Europe, and THEN divorce her....sounds like a solid plan! Do it! I agree, you are way to nice to try to have a revenge affair and come out of it alive/whole!

[Radu]

I will not divorce in this country, we can go back to Europe in the spring and things may fall apart there...I would prefer that. Everything may appear fine on the surface, like tonight we all went to costco. But believe me, I am suffering, you can't just blank this stuff out of your mind. It's hard to stay in this kind of marriage and it takes a lot of mental reserve to do it..I am just trying to stay busy, work hard and wait until we all go back.

 

Do not do that.

Unfortunately for your kids you have to become a 2 faced pr*ck.

 

If you divorce her in Europe, she can legally take the kids when you are not looking [since most likely they will stay with her], take them to Japan, and you will not see them again [at least not regularly].

 

 

Either kill your sex drive and remove the thought that she is a b*tch until the kids are out of the house, or take a lover.

In both cases though, you need to continue the charade for your kids, they have to see a happy couple.

 

If not, then both kids will continue down this same path and lead very unhappy lives.

[Radu]

While a part of me would love to see Hurt' get a GF and start living again, I have to point out that he is a babe in the woods and the individual he is still married to is a savage and cunning wolf. He is naïve with a strong sense of fairplay and what is right, while she has had an entire lifetime commitment to selfishness and entitlement on the backs of people in her life.

 

 

 

 

In essence he would be like playing Go-Fish for the first time with professional poker shark. He is out of his league. She would use his infidelity to fck him over further. He cannot fight fire with fire against her. She will him up and spit out the pieces. She is a million times more clever, more cagey and crafty and has no sense of mercy, morality or fairplay. Please keep in mind that giving him blanket encouragement to have an affair of his own could be setting him up to really get raked over the coals by someone that has a millionfold more street sense in affairs and legal wrangling than he does.

 

This is what worries me too.

 

I've had a fascination with japanese culture for ... almost 2 decades, so i have learned a few things about it.

 

Being 2 faced is actually a pre-requisite in that society, it is acceptable to some degree.

They do not put any stock into psychology [hence why some very freaky stuff is not that shocking there], therapy, etc ...

The man is seen as simply the provider, the man is not supposed to raise children.

Any woman that has children, and is not a child-focused mom to the exclusion of everything else, is seen as a failure.

At most, part time job, probably not even that if they have kids.

If she is married to a foreigner and the kids have a japanese name, the kids will always go to her or her family.

If the kids have a foreign name, you have better odds.

Divorced dads not only divorce their wives, but also the kids; a dad that divorces moves on, as the kids are seen as property and the asset of the mother. They often only get 1 visit [supervised] / month.

 

A family can take charge and even tell a woman to divorce, take kids, kidnap kids, etc ...

 

Do not play this game unless you know the rules very well.

 

Furthermore, japanese women are known to be some of the best liars in the world.

This comes from ppl who are married to them, who life in japan, or my friends in the merchant marine who got to japan.

In the house, the society is very gynocentric, and this is one of the reasons why the herbivore men who refuses to be used up is on the rise.

 

I'm sure you know by now, but in most homes the husband gives the woman his paycheck and gets an allowance.

You probably heard of many cases of the couple ending up in massive debt without he even knowing of this.

The male in japan is supposed to just bring home the bacon and be as cutthroat about it as possible at work, even ending in death by work exhaustion.

[HurtHusband]

Radu, regarding custody etc. As bleak as it sounds, you are entirely correct. The problem here is A LACK of any clear family law that recognizes the rights of both parents or the rights of children to see both parents. Only one parent will get physical custody of the children in the event of a seperation. You can actually have 'legal custody' of your kids but it won't matter because your ex will have possession..

 

Possession = custody.

 

There are no enforceable visitation laws. Which means if you separate, your ex will decide if/when you see your kids and there is no law to force her to allow visitation. It just depends on her whim!

 

Sounds terrible right? No wonder people here are not getting married and having kids, have one fight with your darling and she'll threaten you with divorce and the loss of your kids...how are you meant to feel secure, when you have no parental rights? Doesn't it undermine marriage?

 

 

The only really options I have, are either

 

1. Stick it out, stay married and play happy families at home. Find a lover, really detach myself emotionally from my wife but still interact normally while together.

 

2. Go back to Europe and drop off the radar with the kids. Build a new life, keep a low profile, possibly re-marry.

 

 

I know number 2 will shock people, believe me, I know how crazy it sounds. But remember, she would legally do exactly the same thing to me here and not lose sleep about it. When you have a system which is totally black and white, where only one person wins and one loses, what do you expect? Your forced into this situation...

 

Do you want to win or lose? Well, whoever jumps first wins. Sounds horrible, because nobody really wins, and the kids lose the most..I don't want to deprive my kids of their mother, but it's fine for her to deprive them of their father? I can't be there father if I am not allowed to be in their life.

 

I want things to be fair, but the system is not fair, and my wife sure as hell is not fair...so I know that trying to be fair and dealing with my wife in a reasonable manner is futile, it won't work, she holds all the cards and I will lose. She can promise all she wants, but with the absence of any visitation laws and me having zero parental rights, how long would that last? She could remarry or find another man and tell me to **** off and there would be nothing I could do.

 

When my wife lies, cheats, threatens to deny me access to my own kids, than again what does she expect will happen?

 

I was thinking if my wife transferred ownership of our apartment to me, wouldn't that be something? Like a form of collateral. There are no consequences for her bad behavior and I am expecting to just ignore it and carry on as usual?

 

But how the hell would I get her to sign something like that? Go back home and than talk to her?

 

It all boils down to the fact that I am dealing with someone like her, a selfish cheater, a lier, someone capable of deception, someone who won't play fair...so how do I beat someone like that? Become like them?

[thirtysomethingteen]

The only really options I have, are either

 

1. Stick it out, stay married and play happy families at home. Find a lover, really detach myself emotionally from my wife but still interact normally while together.

 

2. Go back to Europe and drop off the radar with the kids. Build a new life, keep a low profile, possibly re-marry.

 

Sadly it does sound like those are your only 2 options.

 

#1 would allow you to find companionship outside the marriage (which seems completely reasonable and even necessary for your sanity in this case) and would not disrupt your children's lives or deprive them of their mother. However it offers you no protection in the event she simply wakes up one day and decides to divorce you. If I were you I would visit your home country's consulate, explain the situation (which they have no doubt heard a thousand times) and see if they can recommend a lawyer who specializes in this kind of thing.

 

#2 deprives the kids' of their mother, which is certainly harsh but still something you should look into (again, with the help of a lawyer with expertise in this area). Your wife truly doesn't sound right in the head, to put it mildly, and can you say for certain that the emotional abuse she gleefully dishes out to you will never be transferred to the kids? An abusive person is an abusive person, and so far with her actions she has not shown a great deal of concern for the well-being of the kids...

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT tip your hand. Act polite to your wife but don't go out of your way to interact with her. Stop trying to reason with her and/or convince her to have sex with you. Get sex elsewhere if you need it (and make sure she doesn't find out!). Keep your focus where it belongs, on your kids, and don't waste any more time on that malignant narcissist of a wife.

 

Stay strong, we are all wishing you and your kids well.

[spanz1]

well, sounds pretty bleak. Better hop over to the Akihabara and buy a realistic sex robot, quick. its all you will get!

[Radu]

Radu, regarding custody etc. As bleak as it sounds, you are entirely correct. The problem here is A LACK of any clear family law that recognizes the rights of both parents or the rights of children to see both parents. Only one parent will get physical custody of the children in the event of a seperation. You can actually have 'legal custody' of your kids but it won't matter because your ex will have possession..

 

Possession = custody.

 

There are no enforceable visitation laws. Which means if you separate, your ex will decide if/when you see your kids and there is no law to force her to allow visitation. It just depends on her whim!

 

Sounds terrible right? No wonder people here are not getting married and having kids, have one fight with your darling and she'll threaten you with divorce and the loss of your kids...how are you meant to feel secure, when you have no parental rights? Doesn't it undermine marriage?

That and the bleaker economic prospects, exposure to western values that shows family legacy becomes less and less important means that Japan will end up with a ton of women perpetually single.

Can't say i weep for them, they brought this on themselves.

 

 

The only really options I have, are either

 

1. Stick it out, stay married and play happy families at home. Find a lover, really detach myself emotionally from my wife but still interact normally while together.

 

2. Go back to Europe and drop off the radar with the kids. Build a new life, keep a low profile, possibly re-marry.

2 is not really a good option, though the only thing i will offer as a contrary point is that kids do need their mother.

If it was an infant, maybe.

 

I'd suggest 1 but, become a herbivore in the sack/house.

When kids are out of the house, divorce her ass ... and say why if asked [keep proof ... yes, i would record her admitting to the affair].

Look at it as your sentence for a greater good ... your kids.

 

 

I know number 2 will shock people, believe me, I know how crazy it sounds. But remember, she would legally do exactly the same thing to me here and not lose sleep about it. When you have a system which is totally black and white, where only one person wins and one loses, what do you expect? Your forced into this situation...

 

Do you want to win or lose? Well, whoever jumps first wins. Sounds horrible, because nobody really wins, and the kids lose the most..I don't want to deprive my kids of their mother, but it's fine for her to deprive them of their father? I can't be there father if I am not allowed to be in their life.

The reason it is done is because she was raised in the same spirit; they do not respect or give 2-sh*ts about psychology. Mental health to them is just not important, perception is.

 

Do your parents-in-law have a son ?

Is there anyone to carry on the family name ?

 

What gender are your kids ?

 

I want things to be fair, but the system is not fair, and my wife sure as hell is not fair...so I know that trying to be fair and dealing with my wife in a reasonable manner is futile, it won't work, she holds all the cards and I will lose. She can promise all she wants, but with the absence of any visitation laws and me having zero parental rights, how long would that last? She could remarry or find another man and tell me to **** off and there would be nothing I could do.

And she would do that, while she still cashed a check from you for child support and alimony.

 

So scr*w her back. Long term plan, let it be like it is.

Give your kids your time, some time to her, let the kids see a loving household, of affection [even faked], but do not give her your heart !!!

And when the time is right, get out.

 

When my wife lies, cheats, threatens to deny me access to my own kids, than again what does she expect will happen?

 

I was thinking if my wife transferred ownership of our apartment to me, wouldn't that be something? Like a form of collateral. There are no consequences for her bad behavior and I am expecting to just ignore it and carry on as usual?

 

But how the hell would I get her to sign something like that? Go back home and than talk to her?

 

It all boils down to the fact that I am dealing with someone like her, a selfish cheater, a lier, someone capable of deception, someone who won't play fair...so how do I beat someone like that? Become like them?

I sincerely doubt she would transfer that to you.

It's all about power, and we both know how much such an apartment is worth in Japan [if it's yours] ... even worse if it's Tokyo [studio apartment in Tokyo can easily reach 300k USD].

 

Don't become like her.

You are better than that.

 

But also don't let yourself get screwed.

[Radu]

Sadly it does sound like those are your only 2 options.

 

#1 would allow you to find companionship outside the marriage (which seems completely reasonable and even necessary for your sanity in this case) and would not disrupt your children's lives or deprive them of their mother. However it offers you no protection in the event she simply wakes up one day and decides to divorce you. If I were you I would visit your home country's consulate, explain the situation (which they have no doubt heard a thousand times) and see if they can recommend a lawyer who specializes in this kind of thing.

 

#2 deprives the kids' of their mother, which is certainly harsh but still something you should look into (again, with the help of a lawyer with expertise in this area). Your wife truly doesn't sound right in the head, to put it mildly, and can you say for certain that the emotional abuse she gleefully dishes out to you will never be transferred to the kids? An abusive person is an abusive person, and so far with her actions she has not shown a great deal of concern for the well-being of the kids...

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT tip your hand. Act polite to your wife but don't go out of your way to interact with her. Stop trying to reason with her and/or convince her to have sex with you. Get sex elsewhere if you need it (and make sure she doesn't find out!). Keep your focus where it belongs, on your kids, and don't waste any more time on that malignant narcissist of a wife.

 

Stay strong, we are all wishing you and your kids well.

 

If he shows weakness, she will start resenting him.

If he fights her too much, she will start resenting him.

 

It's a curious situation, she wants to respect him but the penalty for failing her test is so large that no sane individual would actually take the test.

 

Unfortunately, his situation is not that unusual.

25% or so of couples under but close to 40 do not have sex anymore, in Japan.

[HurtHusband]

The apartment is paid for ( inheritance) it's worth over $500k. It's modern and very nice. But it's a bit crazy when you think about what that amount would get you in some other place....it's centrally located, real estate prices in central locations in this city are nudging upwards..young people move to this city for work and the countryside is basically being hollowed out...only the old are left behind.

 

 

In the case of her transferring ownership..I would have to go back home, initiate a fight, threaten to expose her infidelity to the whole world and take off with the kids and cause a big scene. There is no way I could reason with her and get her to do it voluntarily. I would have to really be a bad ass and fold her hand.. And it may not work either.

 

 

I mean it sounds fair to me, if I am in a relationship with you, I want there to be trust, I want you to respect our marriage and make an effort. If you don't than this is the penalty. Why should I continue working three jobs, supporting her and the family, when at any time she can simply kick me out and leave me with nothing?

 

Of course she would resent me/ hate me even.. But would she not eventually understand? I don't really care about the apartment. I just don't want to get used and discarded by my wife and I want to make sure I remain in my kids life.

If it sounds like an odd proposition, than I would explain the reasoning behind it to her mother..

 

My wife has a friend, she is separated from the husband. The wife moved back home up country. The father sees the son once a month when they come down to Tokyo. The husband cheated on the wife and from what I heard he was like way older than the wife and didn't have much interest in his son. Now my wife would see no problem in her friend divorcing her husband, but because I am a man I simply have to accept her infidelity..? Does she not realize I would be equally justified in wanting to divorce her and have custody of my kids? Is she that stupid, arrogant and blindingly selfish that she can't see the similarity there? ( I think the awnser is yes...)

[No Limit]

Who cares about your wife's feelings? It's not like she cares about yours or that of her own children. Her brain is off.

[HurtHusband]

I try to keep busy with work most days.. But when I have a few hours free, we go for lunch with the kids and do family type stuff. Today while we were having lunch, my wife mentioned how yesterday our eldest said ' daddy doesn't kiss mommy anymore and maybe doesn't love mommy' She is 4 but very perceptive and clever for her age, all I could say was, that's not true babe...and than change the subject....

 

I have stopped any sort of intimate contact with my wife. The conversation we had the other day when she nonchalantly compared my tackle with the OM..that was the last straw. Seriously why bother, she doesn't want any sex.

And she has now hurt me, by being shockingly insensitive. I mean I am starved of affection, but I won't make any affectionate moves towards her anymore..

 

It's hard to keep up this pretense of playing happy families..I just think I am in an unnatural situation..and I can't do this indefinitely.

[No Limit]

I just think I am in an unnatural situation..and I can't do this indefinitely.

 

It's pretty normal behavior when you're with a stubborn, selfish cheater. The only remarkable detail here is that you can't leave because then you'd be at her mercy, and obviously she has none.

 

How did your girlfriend turn out?

[HurtHusband]

Came back from work at lunchtime...wife was in a foul mood. I saw a photo of the OM on her cellphone ( he had a website) I grabbed her phone and challenged her. She said she wanted to introduce a friends mother to his school.

She is paying over $1000 for the abortion over this POS

I told her how disappointed I was..she claims she is telling the truth..she says she does'nt hate him or like him..

I said, how the hell can you introduce business to this guy? She got angry and said she wanted a divorce..also said she wanted to go on a trip after Christmas with the kids..did'nt say where....and without me...

 

I said see you tonight and she said don't bother coming home..,I am going to my 2nd job now.. I know I am powerless here as there are no laws, I can't do ****. But I am worried...part of me is also calm for some strange reason..her mother came over..she hushed me up and we went into the bathroom..I said do you want me to tell your mother...she got angry over this and said are you threatening me?

 

I could really really do with some support right now...again divorce is not an option here.. It sucks but all I can do is shut my mouth and let it blow over...let her do whatever she wants. I just want to stay in my kids lives....

 

Still, she really is a nasty piece of work...

Edited December 18, 2014 by HurtHusband

[HurtHusband]

I feel like **** going to work..I come back tonight and I don't know what to expect..I hate this feeling..

[Ruby Slippers]

It's hard to keep up this pretense of playing happy families..I just think I am in an unnatural situation..and I can't do this indefinitely.

It seems as though things are slowly deteriorating. You have my sympathies.

 

It's obvious that you're subject to her whims at this point. If she decides to divorce and keep you from the kids, there's not much you can do, and that really sucks.

 

Given this, if I were you, I would just keep going through the motions of your home life, keep the money you earn protected from her frittering it away as much as possible, and seek out a relationship on the side for sex and companionship. Under normal circumstances I would never advise a married person to seek out an affair - but these are abnormal and unjust circumstances, and with her there is no winning. You've got to look out for yourself and your kids. She's just a nuisance to be managed, damage to be minimized.

[CarrieT]

Out her to her family; get as much support as you can from those in your life.

[HurtHusband]

Yesterday...I said do you want me to tell your mother..I said it in the heat of the moment..and than she said are you threatening me? I think she is afraid to a certain degree if I 'outed' her bad behavior to all the other mothers, and her mother and our friends etc. I would only do that if things disintegrated to a point where I was completely blocked out..for example no contact whatsoever about the welfare of my children..

 

Today was lucky, it was the last day of kindergarten and one of the teachers is going back to the states..there was lots of present giving, photos taken..so today's events will block out the memory of yesterday...I drove to school with my wife and our eldest who is 4.

 

After yesterday's maelstrom..she was in a good mood when school finished at 12. I accidentally made a tear in her tights with my jacket on the drive to work while I was reaching behind..I gave her some money to buy a new pair and while I was at the school ( I was working at my daughters schools for the previous few months until today ) she bought me two beers and a new bag. Kindness from her?

 

So things were civil when we parted at 12, I will kill time before work at 6, I could have had lunch with the mothers and kids but I choose not to..Wife is ok with that. But I feel so relieved , relaxed..after her threats from yesterday..I hope it has blown over..forgotten..and going from experience..it has been.

 

We want our kid to go to this expensive american international school. That's our common goal and the departing teacher was a past student and I would be able to get a reference from his father who lives here ( school was founded 40 years ago by missionaries ) it's a really good school, modern, westernized, I would love my kids to go there. English is important and I want my kid to be in a bilingual environment and also forgive me for saying this westernized too...again another reason why I had the younger one baptized..not that I am a devout Christian or anything. But the school has a Christian ethos and preference at enrollment is towards people from a Christian background.

 

After 14 years, I know how this culture works to a certain extent and I want her to have a good upbringing and be able to express her feelings and not bottle things inside her or be part of the pressure cooker like society that is common in japan or other parts of Asia.

 

And I want her to have 'empathy' for others..I can't stress that enough. I want them to be a good kids. And Fr. Russell the franciscan who baptized Emma was so nice and said ' hey, are you sure you want to do this if you don't even go to church? It's no big deal if your not baptized these days. My own father was'nt baptized he said..

 

It's just like being part of a community, but if you baptize the kid, you will be responsible for introducing her to the faith and getting her ready for her first communion and confirmation. I understood that and I was a bit surprised by his refreshing honest modern attitude, because when I was a kid it was a bit more fire and brimstone and you'll end up in purgatory if your not baptized.

 

 

I mean my kids are biracial so they look a bit western with freckles and light colored hair..so being in that school with lots of other kids from a similar background would really be good....

 

 

I think my wife is selfish, disrespectful but I think she does realize that we have the same shared goals for the upbringing of our kids..she may threaten ..but she would really be screwing up our kids lives by stopping me from being a part of their lives..and she must know that.

 

 

The strange thing now, me and my two daughters, we are all baptized, and even my wife is interested in being baptized! Can you believe that!!! In japan everyone is cremated..that's the rule decided by the state...only in the case of natural disasters when there is no time for cremation. Is burial allowed..100+ years ago they did of course have burial. But now, it's actually because of the lack of space in this country. So, die here and they cremate you..you don't have a choice..

 

my wife wants to be buried not cremated and that's one of the reasons why she wants to be baptized..of course if she did choose to be baptized than she would have to attend some study classes at the chapel..not a bad thing IMO..she might actually develop some morals!! Really what harm can it do.. And here's another thing, we went to the Christmas party at the chapel last week. It's a party for orphans from the home. They have one every year. I actually made friends with several families, very decent people, successful expat type people, working here in various industries...so having friends and contacts like that can be really good for my life.

 

As far as yesterday goes..I really have to stop giving a **** about her!! When I saw the OM picture on her phone ( he has a website with his photo on it) it was too much! I grabbed the phone and said what the hell! Surely in some part of her screwed up brain she can understand a little bit why I got angry?

 

he is a westerner like me, and equally scared of losing his son. His wife actually left him and he did'nt see his kid for 6 months..and than he posted all these ' 'right on articles about fathers rights on his blog, the ****ing hypocrite!!

 

I do not think my wife is still seeing him, and if she is and if things get really bad than he better watch out.cause he is just as vulnerable as me...

 

 

As far as being completely cut off and never seeing my kids again...in that scenario...I am going to try and grab them and get out..I will roll the dice and try it..it has been done..it may take $100,000 a light engined Cessna plane or trawler to S Korea but it's not impossible..people have escaped from eastern Germany and far more perilous situations. You know many people have committed suicide because they could'nt see their kids...last year, two young Frenchmen living in tokyo committed suicide because their wives left them and they were completely cut off from their children. The French embassy actually issued a statement on the matter condemning this country. Of recognizing the rights of both parents as outlined by the United Nations right a of the child act ( which this country is a party of)

 

I know that sounds like crazy talk, but that's the final plan if he worst comes to worse..if I get caught I am looking at 1-2 years in prison and possibly being attacked while in custody..not nice.....you only have one life....I could get sick, get cancer, who knows...I will always be fair and try to do the right thing so that my kids will have the chance to know both their mother and father...but I will not sit idly by and allow them to be kidnapped ( for want of a better word..) and exposed to ( parental alienation)

 

No, I will not let that happen and besides I promised Fr Russell that I would get the kids ready for their communion and that's one promise I plan on keeping :-)

[HurtHusband]

Also yesterday, I called my brother in law and told him everything...

I had to let it all out and speak to a friendly voice from back home...

 

Also another good thing was at work, I was sitting next to an amalfi an man who got divorced 4 years ago and he sees his son everyday and has a great relationship with his kid. He was really helpful and have me a very good talk. He knew the consequences of seperation in this country, he makes more money than his ex and his son goes to a very specialized private school. So sharing the common goal with the ex he was able to work things out so that he can know see his son everyday of he pleases and he pays for his sons schooling etc.

 

This would be a really good result, because..who wants to have to walk on egg shells and be with someone just so you can see your kid? Now he can see his kid whenever he wants and he is free from her too...meanwhile his ex has to work much harder at her job to support herself....the expression he used is ' give them enough rope to hang themselves...' I know what he means..you are dealing with an extremely selfish juvenile and normal logic does not work..so you have to work out the best possible scenario for the kids and say ' hey I want you to be happy!

Edited December 19, 2014 by HurtHusband

[ascendotum]

That and the bleaker economic prospects, exposure to western values that shows family legacy becomes less and less important means that Japan will end up with a ton of women perpetually single.

Can't say i weep for them, they brought this on themselves.

 

While you say the women have brought this on themselves, yes I'm sure some certainly know they have the upper hand and exploit it, but how much of the system has been crafted by women? I thought the political system in Japan is dominated by men. Why the hell are the laws not changing to become more equitable for married men? What are they scared of female voter backlash.

 

I know lots of people think Japanese men run the show when it comes to their marriages but they are very wrong from the stories I heard from expats. People in the west think Japanese wives are all like submissive geishas, but not in the married home. Many work exhausted husbands are pussy whipped.

[HurtHusband]

The problem here is, the system is antiquated and needs to change to recognize the rights of both parents and of the kids to have a relationship with both parents.

 

The system is based on a very out modes family registry system where children are viewed as possessions not humans with rights,.and are either on the fathers or mothers family registry. Also there is no alimony system here and men can keep all their finances while the woman get the kids..actually pre ww2 it wasthe opposite and the man always got the kids...

 

Anyway in today's modern world fathers play a much more active role in child rearing and the laws should become more humane and reflect this.

 

The crazy thing is,many many people here don't know the law or the risks involved in having kids until they find themselves in this kind of situation...