Newly married... Not having sex...

[oldshirt]

You need you understand you aren't gong to change your clothes in a phone booth and come out Superman and have her drop her panties. You've been a whiney, pushover doormat and pussy since you met her. Your arent going to have an after work conversation and then her panties are going to just melt away.

 

It is likely going to take months of day in, day out changes in yourself before she has any real changes in herself.

 

I can tell you are a talker. You want to resolve things verbally. This isn't a problem of words so words won't fix it. This is an issue of being and of actions. You will need to change how you are and what you do. You aren't going to be able to say some magic words and turn her on. You are going to have to change how you look, how you act towards her, how you act towards other people, how you take care of things in the home, how you take care of business at work. She will be impacted by how other women respond to you and how other men respond to you.

 

This will take applying what you've read into actions and lifestyle changes. Not words that come out your mouth.

 

My recommendation is sign on to the forums as Married Man Sex life and tell your story there. Those people will help you come up with a nuts and bolts plan and then work with you day by day to put that plan into action.

[oldshirt]

 

. She doesn't feel great about her body image, and that's why last night happened.

 

if Ryan Gosling had been setting her up all day and then slid into bed with her and started kissing her, would she have laid there and been a cold fish and then told him she had body issues in the morning (he wouldn't have stayed after the dead fish part but that's another topic)

 

Or would she have pinned him down and rode him like a stolen horse??

 

The frustrating part about that is there is nothing I can really do about how she feels about her body, right?

 

yes and no. There's nothing you can ' say' that will fix her issues. But there are a few things you can do. If you become attractive and sexy enough to her, she will do you in spite if her issues. So in a sense, her being a dead fish is really more about you than her.

 

Also if you become more fir and healthy and virile, that may motivate her to put down the Twinkies and get more fit too.

 

And as you become more attractive and virile, you approaching her will make her feel more desirable.

 

Right now she isn't attracted to you so your approach makes her feel uneasy and its creepy. Once you are more attractive and desirable to her, she will feel better about it.

 

Lost me put it this way, when an unattractive, creepy guy approaches a gal in a bar, it grosses her out and makes her feel uncomfortable. When a hot, hunk approaches her she feels sexy and desirable and flattered. Even if the guys make the exact same approach and say the exact same words.

 

 

I tell her she's beautiful all the time, and that I love her body, and that she's sexy. I truly believe those things, otherwise I wouldn't say them.

 

it's just words coming from a guy she doesn't find attractive that is trying to get in her pants. Any woman gets those day in day out from puberty untill menopause.

 

Your end goal is to become an attractive, desirable, virile man that wants HER,not her Jay-Jay.

 

You have to be that and show her that. You can't just say that.

 

I'm just at a loss. There's no "helping me out" in the sense that a few mentioned earlier either, if she's not in the mood.

 

If you wait for her to be in the mood, you will never have sex again. You have to be a sexy, desirable man (in her eyes) and you have to make her in the mood through your actions.

 

 

Responses above

[Nony101]

You need you understand you aren't gong to change your clothes in a phone booth and come out Superman and have her drop her panties. You've been a whiney, pushover doormat and pussy since you met her. Your arent going to have an after work conversation and then her panties are going to just melt away.

 

It is likely going to take months of day in, day out changes in yourself before she has any real changes in herself.

 

I can tell you are a talker. You want to resolve things verbally. This isn't a problem of words so words won't fix it. This is an issue of being and of actions. You will need to change how you are and what you do. You aren't going to be able to say some magic words and turn her on. You are going to have to change how you look, how you act towards her, how you act towards other people, how you take care of things in the home, how you take care of business at work. She will be impacted by how other women respond to you and how other men respond to you.

 

This will take applying what you've read into actions and lifestyle changes. Not words that come out your mouth.

 

My recommendation is sign on to the forums as Married Man Sex life and tell your story there. Those people will help you come up with a nuts and bolts plan and then work with you day by day to put that plan into action.

 

Oddly enough, I am pretty quiet and reserved. You are right though. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm going to do that, and I'm going to start making legitimate changes. Physically and mentally. Thank you for the encouragement.

[oldshirt]

Oddly enough, I am pretty quiet and reserved. You are right though. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm going to do that, and I'm going to start making legitimate changes. Physically and mentally. Thank you for the encouragement.

 

When I said you were a talker I meant that you seem to deal with issues through discussion rather than action, not that you are a Chatty Kathy in general per se.

 

This is something that words aren't going to fix, but words can sure ,screw things up so stop talking about it and stop trying to use words to change her response to you.

 

I'll give you a couple quick homework assignments to get you started until you come up with a more comprehensive plan.

 

- stop whining, begging, negotiating and bargaining with her in regards to attention, affection and sex. Attraction and desire can't be negotiated. You negotiate with hookers. When you try to negotiate with a wife, you put her in the role of a hooker. Stop that.

 

- If you are spending time on electronics, stop that. Do something usefully and masculine like working on/cleaning the cars, organizing the garage, cleaning

guns, working on the yard, fixing things in the house etc.

 

- Get a gym membership and start working out like it's the answer to cancer, hunger and world peace. If you have a gut, lose it. If your arms and legs are like twigs, get some visible muscle mass. If you have twigs for limbs and a gut, that's called skinny-fat and you need to do both or you'll never get laid again. Wake up every morning and tell yourself muscles on men are like tits on a woman.

 

-take initiative and responsibility for household finances. Make short and long term financial plans then work out a budget and plan to achieve them.

 

- learn about "outcome independence" and let it become your mantra. Oi is basically not complaining, kwhining and pouting and trying to negotiate when she rejects or does not respond to your advances.

 

Example = if you go for a hug and she turns sideways or holds you back, you break away like it didn't bother you a bit then you go do something masculine like work on the car or organize the basement or lift weights or something. DON'T TALK ABOUT IT OR ASK WHAT IS WRONG.7

 

When you whine you do two things. One is you look like a whiney little bitch and it lowered your value in her eyes. The other is it makes her feel like the boss in charge of the affection. You condition her to reject because it gives her power. When you don't react and let it slide off like water on a ducks back and do something else, it takes away her authority and she doesn't get any affection.

 

-the other thing for now is to NOT DISCUSS THIS WITH HER OR TELL HER YOU ARE DOING. You want her to see these things in action and to see the results of it, not hear about it.

 

She may not notice immediately, but eventually she will.

 

EXAMPLE = don't tell her you are getting a gym membership, just get one and go. In a couple months she'll notice your biceps bulging when you are hanging the new mirror in the bathroom she's been wantin g.

 

.....and more importantly, she'll eventually notice other women noticing your biceps!! That's when the big changes will start taking place.

[d0nnivain]

As a woman I can assure you it's tough to have sex sometimes when you don't feel good about yourself. It makes you feel not sexy & ugly.

 

However, the endorphins that are released when you do have sex are some of the best cures for those body blues.

 

My EX & I used to call that cold pizza sex (Because even cold pizza is still pretty yummy)-- when one of us wanted it & the other didn't. Even if it wasn't up to our usually romps, it was still OK, even if the other one just kind of laid there. Many times the uninterested one would become more engaged as the act went on. Both of us got chemical benefits from the act.

 

When she's feeling bad about herself, get her to see herself through your eyes. Also read up on the endorphins & show her the scientific evidence about how sex is beneficial. Most of all, you can't give up even when she's not being totally enthusiastic about it.

[stillafool]

I completely agree with the above. Stop asking her for sex and as hard as it may be for you just put it on the backburner for now. Relieve yourself. Nothing will peak her interest in you like the attention from other females. Unfortnately some people don't realize what they have until others want it. As far as her body issues are concerned, it was dark in the room so that made it hard for you to even see her body, plus she had been sexting you all day, so her feeble excuse doesn't work. Just stop pursuing her. Please stop waiting on her hand and foot. As much as she may like it, it is killing sexual attraction towards you. Most women I know serve their men food. It is my pleasure to cook and serve it to my husband. I'm not saying that women should do all of the cooking and cleaning but your wife doesn't appreciate it the way most women in healthy relationships would.

[pteromom]

We've been exchanging "dirty"/"suggestive" text messages all day. She seems really into it, by the time I'm home things are pretty heated, and I feel like we're both just waiting to get to bed (had to do some practical things first you know). Finally when bed time rolls around, and she finally puts down her iPhone, I start initiating. Kissing her all over, but something isn't right. She isn't moving, she's just laying there like a dead fish. No vocal cues, no nothing. I could barely see her eyes (dark/night, you know), but I stopped what I was doing and just looked at her, and she just had this blank stare/what are you doing/judgement, etc. At that point I just felt embarrassed/humiliated/rejected. I just rolled over, said sorry, and that was the end of it.

 

You were ASSUMING that she was judging and rejecting you, but more likely, she had gotten very turned on by your texts back and forth, and just doesn't know how to get to that place in the bedroom, where she can let go and be "dirty" with you.

 

You need to take the lead here. Try again. Send some dirty texts back and forth today. When you get home, do the things she has told you in the past make her feel loved and cherished (you've had that talk, right?) Tell her she is beautiful, compliment the food she cooks, rub her feet, whatever. Make her feel CLOSE to you so that she feels safe being vulnerable and open.

 

Then when you get into the bedroom, don't let her look at her phone. Gently take it out of her hand, sit it on the nightstand, kiss her hand while looking into her eyes, and tell her that you love her. At this point, don't worry about getting "dirty". Make sex about CONNECTION. Make it an act that leaves her feeling earth-shatteringly in love with you. Kiss her, tell her she's beautiful, hold her tight, and say I love you. Think chick-flick movie sex.

 

See what happens when you approach it this way. If she is feeling unsure of showing her sexual side, you need to first give her a safe place to do so.

 

This is going to take some strength on your part. You have to go into it ahead of time deciding you are NOT going to feel rejected or judged just because she doesn't know how to be sexual. You are going to focus on expressing your love to her, and that's it.

 

I respect the opinions of the guys on here who just say you are doomed to a sexless marriage. The thing about women is, like someone in this thread said (ninja, maybe?) there is so much involved in a woman's sexuality. Women grow up with a lot of mixed messages - sex is good, but you don't want to be a slut; guys are dangerous and only want you for one thing; your tits are the best thing about you; guys want to grope and touch your body... and that's just if you are a NORMAL woman who grew up in a normal environment. Add molestation, religious extremism, unfaithful parents, etc. into the mix, and it just piles on the baggage.

 

So we grow up WANTING sex - we get horny - but then we have to know that it is safe to show that side. Will this person use my body then throw me away? Will this person only value me for what I can do for him? Will this person not respect my boundaries? Will this person judge me in the morning light if I get "dirty" tonight? Will I feel guilty or badly about myself if I do this? Will I change as a person after doing this? Am I a slut for this?

 

So...

 

We first need to feel safe. We need to feel accepted. We need to feel valued. We need to feel respected. And - we need to feel LOVED.

 

I missed whether you said if your wife was a virgin before you. Was she? Because if so, all of this goes DOUBLE. She is maybe still a little scared of sex.

 

My guess is that sick and tired actually mean scared.

[oldshirt]

Pteromom always has great insight and words of wisdom from the wife's point of view.

 

I agree with much of what she is saying with a few minor caveats.

 

 

 

You need to take the lead here. Try again. Send some dirty texts back and forth today. When you get home, do the things she has told you in the past make her feel loved and cherished (you've had that talk, right?) Tell her she is beautiful, compliment the food she cooks, rub her feet, whatever. Make her feel CLOSE to you so that she feels safe being vulnerable and open.

 

Then when you get into the bedroom, don't let her look at her phone. Gently take it out of her hand, sit it on the nightstand, kiss her hand while looking into her eyes, and tell her that you love her. At this point, don't worry about getting "dirty". Make sex about CONNECTION. Make it an act that leaves her feeling earth-shatteringly in love with you. Kiss her, tell her she's beautiful, hold her tight, and say I love you. Think chick-flick movie sex.

 

 

that does sound like a movie love scene, but the caveat here is that only works if she has a baseline level of attraction and chemistry for you to begin with. If she doesn't it will just feel creepy, awkward and intrusive for her.

 

Structural attraction always has to come first.

 

 

Women grow up with a lot of mixed messages - sex is good, but you don't want to be a slut; guys are dangerous and only want you for one thing; your tits are the best thing about you; guys want to grope and touch your body... and that's just if you are a NORMAL woman who grew up in a normal environment. Add molestation, religious extremism, unfaithful parents, etc. into the mix, and it just piles on the baggage.

 

So we grow up WANTING sex - we get horny - but then we have to know that it is safe to show that side. Will this person use my body then throw me away? Will this person only value me for what I can do for him? Will this person not respect my boundaries? Will this person judge me in the morning light if I get "dirty" tonight? Will I feel guilty or badly about myself if I do this? Will I change as a person after doing this? Am I a slut for this?

 

 

this brings up an important point. If she has a lot of baggage and issues it will always hamper things in the bedroom no matter how hot you are. The caveat though is you have to fix your structural attraction issues first. You can't fix her issues or make her fix them. You can only fix your own issues in hopes she will want to be with you which will motivate her to address her baggage.

 

As it stands now, she doesn't want to have sex with you and you already wait on her hand and foot like a little slipper-fetching puppy dog that doesn't require her to desire you to fetch her slippers, so she has no reason to change. She also doesn't think any other women will want you either so she has no need to worry about you leaving for anyone else.

 

If you become attractive to her she will want to be with you and will fear if she doesn't put out, someone else will and she'll lose her slipper-fetcher.

 

At that point she will be motivated to change.

 

 

 

So...

 

We first need to feel safe. We need to feel accepted. We need to feel valued. We need to feel respected. And - we need to feel LOVED.

 

this is true, but it is only true in cases where the woman has an attraction to the guy in the first place. If she feels safe and loved by a man she has no respect, desire or chemistry for, it doesn't matter.

 

I missed whether you said if your wife was a virgin before you. Was she? Because if so, all of this goes DOUBLE. She is maybe still a little scared of sex.

 

yes, I too missed if she was a late bloomer as well. Tell us more about her sexual history. Did she date much? Was she sexually active? I'm sure she bitches about her ex's like all women but we're her relationships fundamentally healthy or were they exploitive? Any history or abuse or molestation etc?

 

My guess is that sick and tired actually mean scared.

 

this is the one thing I disagree with. Sick and tired almost mean "not interested."

 

See above

[pteromom]

this is the one thing I disagree with. Sick and tired almost mean "not interested."

 

No, sick and tired usually just mean avoiding. (Unless they really ARE sick and tired, which trust me, happens.)

 

There are a myriad of reasons someone may be avoiding. Obviously I don't know his wife, but I am just giving him some ideas to consider. Is it possible that she's just not interested? Yes.

 

But I don't think she would be encouraging him to keep trying if that was the case. I think something more is going on with her.

[jay1983]

Oldshirt, I've never until now realized how wise and experienced you are.

[oldshirt]

No, sick and tired usually just mean avoiding.

 

There are a myriad of reasons someone may be avoiding.

 

can we agree that that people typically 'avoid' things they don't want to do far far more than they avoid things they do want to do?

 

But I don't think she would be encouraging him to keep trying if that was the case.

 

 

not necessarily true. People do often encourage their husbands on what they need them to do to spark things up a bit. They just do it subtly and it often goes over the guys head. IMHO when she tells him to try harder and to just go for it etc, I think what she is saying is to be more masculine and assertive and confident in his approach, but then when the whining and the talking start in her legs clamp shut.

 

I think something more is going on with her.

 

 

there always is.

 

There is a two ton elephant sitting in the room somewhere that no-one has brought up yet. Some of the other issues have just been so glaring that no-one has had time to look for elephants yet.

 

 

 

 

More above

[oldshirt]

Oldshirt, I've never until now realized how wise and experienced you are.

 

A lot of people think I'm just a blow-hard and an @$$hole. You'll get there one of these days too LOL

[pteromom]

No, sick and tired usually just mean avoiding.

can we agree that that people typically 'avoid' things they don't want to do far far more than they avoid things they do want to do?

 

 

Sometimes. But sometimes FEAR stands in the way of things they do want to do. Fear of consequences, fear of change, fear of judgment, fear of rejection. Look at the OP - he WANTED to have sex, but he assumed the look on her face was one of judgment and rejection, so he stopped.

 

And it could be that rather than avoiding sex, she could be avoiding something inside herself she would have to confront if she gives in and decides to enjoy it. Again - she isn't here to do a pysch eval on.

 

People do often encourage their husbands on what they need them to do to spark things up a bit. They just do it subtly and it often goes over the guys head. IMHO when she tells him to try harder and to just go for it etc, I think what she is saying is to be more masculine and assertive and confident in his approach, but then when the whining and the talking start in her legs clamp shut.

 

That could very well be true.

 

There is a two ton elephant sitting in the room somewhere that no-one has brought up yet. Some of the other issues have just been so glaring that no-one has had time to look for elephants yet.

 

Yep, everything we are saying is just speculation based on our own experiences, and only she knows what is really going on in her head. I still think OP should try my idea and see what happens... but if that doesn't get a response, he is going to have to sit her down for a very blunt and open discussion or get into counseling.

[oldshirt]

Sometimes. But sometimes FEAR stands in the way of things they do want to do. Fear of consequences, fear of change, fear of judgment, fear of rejection. Look at the OP - he WANTED to have sex, but he assumed the look on her face was one of judgment and rejection, so he stopped.

 

 

i don't disagree with you at all. I'm sure she does have some baggage that is playing a huge part of this (as evidenced by the fact they married at all. This has been going on from day one)

 

I just think he needs to get himself squared away and flying right before he tries to do anything about her issues.

 

 

And it could be that rather than avoiding sex, she could be avoiding something inside herself she would have to confront if she gives in and decides to enjoy it.

 

that may be true as well. But again, he would need to clean his own house and have his own house in order before he can ask her or even help her to clean hers.

 

That could very well be true.

 

 

I still think OP should try my idea and see what happens... but if that doesn't get a response, he is going to have to sit her down for a very blunt and open discussion or get into counseling

 

i definately think he should try your idea as well and I agree that if that fails, he will have the right to insist on getting addressed "or else..."

 

However before he gets to that stage, he needs to be an attractive, desirable, confident, competant, squared away man that any normal, healthy woman would think was a legitimate love partner. If 99% of the women of earth wouldn't want to touch him, then he has no influence to get her to change. If most would agree he was a legitimate catch, then he would have the ability to influence her to get her issues addressed.

 

.

 

See above. This is an issue where the sequence is relevant.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I respect the opinions of the guys on here who just say you are doomed to a sexless marriage. The thing about women is, like someone in this thread said (ninja, maybe?) there is so much involved in a woman's sexuality. Women grow up with a lot of mixed messages - sex is good, but you don't want to be a slut; guys are dangerous and only want you for one thing; your tits are the best thing about you; guys want to grope and touch your body... and that's just if you are a NORMAL woman who grew up in a normal environment. Add molestation, religious extremism, unfaithful parents, etc. into the mix, and it just piles on the baggage.

 

So we grow up WANTING sex - we get horny - but then we have to know that it is safe to show that side. Will this person use my body then throw me away? Will this person only value me for what I can do for him? Will this person not respect my boundaries? Will this person judge me in the morning light if I get "dirty" tonight? Will I feel guilty or badly about myself if I do this? Will I change as a person after doing this? Am I a slut for this?

 

So...

 

We first need to feel safe. We need to feel accepted. We need to feel valued. We need to feel respected. And - we need to feel LOVED.

 

I missed whether you said if your wife was a virgin before you. Was she? Because if so, all of this goes DOUBLE. She is maybe still a little scared of sex.

 

My guess is that sick and tired actually mean scared.

 

The funny thing is in 2014, there's this constant social push for equality with men and women, a lot of feminist and people promoting women's right and "true equality" and all of that because it sounds great on paper and in theory...however when put into any kind of practice or relationship dynamic, it's all too often many women still have this socially accepted expectation (and it's even expressed among this forum on a regular basis) that although women are independent and can support themselves, there is still this expectation of how men essentially should have to figure out women emotionally.

 

They need to understand their needs, they need to address their needs/issues and then and only then will they receive something in return...my god, how many men are truly and realistically capable of accomplishing that insurmountable task? how much of a challenge/task if that for the average guy, let alone a guy who has a lot of insight and understanding of women....because I can guarantee you even casanova at some point reaches his knowledge of women, because eventually it just breaks all forms of logic and understanding....it's completely feeling based, and unless you're a man-woman capable of tapping into those hard core hormonal emotions how does a guy really have a chance of truly understanding a woman 100 percent? ESPECIALLY..with the lack of communication so many women are unwilling to offer unless under the most perfect and ideal circumstances in which they are waiting for or even expecting a man to roll out the red carpet for...so she can finally express herself.

 

Although doing so, would also require opening so many emotional and fearful doors into her deepest emotions...and yet that responsibility still falls upon the mans shoulders. When will women take the initiative of fixing their own issues and resolving their own gaps within their self-esteem and emotions instead of continue for another 5 billion years expecting men to do this that and the other thing, blaming them for not feeling good enough or emotionally available enough...and furthermore men continue to failing to accomplish this goal even when they try.

 

Why does it seem like the guy that tries the hardest to accommodate and understand women, and do everything for her to make her happy, simply gets shunned or pushed away? why does it seem like whenever a guy tries it's never good enough?....Or is it she that does not feel good enough for it?

 

Maybe these women are uncomfortably comfortable being where and who they are...maybe they just magically expect some guy to come in and love them regardless of the consequences,or toll that it takes on that man...when does being "accepted" with all your "faults" actually become a detrimental and serious problem in your relationship which leaves your SO/relationships feeling like they are chasing a carrot he can never catch...what do you really expect of this men? have you even thought about how crazy that is? would you even know how to fix you if you were a man?

 

Because I don't see relationships where men are these wonderful all knowing, loving and supportive beings who reap the rewards of this fully unveiled and revitalized woman because she was finally able to birth out of her cocoon and become this majestic butterfly who pays in dividends for the wonderfulness that a man has provided...from my experience, I've only seen that guy get rolled up and become just another part of an enabling machine that is her life...she sulks, she wallows, she disconnects, she's shut down, she's afraid and she's distrusting and therefore does not fulfill his needs nor hers...not because of who that man is, what he did, what he said or how he treated her...but because she has her issues regardless of who she is with and she is more likely and awkwardly content with someone who perpetuates those feelings of incapable self-acceptance than someone who truly does accept or understand her, if she's even with that man out of love over security....but even if anyone did love her like that...she couldn't believe it anyway.

 

This guy is like many guys before him....no expert on women, no therapist/psychologist (who always tend to have their own personal issues anyway), and incapable of reading minds and ticking all the right boxes to make her feel like she's received everything she could possibly need, stop asking and expecting men to do this...because that comes from within the woman herself.

 

And you know when women actually think about and consider things? it's usually ONLY after the heartbreak and fallout from all of this, after those bad experiences and relationships...THEN they become interested in changing and improving, THEN they become more insightful and motivated and starting looking into themselves, THEN they can open up and relax, but hardly ever in the relationship because they're so damn focused on other more important things....but you know who gets the credit for that when she does? the new guy...even though it was themselves who did it, they made the decision for themselves and that's why things changed. But they think they just need to find this "right" person who just gets it all and if one guy does at least a few great things right, that's a keeper!

 

"We first need to feel safe. We need to feel accepted. We need to feel valued. We need to feel respected. And - we need to feel LOVED."

 

Good luck ladies, feeling safe, accepted, valued, respected and loved...when YOU don't even feel that way about yourself, and YOU want someone else to fulfill that void for yourself. And then just blame the man for failing, blame the man for not doing this or that...do not take responsibility unto yourself but only ask or hope for the perfect man to come into your life who just gets you and understands you in that way so that you do not have to do any of the work "alone".

 

Your excuses and avoidance of the real issues and problems is the real issue...not this man or any other. Which is why this man like many others will fail.

[curiousGeorge2]

This will not end well. The frequency of sex will only decrease over time. In one year or so there will be no sex at all.

 

On the other hand you should be grateful that the problem showed up early enough for you to take corrective action.

[ladyu]

Dominate her slowly i think she wants u to initiate so be a man , doesnt mean u shud hurt her , it just slow process now as she thinks you are the one who will put her down in mood.... i mean she is not feelin great to have sex wit u .... first of all i think u shud be the one whom she desires , u shud change urself into a guy she desires ... or may be stop asking her for sex just go to bed but u must dress up maintain ur body , and be fresh enough and tempting infront of her eyes so that she cant resist you and tease her by just walking away and never show her that u need her instead make her desire you.... i am sure it will work

[Johnsmith1003]

Thank you for the responses. I appreciate the input. We did talk briefly about it, and she said that she does want me to try even though she says she's tired and not feeling well. To me (and to most people) it seems like she's not interested then. What fun is it if she's not really into it and is tired/sick? I guess that's just what I don't understand. She keeps saying she wants to try and do it everyday, but just given her body language and the whole tired/sick thing, I don't really believe that. I've told her that I would like to try that. The following day when I try to initiate, it's the whole tired/sick thing again. To be honest, it is a little bit of a turn off. I want her to enjoy it as well, and not just think I'm using her.

 

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say she wants you to take the reigns. She's tired after work, gives brief kisses, but attempt to take control. Forgive me for assuming, but if you waited until marriage (whether it may or may not be religion related) she may feel having constant sex is degrading or shameful. Show her it isn't.

[Diezel]

Hey Nony, want a glimpse into your future... google "Deadbedrooms".

 

Do something about it NOW or get out while you don't have kids.

This is why a lot of people state that there is no bigger killer of a woman's libido than marriage... and kids.

 

After reading oldshirt's responses though, I don't think you'll learn until it's way too late and your posts are about how you have 17 more years to go with your wife until you can finally be free because you want to stay together for "the kids".

[ladyu]

wrong post

Edited October 3, 2014 by ladyu

[youngskywalker]

When I read the title on your thread and before I even clicked on it, I thought, I bet they waited "until they were married"

 

Waiting until you are married to have sex is a gamble. It's a lie people tell you that waiting will naturally lead to wonderful sex because neither will have guilt, ect, ect. God will bless it, ect, ect. Sorry it worked out for you like this. You got serious issues.

 

But, have hope, it may get better going into the future.