Wife cheated, got pregnant, had abortion.

[Bryanp]

You asked if she even considered putting your health at risk for STD's. The answer is quite clear. She simply didn't give a damn whether you got an STD or not. She actually asked you how come she can't keep the OM's baby? You would have to be a complete masochist to stay in this so-called relationship.

 

IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL?

[merrmeade]

I have only been in one marriage, so can't compare it to others, but I knew things weren't right. I wish we could 'make love' and have that intimacy and closeness but I know it won't happen. I don't understand, if she can have sex with me when she wants to procreate why can't she try to make love to me on occasion??? Is the idea that her husband loves her and wants to make love to her so offensive?

... if she felt any guilt or remorse for having an abortion than she didn't show it to me,

...her lack of emotion is quite startling.

... any discussion of her affair will just make her defensive.

... she is beyond repair,

... she won't do any counseling

• I agree this is more like 'master and servant' / slavery than a proper marriage between partners.
  
• can you imagine what I was going through? It was just totally bizarre, humiliating...
  
• ...it's not really 'a marriage' at all tbh. Cause what woman who loved me would suggest I 'look elsewhere' for sex and she won't care? I mean seriously, I cannot believe my own wife said that to me.
  
• I suppose she just thinks I'm the doormat, alls forgiven and she can just carry on as usual now,
  
• I am essentially, the worker, the provider, the hands on dad, the walking wallet, the guy who pays the bills and worries about schooling/ our finances.
  
• maybe I am not attractive to her and I am seen as more like a father or brother.
  
• I deserve a hell of a lot better too. I'd get more loyalty from a pet dog.
  

You are coming along slowly, HH. Every post, you sound a little more outraged, and to be fair, I do think I remember being in a stage of unreality right after d-day. I cringe now, rereading what I wrote and said to H - how gentle and understanding I was.

 

But this, this is really just so incredibly messed up, and you seem way beyond traumatized. I mean it was already a very, very dysfunctional relationship with you, not even thinking or feeling like a man any more. And I can see how - out of your overdeveloped sense of doing the right thing - you have acceded to her demands and choices, accommodated and acquiesced, and finally, after giving everybody else what they need or want, denied yourself your own humanity.

 

I mean you've said a few things about your W's impatience with you, her defensiveness when you bring up the A - not to mention rejecting you outright sexually; emasculating you by f--king the fat, balding associate that ridicules you and then the effrontery of confessing so you'll sign the abortion papers.

 

I mean, honey, I think you should get in individual counseling IMMEDIATELY to try and speed up the process of your own return to sanity. This is beyond what anybody on LS is qualified to address. I'm really worried that when the outrage which you are entitled to really hits you, when your heart and soul catch up to your head, you will really need professional support and guidance to deal with the heartless contempt you've been dealt, so you can put yourself and your life together properly and find happiness.

 

And I really hope that's what you do. You are worth so much more. You must focus on that. You need to get yourself the care, attention, understanding and help to gain new, healthy perspectives that will make you the fully realized human being that your children deserve to have as a father. But you have to do it because you want to be yourself fully. Only then will children and (I hope) a future companion respect you and appreciate all that you have to offer.

Edited September 23, 2014 by merrmeade

[revelations]

HurtHusband, I can understand wanting to do your best and keep the marriage intact. The thing is that it takes two people to keep a marriage going. In your case it is more like a master/servant role going on, guess what your not the master. From everything I have read she seems like she is going to keep pushing you as far as she can. I mean it is bad enough to cheat on your husband, but to cut him off and cheat? Then get's pregnant by another guy and request to keep the baby? Oh let's make this even better, YOU have to pay for the abortion that is a result of her cheating??

 

I am sorry to say this, however I feel like she is just using you and does not care one bit about your feelings. I don't mean just that she hurt you. It seems to me that humiliating you and shaming you is another perk she has found by cheating on you. Most women that wanted to stay with their husband will try to do their best to minimize the shame or humiliation the husband has. Not in your case, the only thing she has not done is gotten together with family and friends to laugh at you about it.

 

What I feel you should do is shut down any and all joint bank accounts, cancel all credit cards. Get most of your money out of the banks and in a safe place. Contact a lawyer and get a divorce A.S.A.P. I would also have the kids DNA tested and get yourself tested for STD's. If you own that house, get her to take a weekend trip then get her crap out of their. If not, great, even easier. Get your crap out of their and into your own place. The main point here is get away from that woman as soon as you can. This woman not only enjoys using you, she is setting you up. That whole thing of "go bang another woman" is just so she has leverage in court against you. I'm sorry but from what you wrote, that woman leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I will tell you this, chances are that once your gone and the kids are grown, the only thing she will have in her life is a bunch of cats. Most men with any self-respect will not go near a woman like this one. Please remember I mean no disrespect to you, after all when we are in love we are often blinded by the true nature of that woman. Just do yourself a solid and get away from and divorced from this woman. You need to start loving, caring and respecting yourself. After all your cheating wife is not going to do that.

[BeholdtheMan]

OP, you don't have a marriage...you have a master-servant relationship with your wife. You're the ever faithful manservant she takes for granted as she gets impregnated by some other bloke

[karnak]

I'm very sorry you're dealing with this, bro. But if you seriously think a post-teenage woman's desire and willingness to have sex with a guy has much to do with this height, fitness, and hairline, you just haven't been paying attention.

 

Not to say women can't be impressed with a man's looks, but it's not the difference between getting a woman into bed and not getting her into bed.

 

After all, baldy shorty cuckolded you, didn't he?

 

Just out of curiosity, what do you think are the main factors in creating desire in women? I'm really interested in knowing your opinion (and anyone else, for that matter). I've asked that to several women and most of them just seem to want to divert from the subject.

 

My personal opinion is that the OP's wife is specially attracted to the "bad boy/user-abuser" type of men.

[HurtHusband]

And I can see how - out of your overdeveloped sense of doing the right thing - you have acceded to her demands and choices, accommodated and acquiesced, and finally, after giving everybody else what they need or want, denied yourself your own humanity.

 

You summed it up perfectly here..this is exactly how it is..denying my own humanity..

 

To all the above posters, you are all 100% right! and I agree with everyone of you. If my father or family knew what happened, they would say exactly the same thing!!

 

However there is a very important piece of information that I have omitted up until now which will help you understand why I reacted the way I did, why I made no ultimatums, why there were no repercussions for her. Trust me, you will having a better understanding when I finish this post.

 

You see If I were living in Australia, Austria or Alabama than believe me, I would have moved out, and would already be consulting with divorce lawyers but it's far worse than that...

 

I am living in j*¥an, now I will have to explain a few things here which you all might find unbelievable so please bear with me....

 

 

Family law or family court as you understand it does not exist here...

 

* There is no legal joint-custody in this country. It's sole custody only. Meaning only one parent gets custody of the children (usually the mother) the system here favors a 'clean break' it's totally black and white. Forget 'the best interests of the child' or ' the best parents are both parents' NOT IN THIS COUNTRY. 100,000 + parents frozen out of their child's lives every year, bonds broken, ties severed, kids used as pawns, kids affected by PAS ( parental alienation syndrome) and counseling is rare in this country.. it's inhumane, heartless and cold, systematic child abuse on a nationwide scale.

 

 

* possession = custody.....let that sink in for a minute... It means the parent in possession of the children has custody/ rights over them..( again usually the mother) they do have 'family courts' but they are staffed by volunteers and their only function is to rubber stamp and make the 'possession = custody' rule permanent and legal.

 

* Domestic kidnapping is legal! ( moving across country, changing address, breaking off all contact with the father is LEGAL! Except it's not called 'kidnapping' here. It's called 'custody determination' however usually only women can do this. The men are all out working and one day the poor salaryman husband comes home to find an empty apartment and a 'dear john' letter. Wife usually moves back in with her parents. That's how custody disputes are settled here.. So to summaries, your wife leaves you while your out working and takes the kids, like they were her property and not human beings.. And than for doing this she gets rewarded with 'custody'. So

 

* There is no alimony in japan, zero, nada, zilch.. The man can just walk away and is under no obligation to pay anything. The man gets to keep all his asserts but gives up all rights to his children. When you sign the divorce paper you are giving up any legal rights to your children. When

 

* there are NO LAWS concerning visitation, even worse there are NO PENALTIES for denying access or contact with your kids. If you see your kids once a year or never depends ENTIRELY on the whims and decisions of your wife!!!

 

 

People go to court and fight because they think it's the right thing to do.. But even if they sympathize and believe you, they cannot give you custody or declare 'shared-custody' as it does not exist..they do. to have the power to do so. Again see above 'possession = custody' they will make a recommendation that you should see your kids and that is all.. Again your wife has ALL the power over your kids and there ain't jack **** you can do about it.. If you want to see your kids, you must work something out with the wife..as you can imagine, your wife has you totally over a barrel and can use the kids as pawns and leverage to bet exactly what she wants.

 

If she wants to be vindictive, limit your access, make unreasonable demands for money, shut off weekly skype or telephone calls than she will and there is nothing you can do about it.. Just put up with it until the kids are 16. It's BRIBERY, EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL because thee are NO LAWS REGARDING VISITATION rights.

 

If you go to YT and type in 'sayonara baby ja*an abduction' ( abc documentary) or go to google and type in 'ja+*n abduction' than you will start to see the picture. So for me, every single day that I am in my children's lives is a victory for me, forget my pride and self respect.

 

Moving out and playing hard ball with her is the equivalent of playing Russian roulette, it will feel good at first, but if she blocks me out, that's it, it's over..any pain I am feeling now over having my pride dented or her disrespecting me and treating me like **** will SERIOUSLY pale into insignificance compared to the absolute nightmare of having little to no meaningful contact with my kids. I do know people who are divorced here and see their kids, but this depends entirely on their relationship with their ex wife. And how will my wife treat me post seperation?? She knows I'm a great dad, will she be fair? Will she respect my rights or the kids right to see daddy..? I will not leave that decision up to her.

 

but for the posters who said ' you can still be divorced and be a good parent' etc. Yes you can but only if she allows you! Or yes you can if you live in the west or anywhere with a semblance of decency where the rights of children and both parents are acknowledged....

 

 

it's INSANE the amount of power that the woman has ( the courts, the law, the police, the state ) are all in her favor....if I go to my city hall, go to the police, or my embassy and tell them my wife has abducted my kids, there is NOTHING they can do! You are on your own. I have no desire to join the unfortunate legions of native and foreign parents frozen out of their children's lives...depression, alcoholism and suicides, lives are destroyed, this is serious and I don't want to go down that road....

 

 

My only chance is that we go abroad or back to my home country and seperate/divorce there....I CANNOT get divorced here and will not take any risks..my kids are dual citizens, my eldest is fluent in both languages and my kids are biracial. I will bide my time and wait for the holidays, I have been a doormat for the past 13 yrs, what difference does a few more months make?? Trust me, it will happen...

 

But one thing for sure, this relationship is OVER, you guys have woken me up, thank you all for your brutal honesty, I was like someone with Stockholm syndrome, but no more. I am worth FAR MORE than to be treated like a dog turd. Her actions and words are unforgivable, it was never a marriage, I was fooling myself all along...

[CarrieT]

Wow, HurtHusband.

 

I wished you had indicated you were in Japan earlier. I have a good friend who is in *exactly* the same position as you and it is traumatizing him to the point that he had a full-on nervous breakdown and was hospitalized by the age of 31.

 

He *has* considered kidnapping his children (his parents and the children's grandparents live in California) just to get his sanity back. So I do understand the difficulties you are facing.

 

But I am glad you have at least woken up to the reality that you do not have to be a slave to your wife's demands and abuse. In that regard, congratulations.

 

We will continue to be here for you...

[HurtHusband]

I have no idea what type of man my wife is attracted to, and now after this I don't care. But it sure as **** ain't me...it's not the man who was present at the birth of both of our daughters. It's not the man who juggles time with the kids with 2-3 jobs. It's not the man who pays the rent/ food/ all bills cc bills etc.

it's not the man who pays for schooling, holidays abroad, eating out etc.

it's not the man who massages her back, kisses her goodbye as I leave for work,

Tells her that I love her, that She looks great etc. Its not ME!!!!

[HurtHusband]

CarrieT thank you! Marriage counseling is not common here, sounds horrible, but people here just endure all kinds of pain indefinitely without releasing it until eventually they crack.. It's a pressure cooker, Why do you think the suicide rate here is sky high? My own wife's father checked out and I had to go down to the police station to identify him, this is after knowing him for 10 yrs. and he was my closest friend and confidant here, yes he had his own problems ( cancer and debts) but never said a word, kept it all in, that's the way it is here.. Afew snap and take out their tormentors, not saying I would do this. But everyone has their breaking point.

[oldshirt]

Do whatever you can to get back to the states (I'm assume you are American)

 

If that means going dark and silent and pretending to continue being her servant and her cuckold, then go for it.

 

Just be plotting and planning your strategy to get back home and drop the ax. Seek counsel with the embassy to come up with a workable plan.

 

I think you have a point that you have been her doormat for so long that what's a few more months. The problem is is your heart and soul are starting to become filled with righteous hate and rage and you will soon be getting inpatient to slay this beast.

 

You need to become a rogue spy and start secretly planning your escape. Get a lawyer that is adept at both US and Japanese family law and methodically start planning your getaway.

[jm2013]

I'm sorry this is has happened. It's crushing. You're still at the beginning of this mess and the sad thing is you only know about a small portion of what has most likely happened. I'm not sure how far down the rabbit hole you want to go but I'd be willing to bet there's a lot more you do not know about. You think this affair lasted 3 months with a pregnancy. You mentioned your marriage has been sexless for 3 years? This is a red flag into itself. You should be exploring other affairs your wife may have had during those three years. Or how long the affair really was with your friend.

 

A good place to start is your phone records. Those will typically provide some physical proof of a time frame of when the affair started. If your wife is telling you to go bang other women there's definitely something wrong still. It doesn't sound like she has any empathy or guilt for what she has done. She'll need some intensive therapy to sort her own problems out. Then if you both feel there's a way to salvage your marriage you'll need a lot of marriage counseling to help fix your marital problems to move forward correctly if that's a path you're willing to explorer.

 

You should also let her see what life would be like without you in some sort of trial separation. I think you need to let her know you mean business. Usually this process will hit home. And maybe something will click that she just brought her family to the brink of collapse and actually start having feelings of guilt, shame and sadness of how she was capable of doing this to you and your kids.

[HurtHusband]

As soon as as she threatened me with the dreaded D. word, I slowly realized that any argument or attempt to stick up for myself is completely futile and will only be met with more threats. If she can threaten divorce than she can carry it out right? Hard to believe as it's so cold, but all I have to do is put up enough resistance, and see what happens, she has a low threshold for confrontation and gets stressed. Does not matter who's right or wrong, she may regret it later on, but the consequences of her carrying out her threat are so great that I have to take it seriously...

 

It's servant/master..we are not on equal footing at all, Things suddenly became very clear, that was a while back...I knew than things were 'not right' in our marriage. And for that reason I basically did all the research and met people who have been through it all...

 

I worry a lot about how my future actions will impact on my daughters...but on the other side look what my wife has done, look what she has said to me, is our relationship a good example for our daughters? I have no security no rights and whether I will be in their life and able to influence them 5 months or 5 yrs from now is totally dependent on my wife...so our only chance is to get out....

[Man Mountain Makino]

Just out of curiosity, what do you think are the main factors in creating desire in women? I'm really interested in knowing your opinion (and anyone else, for that matter). I've asked that to several women and most of them just seem to want to divert from the subject.

 

My personal opinion is that the OP's wife is specially attracted to the "bad boy/user-abuser" type of men.

Just one man's opinion, I tend to think women are drawn to dominant (not domineering) type of men. The ones that exude confidence and come across as capable in a variety of situations. This has nothing much to do with stature, weight, fitness, or hairline (only at the extremes).

 

The bad boy thing is overstated. Females see bad boy types as unambiguously masculine, and that's what's drawing the attraction.

 

But what do I know? I just know that lots of lousy guys and objectively inferior men get the girl. It's not uncommon at all.

[endlessabyss]

LOL...

 

You've completely missed the point. Loyalty, caring, integrity...these are all virtues. However, in a grown man, the above qualities should be coupled with strength and dignity (self-respect, self-esteem).

 

A husband should act like a husband, not a servant. Loyalty without dignity = servility

 

Do you get that? It's not bad to be loyal to your spouse. It's bad to be servile and dependant on your spouse. It's folly to be blindly loyal and accommodating despite massive disrespect being heaped on you

 

 

You're not being punished for being dutiful and loving. You're suffering negative consequences for being weak-willed and servile.

 

You were dutiful and loving...but you weren't strong, you didn't demand respect for you contributions. The fact that you think that you're the one who's treading on egg-shells, that you haven't seriously considered divorce...tells me that you're a doormat. Your wife takes you for granted. She takes you for granted because of your weak behaviour.

 

A strong man doesn't let someone disrespect them without negative consequences. Your first thought was "how do I save this marriage?" The person who caused damage to the marriage should be responsible for doing the heavy-lifting. Your wife should be scrambling to save the marriage...and if she's not, your marriage is dead.

 

I honestly don't believe that I missed the point, and I will hold to that. My impression of buckeyes post was that he/she was asserting, that because the OP is a nester/provider, he then became repulsive, which subsequently lead to infidelity. Was he "weak-willed" for not demanding sex before this debacle occurred? For not threatening divorce when he wasn't getting what he wanted? How many stay in sexless, unfulfilled marriages, and don't get what they feel like they deserve? I'd wager a lot.

 

Now, is the OP demonstrating self-respect/self dignity at this moment, absolutely not, but this is to be expected. His self esteem has just taken a major blow from his wife's actions. The OP has a lot to think about, especially because he has KIDS involved. Do you have children? His relationship with his kids, most likely, will be forever changed. He runs the risk of not being able to see them everyday. He runs the risk of having another man coming into his children's lives, so of course salvaging the marriage is going to be the first thing that comes to mind. He has much invested in his family, and this is the most important thing in ones life.

 

I concur, that the OP is not making things easier on himself by doing what he is currently doing, and there gets to a point where you need to take action, and stop being stepped on.

 

This situation is not an anomaly though. I've read many horror stories, like this, on this forum, and most have the same narrative. One spouse cheats, the cheated tries to repair things to no avail.....

 

It's just the nature of the game, but this is how you learn for the future.

 

One other question: If it is bad to be dependent on your spouse, why get married at all?

 

Aren't you going to be dependent, in a marriage, for things? lol. Doesn't make much sense, but I am sure I'll get some hostile reply back about the folly of my inquiry.

Edited September 23, 2014 by endlessabyss

[Buckeye2]

I honestly don't believe that I missed the point, and I will hold to that. My impression of buckeyes post was that he/she was asserting, that because the OP is a nester/provider, he then became repulsive, which subsequently lead to infidelity.

 

How in the world did you come up with that?

 

You’re a provider and a nester. That’s why she married you. She thinks of you as her father or brother and it’s disgusting to have sex with you. Could she have already been pregnant and in need of a great dad?

 

A provider is very attractive and is preforming a classic and much desired male role. My point was that who is a great guy; good provider and family guy that you would never want to have sex with? Answer: Your father or brother.

 

Thus she was thinking of him as her father or brother.

 

Because she can barely stand to have sex with her husband I suggested that she may have never found him to be sexually attractive. I speculated that the only reasons she wanted him were because he was such a good guy, family man and would be a good father for her offspring whether they were his or not.

 

Being a nester/provider didn't repulse her, it was the only reason she had anything to do with him.

 

Thus:

 

You’re a provider and a nester. That’s why she married you.

Edited September 23, 2014 by Buckeye2

[karnak]

Just one man's opinion, I tend to think women are drawn to dominant (not domineering) type of men. The ones that exude confidence and come across as capable in a variety of situations. This has nothing much to do with stature, weight, fitness, or hairline (only at the extremes).

 

The bad boy thing is overstated. Females see bad boy types as unambiguously masculine, and that's what's drawing the attraction.

 

But what do I know? I just know that lots of lousy guys and objectively inferior men get the girl. It's not uncommon at all.

 

Thanks for the reply.

I agree with you in most aspects.

 

But, as I grow older I also acknowledge that some people are really attracted to different kinds of people, due to their own personal (conscious and subconscious) reasons.

 

I know guys who are married to decent, honest, hard-working women. Women of character, who are worthy of utmost respect. Yet, these bastards have no problems in cheating on their wives with "bad girls" - sluts who are only interested in wild sex and loads of cash (easy money, of course). Needless to say, the guys I'm writing about really lust after these types of bitches. They just married the stable, loving women because they wanted to form a family and they figured those girls had a strong moral compass and would never cheat on them.

 

I guess a similar thing happens with some women. They marry a nice guy, because they too want to form a family (most of these girls have a terrible phobia of ending up alone, later in life) and live the "happy family+dog+white picket fence" fantasy. Yet, deep down, they really want to live a "bad girl" lifestyle. They want to feel adored and desired by men and to feel themselves being dominated by "bad guys/criminal" dudes.

It's little wonder that so many women get laid with crooks and scumm, knowing full well that these guys are rotten.

 

Regarding the tragedy in OP's situation it's interesting to note that his wife didn't even bother to use a condom while she had sex with her lover. In fact, it seems that 5 other girls did the same thing with the same jerk.

It's a strange thing that probably only a woman knows the reason why. It seems that some women have the subconscious desire to be inseminated by these "dominating men".

I've read too many stories here in LS where the women would seldom wear condoms during sex with their lovers. Yet they would force their own husbands to use them during sex.

 

As a personal story I consider myself a quiet and very easy-going dude, who likes to respect women and treat them well. Yet I like to dominate in bed. I've dated girls who, in the beginning, clearly stated that sex without condoms was out of the action. Strangely, during lovemaking these girls would forget about condoms altogether and just concentrate on the heat of the action.

 

All very complicated, in fact. Human beings are complex. And it's pointless for a man to pull the "Alpha" trick on a woman. Sooner or later, a more "Alpha" guy (stronger, handsomer, or richer) may appear and take the lady away.

 

I suspect that the secret to have a lasting and healthy relationship with a man or a woman is to find someone who can love us for whom we really are (with our virtues and flaws) and who is willing to follow us through life, enriching our virtues and helping us diminishing our vices.

And that is a thing that no book, special trick or money can help us do.

 

Love - real love and affection - can't be bought or rented. You can only offer it willingly if you have it within you.

[BeholdtheMan]

CarrieT thank you! Marriage counseling is not common here, sounds horrible, but people here just endure all kinds of pain indefinitely without releasing it until eventually they crack.. It's a pressure cooker, Why do you think the suicide rate here is sky high? My own wife's father checked out and I had to go down to the police station to identify him, this is after knowing him for 10 yrs. and he was my closest friend and confidant here, yes he had his own problems ( cancer and debts) but never said a word, kept it all in, that's the way it is here.. Afew snap and take out their tormentors, not saying I would do this. But everyone has their breaking point.

 

Now is the time to act with purpose. Your anger is natural and justified. Focus that energy into taking action. File for divorce. Get this woman out of your life. You deserve much, much better. Even if she comes crawling to you, give her the boot. She's been using you as a provider, a manservant, a docile slave who would never leave her. Shatter her illusion. Take control of your life by removing her from it via divorce

[stillafool]

Can you tell your wife you have been thinking that the two of you need some time apart to think and she looks tired so you are going to take the kids on a trip for a week. Take them to the U.S. and don't come back. Is this possible?

[Be_Strong]

What would happen if you secretly rent another place in Japan, and then secretly move yourself and the kids into the new place?? In other words, can the dad get away with kidnapping the kids like the mom can?

[merrmeade]

This woman is such a she-devil that she even takes over the final power play with the divorce initiative. OP has checked out. It's like no one's home and listening, so just do this one thing: Get a good, aggressive lawyer and be the first to file for divorce and then just let him/her speak for you. Time to get the first move on something anyway.

[stillafool]

Bottom line is there is always an "out" but I really don't believe he wants to leave her. He said earlier that she threatens him with divorce. He doesn't want to leave, just needed to vent.

[merrmeade]

Bottom line is there is always an "out" but I really don't believe he wants to leave her. He said earlier that she threatens him with divorce. He doesn't want to leave, just needed to vent.

Yikes, I think you're right! This is circular. I'm out of ideas and have lost the ability to identify with any element of this situation. I cannot understand not wanting to get clarity and self-possession.

[HurtHusband]

You don't get it, I want OUT, but I can't leave important decisions like IF I EVER SEE MY KIDS, HOW OFTEN etc. 100% up to my wife. The wife controls your visitations rights etc. it's not the US or EUROPE. in a court here, there is no 'he said, she said, or who's right and who's wrong.

 

Has she been fair and respectful towards me during the marriage? No of course not, but she may really be unreasonable once we separate. ( regarding contacting the kids) I won't take that risk.

[Clay]

Take the kids with you and file for divorce. Put yourself in a position to be the primary care taker of the kids. You will never get anywhere if you do nothing.

 

I live in the states. My State is heavily leaning towards the woman regardless of affairs. I fought and won. It was worth the fight and I am thankful everyday she is out of my life. She only sees the kids four days a month and that is almost to much for me but It is a compromise I am willing to live with.

 

Clay

[tippydog90]

HH - I may be wrong here but based on your statement that your kids were dual citizens, I am assuming your wife is a Japanese citizen and your citizenship is another country. Maybe you have already done this, if not, I would go to your embassy and ask them for legal advice. It would seem to me that you could file for divorce in your country of citizenship, without even necessarily being there to do so. I may be wrong on that, but I would start at the embassy to see how they might be able to help. I am sure they are well aware of the situation in Japan with regard to custody of children. Now, should that work out and you get a divorce decree with custody stipulations and you choose to stay in Japan, I have no idea how enforcement of custody matters would be handled should your wife choose to not abide by terms of custody, but again hopefully the embassy could help.