Jessie1231 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 I just read through all of this and feel absolutely terrible for what you're going through. I can't say anything new that anyone else hasn't said. Please don't take this the wrong way, but she sounds so horrible and selfish. You mention holding 2-3 jobs and supporting her - she clearly has everything she needs and has no intention of changing any of it. My ex husband was awful to me and definitely cheated, but I was never able to get him to admit to it. I stayed with him for eleven years hoping that things would get better, and it wasn't shocking that things didn't. I finally insisted that we separate. At that point he was so remorseful and sad. It was very hard to stick to it and follow through with separating. But I did. I met someone quickly and cared about him deeply. He was amazing and made me realize that there were people in the world who could treat me the way I knew I deserved. Things didn't work out with that guy, but in meeting him and developing feelings for him I had hope because I knew that there was something better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 May I ask, what would you do if both children aren't yours? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 May I ask, what would you do if both children aren't yours? I have a feeling that HH is just beginning to grapple with the concept and isn't anywhere near coming to a decision on something like that. Let him find out the truth before going there... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 HH We are all behind you. You don't deserve any of this and I'm not one to speak bad of spouses on these forums, but she really is one underhand, sneaky and manipulative human being. This goes wwwaaaayyyy beyond being an unfaithful spouse. I didn't quite understand how you could get six months off from the school, but never mind. The dna is the important thing to get sorted now. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 this company says the do DNA test kits in japan: DNA Testing for Parentage Establishment Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtHusband Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) Thank you all very much for your help and support: uk company worlds fastest,1 working day. Am sending swap/ q tip samples, inside cheek of kids and me. FedEx to uk, may get result by Tuesday, email or phone. Going abroad with family for 5 days.. Do I get out when I have the chance or come back here to uncertainty? I have a very hard choice to make, I may not get this chance again, how long could I stay here and endure it, I don't have a crystal ball. If the eldest is not mine, that would be a shock, how will I feel then????? I still love both kids regardless. But don't condone/ judge my actions. I have been through a hard time, I must protect my kids, but what does that mean? Waiting for the worst to happen, doing nothing? Waiting for her to dump me? Leaving my kids to her? She may not let me take both kids out at a later date, she may fall for the old flame, he might dump his famy and decide to move here, she might dump me and move there, and she won't stop. I have suffered enough.. Edited January 15, 2015 by HurtHusband 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nawlins Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Thank you all very much for your help and support: uk company worlds fastest,1 working day. Am sending swap/ q tip samples, inside cheek of kids and me. FedEx to uk, may get result by Tuesday, email or phone. Going abroad with family for 5 days.. Do I get out when I have the chance or come back here to uncertainty? I have a very hard choice to make, I may not get this chance again, how long could I stay here and endure it, I don't have a crystal ball. If the eldest is not mine, that would be a shock, how will I feel then????? I still love both kids regardless. But don't condone/ judge my actions. I have been through a hard time, I must protect my kids, but what does that mean? Waiting for the worst to happen, doing nothing? Waiting for her to dump me? Leaving my kids to her? She may not let me take both kids out at a later date, she may fall for the old flame, he might dump his famy and decide to move here, she might dump me and move there, and she won't stop. I have suffered enough.. Get out while you have the chance. Unless she's ready to move to another country where you have a chance at divorce, get out while you have the choice. Just my two cents HH and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Have a lawyer on standby wherever you are going, make sure your finances are protected. Hope it all works out for you, a great weight will be lifted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtHusband Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 Have to use regular express post not dhl/ apt. Will not pass on envelope to dhl pick up... So will not know the rest while I am abroad for 5 days with family.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtHusband Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 May tell brother in law to tell my sister.. I need support.. It's a huge decision... Too much on my mind... Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtHusband Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 Think I will comeback with family / wait for DNA results 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 You can see how it's not possible for me to repair my marriage, or be intimate with her.. she is thinking about this man and once again I am being rejected and just treated like a servant. ... I feel threatened by my wife's attachment to this other man... I do not want some other man taking my place and becoming their 'daddy'. I know that might seem like a jump in conclusions...but if not him, maybe so e other guy. Everything the posters here told me is proving to be CORRECT! I should be worried.I've followed your threads and, Honey, I can assure you with 100% conviction that you don't need to convince ANYONE on this forum that it's not possible to repair your marriage. I hope you finally are hearing this and coming through your personal fog that seems to have kept you (incredulously) believing all this time that you were married to someone who might take you and her marriage with you seriously again some day. It's okay! She's the worst cheater/WS I have EVER read about on LS! You're going to hate her guts some day very, very soon, I hope, and we are ALL behind you. Get those DNA results if that's what it takes for you to empower yourself and go, go, go! You will make my day, week, month, year if you ever finally make this leap. It's been hard but you do seem close now. Rooting for you, HH! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BeatsByDirk Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) I think OP is his own worst enemy. I see this pattern where the betrayed husband uncovers something, rationalizes it, accepts it, moves on with new reality until they uncover another nugget the next week. Some of the posts OP posts indicate she has shown some spark in affection when he's been confrontational with her. Now that we are at this "I don't even think these kids are mine" stage, it's going to be extremely hard to keep your marbles together on a teguLr basis so that you don't tip your hand and get out played. I have this feeling that if OP just left to live a better life the old lady would send the kids to him anyway because she seems spiteful and wouldn't want to saddle herself with raising kids while he gets to go start a new life with new people which would be her only motive for divorce because as of now she has a husband who pays for whatever she asks for, 2 children on the right track, community support and respect, and any extra-marital affair she pleases. By always slinking around, asking for permission, and complaining when he doesn't get his way he shows his wife that he is of power value and thereby not deserving of her intamacy. Furthermore, not taking your wife up on getting some on the side also reinforces your own lack of value of your own needs. This is not how a real man acts and that is what I have witnessed in my own experiences as the main reason a woman doesn't sleep with man is the perception that the man gives to the woman that makes her doubt his value. If you don't like the situation just get up and bounce. Stop talking about everything you will lose. You can start a new family and if you can't reclaim these daughters, write a letter everyday and save a copy. Who's gonna deny 5000 daily letters from there father on the grounds you didn't love them, document document document! Save proof of your love, proof of your attempts to reconcile and proof of your wife's attitude and actions. OP is talking about a plan or end game but I'm worried that he won't be able to follow through(as I'm writing this my wife just said "why do you think I married you, you're the coolest guy ever" and I said "you're pretty top of the heap for a girl." One minute later she started talking about wanting sex tonight... I'll continue) because of his fears of losing. Number one rule in relationships, "never be afraid to take the 'L'"(loss... Google it, it's a real rule). When you are afraid to lose you'll be too afraid of doing the things it takes to maintain your credibility as a man. Edited January 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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