simplicity1 Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 Hi everyone, my ex of 3 years, my college boyfriend, was in town yesterday and asked to meet up for drinks. All through senior year we'd occasionally get drinks without anything more, so even though it had been months since we spoke, and well over a year since meeting up, I didn't think *too* much of his request. During the 3 years, we also got back together for about 2 months. It did not work out, but that was like 2+ years ago. Last night, out of nowhere, he ended up initiating (sober) sex. Though I have come a long, long way, I just could not bring myself to miss the opportunity to have sex with my first, most genuine love. I've only dated one other guy since then, and only for a few months. The long time without dating convinces me even more of his uniqueness. It seems like neither of us can really shake the emotion for the other. It was a beautiful night. He kept wanting to know what I was feeling and thinking about it, which I thought was curious. But I'm left completely confused, haunted, and shaken though. Is this his goal, to jump in periodically to keep me fixated enough on him so that I have trouble moving on? Or is it possible that our post-college selves have matured in such a way that perhaps our immature problems and fighting from our past could now be avoided, or coped with better, allowing this never-ending emotion for each other to blossom? Maybe it's worth talking through some of our problems from the past? In retrospect I somewhat regret having sex, and wish I'd kept it at kissing and hugging for this sudden reunion all initiated by him. But it happened so spontaneously for me and I truly could not live with myself if I had missed that moment with him. I've never in my life been more confused, shaken, startled, and wholly unable to focus. I don't even know what question to ask...just really need help navigating this situation :( My thought is I should give him another day to communicate with me (I know today was CRAZY for him on his business trip, but hope that he will reach out by tomorrow. Who knows.) if he doesn't, I need to let him know that the events of the night can't slide by undiscussed. Then, I need to REMOVE ALL ambiguity by declaring that we follow one of two directions: either we firmly state that this will NEVER EVER EVER happen again in our lives, that it is in our past. *Or* we both need to agree to revisit the problems of our relationship and discuss whether we've changed/matured to avoid them. If we cannot come to this conclusion, then we *also* must mandate that this never happens again. If we can, then perhaps getting back together is in our future. My love life is so depressing, and filled with ****ty experiences of twisted hope like this one Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Look, a lot of guys never want to stop having sex with their ex, but that doesn't mean they want back together. If he wanted back together, surely he'd have taken you on a proper date and had a long talk with you. I've heard more than one guy in the middle of a divorce say they can't conceive of never f*ing their wife again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 He wants sex, and you are giving it to him. If this isn't enough for you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I'd say.. leave it alone.. if he doesn't contact you, that alone speaks volume. Link to post Share on other sites
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