Told him it's done.Really hurting.. .(Updated)

[whatatangledweb]

Why are you friends with his wife? Does she know he is having an affair with you?

[hello234]

Nope, the idiot said that it would be good if I became friends with her, so that I could come over to their house, so that he could casually tell her that he is out with me "for coffee, for dinner", etc..you know, just so it makes it easy for him and he doesn't have to hide.. he basically wanted to make me a family friend so that he could see me more often (me going over to their home for dinner, etc..which I never did or would have done)

 

I was thinking, Ok, maybe since he wants to actually intro me to his wife and family he is not bad... He doesn't wanna hide it from them.. but then on the other hand, I think he's doing it for his own selfish reasons to make it easy for him? But no matter what, its not like he is going to leave her..if he really loved me, he would have told her str8 up about his feelings for me and all right?

[DKT3]

Nope, the idiot said that it would be good if I became friends with her, so that I could come over to their house, so that he could casually tell her that he is out with me "for coffee, for dinner", etc..you know, just so it makes it easy for him and he doesn't have to hide.. he basically wanted to make me a family friend so that he could see me more often (me going over to their home for dinner, etc..which I never did or would have done)

 

I was thinking, Ok, maybe since he wants to actually intro me to his wife and family he is not bad... He doesn't wanna hide it from them.. but then on the other hand, I think he's doing it for his own selfish reasons to make it easy for him? But no matter what, its not like he is going to leave her..if he really loved me, he would have told her str8 up about his feelings for me and all right?

 

I fully expect you to avoid this like you do everything elses, but does your husband know you having sex with this guy every chance you get? And you say you love this other guy.

 

Your not str8 up with your husband so why do you expect him to be that with his wife?

[pteromom]

I was thinking, Ok, maybe since he wants to actually intro me to his wife and family he is not bad... He doesn't wanna hide it from them..

 

REALLY?

 

How would you feel if your husband introduced you to a female friend, encouraged a friendship between the two of you, then you found out they were sleeping together?

 

He's very very selfish. Doesn't care who he hurts. He even introduced you to his children? If that is the case, he is a monster. ugh.

[whichwayisup]

Nope, the idiot said that it would be good if I became friends with her, so that I could come over to their house, so that he could casually tell her that he is out with me "for coffee, for dinner", etc..you know, just so it makes it easy for him and he doesn't have to hide.. he basically wanted to make me a family friend so that he could see me more often (me going over to their home for dinner, etc..which I never did or would have done)

 

I was thinking, Ok, maybe since he wants to actually intro me to his wife and family he is not bad... He doesn't wanna hide it from them.. but then on the other hand, I think he's doing it for his own selfish reasons to make it easy for him? But no matter what, its not like he is going to leave her..if he really loved me, he would have told her str8 up about his feelings for me and all right?

 

He's made it WORSE. He's making a total fool of his trusting wife, and so are you, by befriending her. Would you have the nerve to bring home MM, introduce him and invite him in as a 'family friend' to your husband, then promptly go behind his back and have sex/have an affair with that so called friend? Obviously all this is a game.

 

Bolded: Have you told your husband about your feelings for MM and left your H? My guess is no...So, why you are expecting MM to do just that if you're not?

[whichwayisup]

Sadly, it's these kind of affairs that could end up on the 11 o'clock news. Crimes of passion. Google it! It happens! People are capable of just about anything when pushed past their emotional limit and are put in situations that are so emotionally charged.

 

His wife is being mislead down a path that she believes is safe and trustworthy, she has no idea poison is being fed to her by the two of you.

 

Hello, end this facade and go home to your husband. Fix yourself, tell him the truth of what you've been doing and pray that he gives you a chance to make things right again, maybe just maybe if he loves you enough and feels like your marriage is worth saving, he'll give you that chance.

 

Continuing on as things are now is just asking for a huge blow up and a lot of pain to happen all around.

[hello234]

so I told MM that its done, on Friday. He said look in my eyes and tell me its over, get out..so I said GO, don't contact me. He said ok.. So that's that. He was really upset , he even cried in front of me and I guess he is paining- at least that's what it really seems like. He kept sad status messages on his chat and then kept "I am missing you" pics as his icons. Today, he also called from another number but didn't say anything when I picked up, so I just hung up. But I know it's him. And keeps checking to see when I last was online on Whatsapp(I know cuz I saw him typing something, then delete)

 

Anyway, he says he loves me and it looks to me that he's really paining but I just don't know..what do you think? Is it all just insincere plea to get me back for the pleasure and sex and fun that I was giving him? I do believe he is hurt.. but not sure what to do.. Should I contact him and make him feel better by saying something? Or just leave it and let it go? I just feel bad at the thought of him being sad and in pain and after seeing him trying to reach out to me and stuff....then again I think of him at home, being with wife, sleeping with her, chatting on FB with other girls..and I see a whole complete other side to him.. Should I respond to him or is it all just part of the "game" that hes playing? what do I do?

[I'mNotYours]

I don't think you should do anything. I do think he's hurting and is sad, but I think you should say to yourself (and maybe also to him, if you decide to respond) that as long as he's married, NOTHING will be different. Maybe this will be a wake up call for him, maybe not, but hold on and don't contact him. You've made the right decision!

[Redheaded Mistress]

If you really want this to be it, then don't contact him, even to make him feel better. Be over and done because every time you contact him, you'll have to go through all of this again when/if you want to go.

 

If you want to resume the relationship with him, then reach out to him, explain why you were wanting to split, explain you want to work it out, but define parameters. Explain what has to change, what has to stay the same, what you need, what you're willing to give him.

 

Ultimately, what do you want?

[jellybean89]

I don't think you should do anything. I do think he's hurting and is sad' date=' but I think you should say to yourself (and maybe also to him, if you decide to respond) that as long as he's married, NOTHING will be different. Maybe this will be a wake up call for him, maybe not, but hold on and don't contact him. You've made the right decision![/quote']

 

Leave it alone. He is trying to get you to change your mind. Stop. He's married. End of story.

[hello234]

I ended the affair with MM just last Friday and even told him , go don't contact me.. and for 3 days there was silence but after that he sent me a long email saying how he couldn't do this and how he's so depressed, always checking my last online time, getting restless bla bla bla... But one thing is that I do not doubt that he is in pain.. I m sure he is really upset as he says he is... My last resort will be to block but not able to do that just yet...

 

Have any of ur (ex) MM really been after you after you ended the affair? were they really persistent? how did u end up dealing with this? what did u tell him and did u change ur mind and eventually end up continuing with him? Or what did u do?

[pteromom]

Anyway, he says he loves me and it looks to me that he's really paining but I just don't know..what do you think? Is it all just insincere plea to get me back for the pleasure and sex and fun that I was giving him? I do believe he is hurt.. but not sure what to do.. Should I contact him and make him feel better by saying something? Or just leave it and let it go?

 

Maybe he really is in pain. Maybe he really cares about you. Or maybe his ego is bruised and he just feels rejected and sorry for himself. I have no idea - but I do know that you breaking it off was the right thing to do.

 

When you think about whether he loves you, just remember that he told his wife that too. Then he stood up in front of his family and friends and professed his love to the world. Then he promised to love her forever. And look how he is treating HER. So I wouldn't place any kind of value on his "love".

 

I just feel bad at the thought of him being sad and in pain and after seeing him trying to reach out to me and stuff....then again I think of him at home, being with wife, sleeping with her, chatting on FB with other girls..and I see a whole complete other side to him.. Should I respond to him or is it all just part of the "game" that hes playing? what do I do?

 

It's part of the game. He wants you in his rotation.

 

Don't fall for it.

 

Focus on your primary relationship - your marriage. Either decide to work on making it better, or end it. You are spending a lot of time wondering if this cheating player loves you, when you already have a man who loves you at home!

[hello234]

Now he is saying that we should keep it simple as "really really close friends" and also talk about life, other stuff and "maybe share physical intimacy at times.."

 

That was what he said in his last email... What do u think of this? Looks like he is mainly missing the physical aspect and feeling a deep sexual attraction to me, doesnt it? Do I reply saying, OK fine, we can just keep it as friends? (but then again, I will be back to square one ?). Or just not reply for now?

 

I mean eventually I want to again reply and talk to him as it will kill me to completely cut him out from this second.. But I don't want it to seem like I was easy to convince..i want him to come back to me 3-4 times, and then I say OK..Fine..as if I am doing it because he wont accept my decision and because he is really behind me to change my mind.

 

what to do? (((

[Donesharing]

I mean eventually I want to again reply and talk to him as it will kill me to completely cut him out from this second.. But I don't want it to seem like I was easy to convince..i want him to come back to me 3-4 times, and then I say OK..Fine..as if I am doing it because he wont accept my decision and because he is really behind me to change my mind.

 

what to do? (((

 

Don't do it. You are just prolonging the issue. I am in Week 2 of ending it, and it has been a horrible disaster with everyone being hurt. I can say right now, none of it was worth it. When the BS finds out, they all of the sudden have you as the common enemy. The last week has shown me that not matter what came out of my MM mouth, in the end it was all just a bunch of noise. It's still very fresh for me, but I know for a fact, I will never ever do this again. It's way too painful. I thought we were making plans for a future together and he was full of sh** the entire time. He threw me under the bus so hard and fast, I think the tire trucks are permanent.

You emotions are lying to you. Listen to the advice these people on the board give you.

[jellybean89]

Now he is saying that we should keep it simple as "really really close friends" and also talk about life, other stuff and "maybe share physical intimacy at times.."

 

That was what he said in his last email... What do u think of this? Looks like he is mainly missing the physical aspect and feeling a deep sexual attraction to me, doesnt it? Do I reply saying, OK fine, we can just keep it as friends? (but then again, I will be back to square one ?). Or just not reply for now?

 

I mean eventually I want to again reply and talk to him as it will kill me to completely cut him out from this second.. But I don't want it to seem like I was easy to convince..i want him to come back to me 3-4 times, and then I say OK..Fine..as if I am doing it because he wont accept my decision and because he is really behind me to change my mind.

 

what to do? (((

 

Are you kidding about playing this game?

 

It will not kill you to never speak to him again, that's a little immature and dramatic don't you think?

 

He wants to have sex with you. That's it. Are you good with that? If so, then let him know you are up for FWB but don't expect him to leave his wife and when she and your H find out, don't be shocked, upset or surprised when your world implodes.

[pteromom]

Now he is saying that we should keep it simple as "really really close friends" and also talk about life, other stuff and "maybe share physical intimacy at times.."

 

That was what he said in his last email... What do u think of this?

 

I am wondering why you haven't blocked his email yet.

 

I think he wants to continue using you for sex.

[MatchStick]

It sounds like this guy isn't quite emotionally together. He's playing a sympathy card, and looking for sexual comfort in other women.

 

 

You made a statement about 'do I have the right to be upset'. Whether you have the 'right' or not, I would think isn't the issue. You are upset, and that is all you need to know.

 

 

You do have the 'right' to be happy. It doesn't sound like this guy and his issues are cut out for that. Listen to yourself and your true emotional responses. That should help a lot.

[hello234]

So I told MM over text, that we should not meet and end things..he was upset and said come say it to me in person so I did..i said don't contact.. Then even after that he emails me after 2 days.. we started a thread of emails, for which I put an end and said, let me tell u again via email that lets be done with this and not interact... for which he replied and said he will be very hurt and that he wont contact me.. all throughout this breakup, he has been putting sad statuses on his chats and sad quotes..He apparently isn't handling the separation well.. I can understand he is in pain.. now again after he sent that mail, its not even been 3 days , and he sends me a text with random letters.. to which I replied "what is this? whats wrong with u?"

 

First of all

1) I know I shouldn't reply back but he seems to very hurting and I just feel bad to ignore him.. Am I so wrong for replying back because I have a soft spot and perhaps still feeling love for him?

2) Do u really think this guy is really loving me and into me? Look how persistent he is and how he keeps coming back.. Or is it just that he is devastated that the only girl (me) that he was getting physical fun and comfort from, has left him and he cant get anyone else, so he is desperate? what is it, do u think?

 

I don't know what to do.

[hello234]

And, not only the above, But he keeps constantly checking my last online time on the chat client.. Now someone who is just after me for fun or physical, why would he care to do that much... ?

 

Help pls...

[Mount]

In my case, early this year, when I raised the question to MM that we should break up since I dont like waiting for him, the MM fought very hard to keep the affair going, and kept promise that he will leave wife.

 

Also action wise, he spend thousands of $ on Jewelry on me, weekly big bunch of rose. He spent hundred $ on my birthday celebration, paid my all expense to go on vacation with him and his wife vacation together (in discreet of course) as he can not stand not seeing/talking to me.

 

And in order to prove, he stole his wife's family asset's checklist to show me how they are going to split 50/50. He also went to lawyer with me and paid the lawyer retainer fee, but in the end he still chooses to stay in marriage. So we break up.

 

Your MM only feeds your words/lip service, so you tell me,

 

 

So I told MM over text, that we should not meet and end things..he was upset and said come say it to me in person so I did..i said don't contact.. Then even after that he emails me after 2 days.. we started a thread of emails, for which I put an end and said, let me tell u again via email that lets be done with this and not interact... for which he replied and said he will be very hurt and that he wont contact me.. all throughout this breakup, he has been putting sad statuses on his chats and sad quotes..He apparently isn't handling the separation well.. I can understand he is in pain.. now again after he sent that mail, its not even been 3 days , and he sends me a text with random letters.. to which I replied "what is this? whats wrong with u?"

 

First of all

1) I know I shouldn't reply back but he seems to very hurting and I just feel bad to ignore him.. Am I so wrong for replying back because I have a soft spot and perhaps still feeling love for him?

2) Do u really think this guy is really loving me and into me? Look how persistent he is and how he keeps coming back.. Or is it just that he is devastated that the only girl (me) that he was getting physical fun and comfort from, has left him and he cant get anyone else, so he is desperate? what is it, do u think?

 

I don't know what to do.

Edited September 26, 2014 by Mount

[hello234]

I don't expect him to leave his wife as I am also married.. but like he keeps trying to message me, and now I just asked him what that message was, and hes like, it got sent by accident from my phone.

 

I can tell he is in pain..should I just maintain a basic friendship with him? Cuz I am also sad at the thought of never talking to him.. tell me a solution.. I don't wanna get deeper romantically involved in an affair but what else is the solution to keep him in my life?

[Ronni_W]

1) I know I shouldn't reply back but he seems to very hurting and I just feel bad to ignore him.. Am I so wrong for replying back because I have a soft spot and perhaps still feeling love for him?

2) Do u really think this guy is really loving me and into me? Look how persistent he is and how he keeps coming back.. Or is it just that he is devastated that the only girl (me) that he was getting physical fun and comfort from, has left him and he cant get anyone else, so he is desperate?

1. Yes, you are so wrong for treating him like a yo-yo; it is unkind, cruel, inhumane. Either break-up with him, properly and completely and like an adult...or do not. Stop stringing him along. (This would be exactly the same as if you two were both single, and you were wanting to end the relationship.)

 

2. Not necessarily that he is "loving you and into you". Only that you are confusing the heck out of him. But I suspect you already know that.

 

He does sound desperate, though; or sorely lacking self-esteem and self-respect. Only people with those kinds of issues allow themselves to be (mis)treated as you are (mis)treating him.

 

His checking up on you, online...who knows? Why not ask him? His answer may well provide you with an ego-boost.

[Be_Strong]

Ronni is exactly right. You think you are being nice and thoughtful to him by continuing to maintain contact, but you're actually making things much more painful for him.

 

Never read very much into how much a man really loves you based on his reaction to you leaving. I can tell you from first hand experience that even with girls that I no longer liked, something about the breaking up made me miss them and crave them. I think it's just a natural reaction to loss. But if a guy succeeds in getting the girl back, he will settle back into the same routine again.

[hello234]

Exactly, He does seem like he's loosing his self respect and I am sad to keep seeing that happen..him continuously messaging, etc... And If I ignore him, I feel more bad cuz it's like he keeps trying to reach out, hes obviously in pain..So I just donno what to do!! and I am not trying to confuse him..which actions of mine shows that I am confusing him? I told him 3 times that we should cut this. What else am I supposed to do? Not reply at all? but if i don't reply at him, he just goes into deeper pain which i feel bad about and then he again ruins his self respect by pinging me in some manner( like the excuse he just gave about it accidently texting me, and on 2 separate lines- cmon now, how many times has that ever happened to any of u?) What is the solution for just keeping in contact with him, in my life, but not to continue a romantic affair?

[Be_Strong]

You are confusing him by telling him no more contact, but then continuing to contact him. Even the act of you telling him "no more contact" at this point is further contact.

 

Had you told him just the one time, and then actually following through like you said with no further contact from you, he would have been hurt and then started healing. Each time you break your own rules, all you are doing is resetting him back to the hurt position and never allowing the healing process to begin. Wouldn't you rather have a short, intense pain that heals, instead of a long drawn out pain that never goes away?