should i consider this friendship dead?

[thisboy]

This is kind of long i guess. I just need somebody else's opinion on things.

 

About a year ago, I moved to a new area. I quickly met a couple of girls and slowly became a part of their social circle. While I have other friends here, these are the people whose company I most enjoy. A few months ago I heard through the grapevine that one of the girls had some interest in me. She is kind of the shy type. Maybe some emotional issues too, I don't really know. She is def. not one to talk about those things. While i was attracted her, I knew this was a bad idea as she is moving in a few months, she is part of my social circle, and I had not heard good things about her experiences in the boy department. I guess I wasn't initially that interested.

 

We did begin to hang out a little in solo situations. Eventually, I grew to really appreciate her company (and began devloping some feelings). Nothing really happened (besides a kiss or two) as I was definitely standoffish about the whole situation and got no emotional vibes from her whatsover. I eventually confronted her about it and she said something along the lines of "If you want to pursue me that's up to you.". Fair enough. I decided that is what I wanted to do. I went away on business for a week, came back and immediately asked to see her (trying to show her i was interested). Anyway, I gave her a small gift and the she said the dreaded "I can't make the transistion from friends to more..."

 

Fair enough. I can handle that. Since then we have had no contact, aside from running into each other twice at the gym. Now we act like complete strangers, and this is what I suppose bothers me.

 

What should I do? I feel like I have lost a good friend. I'm afraid if i call and ask what is up, I will look like a pathetic douche.

 

How would you handle this situation? Should I just write it off as a loss?

[d'Arthez]

If you are able to be friends without pursuing something romantic, you can still be friends. Some men can do that, others can not.

If you can't do that, keep avoiding her. If she can't do that, keep avoiding each other.

 

If you can do that (and it's hard for most people!):

Avoid spending time alone together, and always have some friends around the both of you.

Keep the number of contacts fairly limited (once or twice a week or so)

Avoid relationships / personal feelings as topics of conversation.

 

So, if you are certain you could manage friendship, you can call her, and explain what you have to offer as a friend the next couple of months. But be careful, as sometimes feelings might get in the way for the both of you. If she refuses, you have at least tried, and learnt a lesson.